Dealing With It – Part 7
Jack left the house, got into his car and squealed off down the road, too angry to think about where he was going. He just kept the car going forward, paying no attention to which direction he was headed. It took him a while to realise that he'd got onto the freeway – was in fact heading towards CTU. He emitted a derisive snort. Was that how pre-programmed he was? His car automatically shuttled him between home and the office? Well – not today. He got off at the next exit and began to aimlessly cruise around Westwood.
His mind was unsettled, but calming down - he could think a little clearer. But the rage was still there, boiling under the surface. It was such an ever-present thing with him now, he usually didn't notice it. But it was worse today and he couldn't help but acknowledge it...but not acknowledge it to the extent of admitting it was clouding his judgement. He felt better though, for being out of the house. The sun was shining and a change of scenery would maybe do him good.
Half an hour later and he was still driving around. It had seemed to help at first but now the traffic was starting to annoy him and he was fidgeting in his seat every time he had to stop at a light. He was also fighting to block Teri from his mind, thinking that dwelling on her would make him worse. Unfortunately, there was only one thing left for him to think about – and he didn't want to go back to Nightfall again. More than anything, he didn't want that.
Jack was scared. It was hard for him to admit that to himself, but in the end he had no choice. The fact that he'd sat for hours that morning and not been aware of the time, the things he'd been thinking of....the look on Teri's face when he'd first realized she was there – yes, he was scared. He didn't know what was happening to him, he'd thought he was over this. And as much as he wanted to spend some time today acknowledging his friends and paying them tribute – in his head at least – he couldn't go back to where he'd been that morning. He just couldn't. He felt sick with himself for being scared of it, but he just wasn't able to go through it again.
So he was left driving around, restless and edgy, unsure of where to go or what to do, fighting desperately to keep his mind blank. There was nothing left that was easy for him to think about. Jack felt uncomfortable in his own skin, as if there was something moving through his veins that he couldn't expel, a bubble in his stomach that kept getting bigger and bigger but wouldn't burst.
And that left him....where? He couldn't go home. There were no friends that he'd enforce himself on today, no one deserved to put up with him in this state. But he had to do something or he'd go crazy.
Just then his phone rang and he lunged for it without checking the called ID, desperate for any distraction.
'Jack, where are you?' He cursed silently. It was Teri.
'I'm in the car.'
A pause while she waited for him to elaborate. He didn't.
'Jack, come home please. I'm worried about you...'
'Don't!' It came out much louder than he'd intended, almost a shout. 'Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just need to be alone for a little while. I'll be fine and I'll see you later.'
Teri didn't answer for a moment and Jack took that to mean that the conversation was over, so he hung up. Teri was left staring at the phone in her hand, alone in the kitchen, tears rolling down her face.
Jack pulled over into a small parking lot and sat in silence. He thought about what he'd just said to Teri. Did he need to be alone? The answer was obvious as soon as he asked it. No. It was the last thing he needed. Being alone meant dwelling on things he couldn't face – but he couldn't go back to Teri yet. So what could he do? He thought for another minute...then reached for his phone. He hesitated before he picked it up...but then his hand closed around it and he dialled a number from memory.
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Nina was reading the newspaper when her phone rang. She'd come home alone last night, relatively early too. The IT guy had been forthcoming with some information – not really classified stuff – but she'd heard what she needed to hear, so she made a quick exit. He wasn't really interesting enough to waste an entire evening on.
She had no plans for this Sunday. She rarely did. Most of her weekends were spent alone, reading a book or occasionally going out to a movie. Nina didn't really mind, she was one of those people that were happy in their own company - but it did get lonely on occasion.
She picked up the phone and was shocked to realise who it was.
'Nina? It's Jack.'
'Jack?' What did HE want? 'Hey...what's going on? Do you need me at the office?' It never occurred to her that this would be anything but a work call.
Jack hesitated. 'Uh...no. I'm not working today. I'm just....well....do you think we could get together?' Damn! he told himself. That sounds like I'm asking her out on a date or something!
Nina was confused and a little worried. The last time he'd called and asked her that, they'd met in a bar and he'd been in a heck of a state. His voice was certainly agitated now, even though he was trying to hide that fact. But there was no way she was going to say no...and anyway, hadn't she been thinking abut him just yesterday? Her heart leapt a little and she decided to try something...
'Yeah we can get together Jack. But I can't meet you far from my place – my car wouldn't start this morning. So anywhere close to my house will be fine.' She paused, knowing he'd offer.
'Well, I can take a look at your car for you if you like. It'll save you the trouble of getting it towed to the shop. I'm pretty good at that sort of stuff.'
Nina grinned and paused again - just long enough so that it would make her sound as though she wasn't sure whether to accept or not. 'Are you sure Jack? I don't want you to waste your Sunday fixing my car.'
'I'm sure Nina. I'll be glad of something to do actually. I'll see you in about fifteen minutes OK?'
She told him that would be fine and hung up with a smile clearly evident on her face. He wanted to see her on a Sunday - outside work - when he could be with his family? That could only mean one thing, surely – a fight with Teri. Nina was never the type to miss an opportunity, just like she hadn't last time he'd called outside of work, almost a year ago. But this time – it wasn't information she was after, nor a chance to establish her trustworthiness. This time she figured it was time to see if she could get something else she really wanted....
Nina felt the anticipation flow through her as she made her way towards the garage, spanner in her hand.
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Jack hung up quickly and threw the phone down, while simultaneously starting the engine. He purposely didn't give himself time to think about what he was doing. He needed something to distract his mind and even if Nina probably wasn't the best person to help him with that, she was the only person he had right now.
He wasn't far from her house anyway, so it wasn't long before he pulled up into her drive. She answered the door straight away and Jack couldn't help but be struck by how great she looked in casual clothes – she was wearing figure hugging jeans, a body-fitting blue shirt and no shoes. There was also a big smile on her face, something that he didn't see often in work. All in all, he was quite taken aback and could only mutter a quiet 'Hi Nina' as she ushered him inside.
She went into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee while Jack waited in the sitting room. He noticed the neatness of the place, and wasn't surprised, but he'd always imagined Nina's place to have more warmth to it. He sat on the edge of a comfortable chair and wondered what he was going to say to her when she came back in. How was he going to justify being here? He really didn't have a clue.
His thoughts were interrupted by Nina handing him his mug of coffee. He watched her as she curled herself into a chair opposite him, and was struck again by how great she looked.
Nina looked at him looking at her, and her insides flip-flopped with excitement. He looked so great! Jeans and boots and a tight navy T-shirt that showed off the tattoos on his toned biceps....she had to physically drag her eyes away from those tattoos. She loved body art...and those things looked amazing on him! Her excitement was tempered slightly when she looked at his face though and she was brought back to reality with a bump. Did she really expect him to turn up here and everything would just kick off? He looked tired, and unhappy.
'What's up Jack?'
He almost blurted out that he'd had a fight with Teri, but managed to bite it back at the last minute. If he did that, she'd think he'd come running to her to try and make Teri jealous or something.... What could he say though? He searched quickly for something to fill the silence, and suddenly inspiration struck.
'I was just wondering if you were OK at work Nina. You've seemed a little edgy and tired recently – I just wanted to make sure everything was OK.' It was lame, he knew, but it was the best he could come up with on short notice.
Nina sighed and uncurled her legs from underneath her. She leant forward and placed her mug on the coaster on the coffee table, looked into Jack's eyes and said 'Is that really what you wanted to talk about?'
He stared. He hadn't expected to be called on it.
'Because you could've asked me that at work Jack.' He didn't respond, so she took a deep breath and said 'I'm fine at work. If I've seemed a little stressed – its because of you.'
Again, he said nothing. He didn't know what to say. Wasn't sure what she meant.
'You've been pushing us pretty hard. Making life difficult. I'm not saying it's a major problem yet, but it could get to be one.' She looked at him to gage his reaction. 'Some of the others have been complaining about it a little.' Nina decided to take a chance. 'What's going on Jack? What's the problem? Why are you really here?'
'I....' He stopped. He didn't have a clue what to say. He knew why he was here – he was desperate to talk to someone, desperate to take his mind off his problems. He wanted to feel anything other than he felt right now – which was tired, scared and lonely. Did she think he was here.....for her? The thought shocked him. And him. Was he here for her?
'Talk to me Jack.' There was no judgement in her voice, no aggravation, no pleading. Not like Teri.
'I just....things have been a little rough. At work I mean. And I cant talk about it at home. There's nowhere outside the office for me to get away from it. It's just...been hard. The last year or so.' He let out a breath heavily. 'I'm really sorry Nina. I shouldn't be bothering you at home.'
She raised a hand to silence him. 'Jack its OK. Remember when you called me last year and we met at that bar? I told you then, you can call me anytime. I didn't have a thing to do anyway. If you just want to hang out, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being friends with your co-worker is there?' As soon as she said it, she regretted it. She didn't want him to be her friend.
He smiled and relaxed a little. 'Thank you Nina. I just wanted to get away from things for a while.' Then he wished he hadn't of said that, but he couldn't put his finger on why.
They chatted aimlessly about work for a while, drinking their coffee. Jack felt so much better. It was so good to just talk to someone, without all the stresses of having to put on a façade that everything was fine. And Nina was good company – she smiled and laughed a lot, was completely laid-back – and seemed to enjoy him being there. He thought about all the times he'd looked at her in the office and wondered vaguely if she had a boyfriend or thought about how good she looked in her office clothes. Now he couldn't stop himself noticing how much better she looked in normal clothes – and he found himself hoping that she didn't have a boyfriend. And this time he didn't push those thoughts to the back of his head the way he normally did.
'So how's Kim?' The question seemed to come out of nowhere and he was surprised by it.
'Oh yeah, she's fine. Typical teenage girl I suppose - shops a lot, plays her music too loud. Par for the course I suppose.' He smiled but wasn't entirely comfortable with the sudden change of direction that the conversation had made.
'You wait, she'll be bringing boyfriends home soon. I wonder what Federal Agent Jack Bauer will have to say about that!' He laughed at her teasing.
'He wont be saying anything good, that's for sure!' There was a silence and Jack steeled himself for the question he knew was coming. Sure enough...
'And Teri? Is she OK?'
He tried to stop the tension in his voice and really hoped he pulled it off. 'Yes. She's fine too. Working hard, you know how it is.'
Nina immediately noticed how tense and uncomfortable he became when she talked about Teri. Interesting.... She didn't want to push it though, so she left it at that.
'OK Mister Federal Agent – how about we see if you're as good with cars as you are with a gun?'
He laughed and stood up. 'Lead the way. I'll try not to embarrass myself.'
She led the way down to the garage, noting that he walked a little closer to her than was strictly necessary. She didn't try to move away.
It had been the simplest of tasks to loosen some nuts and bolts that attached wires to vital parts of the engine – not too many or that would've been odd. But enough so that the alternator wasn't working properly and the spark plugs weren't doing their job. He'd have no problem fixing it, but it might take him a while to find the problem.
Nina left him fiddling with parts and went to make him another cup of coffee. Once alone, she leaned against her counter and let out a deep breath. Wow! If she'd thought she was attracted to him before, she definitely was now! There was something about seeing the softer side of Jack, the side she rarely saw at work, which melted some of her inner defences. The walls put in place to stop herself getting into this precise situation. There was a very real possibility that she would one day have to leave CTU, betray the people that worked there. It was the reason she tried very hard not to become too friendly with the people there, keep everything on a professional level. Of course, she had no intention of getting caught herself – but if other people got caught and named her, she'd be in big trouble. She thought she'd covered all angles – but you could never be sure. Not entirely.
So it really wasn't a good idea to go falling for Jack Bauer. Even aside from all those other reasons, he was married. He and Teri may be having some problems, but he still loved her.
And yet...Nina was lonely. She had to face that fact, as abhorrent as it might be. She was tired of spending all her time alone, every evening and every weekend with no company but the TV or a book. They hadn't taught her how to deal with that. She was expected to remain professional, she'd been taught long ago that it was dangerous to form close personal attachments. She understood why. She just didn't realise how hard it would be sometimes.
The coffee had brewed so she poured another two mugs and went back down to where he was bent under the hood of her car. She couldn't help admiring the view as she placed his coffee on the one spotless workbench.
'How's it going?'
His voice was muffled when he replied and she laughed. 'What was that?'
He stood up and grinned when he saw her laughing. 'You've got some loose wires. Wont take a minute to fix.' He walked over to get his drink, wiping his hands on a towel. She was standing right by the coffee and didn't move out of the way. He paused, then leaned across her to pick up the cup, breathing in the faint scent of her perfume as he did so and definitely invading her personal space. He looked closely at her as he straightened up. She hadn't moved. Didn't seem to mind their closeness at all. Their eyes locked for a second and all of a sudden, all Jack's worries went away. He stared into her deep blue eyes, the sounds from outside went quiet, the background blurred. All he could see was those two pools of blue....
The moment was broken by a loud thump on the garage door. Jack looked away quickly and retreated a step or two, flushing slightly. Nina cursed inwardly and looked out of the window to see where the noise came from.
'Just some kids...lost control of their basketball...' She looked back at Jack who had picked up a spanner and was tightening the offending bolts on the car. He was working quickly, obviously flustered. But she knew what he was thinking, knew she had to take the chance now.
She walked up beside him and watched him working...he could feel her standing there. Thoughts of Nina flashed through his brain; it was like fire, like electricity. Everything else was forgotten – he couldn't think about anything else. The occasional 'What are you doing?' flashed through, but he ignored it.
He'd almost finished. She was standing right there.
When the last bolt had been tightened, Jack hesitated. She was so close... He stood up and felt her right arm brush against his skin. He felt a shiver run through his body and he turned towards her, noticing how she turned to face him at the same time.
'That should do it,' he said softly.
'Thanks Jack.' She just looked into his eyes, neither of them moved. Then she moved forward slightly and kissed him on the cheek. Near his ear, she whispered...'I really appreciate it.'
He couldn't stop himself. His hands moved of their own accord and rested around her waist. She moved her face back slightly and he kissed her softly on the mouth. She responded straight away, opening her lips slightly and the kiss became deeper, hungrier, filled with passion. He pulled her tight against him and Nina was shocked by how much desire she felt running through her body, surprised by the intensity with which he kissed her. She ran her hands up his arms, across his muscular shoulders and buried them deep in his hair....
All of sudden he pulled away. Nina was left out of breath, her knees weak and holding on to the car for support. He didn't say a word, just stood there, breathing hard himself and with a strange look in his eyes.
'Jack...'
'Nina, I've got to go.' He paused as he walked by her. 'I'm really sorry....'
She heard the front door close as he left, while she leant on her car, wondering where they were supposed to go from here. She heard his car pull away from her house and wasn't prepared for the empty feeling that washed through her. As she walked back to her lounge, all she could think was 'Have I blown it? Please don't let me have blown it....'
