Chapter 6

Naoto stopped trying to talk to me after school. She used to stand near the front gate, her heart-rendering figure looming in my peripherals as I'd sweep past her. With my head ducked, I would charge forward as I escaped campus, leaving her standing there, feeling her hot stare into the back of my head until a swift turn around the bend would fade me out of view. I couldn't bear the thought of Naoto's ethereal gray eyes and tightly bound boy's uniform - her short, silk hair, loose and lightly tousled under her hat. Catching any glimpse of her would inflame me with emotion, so I kept my eyes forward.

My ability to face her was entirely lost when Yukiko turned in her seat during one day of class and said, "I saw Naoto and Kanji together. They seemed so happy." My chest had melted, became molten and charred. After school that day, Kanji bounded up to me with a smile plastered across his face, giving strong buddy-punches to my shoulder and telling me how I really was being a good friend after all. He said he should have trusted me from the beginning. I would never betray him. No. Not ever.

I told him it was no problem – even though it was. And I told him I was happy for him. Then I walked out the front gate where Naoto gave up on standing. I walked out the gate, never intending to go back.

"So you wish to fuse the Lovers and Fool Arcana?" said Margaret. We both knelt over the coffee table of the Velvet Room, entranced as we stared at the cards. My eyebrows knitted together as I suddenly became doubtful of my choice, then threw the cards back with the dozen others. The corner of Margeret's lip pinched downward as her head slowly moved side to side. "Forgive me for saying this, but you have been here an awfully long time and you have yet to decide on a single fusion."

"What can I say?" I said. "I'm a perfectionist."

"Doubtful," said Margaret, her angelic figure poised on the limo's seating cushion, with the same professional aura she always maintained. "I can sense from your heart that you are experiencing a strong turbulence with a social link. From that of the Fortune Arcana."

"Nothing gets past you, does it Margaret?" I said, lifting the Fool card again and contemplating its properties.

"Unfortunately, nothing does," said Margaret. "Your fate is linked to this room. The contract binds us. I cannot help but know such things."

"Oh my. It must be such a burden." I hurled the card back into the stack, pushing my knees tight against the floor as I moved to stand.

"Sometimes it is. But this time, I see it as an opportunity to aid you." She gave me a composed smile, which appeared slightly less daunting above her eye level. "You have done a magnificent thing. The power in your heart is stronger than Igor and I ever imagined."

"I don't believe that at all," I said. "If anything, I'm weaker. Especially if you admit I've gotten worse at fusions."

"No..." Her eyes trailed down and lingered on the cards, silently admitting that – yes – I have gotten worse. But the strong, inhuman essence she maintained showed honesty. Every line that came from Margaret tended to be absolute fact. "The power is within you. However, you must face it in order to harness it."

"You mean, like a shadow?" I said. Since speaking to Naoto, I have been contemplating my lack of shadow. For the first time, it made me realize that perhaps it meant that I had nothing to offer. My Persona is that of the wild card – empty. And that's exactly how I felt: like a hollow shell.

"That's right. Like a shadow," said Margaret with a humming chuckle. "Even if you don't have a literal shadow to face, there are still strengths within you that you must address in order to acquire its abilities."

I navigated her statuesque face, finding no trace of emotion, no hint to uncover what she just meant. But her words resonated with me if only because they were so close to what Naoto had said to me before we had stopped talking. I may not have a shadow. I may be 'empty,' but I still had aspects of myself to face. None of it made sense. How could I face parts of myself that I deny when I have no shadow?

When we had discovered the TV world, I never thought I would be wishing to be like them, going through suffering just to feel as human as them. I felt somehow connected to the Velvet Room, like a part of me was other.

Margaret's gaze drifted back to me, a subtle smile fading to her lips. It was a simple expression, but I recognized it immediately. It was her little sign she'd give every time she was preparing to change course or tell me something new. Her long hands with their manicured pointy nails raised in a small salute as she said "It's time for you to go now."

There I stood. Amongst fog. Endless, dark particles hastily and aimlessly colliding, panicked and lost.

A vibration came from beneath my feet and I heard the sound an engine, so faint that I was unsure if I heard it at all. Even with my glasses the gray, smoky blanket remained thick. After each layer of fog, there was another, resulting in the sensation that I was standing amongst nothing at all, where emptiness only existed. But despite my expectations, no uneasiness came from this. It felt somehow familiar.

I walked tirelessly, without any fatigue, hunger, or thirst. Before long a shapeless dark figure came into view, directly in front of my path as if placed there purposely. As I continued toward it, the shape became crisper, showing a bi-pedal silhouette - a person. There were signs of clothing, such as the spikes at the neck to resemble a collar. The curve of a hat. I became fascinated by every new detail that appeared, such as the fact its weight shifted ever-so-slightly to the left. It bore slender hands, arms, and thighs. I was soon marveling at every new detail that came into view. I drank in its loveliness and felt my legs propel me forward.

The figure leaned forward and then called out in its soft, tantalizing voice, "Senpai? Are you there?"

"Yes. Yes, it's me," I shouted back.

I sprinted. The fog rushed past me, swinging out of the way and forming a tunnel for me to pass through. Every new step brought me closer to elation as I felt her presence growing more real.

And then I was there. A tower of TVs came into view. Set lights. A stage. I was at the studio, where we always meet upon entering from Junes. The fog was gone like it never existed. I was back in reality, standing in front of the Naoto.

"I- I thought I would find you here. But why did you come from that direction? We've never been that way," said Naoto, pupils quivering as she looked up toward me as I now acknowledged her for the first time in ages. Her ivory skin sparkled with pristine clarity and her small soft lips were captivating in their subtle elegance. She was the exact, painful person I remembered.

"Not sure what I was doing here. Exploring, I guess," I said.

"Please. Don't go on such ventures alone. We all worry about you." Her scared, trembling lips and her wrinkled forehead seemed, if only slightly, staged. She played the sincerity of a detective trying to get her way.

"You can save your worrying," I said, thinking of Yukiko and of Kanji. Remembering her fierce glare during interrogations "What's more important is your safety, Naoto. Go home."

"I refuse. I came here to retrieve you and clear up this nonsense."

"This nonsense?" I smirked, hiding the pain that stabbed within me as I searched for the most pessimistic option, the real reason she would seek me out. "By that you mean you want to get more information out of me?"

"What are you saying?" she said, hands by her side, grounded into the floor like a fragile sapling during an earthquake.

"It's simple. You want to know more about the Velvet Room. You want me to tell you my secret. It's the only reason why you ever talked to me."

"Senpai," she took a step back, recoiling with a hand pushing down on the top of her hat. "Talking to you... it feels like facing my Shadow over again."

"Well, maybe I feel like a shadow. I think I am becoming one."

"Stop it. Don't say nonsensical things like that. It's blasphemy."

A maniacal chuckle erupted from my chest. I felt so much pain and longing that it came out in wicked smiles, laughter, and horrendous teasing. My body was beyond my control. Naoto stood, taking it with far more strength than I could produce.

The visor of her hat veiled her eyes from me. "I suppose, if you were my shadow Senpai, I would tell you that it's true I wanted information when I first met you and the others. And I still do care deeply about solving the case. But my drive has gone beyond the need to prove myself as a detective. It's because of the bonds I have cultivated with the others – and – with you, that I continue to persist the way I do."

I heaved deep breaths as I tried to retain Naoto's words. Even when uttering that key phrase, "the Velvet Room," Naoto didn't stop to question what I meant by it. Her detective's mind had veered off and she was operating on other grounds, trying to be honest with me, harnessing the strength that she developed when facing her shadow the first time. Her eyes were fixated on me, shoulders locked, leaning forward, jaw clenched. Her eyes were dark like granite - solid and stable. Facing her shadow gave her a Persona of extreme strength, but I had no specific Persona to my name nor a shadow to align myself by. Seeing my reflection within her glistening irises instilled self-loathing within me.

"I suppose this would be the time I turn into your Persona," I said. "But I am incapable of doing that for you."

"Yes you can, Senpai. Of course you can," she said, taking in a deep breath that flowed out through her mouth and touching my face. Her breathing made her taller, bolder, as she drifted closer and brought her steadfast gaze in direct contact with mine. "You can be my Persona because you are my strength. You are the reason I am here. I won't leave without you."

Author Note (5/11/13): I am pleased to announce my seventh installment to this series. Your support has been fantastic and has challenged me in ways I didn't expect. Each chapter is more difficult to write than the last, and this one is no exception. I've recently acquired a full-time job as a writer (it's not as cool as it sounds), but this side-project is a delight to come home to. Thanks you, P4 fans. Please continue reading, review, and enjoy!