She did it.

She shouldn't have.

But she did.

Of course, the pensieve on the desk was too tempting to pass up. Especially when it belonged to Severus Snape; the man who was so cold that he nearly suffocated her own natural warmth just by being in the same room.

Christmas Eve was supposed to be a time of cheer and goodwill. Not with him. Christmas only seemed to worsen Severus' mood and, in turn, hers.

And then he had gone and snapped at her like that, just for trying to be a friend to him. It was almost like Severus didn't want anyone to care for him.

Evangeline had tried to shrug him off, to say "to Hell with him" pretty much, but found she couldn't. She could sense pain and guilt in the man that was slowly eating him alive.

"What could have happened to you?" she whispered to herself as she pulled the hood of her cloak over her head and left for Hogsmeade.

Two hours later the young witch returned to the dungeons, arms laden with gifts. Severus was nowhere to be seen, so she set the presents to wrapping themselves in the classroom while she took the chance to learn more about her mentor.

Surprisingly, his office wasn't enchanted to turn her into chipmunk, or something to that effect, which meant she could slip in and do some digging. She had made the decision as she looked through an assortment of candies in Honeydoukes to find out what made Severus Snape who he was. What had he been through in his life? Why was he such a grouch?

Evangeline had barely entered the room when she saw it sitting there on his desk.

The pensieve. The one glimpse she may ever get into his mind.

Closing the door behind her, the young woman stepped forward to examine the stone basin more closely. It had been carved with runes and other arcane symbols she didn't quite recognize and held a material not quite like any other. Silvery and wispy, like the wind had been made more corporeal.

She was a little hesitant at first. After all, she wouldn't want anyone to prowl her memories. A second later though, she shrugged off that feeling and took in a deep breath before submerging her face in the pensieve.

That was how he found her. Leaning over his desk with her face in the pensieve he had borrowed from Dumbledore.

His initial reaction was rage at the violation of his privacy. The second reaction was disbelief at her audacity. Then finally, he felt a sort of respect for the bravery she displayed with the foolish act.

Black robes billowing, Severus took three giant strides forward and grasped a handful of her dark auburn hair.

"What do you think you're doing?" he bellowed as he jerked the girl up.

Evangeline sputtered at the suddenness of her removal and reached to tear his hand free from her hair. "Let go!"

Every muscle in his arm tensed, blatant refusal of her demand, as his black, furious gaze swept over her face, like he was expecting her answer to be written there.

Her cheeks were flushed a brilliant rose and there were teeth marks on her lower lip. Why had she been biting herself? To muffle any sounds she made? And were those…tear trails?

For the first time Severus could recall since his childhood, he felt himself soften. Releasing his painful hold on Evangeline, the Potions master took a step back, his features not betraying the raw, rough emotions he felt. "Get out."

Evangeline nodded silently and turned her back to him, rushing from the office. She had known there would be hell to pay if he caught her. She knew it was a mistake. But it had been worth it. She had seen things that no doubt no other being, living or dead, had known about Severus Snape.

Her legs deemed that her mind was not functioning rationally and worked of their own accord, carrying the body attached to them as far away from the dungeons as they could manage. It was on the cliffs she had grown so fond of that Evangeline collapsed to her knees in the snow with a loud "crunch" of the fine ice.

Her eyes burned with unshed tears and her stomach threatened to empty its content if she didn't get a grip on herself. She couldn't though.

Not yet.

Evangeline doubled over when her head began to throb in pain. Why had she thought that she wanted to know the dark past of her mentor? Why?

An abusive, neglective family. His only love wedding his arch enemy. The one man he had faith in killing said love.

Not even Dumbledore had cared for him.

The tears that threatened to pour held fast to their oath and spilled over her cheeks which were made red from empathy and the biting cold of December. Her cloak fanned out about her on the snow, making her look like a broken black spider on an ivory doily. Hopefully, no one who see her despite the fact she was clearly visible with the contrasting colors.

Her hands gripped her arms, her nails digging into the soft triceps hidden by the thick fabric of her clothing as she hugged herself.

This is how Severus felt. This is what he wanted to do, but never did for the sake of saving face and the fear that if he let his guard down enough to grieve, he would never survive the breakdown to follow.

"Oh, Severus…I'm so sorry…"

There was no one to answer her though. No arms to hold her and comfort her, no other voice to soothe her. Her words were just a whispered sob on the wintry winds.