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"What is this disgusting…" The Mistress could barely stop herself from gagging as she violently pushed the bowl of so called soup away from her, the foul liquid slopping over the sides as she couldn't push it away fast enough.

Scrapping her tongue with her teeth Missy ignored the horrified glare Skip sent in her direction as she sipped politely at her own bowl of bile. "Ewww how can you eat that…it's vile…it tastes worse than Ood snot…It's like Ood snot and piss…"

"Mistress!" Osgood hissed her cheeks flaming bright red as the emaciated girl that had served them seemed to cower in shame, her eyes filling with unshed tears as she hurried out of the cave Navis had lent Missy and Osgood to rest and recover in. "You can't say that."

"Why not? I can say anything I like." Missy huffed before resorting to scraping the foul tasting residue off of her teeth with the sleeve of the ill-fitting rag she had been given to wear whilst one of these pesky little apes tried to get the mud out of her own clothes. "Besides it's not like I was lying, it is disgusting they should be ashamed serving that to guests…"

"They're starving!" Osgood snapped back even as her own stomach gave a sympathetic lurch in The Mistress's favour. "They have probably given you more food than half a dozen of them will get all day so just be grateful."

Stunned by the vehemence in her pet's tone Missy settled for merely frowning and scowling at Osgood's nerve in talking to her like that. Yet it seemed her pet wasn't even close to being housebroken as instead of being cowed in the slightest her ape had the nerve to glare right back at her. Surprisingly it was Missy who broke their little staring competition; there was something uncomfortable about the righteousness in Skip's expression that reminded The Mistress uncomfortably of The Doctor. If that sanctimonious idiot were here he would undoubtedly be giving her the very same look whilst happily slurping up his own bowl of snort and piss flavoured soup.

"It's really not that bad when you get used to it." Osgood offered when the silence being came uncomfortably and The Mistress seemed to have shifted from annoyed to brooding, and a brooding Mistress was a dangerous Mistress who was liable to make something explode just to break the tedium.

Snorting in amusement at her pet's attempt to lie to her of all people The Mistress had to at least give her an A for effort. "Probably because the concentration of Ammonium chloride has irritative action on the bronchial mucosa causing an excess of fluid, by now I doubt your taste buds could tell the difference between that soup and whatever slop you apes normally shovel in."

"Hey you seemed quite content to eat my slop when that meant you didn't have to cook anything!" Osgood snapped setting down her nearly finished bowl next to The Mistress's untouched one.

"I was just being polite Skip."

"You do know the definition of that word?" Osgood snarked back. "Because you might try being so to our hosts, Navis saved your life…"

"No I saved my own life thank you very much." Missy snapped before grudgingly conceding an inch in the face of Osgood's outraged expression. "Fine you might have also had something to do with it…."

"Is that the closest you are going to get to thanking me for getting you out of that mud pool because I can't hear a thank you for saving my life Osgood in that sentence?"

"I wouldn't have been in the pool in the first place if you hadn't dragged me over the railing!"

"And I wouldn't have pulled you over the railing if you hadn't tried to murder me first!" Osgood snapped back, her irritation growing as Missy merely rolled her eyes. "You have to stop doing that, trying to kill me I mean just because I don't agree with you or you get bored or you want to test your latest death toy!"

"They are not toys." Missy grumbled, stretching out her legs and giving her bare toes an experimental wiggle, at least her pedicure had survived the mud bath intact the same could certainly not be said of her manicure and Missy despaired as she took in her mud encrusted fingernails…there was only so much that could be done with a bucket of water and a brush…her hair still felt decidedly stiff and dirty.

"But you don't deny trying to kill me AGAIN!" Osgood retorted an angry flush staining her cheeks as the memories of being trapped against that railing, the hard warm press of Missy's body against hers and seductive whisper of words and thoughts dripping into her mind were shattered by the realisation it was all a trick. "And no more going inside my head without permission!"

Now that was interesting…why that specifically…Ah yes…The smug smile returned to The Mistress's lips and she tilted her head to gaze up at Skip from under lowered lashes. "Why worried about what else I might find lurking about in that sick little head of yours Skip? I mean you've not been getting all excited and touching yourself whilst imagin…"

"SHUT UP!" Osgood all but screamed in her face her fingers reaching out and grasping The Mistress by the rough oversized collar of the homespun nightshirt and pressing her back against the cave wall. "We are NEVER going to talk about that again. You put those thoughts in my head."

"Well if thinking that will help you sleep at night…" Missy sniggered, her pet's sudden outburst and violent behaviour was the most amusing thing Osgood had done in ages.

"But fine if you want to live in denial about your sexual attraction to me then so be it I won't mention it again." She added innocently with a playful pout. "I mean I won't even so much as mention how much you clearly want to push me up against this wall and snog me senseless."

Gritting her teeth Osgood forced herself to uncurl her fingers from Missy's clothing taking a strategic step back and then another and another until she felt the reassuring solid presence of the other wall against her back and then she sank down it until she was seated on the floor. "You are a complete bitch I hope you know that." She muttered.

Allowing her expression to soften slightly and allow a fraction of her growing fondness to show through The Mistress could only nod at Osgood's assessment, better a bitch than a victim. "You know I really wouldn't worry about it Skip I am just special like that, eventually everyone has naughty thoughts about me."

Unable to hide the little huff of laughter Osgood couldn't believe this was The Mistress's idea of consoling someone that the time lady was even bothering to make the attempt was surprisingly touching even if of course everything still revolved about her. "It's not…you don't understand…"

"What don't I understand?" Missy questioned tilting her head like a bird as she studied the way Osgood seemed to sink into herself. "That you think finding me attractive is something to be embarrassed about, that there is something wrong about it? You're right I don't understand, I mean all of The Doctor's little earth girls seem to end up falling for him so why should I be any different?"

"But you're not…" Osgood blushed unable to meet Missy's questioning gaze and so she settled for picking at the cuff of her own borrowed clothing. "I mean apart from the fact that you're psychotic and evil…you're not the same as The Doctor because…because well you're not…"

Frowning in confusion Missy tried to follow the girl's logic, for someone normally so forthright and sensible Osgood was suddenly not making any sense. "Of course I'm the same we're both time lor…" And then it clicked, like a lock turning as The Mistress for the moment stopped looking at things from a time lord perspective and instead overlaid what she knew of human society.

"It's because this form is female? That's it isn't it?" She prodded knowing from the way Skip suddenly turned a delightful shade of red that she had actually hit upon the correct answer. "I didn't realise that you were so bigoted Skip."

"I'm not!" Osgood exclaimed horrified that Missy had drawn that conclusion. "I just didn't…look I spent my whole childhood with my older sister telling all her friends I was gay, they used to call me horrible names and no girl would sit near me in the class without making up stories that I tried to touch them. I couldn't get away from it until I went to University and even now when I go home half the neighbourhood still asks me if I have a girlfriend yet…Not that there would be anything wrong in having a girlfriend if I wanted one…Look it's just not that simple…"

"You were bullied." Missy cut in encapsulating the whole sorry mess in a way that was simple. "They made you feel ashamed and they still do because even though you know they are wrong they are still in your head."

"Yes." Osgood sighed rubbing her hands over her hot cheeks before risking a glance up at The Mistress who had gone very quiet and tense.

"Then you are letting them win."

Sighing Osgood could only nod, "I know…I try to tell myself I don't care, that what they think of me doesn't matter but it still hurts."

"I know." Missy replied surprising herself, then when Osgood actually lifted her head up and turned those large brown eyes of hers up pleadingly she felt a grudging responsibility to continue. "The Doctor and I were not exactly model time lords even as children…I understand what it is like to be different and to be set apart because of it."

"Thank you." Osgood whispered a shy smile pulling at her lips. "You know you're not as horrible as you want everyone to think. I couldn't understand it before, why The Doctor seemed to give you so many chances but…"

"Oh don't go all mushy on me." Missy snorted rolling her eyes at her human. "Just because I am capable of empathising does not mean I am not still totally evil and bent on universal domination and subjugation. Nor does it mean I am not planning on teasing and flirting with you mercilessly until you turn that lovely shade of red again."

"I wouldn't expect anything less Mistress." Osgood sighed wincing when Missy literally preened at the use of her full name.

"Do go on Miss Osgood."

"Oh shut up." Osgood snapped her cheeks flushing in embarrassment yet this time there was no bite to her tone and she could barely bite down on the smile that pulled at her lips.

"You know we could make a quick pitstop back to Earth after we leave here, after I fix my oscillator issue, pay a little visit to those old friends of yours. You could introduce me as your girlfriend and then before they pick their chins off the floor we could disintegrate them together…It would be a lovely first date."

Laughing at the wheedling tone in the time lady's voice Osgood could only shake her head. "As tempting as that sounds I would prefer not to add mass murder to my rap sheet of treason and escaping UNIT custody."

"Shame." The Mistress pouted before her blue eyes turned mischievous. "How about you just introduce me to your sister instead she sounds charming, perhaps the next time she invites you around I can come too. I am sure I can find something just short of murder and torture that should do the trick!"

"Save it for next Christmas." Osgood quipped. "It can be my present."

"Why wait I do own a time machine?"

"Because the anticipation is half the fun." Osgood retorted, blushing furiously as Missy's smirk turned into a leer and the time lady waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Oh dear god are you going to twist everything I say from now on?"

"Probably, or at least until I get bored." Missy replied honestly.

"I shall endeavour to be as dull as possible then."

"Hmm you promised that once before Pet and I ended up taking you on as a companion, I have reason to question whether you are truly being honest with yourself Skip about what you really want."

Assuming it wasn't possible for her to go any redder Osgood was very relieved when a shadow appeared at the entrance to their cave and in stepped Trac, Navis and a small blond child who was holding hands with the Ood.

"I hope you are sufficiently rested." Trac asked politely, his glowing eyes moving over both Osgood and The Mistress before returning to Ood Navis. "Only Navis would like to check there has been no side effects…"

"I am fine." Missy snapped then only after a pointed look from Osgood she added with obvious reluctance. "Thank you for your hospitality and assistance…There happy now?" She added in an aside to a smirking Osgood.

"It'll do."

"I would rather check for myself." The small child spoke and Osgood frowned in confusion.

The Mistress ignored the child; her attention remained locked on the Ood who was staring at her with something akin to avid interest. "I am sure you would but I prefer my mind to remain private."

"There may be damage you are unaware of." The child spoke again, and it took a moment for Osgood to realise that Navis was speaking through her, using her to translate his thoughts into spoken words.

"I am aware of the damage to my shields thank you very much and will attend to them after we get the hell away from this dratted planet; we already have what we came for."

"Don't you mean had." The child repeated as Ood Navis gestured to Trac who removed a handful of items from the bag he was carrying.

"Those are my personal possessions." Missy growled as she saw the blasted android fingering her collection of mementos. "Or are you all just a bunch of common thieves?"

"Then we are in good company, for did you not take this component from Ril the trader without payment?"

There was no denying the Ood had a point and there was no arguing with the facts. Leaning back against the wall her blue eyes narrowing as she bore into the gaze of the amused Ood Navis Missy could only ponder one question. "What do you want?"

Tilting his head Ood Navis dropped his hind brain into the girl's hand, then lifting up both of his own he beckoned The Mistress closer and grudgingly she complied but not before reinforcing her mental shields. At the warm touch of the Ood's hands against her temples she barely managed to conceal a shudder of distaste. Ood were one of the most servile races in the known universe, they were the antithesis of The Mistress and she couldn't help but find them unsettling.

For a moment there was simple the cool brush of his mind, the unusual sensation of two different telepaths aligning their different frequencies to make themselves heard, then it came in a rush of sensation and song and it was all The Mistress could do to stop herself from crying out and breaking the connection.

No…it wasn't possible…They had to be joking…Could the Ood even joke…They had to have the wrong person…The Doctor…they must have meant him it was right up his ally…not her…she wasn't…she couldn't…

She was The Mistress destroyer of worlds and bringer of death she was nobody's saviour.

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