A/N: Here's a kind of weird chapter. I'm not sure if it works but let me know what you think. After this Gibbs starts waking up.
Disclaimer: I do Not Own
Read and Review PLEASE!
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Tony stared into space his mind blank. He was so tired; he hadn't slept since Gibbs' heart attack. The look on Gibbs' face when he went down, the pain in his eyes was haunting Tony day and night. His mind kept replaying the feel and sound of Gibbs' ribs cracking as he tried desperately to keep his mentor alive. All of this was working to make him feel raw and a little unhinged. His distress did not go unnoticed by his team but everyone was dealing with the events of the past two days in their own way and didn't know what to say to their friend.
Ducky found him sitting in the hallway zoned out and looking like hell.
"Anthony, when is the last time you've had anything to eat?"
It took Tony a minute to register Ducky's presence.
"Anthony?"
"Hmmmm, what, Oh hey Ducky. Uhh I ate some stuff from the vending machines."
"Anthony that is not eating."
"I'll eat later. How's he doing?" He asked changing the subject quickly.
"He was awake for a few minutes, but back to sleep now. You can visit him in the morning."
"Can I just sit with him for a bit?"
Ducky sighed. He knew that there was no way Tony would leave whether he saw Gibbs or not.
"Anthony, if I let you go in there you must promise me you will be quiet and that you will go home afterwards and sleep."
"Yeah, sure."
They both knew he was lying, but Ducky relented.
"Alright then, I will tell Amy to let you sit quietly for an hour but after that you are to leave and go home."
"Okay."
After Ducky cleared it with Amy he introduced Tony to her and then ushered him into Gibbs' room.
Tony stood at the entrance of the room completely shaken by what he saw. Frozen in his disbelief it took Ducky's gentle prodding to approach Gibbs bedside and take a seat in the chair.
"Anthony, it's alright he's resting. Look at his monitors you can see for yourself everything is fine. Now go and sit with him or go home dear boy." Ducky whispered.
Tony nodded and shuffled over to the chair his heart pounding faster with each step. Even after Gibbs was blown up he didn't look this faded, this dead. He looked back over his shoulder at Ducky who waved him on. By the time he sat down in the chair he felt every hour of that missed sleep weighing heavily upon him.
Oh God Boss you look even worse than yesterday. I thought they were supposed to be helping you. You look like crap. Tony smiled at that, finding Gibbs' usual phrase of expressing concern for Tony's well-being very apropos because it was true Gibbs did look like crap and Tony was scared out of his mind for him.
He sighed and settled back trying to take comfort in the sight of the steady rhythm of Gibbs' breathing, the rise and fall of his proud chest reassuring. And somewhere in between the moments of anxiety and the relief in finding Gibbs still here he began to fall asleep for the first time in days.
Ducky watched as Tony sank into the chair, watched as his face showed first terror and then trust that Gibbs was okay, and watched as the exhausted young man fell deeply asleep. Then he left the two enigmatic men to their much needed slumber in search for some of his own.
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Timothy McGee had been changing, had been becoming surer of himself and at times even a little bit cocky lately, but this thing that had happened to all of them made him feel untethered and off kilter. Watching the titan Gibbs collapse ripped away all that hard won surety, and set back his confidence to his Probie days. For if Gibbs who was the only known constant in their collective universe could be so at the mercy of the ravages of time and nature, then nothing was stable, everything was up for grabs and life was simply cruel and capricious. This is the treachery of hero worship, sometimes God isn't on the same page as you.
Here he was floundering along, not knowing what to feel or how much to feel, without even Tony's star to guide him he was lost. He suddenly felt very young and without experience. So this is where he found himself , sitting, for going on the third day, in a hospital waiting room trying to find the strength to head back out into the sea of reality.
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Ziva was stoic. It was her thing, at least it used to be her thing, before a knight disguised as a clown and a man of steely determination along with a sweet good natured boy came half way around the globe to rescue her. Now she was finding herself quite emotional and the effort to put the tides of her heart back into the sea of forgetfulness was too much even for her. So she wandered ghostlike through the halls of the hospital praying softly in Hebrew, soothing herself with memories of Gibbs' strength and Tony's smile.
She had a father it was true but Eli David was a man of principle not a man of flesh. He loved her in his own convoluted way but he loved Israel more. But Leroy Jethro Gibbs was an altogether different kind of man, one of flesh and bone, of honor and courage. He was a man that loved her as a daughter and that love had healed some of her deepest wounds. She could not fathom the thought that Gibbs would die, his death would leave her so bereft she didn't know if she would cope in any real way. And Tony, what about Tony? His words to her shook her to the core; she didn't think losing both of these men was survivable.
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Ducky walked out and saw the faces of these, Gibbs' adopted children and their pain grieved him to his marrow. The sorrow in their eyes pierced his heart and made everything exponentially more terrible for him. He was the Doctor the elder statesmen the erstwhile grandfather to them all, but right now in this moment, the only thing he wanted to feel was the pain of seeing his closest friend struggling to live, the pain of knowing that Jethro's path would be filled with strife and challenges he may not have the stamina or will to conquer… And it made him think perhaps all this putting of his friend upon pedestals was cruel and unfair, because if there was one thing Jethro was, it was human, so utterly and completely human… With a sigh he slumped into a chair near Timothy and let his thoughts settle along with his tired and aged bones, praying for the reprieve of sleep to come to him.
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Abigail Sciuto worked hard to be transparent. She liked that her sunny disposition belied her choice of costume. And while she was no poseur, make no mistake it was a costume and one that served her well. It was a roadblock to anyone too shallow to love her the way she was, armor against the pettiness of people. She wore her spikes to protect her soft bits, just like Gibbs, only hers were more tangible and much less scary. They were the same, Abby knew it, and Gibbs knew it. She was soft and kind and hid herself in plain sight, but so was her silver fox. His camouflage was more cunning and harder to penetrate, but he was tender hearted as she. Now that very same heart he worked so hard to protect was rebelling against him, attacking him, the unfairness of it was overwhelming to her normally positive outlook. Somehow she would try to remain hopeful and full of faith, everyone depended on her for it, just as they depended on Gibbs to be a fortress of virtue and strength.
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Jimmy Palmer was in the unenviable position of the narrator of this Greek tragedy. He knew them all and cared for each and every one of them, but his place on the periphery made him the one who kept the story on track, he saw the totality of who they were both collectively and individually. He'd watched them for years at first as an outsider and slowly they let him in, they welcomed him and he became part of this weird and wonderful family. Because of his position he had perspective and what he saw from that vantage point both soothed him and terrified him. He was soothed by the knowledge that they loved each other but terrified by what this situation was doing to them all. To lose the man he both feared and admired, the nucleus of their cell left him feeling adrift, and made him afraid that without Gibbs, their rare synergy would dissolve and they would be like so much flotsam and jetsam.
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Jackson Gibbs had nearly collapsed himself when he got the call. Sons aren't supposed to have heart attacks, let alone ones as stubborn as Leroy.
He restlessly endured the cramped stale boredom of the plane that was taking him to see his son, but his thoughts would not give him quarter… It wasn't fair that this had happened to Leroy whose heart had already been broken so many times. Just when it seemed like his boy was starting to build a life and his own quirky little family, just when Leroy was letting him back in his life, this catastrophe is thrust upon him, upon them all. He was an old man with an old man's problems; he never thought he may have to bury his 5o year old son. Somehow losing him to the job or to the corps didn't offend him so, but this was intolerable. And those kids, what would they do without him? Especially Tony and Ziva, two more damaged and deserving souls he'd never met. No matter he would pull up his bootstraps and tell his son to get better because there was no alternative. In that moment of false certitude he felt his resolve crumble and tears began sneaking out of his eyes, leaving him with nothing but hope and supplication to cling to.