Anyone reading this has DarkenedPetals to thank for it… or not, that's your choice. On we go:
"If anything happens to her, Paine, I swear to Yevon I'll make sure you go down for it…." Gippal did not look at me when he said this. He kept his face turned towards the wall, beating against it with his fist.
As if I did not feel bad enough….
We had found Rikku too late. She had fallen into the shallow water below, broken her legs in the process… hit her head. The smoke cleared and the people that attacked us fled. I could not understand what had happened, or why. Who would do something like that?
Gippal did not seem to care much about who did it. He was too worried about Rikku, and of course his child…. I still could not wrap my head around it. Rikku's question – about whether or not it was too soon for a baby – still rang in my head. And the small, overprotective part of me still felt that Gippal took advantage of her. It was a terrible though. I knew they loved each other, but still… this was no longer a world of perpetual Sin. 'Next adventure' – what was I thinking? I should have told her the truth…. Maybe this was Yuna's next adventure, but Rikku… what happened to her not wanting to settle down so soon?
Now Emi, Yuna and Lulu were trying to treat her. Emi had been the first to find me and the first to offer her help. There was nothing she could do alone, however, even though she tried. But she stayed by Rikku's side and mine as we waited for more help to come.
"She's going to be fine," I whispered.
"What happened out there!?" Gippal snapped.
"I already told you."
"Paine!" I looked over my shoulder, towards the lift at the opposite end of the hall. Shinra was already halfway to me by the time I noticed it was his voice I had heard. "You're okay!"
Gippal scowled as the boy threw his arms around my hips. His head hit against my stomach and I jerked. "Hey, kid… thanks for your help. We would have been sitting ducks without you…."
"You shouldn't have gone out there in the first place—"
"Give it a damn rest, Gippal…. Just for now," I hissed, prying Shinra's arms from me and squatting down to his level. "How're things topside?" I asked, pointing up in the direction of the bridge. "Any headway on who did this?"
"None. I'm sorry, I – I tried, but there was nothing – something jammed all of my signals…."
"Hey, don't worry about it," I managed a light laugh. "You tried your best."
"I should have figured it out," he insisted. "Rikku could have—"
"Shush," I patted his shoulder. "Why don't you go in there and see if they need your help?" I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to the door of the cabin. Shinra looked, then turned back to me and shook his head.
"I'm going to try again. If I had tried my best – I would have found who did this," he said, as firmly as he could manage. He turned on his heel and scurried back to the lift without another word.
"I have to admit…" Gippal began, "you do know how to handle the kid."
"Gippal…" I sighed. The thought had been in the back of my mind since the smoke had cleared and I saw Rikku lying at the base of the cliff. I felt guilty, like this was really my fault. "This wasn't an accident…."
"I know that."
"I'm sorry. You're right: I did this to her."
"Paine… I still care about you," he said, but he still did not look at me. "I'm just worried about Cid's girl…. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to her."
"I'm sure she felt the same way about you when you wanted to be a Crusader," I joked, sitting down and leaning against the wall. "But, you know: that's how I feel about Baralai too. That's how he feels about me."
"If he did… he wouldn't stop – he wouldn't let anything stop him from being with you." I could not see his face but I heard the anger that was probably plastered all over it.
"He hasn't – he doesn't love her—"
"But he stayed."
"I thought you were supposed to be mad at me," I said. "You know what would happen without Baralai. Nothing good."
"Then break up with him."
"I won't do that…."
"It's stupid."
"I know."
"That doesn't make sense!" He slammed his fist against the wall for what was probably the hundredth time. "You're supposed to be the smart one, Dr. P. You're supposed to do everything right, no matter what it does to you. That's how you are. You're not planning to live your life like this. It's not – right. Something will change."
"New Yevon won't need him forever," I insisted. "We'll figure something out, but we have to wait…." It was a lie. And I wanted to believe it.
"You shouldn't stand around waiting! You should be doing something about it! You don't just rely on everyone else. This is your fight. So fight, Paine."
"I thought you said, last night, that—"
"Forget all that," he waved his hand. "Forget whatever I said."
"I'm not sure I can," I began as the door to the cabin slid open. It was Yuna. Her face was grave but her eyes were hopeful.
"She's going to be fine… we hope," she breathed. "But, Gippal…."
"The baby?" he asked, turning to her. But he knew. We both knew.
"There – there was no baby," Yuna gasped. "It was… there was no sign of a child."
"What!?" we both said at the same time. Gippal took her by the shoulders. "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"
"Rikku was never going to have a baby. She wasn't pregnant. She never has been."
"Are you sure!? She – She checked! We checked—"
"Gippal…" I placed my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." But I was not sure that I was telling the truth.
"It must have been a false-positive…" Yuna told him. "I'm sorry too."
"How's Rikku holding up?" I asked.
"Lulu and Emi are with her now. Do you want to see her?" she asked us both.
"Gippal, you go ahead," I nudged him forward. "I'm going up to the bridge." With my hand still on his shoulder I squeezed it and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "You're – You have a point. Thank you." This was the brother I knew. This little spat was more reminiscent of the ones we had had in the past. But he did not realize that I was the one stopping Baralai. I was the one who told him he needed to stay – that he needed to be Praetor to keep New Yevon in line….
If only I could have been the one they chose for him. But I thought I knew why I was somehow ineligible. They must have known what I was – a bastard – and who my father was. As powerful as he was, he had gone against Yevon when he refused to marry the one they chose for him. That was not much of an example to set. New Yevon would not want a disobedient monk's illegitimate child at the top with their leader.
The red alert lights began to flash and Buddy's frantic voice boomed over the intercom. "Gullwings! Everyone, get up here! Now!" Yuna and I exchanged quick looks.
"I'll stay here. Go, it sounded urgent," Gippal insisted, pushing me away. I took hold of Yuna's arm and together we ran to the lift. She was fighting tears; I could see them form before she wiped them away.
"Maybe they found who did this…" she gasped as I slammed the button for the bridge until the doors finally shut.
"Yuna – are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"And—"
"I'm really pregnant," she laughed a bit.
I said nothing.
We both rushed into the bridge. Only Wakka and Tidus were missing. Buddy, Brother, Shinra, and Baralai were standing around Shinra's console, but they were all staring towards the front of the ship and the image projected onto it.
"What's going on?" Yuna asked as we descended the stairs. I did not look at Baralai, but moved closer to the screen. It was not a picture, it was a video feed. It was of Besaid!
"Someone hacked into our systems and started playing this!" Shinra exclaimed. "I deciphered the code stamped on it: it's comsphere footage from last night. But I don't understand why anyone would send it to us…."
I knew. And, from the ashen look on his face, so did Baralai.
"Turn it off!" I gasped.
"I can't."
"Try again!" I seemed to lose all control of myself. Before I realized what was happening I had picked up the closest thing I could find and had started for the console, ready to beat it until it broke, but Baralai caught me around the waist.
"Stop, Paine!"
"No – Baralai, I – I won't… not like this…. They can't find out like this." He stared me down without having to say a word, and I fell back, throwing the pipe in my hand away with a clatter.
"Paine, what's wrong?" Buddy asked.
But it was too late to stop it. "Baralai – that was you. You just walked by the screen," Yuna pointed.
"I guess I did…" he whispered.
"And that's – that's you, Paine!"
"Ceq suhdrc!" I clapped my hands over my ears, trying to block out the voice. I did not want to have to hear it again. I could feel the eyes turning to me even with my own tightly shut.
I waited. It was muffled but I could hear my own voice yelling after Gippal as he left. I wanted it to stop there, because I knew what was coming next…. Stealing a glance up at the screen I saw myself on my knees – nothing but a blurred figure in the dark. But I did not move. The footage stopped itself just before I turned my attention to the unborn child I carried. But it was not enough for me to breathe a sigh of relief that that secret, at least, remained just that.
"Yevon…" Yuna's face was one of pure horror. Her hands were clasped together over her mouth, and she just stared, wide-eyed, at the Paine she did not know. The one no one knew. That coldhearted bitch. That one moment of weakness – the one moment I was happy no one saw – had been seen by everyone. "I don't… I don't believe it."
"Really? I do."
In my mind I had expected it. I knew that it had to happen that way – it was such an obvious coincidence. I heard the sound of Lulu's belts shifting as she moved her feet in unease, and the sound of soft footsteps walk slowly into the room.
I did not even look around at Baralai's wife. Not at first. I did not look at anyone, not even 'Lai. But I knew everyone was looking at me still – one of me, at least.
"What? You're really not going to say anything, Paine? You're just going to stand there and act like this isn't happening?"
I knew who sent the sphere. I knew who attacked me. They were after me. They knew. They knew everything about me now.
"Emi, please, I'm sorry I hurt you—" Baralai began.
"Oh, don't bother," Emi laughed. It was so unlike her. At last I looked up, because I had to see her face to know it was really her. She leaned over the railing, smiling bitterly as she stared down at her feet. "I'm not hurt. But I hope you don't think that this changes anything, because unfortunately, my dear, as much as we all want it to: this changes nothing." And her eyes flicked up to meet mine, with no emotion whatsoever. "I'm afraid they're not going to allow that."
I did not feel the way I thought I would. I was not scared. I glared back at her, Gippal's words alive in my head. Fight. There was nothing – no New Yevon, no stupid rules, and no countless reasons – to hold me back now. They were all gone. Forgotten. Useless. I was a fighter and always had been. New Yevon wanted to try and take my life away from me, even going so far as to attack a summoner and her guardian – my best friends, but I was not going to go down so easily. Not without a say. I was through with being stupid.
I had not wanted anyone to know, but now everyone did. And I did not care.
It's just the hormones talking. Happy summer, everyone.
