I have nothing to say for this except I am so, so, so, sorry that it took so long to get up T-T. I had school stuff come up, family stuff come up, then when I finally got down to writing it my own laptop rebelled against me and I lost everything I'd written. I am so sorry for how long it took me after that to get up the motivation again. However, it's back now, and I hopefully plan to be getting the rest of the chapters up on a more regular basis. Apologies again, here's chapter seven!

Oh, and thank you so much to all the lovely people who left reviews on this work. You guys are seriously the best :)

Chapter Seven: Malekith Needs Plastic Surgery,

Thor and Loki Get Their Awesome Brotherly Relationship Back,

And Everyone Else Loses All Hope of Screen Time

Realms away from Asgard, on a dark planet, things were dark. Like, so dark, you couldn't see a thin- wait, actually you could. Okay, maybe not that dark. Wierdly-yellowishly-lit-world. Yeah.

Anyhow, things on the slightly-dark world were calm, much as they had been for the last thousands of years. Not a creature stirred over the ashy ground, only the faintest gusts of wind caressing the craggy, ashen, hills, as the tragic graveyard of the dark elves' final stand lay silently and respectfully undisturbed.

BOOM.

"Ta-daaaaaa!"

Okay, used to be undisturbed.

"AGGGHHHHH!" Thor shrieked un-manlily, covering his eyes. "Wait- we're alive?"

"Duh, you moron!" Loki scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You insult my unparalleled genius by even considering my plan would have failed."

"Well tell your unparalleled genius it could use some serious tweaking," Jane moaned from where she lay face-planted in the ship.

"Jane!" Thor cried in concern, darting to her side. "My love, are you alright?" Jane gave him a tender smile, except her eyes were glowing freakily so it looked more like a psycho killer's grin. However, Thor was a good boyfriend, and good boyfriends supported their loves even when their eyes were glowing freakily and they had super weapons of mass destruction inhibiting their bodies.

"I'm fine, dear, especially since you're here."

"Ugh," Loki groaned. "What saps. I'll be over in the single-character-with-no-love-interest-corner."

Ignoring his brother, Thor leaned closer to Jane, their eyes locking in an intense gaze of eternal love.

"Thank you for sending your possible-love-triangle-interest friend to break me out of prison," Jane breathed, eyes starry.

"Of course, my love," Thor echoed sweetly, leaning closer to Jane. "I could never leave you alone in prison. My life is incomplete without you."

"Oh Thor!" Jane said, leaning closer.

"Jane, darling!"

"Thor, my love!"

"Jane!"

"Thor!"

They closed the distance between them, lips drawing closer and closer as the air crackled in anticipation, Loki buried his face in his hands, and the whole world sat on edge as they leaned in and-

BOOM!

"AGGHH!" Thor and Jane shrieked as they broke apart. A ways off the dark elves' giant teen titans' tower zapped into existence. Thor slammed his head into the side of the ship. Jane fumed.

"Are you serious? Seven chapters in and we still don't get a kiss?! Is this your idea of a stupid joke?!"

Oh hush, it's a marvelous joke.

"Hmph," Jane growled grumpily, folding her arms and staring moodily at the deck. Loki jumped up, looking far too gleeful for someone trapped on a freaky dark planet whose enemies just made an entrance.

"Alrighty then! Looks like kissing will have to wait for later! Let's go destroy the Aether!"

"Fine, fine, let's go," Thor muttered grumpily, helping Jane up. "What's the plan?" he asked Loki.

"Uhhhhh…." Loki said, twiddling his thumbs. Thor raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you see…I- ummm…" Loki fumbled. "It's your turn to come up with a plan!" he cried dramatically, pointing a finger at Thor.

"What!" Thor cried. "I came up with the plan to get us out of Asgard! It's your turn!"

"And I had the plan to get us to the dark world! It's your turn!"

"Yours!"

"Yours!"

"Aggh!" Jane shrieked. "Would you two shut up!" Both gods stared at the tiny scientist in shock. Jane huffed. "Now, how about you act your age for once and come up with a plan together!" Loki huffed.

"Fineeeeee. Easier said than done, though, foolish mortal."

"Actually," Thor said, hand on his chin, "I have an idea."

Meanwhile, everyone else appearing in this movie lamented the tragic death of their screen time.

Malekith stepped off his ship with grave dignity. He spun to face his (severely lessened in number) troops, inhaling deeply.

"NOW, MY BRETHREN, GAZE UP-ow!" Malekith cried, his majestic speech cut off as he grabbed his face in pain.

"My lord!" Undead-Not-Flaming-Algrim said in concern. "You must be careful speaking! Half your face is fried!"

"Yef, fank you, Algrim, I hadn't notiffed." Malekith ground out as he cradled his face in pain. "Well fis makes giving speefes complicated."

"It's alright, my lord!" a dark elf assured him. "We get the gist of it!"

"Yeah, this is where you had all the other dark elves kill themselves in kamikaze attacks thousands of years ago," another elf muttered darkly.

"And it's probably where we'll die too," another dark elf muttered back resignedly.

"Hush your insubordinate muttering!" Undead-Algrim roared.

"Fut up, all off you!" Malekith howled. "Find fose infuriating Asgardians and feir Aefewr-infected girlfiend!" The dark elves snapped to attention. They straightened up, preparing to look for the Aether, when a red-and-blond blur came rocketing through the skies toward them from the top of one of the hills, yelling furiously.

"LOKI YOU TRAITOROUS LITTLE MOROOO-oof!" Thor face-planted in front of the dark elves.

"…what the-"

"Greeting, dark elves!" Loki said cheerfully, striding up casually, dragging Jane behind him.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Malekith asked carefully, trying not to stretch his mouth too far.

"I've brought you a gift!" Loki said cheerfully, hoisting Jane up in front of them. "A- ow!" he cried, dropping Jane and rubbing at his bitten hand. "Jane!"

"How dare you call me a gift, you little-"

"It's just an act, you idiot!" Loki hissed, desperately trying to regain his hold on her.

"Yeah, well don't act like I'm some war spoil!"

"You pretty much are, actually."

"Shut up, you little-"

"The Aether!" Loki gasped out as he clamped a hand over Jane's mouth. "I've brought you the Aether, haha! Yay!"

Malekith, Undead-Algrim, and the dark elves stared in disbelief. Thor smacked his head in his hands.

"I knew I should've just blown them out of the sky," he muttered.

"AS I WAS SAYING,"Loki yelled, looking harried. "Ahem. Yes. Here is the Aether. All I ask in return is front row seats to the utter destruction of my childhood home! Ahahahaha!"

Malekith, Undead-Algrim, and the rest of the dark elves looked unimpressed.

"I don't believe you!" Malekith declared.

"What?!" Loki cried. "Why not?"

"You could still be on the wimpy Asgardian side! We need halfway substantial proof!"

"Proof?" Loki said slyly.

"Oh Valhalla," Thor muttered nervously.

"Here is your proof!" Loki yelled dramatically, slicing Thor's hand off!

"AAAGGHHHHHHHH-oh, actually, that didn't really hurt." Thor said, staring at his severed hand in faint bemusement.

"Of course it didn't hurt you idiot, it's just an illusion!" Loki hissed.

"Ahhhhh," Thor said, Loki's plan sinking in. He glanced up. Malekith and the dark elves were staring at him in disbelief. "Oh-yeah-AGGGHHH OWWWWW DANGIT LOKIIII!"

"Yes, stupid brother!" Loki laughed. "I have truly turned against you!"

"Looks convincing,"Undead- Algrim muttered.

"Ah-well, I guess you're serious," Malekith said, staring in slight horror at Thor's bloody arm. "Harsh. Yes, well, let's get this over with!" He said, turning to Jane. He extended his hand, using his apparent Jedi force powers to lift her into the air. Jane squeaked in terror as the evil glowy red stuff began flowing out of her body. The camera zoomed into her eye, showing planets and stars and…lots of red stuff…that probably meant something symbolic…yeah. The point is, the evil red glowy stuff was removed from Jane!

"Oh thank Odin!" Jane cried in relief as she collapsed to the ground. Malekith laughed triumphantly.

"At last, the Aether is mine-"

"Now, Thor!" Loki cried, jumping on top of Jane.

"Oof!" she gasped as she was crushed by a hundred plus pounds of angsty Asgardian prince. "Jerk."

Thor jumped up, illusion sliding off to reveal badass armor and *gasp* both hands!

"Haha, Malekith!" Thor laughed, summoning Mjolnini.

"Impossible!" the dark elves gasped, watching in horror as Thor blasted the Aether into tiny red bits.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Malekith cried in despair. "The Aether! You killed it!" He then burst into pathetic sobs.

"Yeah!" Loki cheered, jumping off of Jane to high five his brother. "Epic brotherly plan for then win!" Both brothers cheered excitedly, unfortunately not noticing the slowly re-forming Aether.

"Wait, what?!" Thor gasped, staring at the evil red crystals floating towards Malekith. Said dark elf raised his tear stained face, staring in awe at the reforming Aether. In less than minutes, the Aether was completely reformed, fully absorbed into Malekith. Thor, Jane, and Loki just stared.

"You have got to be kidding me," Loki moaned.

"Ahahaha!" Malekith laughed in hysterical glee. "It's alive! I have no idea how, but it's alive!" he high-fived the rest of the dark elves while the trio of awesome heroes tried not to cry in despair. "Well, thank you very much, losers! I've got to be off, universes to destroy and stuff, you know, but don't worry! Algrim and my loyal soldiers will kill you! Laterrrr!" Malekith jumped in the giant teen titans' tower ship, blasting off before Undead-Algrim or any of the poor dark elves could say a word.

"Rats," one muttered. "I knew we were gonna die."

"Well, that could have gone about six thousand hundred times better!" Loki yelled at Thor as he stabbed a bunch of dark elves attacking him and Jane in the neck.

"I don't wanna hear it, Loki!" Thor yelled back from where he was currently punching Undead-Algrim. "I don't understand why it didn't work! I completely destroyed the Aether with lightning! This is so stupid!"

"Yeah, well welcome to life, brother!" Loki yelled as he badassing-ly took out more dark elves.

"Or just the Marvel universe," Jane muttered grumpily, doing no fighting whatsoever for like the sixtieth time in the movie.

"Whatever!" Loki said. "Now check out my badassery! I totally fight like my mom!" he paused. "Actually, that's kinda depressing now. Take that, dark elves! That's for my mom!" he yelled as he finished them off.

"Yay!" Jane cried happily, high-fiving Loki. Their celebration was cut short, however, as they caught sight of Thor getting the ever-living crap kicked out of him.

"This-*oof* -is really- *ack* -not- *ow* -my day!" Thor stuttered out as Undead-Algrim threw him against a mountain.

"Pathetic Asgardian scum," Undead-Algrim growled. "Prepare to die!"

"I'd rather not," Thor whimpered as Undead-Algrim prepared to kill him. Then, out of nowhere, a sword was shoved through Undead-Algrim's back!

"Awesome brother save!" Loki cheered from behind him.

"Gack!" Undead-Algrim spluttered.

"Loki!" Thor cried, staring at his brother in total happiness. "I knew you cared!"

"Of course, brother!" Loki replied, equally happy. "We're awesome Asgardian brothers after all-"

Algrim shoved a sword into him.

The theater was filled with a deadly silence of utter horror.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the general population of the world.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thor screamed in horror.

"Aw, man," Loki said. He grabbed the bomb on Undead-Algrim's belt, glaring utter hell itself at the cursed dark elf. "Take that, monster!" Undead-Algrim dropped Loki and shrieked, disappearing into a blinding flash of death. Thor ran to his brother's side.

"Loki," he gasped, eyes wide with horror. "No! No! We were just getting our awesome brotherly relationship of awesomeness back!"

"I'm sorry, Thor,"" Loki choked out, face turning pale. "I'm afraid…this is it."

"No!" Thor cried. "It can't be it! It's too soon!"

"I'm sorry, brother."

"Think of your fangirls!"

"It's okay. They'll get a lot of good angsty fanfiction out of this."

"Think of your evil plans!"

"Oh, believe me, I am- I-I mean it's okay, I don't need them."

"Think of me!"

Loki's eyes welled up in tears. "I'm so sorry to do this to you, brother. I'm a fool."

"No you're not!" Thor sobbed. "You are the best adopted-half-frost-giant-angst-laden brother I could have ever asked for!"

"And you are the best loud-obnoxious-poptart-loving-overly-sensitive brother I could have asked for," Loki wept.

"I won't let you go!" Thor cried.

"You have to, brother," Loki said sadly. "Goodbye, Thor."

Thor sniffed. "Goodbye, Loki. I'll tell father how amazing you were."

"I didn't do it for that moron," Loki sniffed.

And then…he died.

Thor's face screwed up. "Lokiiiiiiiii! DANG IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! CURSE YOU MARVEL AND YOU STUPID SAD ENDINGS I HATE YOU FOREVERRRR!"

Chapter Eight: Loki's dead, Loki's dead, Loki's dead, the world is ending, and Thor is 199 percent done with this movie.