I don't own Disney or any of the characters.

War on animation Part VII

Hook awoke as usual to the gentle rocking of his glorious ship. Glorious, huh? Was he really in that good a mood? Apparently…his head wasn't spinning it was quiet enough, but for some reason he just felt so…contented. This contentedness was shattered in an instant when a pair of arms readjusted themselves around his waist.

Crap.

Had they really…? No, he would have remembered that…wouldn't he? Hmmm, general rule of thumb was about three bottles of rum for him to something so…*shudder* improper. He'd only had two, hadn't he? Oh god what was he going to say to…

*giggle* "Good morning James," Vanessa crooned seductively.

"Madame, I most deeply apologize if I took any sort of…well, you know…ohgodimsosorry if I off" Hook said with increasing speed and anxiety.

"James." Vanessa interjected, putting a finger to his lips. "Absolutely nothing happened between us."

"Then why…?"

Vanessa just leaned closer to Hook, when they were about to kiss.

"BOOM!"

Shouts could be heard from the deck, Hook was out the door and dressed, it time to say

"WHAT THE NAME OF BLODDY MARY WAS THAT!"

"Eric's ship, Cap'n. He's hit the starboard side"

*insert commands to ship mates*

Hook turned to see the cannons ablaze as Vanessa rushed out to the cannon fodder.

"Ugh," hook groaned, "What a mood killer."

Just at that moment a voice shattered the cannon's roar, singing of the rise of good and the happy ever after to follow.

I use the word shattered because it was raw, out of tune, and obviously in the wrong range for its owner. Hook's countenance furrowed with disgust. His voice was god awful. He felt the same rush he always had when he heard people who should have their vocal chords severed. He closed his eyes, aimed and fired. A murmur swept across the ship. Hook turned in surprise. What had he hit? No. bloody. Way. …ERIC? Of Couse! That's why Eric never sang a note in The Little Mermaid. But still. He had hit a man square in the chest, from about 1000 yards away, without looking. Dear merciful heavens.

Vanessa watched in awe as Ariel lay fretting at Eric's side. She hadn't felt this way in a long time. This felt…good. To see the ones she hated suffer so much.

Hook turned to her abruptly and asked with a determined look "How soon can you get to the bottom of that ship and back?

Ursula calculated quickly. "About 20 minutes."

"Right, Hook said, obviously with some sort of Idea. "Meet me in my cabin in about Thirty minutes."

Vanessa nodded, running into the chaos of the ship.

In half an hour's time Vanessa returned to the cabin only to find what appeared to be a large assortment of presents. She read the writing one.

"Your dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways, and that if you leave me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness?"

"Heroes are quite gullible in that regard." Hook explained. "You mustn't touch any of this my dear," Hook went on, gesturing to the presents. "They explode."

Vanessa flinched and stepped back in alarm.

Hook grinned "When I tell them to of course."

"And what do I have to do with these?" asked Vanessa, looking around suspiciously.

"You my dear lady," Hook said, kissing Vanessa's hand. "Will take these down to Eric's ship, and in about forty five minutes the ship will be blasted out of the sea." Hook could not be more pleased with himself.

"Your mission my dear," Pulling Vanessa close, "If you choose to accept it."

Vanessa gently kissed Hook for a moment, entangling her fingers in his long soft raven locks, when another explosion ripped the tow apart.

Hook only gave her all the boxes and said "Godspeed."

Vanessa ran out of the cabin, grabbed a bag, and (gently) tossed the presents inside. As she ran for the deck of the ship she tossed the bag over the side. As she jumped over the side her hair turned white and shortened, her skin merged from peach to violet, and her slender legs were now night black tentacles again. As she hit the water he grabbed the quickly sinking bag of "gifts' and swam to the bottom of the ship. 'Merry Christmas' she thought as she found an opening in the bottom of the ship and put the presents in various obscure places. She was about to place some near Ariel and Eric, but she heard the ticking of about 300 bombs and ran to the bottom of the ship.

The explosion was seen from miles away it was instantaneous, and deadly. Only Ariel and Eric were left cowering on the one piece of ship that survived. Heroes. Far too lucky for their own good. Hook watched the water for Ursula. But nothing came up for several minutes. Hook couldn't take it anymore he was going to find her, so he removed his blood red coat and dived into the sea. From the depths he could see Atlantica. And why Ursula had not surfaced. She had lead Monstro and the kraken right to the city. … (Here hook went up for more air)As the kraken held Triton with one tentacle, the countless others were tearing down every wall to be found… while Monstro was consuming every merperson that moved. …Ursula was struggling to retrieve something from Triton. As Ursula grabbed the staff a smile crept across her face.

"…well?" asked Triton.

"Well what?" asked Ursula.

"Aren't you going to laugh menially and create a whirl pool to destroy us all?"

"No." replied Ursula

Triton raised an eyebrow "Really?"

"I have learned much since being defeated. We all have. Rule #4," Ursula said, pointing the staff at Trident, causing him to explode. "Shooting is not too good for my enemies."

After trident drifted into the sea the few remaining merfolk were trying to reason with Monsto and the kraken.

"Please I implore you, mighty creature, do not let this witch abuse you any longer. We can care for you properly. To this both started attacking again with much vigor and even more laughter.

Ursula clicked her tongue. "Rule #48: I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness."

The Kraken and Monstro took a second to show some brief affection for Ursula before returning to the merfolk.

As Ursula began to rise to the surface, she saw something drifting in the water. Hook has been too transfixed on the events below to go up for air in time. As Ursula attempted to retrieve hook and bring him to the surface, she felt the Trident being ripped from her fingers. She turned in time to see Ariel Laughing manically while she was creating a whirlpool to destroy her. What an idiot.

Ursula woke up on the sandy shores of her home. Hook was beside her. Was he dead? Probably so. She could feel a tear fall from her eye. Wait. Love interests are almost indestructible. One of the golden rules of Disney. Ursula started to press his chest. As the water sputtered out of his mouth, he still lay motionless on the warm sandy beach.

'Dammit,' thought Ursula, 'I didn't want to have to do this.'

Ursula leaned over Hook and kissed him. Just like all those stupid princes before her, it worked like magic.

Hook was up and blinking in a few seconds.

"Ugh…" Hook moaned. "Me arm is killing me

Hmmmm, why was his arm twisted behind his back like that? As she repositioned his arm she found the trident, held by an iron hook. Both stared at the convenient plot device for a moment. Okay. Now she could deal with Ariel when she came to gloat, or kill her, or whatever.

As Ursula helped hook to his feet, (as best she could with tentacles anyway.) Ariel and Eric walked down the beach toward them.

"Come on Ursula," Arial said. "There's nothing you can do on land. Just give us the trident now, so we don't have to hurt you."

Ursula gave Ariel the most hateful look in existence. "You have hurt me enough. Have you died Ariel? Have you had to watch the first person you ever loved stare at you with terror and disgust? Have you had to slave, starve, and beg to have ONE friend in the world? I have. That friend taught me so much in survival. But there is one thing she taught me that I hold closer to me than anything."

"And what's that?" Ariel asked, as silent storm clouds formed around the beach.

Ursula lightly tapped the trident on the ground, sending a bolt of lightning down on the two heroes, reducing them to ashes.

Ursula smiled as she gathered the ashes in a small bag. "Subtlety"