CHAPTER7
I remember when I moved in you
And the holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
:: " We're going to be in trouble with someone if we get caught, I just know it." The sweet honey golden voice slips through me, a familiar rush. He's using a tone I haven't heard often enough since we were seventeen years old. He's using his 'Marauders voice'.
" Remus." He feels solid, more so than any dream I ever dreamt of him as I push him into the grass, covering his skin, his face, the silvered streaks in his hair with my hands and lips and kisses. I pause when my lips hit smooth skin on his right side. I look up at him and his amber/brandy/honey eyes are amused and apologetic and resigned and a million other things all at once. " The bite…" I've never dreamed of a Remus without a scar. It's so much of a part of the man I love…
" Sirius…I'm not supposed to be here." He kisses me softly. " I'm only supposed to watch and wait for you…but I knew you'd need something beautiful, so I came to make sure you didn't feel guilty about it." I run my fingers through his hair, trace the outline of his lips with my fingers, and memorize his face again with my hands.
" What are you talking about? You *are* my something beautiful." His lips are soft against my palm.
" You need something to hold you to earth. Something to keep you there until you find Harry for us."
" Us?" I look around and funny how I didn't notice how truly endless this meadow looks. He smiles and kisses my cheek.
" You couldn't have thought they were anywhere but here." He teases. His face sobering suddenly as the sky dims softly. " Fuck all Cam, you said we had time…" He whispers.
" Cam? Percy's…" He nods. " You don't mean you want…" His smile is the most beautiful one he's ever given me, I've only seen one like it, the first time I said I loved him.
" I want you to be ready to be here with us and to do that, you need to find one thing to be able to love. It may not be him, but it's a start love."
" I don't want to love anymore. Just you." He gives me 'the look' The ' Sirius-why-can't-you-listen-to-me-and-don't-you-always-regreat-not-listening-to-me' look as the sky gets darker still.
" I'm not saying you have to love him Padfoot, but love what you can do together. Love it when the pain stops. Love it when you can forget. Love something…for me." A wind blows. The first one I've felt. " I'm fucking coming! Give me a minute!" I laugh through the choking lump in my throat. You never could rush my Moony. I melt against him as he pulls me in as tight as he can. Like we could slip into the same body and go where ever the other is going.
" You have to go now." The grass is a silvery blue under the full moonlight. He looks up at the round orb and he's more beautiful underneath it's light than any man has a right to be. I knew he'd be stunning under it. His face is wondrous as he looks directly into it.
" You cheating little bastard." He whispers and then he's gone. Just a shadow in the light and then not even that.::
Percy's warm against me, his face buried in my neck. His breath is a hot gust as he sighs, nuzzling closer in his sleep. His lips are light brushes against my skin and I shiver, letting it tremble through my whole body. Something beautiful together… somehow he slips from sleep to wakefulness in my arms without my notice until he nips gently at the base of my throat, hand a hesitant question on my hip.
" Sirius?" Moony this isn't fair. Knowing you approve of this makes it so much harder for me to tell my body no. I push up on my elbows and look down at him, eyes heavy with sleep and a desperate desire that curls through me and smolders. His hair is tumbled in his face, seeming to break down everyone of the careful barriers I've always seen around him.
" Percy…I can't…" His eyes flash with pain as he sits up, lips parted ever so slightly. I pull my gaze from his mouth and close my eyes, letting my head roll back. His breath is a hot rush in my ear as he leans up towards me.
" I'm not asking you to love me. I'm just asking you to give me one last beautiful memory in this house before I leave it." His tongue finds the sweet spot behind my ear and I bite my lip. " Give me one thing to think of when I need it." My hands are tangled in the sheets as an incisor finally breaks the skin inside my lip, sending a small blood tang into my mouth. His teeth scrape across the skin there and I choke on a breath as my hips snap upwards.
" Oh God…"
That pretty much sums it up.
His legs are long as he swings them across mine, settling across my hips, rubbing slowly against me though layers of thick denim. His breath catches in his chest as the damp denim rubs against him, arching further against me, tongue flicking out across my lips.
Oh, who ever thought the boy could be such a tease? His mouth is smoked apple sweet when he lets me in.
Nimble fingers give the faintest impression of scratching as they pull down, leaving trails that burn from far more than pain ever could and coloring the back of my eyes swirling reds. Quick fingers at my belt, slipping it through the loops with a swish of leather against fabric. My eyes glaze as he sits above me, thin black leather wrapped round his hand as he arches against me, lips open, eyes shut…not the dominant one…just initiator.
I catch his wrists at my shoulders and pull one to my mouth, nipping at the skin beneath. He gives a strangled moan and I do it again, watching his entire body jerk against mine.
The skin on his back is soft as I put my hand around him, bracing him as I roll us towards the center of the bed. I kneel between splayed thighs, tossing belts to the floor. His eyes are shut so tightly I don't think he's noticed the one glimmer of a tear in the corner of his eye. I lean down and catch it with my tongue as it rolls towards the thick red hair, hand squirming down between us. Zippers and buttons are quick work as I search for skin. Smooth hot wanting hungry skin and the urge to have him under me and explore every inch of it is fairly overwhelming. He gives a small cry when I grasp him in my hand, burying my face in his neck.
" Wait." His voice is a ragged pant as he prop himself up onto his elbows and then his knees, kneeling. Hands slide into the waistband of jeans, edging worn fabric down. His eyes hold me in place as he eases the denim off me, letting it crumple across the comforter. Slow hands glide up the inside of thighs, sliding to the outside and resting on my hips again.
" Percy…" Silent eyes pin me as he dips his head, a thick curtain of red hiding him from sight.
The breath he exhales is hot and wet around me. His sheets are soft under my palms as I grip them. His tongue is a painfully slow dance of hot soft velvet as he traces up the underside of my erection, hair tickling my stomach as he shifts and moves.
I stare at the ceiling, letting the cracks slip in and out of focus because I can't look down. I can't watch that head of thick red hair and not come.
He hums a little in his throat and I'm so close to coming, ceiling or no. He draws a hissing breath and when I look down my hands are tangled in his hair tightly, pulling. He looks up at me and his eyes are far from reproachful, they're full of fire. He grins at me, a silent dare to make it all go away. His eyes never drop at he trails the tip of his tongue around the head, slipping down the underside and catching the skin with his teeth just sharp enough to make me tighten my grip in his hair. He slips up to his knees with the slightest tug. He falls backwards willingly with a slight push.
He moans as my weight settles across him, pinning the trapped erection tighter in his jeans. His hands flex as I pull them over his head, nuzzling my way down his chest. He's a constantly flowing water smooth motion as I flick my tongue across a nipple. The ridges of the hard flesh catch across the very tip of my tongue. He's panting and bucking and he's so hard against my stomach. People have said you really can't undo trousers with your teeth.
They don't practice hard enough.
Oh, he really is beautiful, arched out and bare…except for those damn pants tangled at his ankles. I pick up both pair and throw them.
The leg of a pair of the jeans lands in the fish tank.
" Don't move." He nods shakily, the tip of his tongue appearing briefly to wet his lips before he lets his head roll back. I want him in a million ways and all at once, but he's so close and he's hot and wanting and the world is here. In this bed, sprawled out with his hands gripping the headboard and legs folded under him and spread wide. His skin is smooth under my tongue. Smooth and sweat-salty and he grips the headboard so tight I hear his knuckles pop as my head dips lower, , getting him wet. The noise he makes is beyond words and I want him now.
He has the restraint of a saint. Even when I push inside him, as slow as I can manage when he's hot and tight and squirming like the world will end, he never lets go of the headboard. I can see the tip of his incisor sink into his lip and I push deeper, bending forward to catch the bead of blood on my tongue.
He fucking *wails*.
Not home. The body under me isn't home. I'm never going home again...but the heat and the cries are beautiful, just like he said I'd find them and warm shelter is better than no home at all.
And maybe I could grow to love the heat and cries and the tears that are as right as the crooning whimpers and the dark.
His hands are heavy in my hair as I feel sobs hitch through his chest.
" Thank you."
I'm not sure what to say.
***
:: "You cut your hair." He gives me a stern mock glare from those jade green eyes. My knees fail me and nothing could be more right than to kneel before the chance to see that smile again. " I didn't say you had to apologize on hands and knees now, you didn't cut it that much…" He stops as I grab him as hard as I can, arms locked around his waist, face buried against his hip. " Percy…"
" It was my fault and it was ours…I should have known the signs and …" He's kneeling before me and even dead he's got the sharp sweet taste of chocolate mint and things that don't have names. His hand fits itself to the scar on my shoulder, tracing it softly.
" They couldn't heal it?"
" I wouldn't let them. It was all I had left…" His hand still fits my face perfectly.
" My sweet prince. My poor Percy." His eyes holding mine are filled with a pain that shouldn't exist here. " God, when I told Remus what to do…I didn't think it would hurt so good."
" So good?" He eases me back onto the grass, resting his head beside mine. In our life together we made only two major decision ever in an upright position. One was that we should date…the other was that I didn't want to go to the three Broomsticks that night.
" Oh yes. It hurts because of why…because of what will happen and mostly because I can't be what you need. But it's so sweet because it is what you need and maybe for seconds at a time…maybe you won't hurt so hard I can feel it." His hair wraps soft and silky around my fingers. Oh God. I had almost forgotten how that felt. " You're leaving the house and things are going to get so hard you won't want to bear it unless you find something beautiful there to keep." I can't even speak to tell him no. I want no sound but his voice so I can make sure that for another year I know what it sounds like shaping every word and letter. I shake my head. " Yes, and I'd say a good start is in that bed." He nuzzles my neck. "Shh, I know, but you'll need him love and I need you to do this for yourself." He's fidgeting. Some habits even death can't erase. He's hiding something.
" What is it Cameron?" He gives me an apologetic look.
" Well…we're kind of breaking several big rules by coming to you two and we need to get back," He kisses me. " Now." He helps me up, hands ghosting over my hair. " Make it beautiful." He whispers and then he's a breath of wind and then nothing at all.::
He's trembling in my arms, the soft sudden shaking of desire and perhaps a dozen other things. The clean skin of his throat is barely a centimeter from my face. I lean forward the tiniest bit it takes and brush my lips against the throbbing pulse there, feeling him shiver against me. The tip of my tongue barely brushes the soft skin under his jaw and he tastes clean and dark. Ginny's comparison of dark rum comes to mind again.
I touch his hip and he surges up onto his elbows.
" Sirius?" He's looking down at me, eyes trapped between desperation and desire.
" Percy…I can't." He's caught between needing to put aside the world for a moment and loyalty to Professor Lupin. Hadn't Cam said we? Didn't Professor Lupin speak to him?
" I'm not asking you to love me." The words stick in my throat as I lean towards his ear, tracing the skin beneath it with my tongue. He groans in his chest "I'm just asking you to give me one last beautiful memory in this house before I leave it." I let my teeth graze the skin there and he bits his lip, hips arching off the bed, surging against the air. "Give me one thing to think of when I need it." And I know I'll need it…that life will be hard, but that groan as he gives himself over means for the moment it doesn't matter.
Time feels frozen as I slide a leg over his, lowering until I sit astride his lap. A slow rub against him makes his hips rise and my fingers dig his shoulders as the jeans that never dried on me rub against me. He sets the pace and I'm all to glad to follow, pressing closer. He moans as I lean down, flickering my tongue over the small bead of blood there. His tongue is hot and slick slipping against mine as I look for his belt, pulling myself back as my fingers fumble. A jerk and it's free. He looks up at me and grabs my waist tracing the lines below my palm, nipping at the veins, grinding against me, rolling me over. The leather strap is pulled from my hands. It lands on the floor with a soft thwap. His knees hold my legs apart and his tongue traces a line down my cheek.
A whimpering mewling noise escapes me when his hand wraps around me. Hard and fast and right. Skin against skin against denim against denim against more skin…
" Wait." Huh, wait. The hardest word I've had to say lately. He rocks back on his knees, hair tangled in his face, legs wide and wanton. The buttonhole on the pants is so frayed the brass circle slips out with the slightest tug. His skin is smooth in the smallest of patches, scars welting over the rest as I slide the jeans off his hips.
He's fucking beautiful as I slid my hands up his legs. He says my name slowly, letting it roll in the air. I look at him and he goes still, rocking back further on his heels. The sheets slip under me as I ease myself down, hiding behind my hair as I open my mouth, breathing out around the head. The sheets shift under me as he gathers them up in his fists. He's growling softly in his throat as I trace the veins up and down. There is no thought, just this world in the world here behind my hair.
A sharp tug shivers down my spine. He has my hair tangled in his right hand, fingers showing no sign of loosening. I almost want to grin at him, but instead I watch him, circling the tip. His eyes glaze and I catch the underside between my teeth. His grip tightens around my hair, tugging upwards and I rise.
His eyes are so black as he lays me down with a small push, settling himself between my legs so that he's pushing, hard and heavy against me and I swear to God I could come right now, letting him pin my arms against the wooden headboard. The more I press up against him the more he shifts just enough to keep me needing more. His mouth is still sinfully hot as he latches onto my nipple, flicking and teasing and scrapping his teeth across it. His stomach is hard and perfect to rub against until he slips away, his breath hot against me through the thick jeans.
And Holy God he's undoing them with his *teeth*. Pulling them off in a swift movement and throwing them across the room.
My poor fish Zoe is driven to her castle when a pant leg lands in the fish tank.
" Don't move." Using the last of the moisture in my mouth I lick my lips and grip the headboard, watching the wood grain as his breath and tongue and mouth slip across the insides of my thighs and further down…
Oh god, that shouldn't feel so sweet and rough and soft and wet and so fucking god good…
He's over me and pushing inside and I bite my lip, pushing out, letting him in and he moves once and the wood grains dance and my teeth sink though my lip. He moves, pushing in deeper and faster and licks the blood off of my lip.
And I'm done for.
It's funny how tears and sex go together. How soul pain and body pleasure can make the same sound. How something tragic can be beautiful.
How I can want this man very much…just because I know we'll never love each other.
" Thank you." It slips my lips as I stare at the crack in the plaster that used to look like a sleeping cat when I cared about dreaming shapes.
He's silent as sleep on my shoulder.