A/n: Sorry guys. I meant to get this out only a few days after chapter 6 because that one took me so long. Unfortunately I changed the song for this chapter… three or four times… It was originally going to be "It Ends Tonight" by The All American Rejects. Then, I decided that "I Hate Everything About you" by Three Days Grace would be better, and shortly after that I decided to use Disturbed's "Stupify". Needless to say, I decided against that one too. You all should thank Pandora. I was listening to it and they played "Cold" by Crossfade (a band I'd never heard of up until this point). It fit really well so It changed for the last time. Thanks to Akira Nishikawa, Moonlight Hunter, and dreamscometure 410 for reviewing or adding myself, or this story to your favorites/alerts list. Also thanks to Chibi-Kaisie for adding ALTL to favorite stories. Reviews and fav/alerts make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, and per usual, neither Yamato nor I own the lyrics to "Cold" those belong to Crossfade, also Yamato is a fictional character…
Looking back at me I see, that I never really got it right. I never stopped to think of you.
"Will you just leave me alone Takashi!" Yamato jumped up as the door was slammed, he looked up to see and angry looking Yukata come storming into the music room. He grabbed Akira, who happened to be sitting next to him and pulled him behind a set of lockers so they were hidden by sight from the angry boy. The door opened and slammed again and Takashi joined the angry white haired boy. "I don't want to talk to you. Just stay away from me for a while."
"Yuka, will you just stop? We have to clear this up. It's been nearly two days and you won't even talk to me civilly. I just want us to go back to normal. I want what we used to have." Takashi said. Yamato hissed at his choice of words. He loved the kid, he really did, but he often wondered how he could be so stupid. The deathly silence that followed Takashi's words showed that Yukata thought roughly the same thing that Yamato did.
"What do you mean what we used to have? Our relationship? Or what happened after you broke up with me? Do you just want some fuck buddy that you can alcohol up and screw anytime you want? I can't do that anymore Takashi. I shouldn't have too. It's not fair to me and it isn't fair to you. Why can't you see that?" Yamato looked away from the two fighting teens when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and opened the text from Akira. He shot the boy a confused look before opening the text.
I don't think we're supposed to be listening to this. I shot him a look that said 'no duh' before texting him back.
What choice do we have? It's not like we planned to eat lunch in here because we knew they were going to fight! We can't come out now… they haven't talked in nearly two day! At least they're talking now. (1) He sighed but nodded. He knew I was right. "…Wasn't ever like that Yuka." I cursed silently; I had lost what they were talking about. Stupid Akira and his texting. Yamato quickly shoved the phone back in his pocket not bothering to relock the keys. He wanted to get back into the conversation.
"Oh yeah? What was it? A fuck here and there, and in between if you got bored of seeing me you could just jump a girl whenever you felt it was appropriate? Or, hey, even another band member!"
"You told me you weren't mad about the 'Yamato and I' thing! You can't throw that back in my face now. That was before we even dated. I'm sorry it happened but it did will you just get over it?" Yamato almost smacked himself in the forehead. He heard the sound of the door opening. "Yagami? What the heck are you doing here?" Takashi exclaimed suddenly, his fight with Yukata forgotten momentarily.
"Get out!" Yukata seethed, Yamato poked his head around the corner to see an angry Yukata push Taichi toward the door. "You don't belong in here we were jus-
"Don't worry, I'm not here to do anything to your precious faggitory." Taichi said moving pass the boy and looking around the music room with interest. "I'm just looking for Ishida." Yamato cocked his head at the sound of his last name. Taichi didn't use it very often even though they weren't close friends. It was weird to hear it. "A freshman told me that he'd seen him come in here about a half an hour ago."
"Yamato isn't here. Its just us-
"And we were having a private fight if you don't mind" Yukata spat at Taichi. Yamato rolled his eyes at the word private. Taichi just blinked.
"Fine, whatever, just calls him and find out where he is. I only need like- a second of his time. I don't want to spend any more time in here than I have to and I know you don't want me in here either. So just find the kid." Yamato peaked around the corner to see Takashi pull out his phone. He looked to Akira briefly to figure out what he should do. Akira only shrugged before his phone started ringing.
"I turn around and I can see what's behind me,and I turn back around and I can see what's ahead." (2)Yamato jumped at the sound of his phone and scrambled to turn it off. He must have turned the volume back up when he slid it into his pocket earlier. (3) He came out of his hiding spot rubbing the back of his head and grinning sheepishly at his fellow band mates. They blinked at him.
"Yamato," Yukata said slowly, his eyes narrowing into a glare. "Were you back there the whole time?" his voice was quiet but deadly.
"Akira hid too!" Yamato yelled unsure of what else to say in this situation. He reached behind the lockers and pulled the final band member out of hiding. Red coloring slowly crept up Yukata's face. Taichi rolled his eyes clearly annoyed at the lack of attention on him.
"Gee thanks Yamato. Way to throw me under the bus." Akira scolded ripping his shirt out of Yamato's grasp. Taichi snorted. Akira turned to him, his eyes dark. "What do you want Yagami?"
"Wow, if it weren't for the pink wings and fairy dust I always imagine you with that would have almost frightened me." Taichi drawled not bothering to cover up his distaste. "I came to talk to Yamato. Not you." He responded smoothly, Akira balled his hands into fists but Yamato put a hand up to stop him.
"What do you want Taichi?"
"When is this damn party?" He asked "Daisuke won't tell me. Something about needing your okay before I can come. He won't believe me that Tevin is making me come. Also, I hope this party won't be as lame as the last one we attended together." Taichi added as an afterthought. Yamato blinked and tired to remember what he was talking about.
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win. You are the antidote that gets me by. Something strong like a drug that gets me high.
"I don't want to go to this stupid party!" Yamato whined pulling away from his father. It was the middle of his eighth grade year. He and Taichi had been in a fight for a while now. For some unknown reason this meant nothing to Hirokai. Yamato's father busied himself with fastening Yamato's tie. Yamato growled, he was being forced to go to the stupid wedding anniversary of Taichi's parents.
"I don't care Yamato! Despite Taichi and you having that little spat, the Yagami's and I are still friends. They invited us and it would be impolite not to go because you're throwing a tantrum all of the sudden. Takeru and Hikari will both be there. Hang out with them." Hirokai said moving away from his son. Yamato whined again but Hirokai ignored him and tugged him by the hand out of their room and next door to the neighbor's house. Yamato quieted and shrunk to hide behind his dad as they passed Taichi's dad on the way in. He still hadn't forgotten the angry words the man had said at their last encounter.
"Yama!" Two young voices squealed. Yamato looked up in time to be bowled over by his younger brother and Hikari.
"Hey squirt. Hi 'Kari." Yamato said sitting up and ruffling his younger brother's hair. He heard a throat behind him being cleared. Taichi gave him a small wave. Yamato nodded back, frowning slightly. He remembered all of the sudden why he didn't want to be here.
"Hey, Yama." Taichi said, letting his hand fall to his side. The two boys hadn't talked since Taichi had proclaimed that he didn't like Yamato's new friends because of their sexuality. Yamato kept a straight face and only nodded to Taichi. He still didn't want to be here. "Oh come on. If we're going to have to be at this party you might as well make the best of it.
"Fine." Yamato said crossing his arms over his chest. Taichi smiled at him. Their younger siblings were almost vibrating with a lack of attention on them. "Tell you what, let's go play videogames." Yamato suggested leaning down so he was closer to Takeru and Hikari. They both cheered and ran off toward Taichi and Hikari's shared room.
"I'm sorry." Taichi said mildly, looking anywhere but at Yamato. The blonde stiffened in surprise and turned to face Taichi. "What I said to you that day- I was being stupid. I was acting like my father. I shouldn't have ever said to you what I did." Yamato turned away from Taichi unsure of how to respond to the random apology. "I'm not saying that we have to be best friends or anything, but friends would be nice. I'm not sure I could handle life if you weren't my friend."
"Yeah, sure whatever," Yamato answered waving a hand over his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he wanted to believe Tai especially because it had taken him so long to come to that conclusion. "Let's just go entertain those kids 'Chi." Yamato felt a fault in his step when he realized that he'd used Taichi's old nickname. He turned back to the brunet to gauge his reaction. Taichi was smiling broadly at him. Maybe this party wouldn't be so bad after all.
What I really meant to say, is I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold.
"Wait, hold up. Taichi is coming to that get together? This weekend?" Akira asked disbelief stringing through his words. "You have to be kidding me. You can't let this idiot jerk into your house!"
"Hey! I'm not a jerk!" Taichi protested his own hands balling into fists. Akira gave him a blank stare.
"You're right. You can't let this idiot asshole into your house!"
"Do you want to fi-
"Calm down!" Yamato snapped stepping in between the two boys. "Tevin is making Taichi come. Just leave him alone. It isn't like he's doing this on purpose back off."
"Well, why are you letting him come then? I thought you had a strict no jerk policy at your house." Takashi said finally joining the conversation. He had recovered from the shock of his other two best friends spying on him. Taichi sent him a death glare. "Sorry, idiot." He corrected ignoring the darkening features of the brunet.
"Tevin has threatened our next concert. So, unless one of you plans on buying me a new bass when mine is hurt, I suggest you get over the fact that the idio- Taichi is going to be at my house this weekend.
Akira looked ready to protest but Taichi cut him off before he got a chance to say anything else. "Well whatever when do you want me to show up?"
"Seven." Yamato said, before turning away from Taichi. Taichi scoffed and walked away not bothering to say goodbye to any of them. This weekend was going to suck.
"I can't believe he's coming." Akira mumbled rubbing his hand over his face.
"I can't believe you two spied on us!" Yukata spat. He had been the only one to stay quiet throughout the whole argument with Taichi. "I also can't believe you let Takashi get away with calling Yagami an idiot when he isn't any better!"
"Oh, here we go again!" Takashi sighed falling into a chair. Yamato shook his head and gave a sigh of relief when the lunch bell rang. He gathered up his things and took off before he heard any more of the fighting between his two friends. He rubbed his eyes as he left the music room. He needed a smoke.
Band practice that night wasn't much better. Yukata and Takashi had reached what seemed to be a stale mate and instead just spent most of the night making useless angry remarks at each other. They didn't get too much work done on their newest song, but Yamato didn't care at this point. He just wanted to go home and forget this day. Besides, eventually he was going to have to plan this little get together this weekend. Taichi was under the impression that it was some sort of party.
Yamato walked home slowly, enjoying the cigarette that was in between his lips. His father wasn't supposed to be home tonight so he was pretty sure it would be safe to smoke this before he was out on the balcony. He threw the butt in the ashtray as he entered his building and made his way up to his door. Sighing he pulled out the keys and made his way into the apartment. As expected a little note was taped to the refrigerator. He smiled. His dad had tried to draw a small puppy to apologize for not being home again. Sometimes he wondered about his father.
He opened the fridge to find… nothing. There was no food in the house. He pouted a bit before grabbing the phone and ordering out. It looked like tonight was going to be another lonely night home alone. He grabbed a jacket and made his way out to the balcony. HE pulled out another cigarette and stared off into the night sky. He knew Taichi was standing on the other side of him doing the same thing, but for now he planned on just ignoring the brunet.
"Why didn't you just ask me here last night, or tonight when the "get together" was? Why did you bother coming into the music room at all? I know you hate that place, and you know that everyone in there hates you." He asked finally dropping the butt of his cigarette and waiting for a response.
"Does everyone in there really hate me?" Taichi asked unexpectedly. Yamato blinked and turned to face his former friend.
"Akira, Yukata, and Takashi? Yeah, pretty much. I mean after three years of basic humiliating torture and all of the rumors you helped spread about them in junior high I'm pretty sure they hate you."
"Do you hate me?" Taichi asked looking at Yamato. The blonde hesitated not sure of how to answer the sudden question. How did he feel about Taichi? He hadn't thought about it in a long time. Pretty much since the day after Tai had spray painted him. He had hated Taichi then but now? "Oh, I see." Taichi responded quietly, he had taken Yamato's silence as his answer. He ducked his head through the window and disappeared into the house. A knock sounded through Yamato's apartment. His food was here. He crawled back through the window, but hesitated a second. The question was still eating at him. How did he feel about Taichi? He retrieved his food and sat down to eat. He pulled out his cigarettes and studied them. He had stolen his first pack from Akira's father when he was thirteen and he had smoked his first cigarette that night. It had been the day after Taichi spray painted him. He had done it purely to stop his hands from shaking. He had felt so betrayed that night. Did he hate Taichi though?
To you I'm sorry about all the lies. Maybe in a different light, you could see me stand on my own again. Cause now I can see you were the antidote that got me by. Something strong like a drug that got me high.
Yamato looked down at his stomach for the second time that day, all he could remember was the word stamped on him. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and stared out over the balcony. He really didn't know what he was doing out here. A pack of cigarettes sat next to him. He had stolen them from Akira's dad. He wasn't really sure why he had done it but now he sat out on the deck with the cigarettes next to him. He could feel the tears forming on his cheek, and he let them fall. Yesterday had been one of the worst days of his life. He couldn't remember anything else that had hurt as much—past his parents' divorce. He turned at the sound of a window opening, he quickly shoved the cigarettes into his back pocket thinking it was his dad.
"Yama…" Taichi said moving to come face to face with the blonde boy. "I- I just wanted to apologize for today. I shouldn't have done that." Yamato kept a straight face. He wasn't sure where Taichi was going to go with this and he didn't want to forgive the brunet prematurely. "I never meant to be so cold. You have to understand though; I- they- they would have taken me off the team. Football is my life. I couldn't survive without it! I don't know what I would do if I wasn't on the team. I don't know how I could live."
"You once told me that you didn't know how you could live if I wasn't your friend. Did you mean that? Or did you just say those words because you were bored and knew that I would hang out with you if you said them to me?" Yamato asked. Taichi's mouth dropped open and he gapped like a fish.
"Yama… I-
"You don't have an answer for me do you? Its apparent that you would rather choose football over me so don't bother with any formalities. We can just end our friendship here. We'll ignore each other at school. We can pretend like we've never met. That way you get to stay on your precious team and I can keep my dignity, or what's left of it anyway."
"N-no! Why can't I have both? I want you as a friend and I want to be on the team! Why- why can't those work out together?"
"You said yourself you couldn't be friends with a fag." Yamato replied spitting the word 'fag'. "How do you expect to be friends with me if you can't even accept me for who I am? Just go Taichi. Don't worry about our friendship. It didn't mean anything anyway." Taichi took a step back. He couldn't believe he was losing his best friend all over again. He sighed and hung his head. If Yamato didn't want to be his friend than he wouldn't be, it was as simple as that. He didn't need the moody blonde anyway. Taichi pushed his way back through the window and Yamato let himself sink to the ground. He pulled the pack of cigarettes back out of his pocket. His hands were shaking. He slowly pulled one of the white cylinders out and placed it between his lips before lighting it with the matches his father used for their grill. He sucked in, and let out a breath. Smoke circled out of his mouth and he could practically feel the stress leaving with it. He smiled. He had started his first cigarette.
Yamato let out a puff of smoke as his memories faded into the black night. He could clearly remember that conversation even though it was one he wanted to forget. He was positive that Taichi had never really understood what he'd lost that night on the balcony. He wasn't sure that the brunet ever would. He fingered the necklace Taichi had given him so long ago. Did he hate Taichi?
I never really wanted you to see, the screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep. It always seems to get to me.
Yamato opened the door to a bored looking Taichi. "I have a message from my father." Taichi drawled pulling out a piece of paper. "Yamato, please if you insist on having over all of those friends keep your girlish squeals and secret telling to a quiet level. I have a big deal coming through and I don't need you interrupting my flow with your loud music." He read off of the sheet. Yamato rolled his eyes and grabbed the paper from the brunet and read it himself. Without some of the insults to his gender the note said basically the same thing. "So, can I come in?" Taichi asked impatiently peering over Yamato's shoulder to see Daisuke, Tevin, and the purple haired boy from before.
"Yeah whatever." Yamato replied moving out of Tai's way so he could enter the house. Daisuke smiled and waved at the elder football player.
"So, what do you guys do at these things anyway?" Taichi asked. Tevin and Daisuke looked at each other then at Yamato.
"Well, we play videogames and eat food mostly. Sometimes Yami and his band members go into the back and work on band type stuff for a while. Erm other times we just kind of chat about school and such." Tevin answered. "Right now Dais and I are in a mean game of Poker. Yami just lost. He has no poker face whatsoever."
"It's true. If you take into consideration that you kept looking at my cards," Yamato said folding his arms across his chest. "Or that Ken seems to be able to count cards like some kind of genius." He added moving around Taichi to sit back in his spot. "Oh yeah, Taichi in case you forgot, this is Ken. Ken, Taichi he was- surprisingly- the only other football member besides these two not to tie you to that pole. Congrats."
Ken blinked up at the brunet. "Uh- thanks I guess" he said, before laying down his cards. "Flush" Tevin let out a curse and Daisuke just threw his cards. Ken smiled and pulled the money in the middle toward him. "You guys should just quit while you're behind. Otherwise I'll have all of your money by the end of the night." Tevin put his hands up in defeat.
"Okay I'm done. Hey, Taichi. I'll challenge you to a game of Mario Kart Wii. Then you won't have to stand there and look so awkward." Taichi nodded and moved around the familiar house. Tevin followed him into the living room and started to hook everything up. "Dang. I'll have to get Yami. I can't figure out how to-
"Turn the input? Here there's a trick." Taichi said walking over to the television. He pressed a couple of buttons and the Wii menu popped up. Tevin gave him a look of surprise. "I- used to watch movies here a lot."
They heard the door open again and Yamato's band members joined the poker game. Before long Takashi had wandered out and sat in the chair watching Tevin and Taichi battle on the game. Taichi's drybones character took the lead after hitting Tevin's toad with a blue shell. "You're good at this." Takashi said mildly watching as the characters raced around the screen. Taichi just smirked.
"Football reflexes."
"I call winner." The burgundy hair boy said. "Or… I suppose I'll play Taichi next. It looks like you're going to lose there Tev." Takashi giggled as Tevin's Toad fell off the side of Rainbow Road again. Tevin cursed and handed his controller over to Takashi when he fell off for a second time. Taichi zoomed over the finish line and did a dance for victory. "Well played Yagami. We'll see how you do against me though."
After an hour of game play the two boys were tied. They had procured somewhat of an audience—namely Yamato, Tevin, and the rest of the band. Taichi smirked and released his last red shell knocking Takashi out of the running. "Looks like I'm going to- you did NOT just get a bullet!" Taichi whined as Takashi blew past him laughing. Taichi dropped his controller and sighed. "I can't believe I lost. Nice game Takashi." He said, "but I have to hit the bathroom."
He made his way back through the kitchen and toward the bathroom door. He wondered briefly where Daisuke and Ken had gone off to. "Taichi wai-" Yamato said as Taichi opened the door to the bathroom. He blinked at what he saw not quite processing what was happening. Daisuke was pinned against the wall of the bathroom with Ken holding his hands above his head. Taichi blinked and the two of them blinked back.
"Uh.. occupied?" Daisuke said. Taichi turned around and walked out of the apartment.
I never really wanted you to go. So many things you should have known, I guess for me there's just no hope. I never meant to be so cold
1: I'm sure some of you are wondering why this isn't in text speak… well, that's because I don't believe in text speak. I type out everything. With the best grammar I can achieve on the phone I'm using. True story.
2: Lol see what I did there? ;) I couldn't help it. I was watching Digimon 02 (technically it was the English Sub, so Yamato sang a different song…) and I've always liked this song.
3: I do this all the freaking time. It scares the crap out of me every time.