The one that took Longer than the Others
This one took forever. Sorry to my many (few) readers. However since I posted my last chapter I rose from 13-24 reviews. It seems my threat to stop unless I got more reviews. You all sent more than I'd asked for. Was it out of the goodness of your hearts that you sent 'em? (Snort) Any way my threat stands.
If I don't get at least 20 reviews than I'll stop.
That's great; you've no reason to review.
DO IT ANYWAY. I disclaim Pinky and the Brain.
You see, it's my birthday so I'm a bit busy (SEND REVIEWS AS PRESANTS) I have to escape birthday beatings. I'm in Trouble with a capital "T" and an "R" not to mention an "O" and a "U-B-L", just not an "e".
Prepare for a more pathetic, a boring an average (just as always) chapter of
DEVIL MAY GROW UP AT SOME POINT DAMMIT AND THIS TITLE IS TAKING LONGER THAN IT SHOULD. IT JUST IS!
The Actual Chapter Because Nobody Has Actually Read the Carefully Written Authors Note
It Has However No Name. This is it.
THE FINER DINER, THAT ACUALLY ISN'T
I AM ENJOYING MY CONTINUED WRITING IN THESE LARGER AND MORE INTERESTING LETTERS.
I'm going to have to stop for a while I can hear a crazy noise and It's starting to creep me out.
It's a kind of electronic ring like, the noise of silence. I think it's my computer.
No it's my light bulb. Screw it. Gotta type this chapter.
The Finer Diner that Actually Isn't
Way! I've started!
"What! No it's not fine" said Eva.
"I can't believe you called us this late"
Eva was talking to the baby-sitter.
This baby-sitter was so traumatized from her last visit she hadn't realised who had rang her up to engage her services.
She had just discovered where she was going and had suddenly felt sick.
Dante, last week, had turned her homework into first a hanger for paper aeroplanes.
It had then become a toilet.
Vergil had reduced her to a shivering wreak by giving her a kindly lecture on the worlds most poisonous spiders not to mention the biggest.
He had tried to cure her of her fear by showing her a non-poisonous tarantula his friend gave him.
Eva slammed down the phone.
"Great, just great!" said Eva to Sparda.
"Hmmm?" said Sparda.
"The baby-sitter can't come"
"OH NO!" screamed Sparda.
"We've been planning this dinner for months"
"So? We'll be fine!" said Dante genuinely insulted.
"What do you think we're going to do, seriously injure each other, tear the house down, and get arrested?" said Vergil.
"Ha! That's a good one" chortled Dante "Huh Dad!"
"Yeah… Ha Ha." said Sparda, uncomfortably.
"We can't leave them here!" whispered Eva franticly. "They'll blow up the house"
"But we have to go to dinner" squeaked Sparda.
"My boss will kill me if I don't turn up!"
"There's only one way to do this" said Eva "We'll have to bring them"
"Besides we'll be there, we can keep control of them just as easily as we can here"
Then they jumped over to try to stop the boys fighting over who would actually win the fight if they were arrested, destroyed the house and seriously injured each other.
"'Ello" said Dante to Sparda's boss Mr Penwin.
"Bonjour Madame" said Vergil to Mrs Penwin kissing her hand.
They sat down.
Dante and Vergil sat together and Vergil translated the bigger words on the menu.
You are most probably thinking that I am speaking about words such as like "Veil with button mushrooms"
However they were reading the children's menu.
This did not last long.
Dante had decided that everything on the menu was too cheap.
It was now stuck in a chandelier in the form of a paper aeroplane.
They picked up the wine list and Proper Menu.
When the waiter came the boys managed to order, not only the most expensive thing on the menu but also a bottle of Beaumont des Crayers champagne.
Dante decided he needed to go to the bathroom and Vergil followed him.
As Dante sealed himself into a cubical and began to read a comic, Vergil took out a second Doomsday device remote.
Picking out his favourite targets, (London, New York, Sydney, Tokyo etc) he activated his undetectable nuclear missiles.
A fat man pushed open the door and knocked into Vergil.
The controller fell into the urinal and the self-destruct button clicked.
"Haw! Sorry li'l boy, how much d'that cost, I'll give you the balance."
Vergil smiled.
He held out a disintegrator ray.
The man screamed once.
Vergil left the bathroom 756.26 dollars richer.
Dante came out, dried his hands (Don't ask they got wet ok?)
He did not wash them.
When leaving Dante noticed a vending machine he attempted to buy a packet of polo mints.
He pressed the wrong button.
Dante returned to the table holding what he thought was a balloon.
It was white and tubular and slightly see through.
Dante and Eva paled when they saw it.
Important note: I've changed the rating.
You ether get it or you don't.
"Look" crowed Dante.
"Wow" said Vergil "You gotta Big-Boy balloon."
"Yeah" said Dante "S'like that one wat you had Dad, when you and your drunken friends brought me 'n Verg to "the Girls Girls Girls club" on Friday".
"WHAT?" howled Eva.
"Now, now Eva" whimpered Sparda "We have guests."
Eva decided to kill Sparda when his boss wasn't around.
The waiter arrived relieving the table of its unpleasant silence.
Serving the boys last Vergil said "Merci Garcon" with a beautiful French accent.
"Yeah mershi Gatson" with a slightly less beautiful accent.
The waiter did not appreciate being called boy in French, especially by snotty little boys who-
Vergil merely looked at his meat for about two minuets then howled "Garcon, this meat is undercooked."
The waiter returned and, grumbling took Vergil's plate away.
Dante felt slightly left out.
He looked at the meat.
Do' la-ik Ih" said Dante sounding like that guy on Little Britain.
The waiter took Dante's meal and replaced it with sausage and chips.
Dante, who was by now feeling very important about refusing things, merely shrieked "This are yocky" he refused to take bite of his meal.
He did however bite the waiter.
Then, to Sparda's rage they both ordered four helpings of "Death by Chocolate" (Which is probably the nicest tasting desert anywhere)
Dante was getting bored, and with a skill born of lots of practice, he stole Sparda's wallet and wandered over to the claw machine.
Five minuets and two-hundred dollars later, Dante had not got his prize and he was getting very cross.
Dante decided to brake the machine and it was at this point Sparda appeared.
"Eep" said Dante
Sparda, instead of giving out boasted of his skills in Demon high school of the thing.
Five minuets later Sparda had spent another two hundred dollars, but had, at last managed to grab the "Super Devil Warrior action figure".
"Here ya go son" said Sparda, handing it over proudly.
Dante looked at it dispassionately at it for a moment then announced "That's not the Prize I want."
Leaving his father broken and shocked by the machine Dante re-entered the restaurant.
The Desert had by now arrived and Dante and Vergil were both full.
Then they got bored again and rode the dessert trolley down the stairs.
All through the chapter the boss began to change.
At first he had been a moody old grouch but now he was all smiley.
"Mr Sparda" he said chortling "I've enjoyed myself so much tonight you're boys are simply hilarious. I'm going to promote you"
They were on there way back and for some strange reason the two felt ill.
They both vomited all over the windscreen.
Sparda crashed the car.
"Great" said Sparda "Even with my promotion it'll take forever to pay for repairs. We won't be able to eat out for ages."
"Hooray" said the parents.
"Aaaawww Maaaannn" said the two boys.
That's that done please review and I am still open to new Ideas. Until next time!