"Private I"
Day Six Point Five Six, Something Like It
"Da End"
"Paradox Of The Lost Socks"
No tape, Case Solved!
"Hey wait a sec!" Zell said, "If Selphie lost them..."
"...Then nobody has stolen them." Quistis completed.
"And if nobody has stolen them..." Rinoa said,
"...There was no crime." Squall completed.
Everyone exchanged glances.
"Then, we didn't need a detective." Quistis observed.
"And Selphie hadn't gotten them stolen or anything." Zell said.
"And since there was no thief, there was no crime." Rinoa said.
"And if all of these things were true, then no detective was necesarry, am I right?" Squall asked.
"YOU ARE!" all of them replied in unison.
"Then we didn't need Irvine pulling authority on us-" Squall said,
"-Or interrogating us when we only have our boxers on-" Zell said,
"-Or shoot our boyfriend dead-" Quistis said,
"-Or make everyone think we're a slut-" Rinoa said,
"-Or even accuse me." Selphie completed.
They all turned to Irvine.
"Guys... C'mon..." Irvine said, backing away and towards the door as the black gloves disappeared, 'cause the person wearing them knew where Irvine would head next. "You wouldn't get mad at me over such... Little things, would ya?" Irvine asked, truly scared.
Squall stood there in front of his friends and pulled on their leashes like a Dominatrix. He then pointed at Irvine as lightning crashed inside the room and a darkened sky was shown in the background.
"GET HIM!" Squall screamed.
Irvine dropped his pipe and started to run as the sea of piteou- I mean, angry friends, now enemies, followed him. The waves crashed like Eminem's flows on top of Dr. Dre's beats!
Irvine was running with all he had, and known then, Keanu Reeves was their daddy. Keanu Reeves had always been their daddy.
Irvine managed to get to the Parking Lot, and the pile of humanity was in hot pursuit. Despite that, he knew that he was about to get away from the angry crowd.
Squall spotted a car with the key left in the ignition.
"There's a car! Let's run him over!" Squall said, and jumped in as the others followed him and actually managed to get stuck like a pack of sardines. Squall stomped on the gas pedal to follow the detective on the run.
As they drove away, Headmaster Cid got out from the dark corner, and waved his black-gloved hands, screaming, "STOP!"
Headmaster Cid had been sick to his stomach with Irvine and his stupidity. He had managed to have Squall hire an assassin to bust Irvine in that dark corner where Quistis and her boyfriend had been making out. He had been the one with the pea-shooter and the poison. He had gotten Squall make two pipe bombs for Irvine's room and car.
He was the criminal genius. And, there, the author had revealed it all in a few simple sentences.
"STOP!" he screamed at the car.
Irvine was running in slow motion.
The car exploded.
Irvine jumped forward.
Just like those action movies, y'know.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"Cid screamed as he pulled his remaining hair out.
Irvine stopped and looked back at the car.
"Hm." He said, "Maybe someone is behind the bomb in this car? Another case!
Irvine posed against the sunset as wind whipped his trenchcoat. He inhaled a cloud of smoke and exhaled all cool-like. He pulled out his revolver for a victorious pose.
"This is a job for Detective Kinneas!"
DA END