Angst ahoy! (Don't worry, it'll turn out OK!)

"Are you coming to the George tonight, Ruth?"

"Yes, please." It had been a horrendous week, and the way today was turning out, she could use a drink. Or three. They had fought again this morning. She couldn't even remember how it started, but it had evolved into another "discussion" about her fictional boyfriend. Harry had wanted to take her to out for some theatre performance and she had balked at being out in public. He asked her if she was so ashamed of their relationship, why hadn't she left him yet? Before she could reply, he had received an urgent call from the Home Secretary and for the first time in months, he left her that morning without kissing her goodbye.

He had been avoiding her today. Harry had gone straight into his office and was on the phone continuously as soon as he had come back from Whitehall. She had been staring into his office, as if willing him to look at her, but to no avail. She had gone up to the roof for some air, but he didn't follow as he usually did. Ruth wasn't sure what to do. She loved him with a clarity that sometimes terrified her. This situation had been brewing for awhile now, but she still was nowhere near an answer. He was resentful, understandably so, at having to keep their relationship a secret. She didn't like it either, despite what Harry thought. Ruth supposed she was lucky that he had gone along with this for as long as he had. Six months is a long time to be living a double life, no matter how pleasant one of those lives is. It's not going to get resolved with me up here alone feeling sorry for myself, she thought. I need to talk to him. She turned around to head back downstairs and was surprised by the sight of Harry, hands in pockets, leaning up against the rooftop door, watching her.

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. He was frustrated and angry and when the call came from the Home Secretary, we welcomed it. At least high political intrigue was something he felt he could control. During the morning, he had thought about at least calling or sending a text, but words were inadequate as usual. You're a coward, Pearce, and you don't deserve her. He busied himself with work, and avoided looking out at Ruth. He didn't want to see the hurt on her face again. He saw her head up towards the roof, and thought of following her, but he was terrified of what she would say to him. He berated himself for several minutes for being such a fool, and headed up to the roof.

When he saw her, his heart turned to water. She had her back to him, and she hadn't yet noticed he was there. He stood there, transfixed, by the sight of her form, silhouetted against the London skyline. It was a clear day, and the sun was glinting off her hair. He tried to count how many times he had wrapped his hands around that waist or kissed the back of her neck, and failed horribly. He was still studying her when she suddenly spun around and startled at the sight of him. He was desperately trying to read the emotion on her face.

They stood there for who knows how long, neither saying a word. It was Harry who moved first, taking a few long strides before gently taking her face and his hands and kissing her. She kissed him back, but was the first to pull away.

"Harry, you can't just expect to kiss me and make this all go away."

"I know, but I thought it was worth a try," he smiled slightly and continued in barely above a whisper, "I am sorry. I've been an idiot and a bully. It's not fair to you…"

"I'm sorry, too. We need to work something out, Harry."

"I know, but we may have to wait a bit."

"What do you mean?"

"It looks like I may have to go to Washington for a few days, maybe a week. I've been trying to avoid it, but the Home Secretary was pretty insistent this morning." He kissed her again. Damn, she thought, how can I stay mad at him when he kisses like this?

Ruth was sitting, glass of wine in hand, in the corner at the pub that evening. Anna was relating a very funny story of one of many her disastrous first dates. Ruth felt a little bit better. She and Harry had pulled back from the precipice. She was still uneasy, but at least they were talking.

"I don't believe it…" someone motioned to the door.

Malcolm had walked in, followed by Harry. Although always invited, Harry only occasionally came for drinks with the team at the George. He had reasoned that it was better for everyone if he gave them frequent opportunities to complain about him. Ruth was suddenly gripped with panic. She and Harry tried to keep their interactions at work strictly businesslike, but now here he was in a purely social setting, and he had a look on his face that said "Let's see who slips up first". She needn't have worried too much, though. Harry soon was embroiled in a heated discussion with Malcolm, about cricket it sounded like. He was within earshot of the group, but not too close. At one point later in the evening, she was admiring Harry's shoulders as he waited at the bar for more drinks when Anna directed a question at her.

"You're quiet tonight. You OK?"

"Just tired, I suppose."

"Simon keeping you up, is he?" Anna chuckled.

"Something like that." She couldn't help but smile a little - Anna's laugh was infectious. Harry had returned from the bar, just in time to hear about Simon. His only reaction was an almost imperceptible twitch in one of his eyebrows.

As the crowd thinned out a bit, Harry managed to find a seat next to Ruth. He had shed his jacket and tie and Ruth was slightly annoyed by how much she was affected by that.

"Alright?" he asked her.

"Yes." She tried to act casual and was failing utterly. Harry either didn't notice, or was pretending not to.

"Would you like another drink?"

"No, I think I've reached my limit. I was planning to head home soon."

"Me too. I have to get packing…"

"Going anywhere special?" Lucas chimed in.

"I'm being sent to Washington tomorrow, but not first thing. I'll catch you up with what you can do while I'm gone."

Most everyone had gone home, or was preparing to leave. Harry had managed to get a cab for them both, without attracting too much attention. Ruth got in, and Harry let her give the cabby the address. Ruth looked at Harry, but his face was impassive. He had made a promise to himself that he would let her take the lead. She hesitated only a split second, then gave Harry's address. She gave Harry a little smile, and he took her hand and brought it to his lips.

"How long will you be gone?" She was sitting on the bed while he was meticulously packing a suitcase.

"I'm not sure, but it looks like at least a week. I don't know what they expect me to do there, I'm not a diplomat." The exasperation in his voice was evident.

"You'll be there for your birthday."

"We'll just have to celebrate when I get back."

He sat beside her on the bed and studied her face. She looked tired. He took her in his arms and held her. He was basking in the thought that she had come home with him. Whatever obstacles they had to face, she had chosen to face them with him, and he was humbled.

"Ruth, I love you…and if I have to keep that from the world until the end of my days, I will. Your happiness is the most important thing…"

"How can I be happy when you're not? I know this secrecy bothers you, and it's not fun for me, either. I am not ashamed of being with you, far from it. But I don't know if I want to be known as the woman who's shagging the boss."

"Anyone who knows you or works with you for five minutes is going to know that there is more to you than that…"

"What about the repercussions for you? Your authority…"

"…will survive. It must be pretty tenuous if who I choose to spend my private time with has any bearing on how the team works with me. Look, we're not going to solve this tonight. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. While I'm gone, we can think on it and deal with it, properly, when I get back."

He kissed her softly, and she responded to him.

"I'm going to miss you, Harry Pearce. Come back to me soon."

Thanks for reading! Please take a moment to review – they really encourage me to keep going with this!