Dear fanfiction,

I have discovered that most of you are under the delusion that I am romantically involved with Bella Swan-Cullen because I have failed to torture her. And that you are writing stories about your delusions.

Please stop, just because I can't torture her, it doesn't mean that I can't make you suffer.

Jane.

P.S. Stop pairing me up with Alec, too. That is creepy