Title: A Decade of Decembers
Chapter: Christmas 7: I'll Be Home For Christmas
Warning: Angst, Alcohol, Canon Character Death, Suicidal thoughts also played with the timeline a little so Tony was Agent Afloat over Christmas
Spoilers: Season 5 – 2007 set post Judgment Day parts 1 & 2 but before season 6 and Agent Afloat. Mentions of something from season 6 episode Silent Night
Characters/Pairings: Tony/Gibbs (obviously lol!) mentions of Gibbs/Jenny
Rating: PG to M
Genre/Category: Angst, Slash, Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 1018
Disclaimer: I do not own or am in any way affiliated with those that own NCIS, nor am I connected to the show's cast and crew. This is written out of pure enjoyment and absolutely no money is being made from it's creation. Please do not sue. Also do not own I'll Be Home For Christmas or It's A Wonderful Life
Summary: Still feeling guilty about the death of Director Shepard, Tony is forced to spend Christmas alone as Agent Afloat, can he survive without Gibbs?

Christmas Seven – I'll Be Home For Christmas (If Only In My Dreams)

"I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love-light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams "
I'll Be Home For Christmas (If Only In My Dreams) – Bing Crosby

The sharp winter air on the top deck chilled him to the bone, he probably shouldn't have been out on deck not in the rain with the risks to his plague damaged lungs. Ducky, and more importantly Gibbs would kill him if they knew what he was doing, time and time again they had warned him not to put himself at risk like this, especially not after his dive into the Potomac to rescue Gibbs and Maddie earlier in the year.

However he needed to be out of the office, the tiny closet like room seemed to be closing in on him and the claustrophobia was not at all welcome. Not when he was already feeling like the world was out to get him; wouldn't blame it if it was though, after what he did he deserved to be out here all alone.

Every Christmas season since his mother died had been hard and most of them lonely, but he had just gotten back with Gibbs the previous year and he had been hoping to spend the holiday snuggled on the couch in Gibbs' cozy home, watching classic movies, sneaking out later to go to church for midnight mass.

There were only a few years he had missed mass and this was probably the hardest, of course one of those he had spent laying unconscious in a hospital after a perp had taken to his head with a 2x4 in Peoria so that really didn't count.

The ocean storm was getting heavier and so he moved inside, making his way down to the room that was more like a prison cell, which is what he deserved after all he did get Jenny killed, so why shouldn't he be put away.

His soul crushing guilt over the death of his one time friend and boss didn't stop the loneliness at all, he wasn't sure if he could survive both the lack of midnight mass on Christmas eve and being alone on a massive ship where every single person despised him. A lone cop on a ship full of sailors was almost as bad as the stories of cops who were sent to prison, another thing that had almost happened to him in last year.

Pulling open the bottom drawer in his quarters Tony slipped out the bottle of jack opening it slowly and inhaling the bitter scent. It reminded him of what he'd left behind in DC, his home and his lover, he choked on the scent, or maybe it was the thought of Gibbs, his heart was aching and all he wanted to do was be in the older man's arms.

If there had been any sawdust in this hell hole Tony was sure it would send him over the edge, literally over the edge, he had joked about jumping overboard in emails to Abby and on the one video conference he'd had with Gibbs and McGee, but the way he was feeling it didn't seem that far from his thoughts.

He wouldn't though, he couldn't, it wouldn't be fair for him to take the easy way out.

The green eyed lone agent was lost in thought, seriously considering downing the whole bottle of alcohol and going for another stroll on deck, until a knock on the door shook him from his thoughts.

"Enter"

Turning around he saw a nervous petty officer standing before him, the kid didn't look a day over fifteen, too young to be on a ship out at sea.

"Sir, mail call, you've got a package here."

He eyed the younger man suspiciously for a moment before getting up and taking it out of his hands "Thank you petty officer" he said, dismissing him with a sharp nod.

Tony waited until he was alone before opening the package carefully, ever since the plague he had been careful when opening anything, it was probably irrational but there was always a risk in his line of work.

Reading the return address his heart stopped when he noticed it was from Gibbs. His hands shook as he lifted back the flaps. On top of a pile of packaging peanuts lay an envelope, Gibbs' scrawled handwriting on the front, and a round, red tin.

He debated for a moment of what to open first, it didn't take long for curiosity over the note to win. He fingered the seven letters of his last name, hearing his boss and his lover saying it in a memory at the back of his mind, before slipping the note out of the paper.

Tony,

Thought you could use these. Don't be too hard on yourself. It. Was. NOT. Your fault.

Trying to get you back.

Gibbs.

P.S Remember what I said to you the first Christmas you had at NCIS, it still sticks.

The Italian wasn't sure whether he smile, laugh, cry or go back to his interrupted thought about downing the whole bottle of bourbon.

Taking the tin out next, he lifted off the lid and was suddenly hit with the smell of caramel popcorn. Finally smiling he put the tin aside and dug through the Styrofoam pieces until he came across a portable DVD player, batteries and a collection of Christmas movies, a copy of It's a Wonderful Life on top.

Reaching across the desk, he put the tightly closed alcohol bottle back into the bottom draw settling back in his chair he set up his gifts, preparing for his annual screening.

Despite being far from home and still wanting nothing more than to be in Gibbs' arms, he was grateful that at least on of his traditions could continue and, no matter what had happened, Gibbs still cared enough to make it happen for him.

Tomorrow's Song: Silent Night by Jim Reeves

Thoughts?