Words and laughter, wearing thin
Breaking this disguise
Where do angels fear to tread?
How can I think to hide?

-Chameleon Circuit, Nightmares


"This is your room Sam," Castiel said, opening one of the doors in the Shurley's long hallway and gesturing in. Sam rushed in excitedly, throwing his things on his new bed.

"Thanks, Cas," he said, smiling brightly at Castiel. Castiel shrugged off handedly.

"Dean's room while be right next to yours, to the left. My room is the one to your right. My brother Gabriel's is across the hall," Castiel reminded him. Sam smiled and then nodded.

"Is Gabriel in there right now?" Sam asked shyly. Castiel nodded.

"Yeah. You should go meet him," Castiel suggested. Sam smiled again, and pushed passed the two knocking tentatively.

"Casssie, wha-" Gabriel exclaimed, pulling opening the door and then pausing when he saw Sam standing there instead of Castiel.

"Oh. Um. Hi," Sam muttered, waving a little. "I'm Sam."

"Gabriel," Gabriel replied. "What are you doing here little man?"

"I'm going to be taller then you one day," Sam snapped, crossing his arms and frowning.

"Alright then," Gabriel chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning in the doorway of his room. He glanced away from Sam, his eyes falling on Castiel, and then darting to Dean. He gave Castiel a look of confusion.

"They're moving in with us," Castiel explained. "Sam is Dean's little brother."

Sam huffed indignatly, but didn't say anything.

"Well then. Welcome to Casa Erotica little bro," Gabriel grinned, stepping aside to let Sam in.

"Casa Erotica is a porno," Sam muttered under his breath. "And I'm not little!"

"Keep on talking Samantha," Gabriel replied with a roll of his eyes, before shutting the door to his room. Castiel laughed, momentarily forgetting that Dean was right next to him.

"They are not going to get along," he mumbled to himself. He jumped when Dean laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You can say that again."

Castiel turned to face Dean straight on, for once not entirely afraid to look the boy in the face. It was almost as if he was seeing Dean for the first time. The boy had freckles scattered all over his face, blondish brown hair that he obviously spent little time on in the morning, his eyes were a dull soft green color, that Castiel couldn't quite place. But he wasn't that confident, cocky boy that Castiel knew so well from school.

He was a boy, who has been working to keep his brother fed for years. He doesn't sleep much, and he eats even less because nothing matters more then the little boy that was now with Gabriel, and most of all there is a hint of self disgust in the boys eyes.

And it was like Castiel was seeing Dean for the first time.

This boy in front of him right now, was Dean Winchester.

"Uh, your room is right here," Castiel said, moving towards the door he had just gestured to, but Dean stopped him before he could get there, a smile on his face.

"I think I'd rather room with you."

Castiel's heart skipped a beat.

"W-What?"

"I'd rather room with you," Dean repeated, guiding Castiel back to his room. "Then I get to share a bed with you."

Castiel let out a nervous laugh as Dean shut the bedroom door behind Castiel, pressing him against the door with his hips. Castiel blushed deeply, the close proximity between the two bothering Castiel for the first time.

It was a weird feeling. A feeling they never really mention in the books. It was like Castiel wanted to lean forward and kiss Dean, but he knew he couldn't. At the same time Castiel wanted to pull away, and put space inbetween the two. And still there was always that bit of Castiel that liked this.

The closeness, the intimacy. It was something he didn't share with anyone else, and it was heart clenchingly wonderful.

"Unless, you don't think it's a good idea," Dean whispered, his voice sending Castiel's thoughts scattering like ants. Castiel pressed his head back against his door, squirming a little under Dean's touch.

He most certainly didn't like it when Dean held him close like this. Held him like he was the only one in the world that mattered. Not at all. Not even a little. Nope.

"I-I- It-" Castiel cut himself off with a blush. Dean laughed, and brushed his nose against Castiel's.

"Good."

He pulled away from Castiel and sat down on his bed, turning his attention to Castiel's walls. Castiel blushed when his eyes came across 'The Plan'.

Long story short, Charlie and Gabriel put a collection of notes and pictures of Dean on the wall when they were coming up with a plan for Castiel to use to get Dean to look at him differently. Castiel rushed over to the wall, tearing down the collage of paper.

"That's nothing," he blurted, shoving the papers into a drawer next to his bed. Dean chuckled lightly from where he sat, but besides that didn't comment on the array of pictures.

Castiel leaned against his bedroom wall, staring quietly at Dean. Dean wasn't really paying much attention to Castiel. No, his green eyes were flying to different places in the room, and he even stood up to get a closer look at different aspects of the room.

The worn spot on the carpet in the far corner of the room. The crack on the wall. The unhinged door of Castiel's closet. Dean looked at it all, a tiny focused frown covering his face as he did so.

Castiel watched Dean with a curious gaze, wondering why he was taking the time to look around the room.

"Distracted?"

Dean's voice was almost a surprise. Dean wasn't facing Castiel at all. His back was to Castiel, and his eyes were on Castiel's bookshelf. But the statement still caught Castiel off guard, and his a blush covered his face.

"N-No."

Castiel averted his eyes, picking up a pillow he didn't remember leaving on the floor.

"Could have fooled me."

Castiel palced the pillow on his bed, and then sighed lightly when he saw the reason the pillow had been on the floor.

To cover his diary.

Castiel leaned down to pick up the small book. An ugly black leathery thing, that still haunted Castiel's dreams. Castiel sat down on his bed, and opened the diary to its first page.

.

August 20, 2013

Well. Dad got me a diary today. He said it would be good for me, the son of an author, to write down my thoughts etc. But I do not believe that it is a good idea. Nothing very interesting happens to me.

That is not true. Interesting things happen. But they are not fun to talk about.

Like. This is the only present I got for my birthday besides of course, the presents the kids at school gave me.

But I do not think the cut on my stomach counts much. Or the dislocated shoulder. I thought that golf would be a peaceful sport to play during Physical Education. But turns out I was wrong. I do not really want to write about what happened, but I will say that I know what it is like to be a golf ball now.

It was not fun.

But dad obviously wants me to write in this diary. So I will. Even if it means writing about the pain the other students at school have caused me.

Maybe I can get a private class.

Hopeful thinking I am sure. But worth a try. I think I will go ask my father. Write again another time, I suppose.

.

August 21, 2013

I got those private classes. But that did not stop the bullies.

All it did was encourage the bullies. Now they are even worse. They corner me before and after school, hurting me even more then they used to.

They say it is because I thought I could get out of the sessions, and now I deserve to be punished. I think I am going to stop wearing my usual clothes. A suit, tie, and a trench coat is not normal attire.

Maybe they will stop messing with me if I dress like a normal person.

I should go. I need to sleep. My head... It hurts.

.

August 24, 2013

It has actually been a while since I wrote here. I can easily say that changing my style was a bad idea. They mess with me even more now.

They tell me that just because my dad is famous does not mean that I am a somebody. They say I am the biggest nobody at this school, and I have no right to even be here.

They are probably right. I will never fit in. I do not even deserve to fit in. At least I do not have to worry about fitting in. No one but my new teacher, Jody talks to me.

I had to go to the hospital the other day. Because my injuries were so... Extreme. No one asked me how I got them. No one cared. That is good.

I do not want anyone to know.

.

September 3, 2013

Someone knows.

Her name is Charlie.

She is very kind. She stopped the people bullying me, and she hugged me, and said I was not worthless. That I was great, and she was going to take care of me.

She is not right though. I am worthless, and I am a waste of space, and a nobody. I am treated justly, I know. She does not need to lie to me about that. But I do not need to worry about that. My bullies will be sure to give me a just punishment tomorow.

I just hope they don't hit any of my previous injuries.

.

October 16, 2013

I have been in so much pain lately I just sort of sit in the corner of my room and cry. I do not want to talk about it.

.

November 5, 2013

Things are looking up. Charlie is now my friend. She is a lesbian, and the bullies have stopped hurting me physically. They steal chip away at me mentally. Why am I even here anymore?

.

March 26, 2014

Things will never be better. They are hurting me again.

.

Castiel sighed, picking up a pencil and glancing back at Dean, who was still looking at his books. He wondered why he even bothered to write in this diary anymore before flipping to the latest entry.

.

October 1, 2015

Why do they still hurt me?

.

Castiel frowned once again, glancing back at Dean. He was in the same place as before, and then wrote down a new entry.

.

November 4, 2015

Dean can not know. He can never know.

.

Castiel reread what he wrote a few times, running it over and over in his brain before, running his fingers over the worn pages of the diary. He should just throw this away. This stupid diary was going to cause him troubles in the future he was sure, but it kept him steady.

He couldn't possibly get rid of it.

"Hey, Blue Eyes."

Castiel jumped up clutching the his diary to his chest. Dean gave him an odd look holding up a book, before frowning and putting the book down.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, making his way towards Castiel. Castiel nodded, and gave Dean his own look of confusion. Dean ignored it, his hands going to Castiel's cheeks to rub away tears. Tears Castiel didn't even know he had shed.

"I-I'm fine," Castiel assured, pulling away from Dean with a fake smile, before he pushed his diary under his bed. Dean watched him with a frown, but didn't say anything. He just grinned.

"If you insist." Dean moved towards Castiel's door, and pushed it open, peeking into the hall. "I'm going to look around."

Castiel nodded, giving Dean another fake smile.

"I'll join you in a minute."

Something crossed Dean's face for a flicker of a second, and his eyes flew to Castiel's bed. But he didn't say anything. Just shrugged.

"Take your time."

Once Dean was gone, Castiel sat down in his corner, his fingers running over the scars on his body Dean hadn't noticed yet.

Worthless

Nobody

Piece of dirt

Castiel pulled his legs up against his chest, and with one last breath of control and composition, broke down and began to cry.


Author's Note:

You can thank Farkle for this chapter. I was watching that new Disney tv show where one of the charactters (Farkle) was being bullied, and I wanted that to happen. I mean really wanted this to happen. Then the song I just saw fitting. Eh. Things happened.