I'm back! Finally! Arghhhhhhh gomen gomen gomen gomen x100 to the power of googleplex or however that complex number's spelled ^^; i really didn't mean to be away for so long at all, i was just so busy and stressed out...i had all state auditions (which i happily made it in) and that took me away for quite some weeks, and now we have a LA project which I stupidly tried to overachieve on and picked game of thrones (yeah, the teacher actually let me xD) and now i wont finish in time because part of the project was to make a blog for each chapter and goddamnit if you've read that book you know how many chapters there are -.- well...here's the long awaited ikuto...and i don't own shugo chara...because if i did i dont think you'd enjoy how the characters would turn out (cough the other bittersweet stories xD)

I gave the girl in front of me a loving glance, before plunging the knife in. I always did. After all, I cared for them all. It sucks for them to have to die, and I really can't say how sorry I am for causing them so much pain, but if they only knew my reason...

It's only to protect them. It's only ever to protect them. So many people see me as a villain, and the media have even labeled me the Black Cat of Misfortune. Which isn't entirely false, mind you, considering I always kill someone.

Still, it's only to protect them, from this hell of a world. Easter has taken my mother, my father, my sister, even my first love. And now they're all gone. Dead? Don't know. They're just gone. Thugs from the urban have raped my co-worker who actually understood me, beat up my only friend, and stripped everything away from the one man who acted as my guardian. How are they coping? Well, the co-worker's coping with a bastard child alone while struggling with money. My friend had to quite his career because his limbs were so badly damaged. That one guardian I had for a bit has disappeared, since he was homeless and jobless.

Told you, the world shows no mercy. If you ever wonder why I'm not religious, it's because I don't believe in going to heaven or hell when you die. We're all living in hell right now. Hah, no wonder people came up with the term "a living hell." How right they are.

It's because I don't want anyone I care about to go through any more of that crap that I'm doing this. It's because I don't want them to go through what I've gone through, what my family has gone through. The pain...the pain of a knife can't even be half as bad as continuing to endure the pain of reality. I try my best for them to die quickly, I even drug them so the pain will be somewhat numbed. Of course, it's difficult to numb the pain of a knife. I know.

I...I know I shouldn't be killing my loved ones, not that there's many of them in the first place. Easter has already ruined me. I just don't want any of them to be tortured by this place. I would say they should be thanking me for helping them out, but they wouldn't understand, would they? Most people in the world are so naive and close minded to the idea that life is beautiful, that it's special, and you only live once and should live to the fullest and be happy. Yet, how the hell is life beautiful? It's not. You're born a pink slug, half the people are abused sometime in their life whether it be by family, kidnapping, slavery, or rape, and then you have to give up half the things you enjoy just to survive in this money obsessed world. Oh yes, and then you get depressed, buy drugs, rot your body away, and die. Not many actually get the privilege of a peaceful death, do they? And have they ever thought of what happened after death? Course not, everyone's scared of it. They have a phobia of the unknown. They can't bear the thought of blackness forever, and it's not like science can bring back the dead yet so they can't ask any of the diseased. But even if they don't know what happens after death, how can they be so sure that life is better? Have they ever wondered why only (possibly not even) 15% of your life is actually happy and the rest is all pain and misery? Did they ever realize how right after a happy event occurs, some fucking screwed up situation takes place and just brings the sky crashing down onto your recently born smile? No, they don't. They don't. They carry on with their lives, crying then laughing, then crying again, never giving the process a second thought.

I could feel the familiar tears trickling down my face. Down my cold, cold, face. The face that has become known as the cousin of the Grim Reaper himself. It's pathetic, you know, how I have to resort to such means to help them out. It really is. It's pathetic, and despicable. And you know what makes it worse? Every time I say "sorry" and get ready for that final stab, they look at me. They look at me in disbelief, in shock, astonished, with fat tears tracing their cheekbones as they blubber out choked up words. They look at me as if I didn't even need to stab them, as if just the thought of what I've done and was about to do has already destroyed them. The images on their face can almost shatter me. I could've broken down so many times by now...but I didn't. I don't. I just murmur "sorry" again, and release them from this prison. It is sad, so, so sad, and I don't think anyone else would think of doing it. I can barely do it, but at least I'm doing it. It almost kills me, but I'm trying. They at least know I'm trying to help, right? I'm sacrificing my freedom by helping them to theirs. I can't say I'm proud of myself, but I feel almost somewhat strong to be able to go this far to help out my loved ones. I hope by now they know my true motive. I don't want them to think I hate them, or that I'm evil.

I glanced at the frozen face, frozen into a contorted expression. I cried silently, because I didn't deserve to cry out loud. Did I even deserve to cry? I hate it, I hate this, I hate the whole stupid world and I hate myself. It was when I seemed to finally realize all this that I found myself letting out small choking sobs. I was crying out loud. God damnit.

...

I used to think that I was the problem, that they were all getting hurt because of me and my ties with damned Easter. However, now I know the problem isn't me, it's the whole damned world.

Um...so was it ok? ;^; gomen...it's kinda short, but *sigh* ikuto's was tricky because he already has such a sad backstory. I'm sorry if it isn't emotional enough, and i'm sorry again for not being able to update :( wahhhhhhhhhhh it's funny, because i'm in a half happy half sad mood...i just came back from a korean restaurant and had my first taste of what dukboki was (it's good ^^...and spicy xD)...so that made me happy but ehh...remembering how i just left y'all hanging here made me feel all assy again ^^; well...review and tell me what you think? and you can complain about my stupid ditching-ness and shout at my stupidity is you like... :D suggestions and advice: always helpful. Haters: not so much. love y'all and hope you have a beeeeautiful weekend :D

PS: I really must thank all of you who reviewed, especially Prisoner of Readers. :) you're so helpful and amazing and help bring me back from the dead and cheer me up a lot with what you type and golly have a lolly. :D

PPS: did ANYONE see that pun i did with the title? xD no? ok, ok...shuttin up now, bibi!