Red-Letter Day
By acer-sigma
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1 or any of the characters that originated from the show. I just own the idea for this story.
Spoilers: Possibly some for early Season 9 (Ties that Bind) and maybe Memento Mori. As well, this story takes place sometime after the end of Season 10, and the end of the Ori threat, so maybe a couple of references to Ark of Truth.
A/N: Well, next bit is up. Figure there's one more chapter and an epilogue to go before this story is finished. Anyways, read, enjoy, and please leave a review.
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"So," Daniel carefully asked again, fearing he already knew the answer, "why does this time of the year bother you so much."
Vala let out one shaky breath after another as she composed herself before she focused her gaze on Daniel's face.
Daniel could only look on in shock as Vala stared at him with dead eyes and replied in a detached voice, "Vala Mal Doran died…."
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Daniel momentarily stiffened at Vala's words. To say that he was shocked would have been an understatement. Of all the things that Vala could have said or revealed, this didn't even come close to what he would have expected. He had expected her to maybe talk about being taken as a host, but this, this took him completely off guard. So he sat there silently; only vaguely aware that Vala was still speaking, his mind was busy trying to wrap itself around what Vala was talking about.
What did she mean, by saying that Vala Mal Doran was dead? It simply didn't make any sense to him. At first he thought she was referring to when she was taken as a host for Qetesh, but if that were the case, surely she would have simply said that, after all, her time as a 'goddess' was known. No that wasn't it. Something in the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes told him differently. And the only thing that came to mind was that Vala wasn't really Vala, that it was an assumed persona. But that made even less sense to him, after all why would someone willingly take on the identity of a Goa'uld host; but than again, she did impersonate Qetesh more than once in the past, Daniel reminded himself, so it wasn't entirely outside of the realm of probability.
The sudden thought that Vala wasn't the woman that they, that he, had come to know over the last few years sent a queasy feeling deep into the pit of his stomach. But he quickly pushed the feelings of anger, disappointment and unease into a corner of his mind as he considered that possibility. The conclusion he came to, surprised him as he realized that it really didn't matter, at least not anymore. She had not only proven herself time and time again, but he had also known that Vala, or whoever she really was, hid behind a persona of intense sexuality and would often deflect questions concerning her past. Yet there were times, which had become more frequent he mused, when they were alone, that she would drop her defences, and he would catch a glimpse of the woman behind the mask. Those were times that he found himself dra…; he quickly shook his head to get rid of that train of thought, and forcibly brought his mind back to the current situation.
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Vala had stopped talking the moment she had felt Daniel shaking his head. She turned her head and brought her gaze to stare directly at Daniel. Judging by his furrowed eyebrows and set jaw, she could tell he was not only lost in thought but also extremely confused by what she was talking about.
'Heh,' she thought to herself, knowing Daniel he probably missed what little she said after telling him that Vala Mal Doran had died. Her lips twitched a little at being able to shock Daniel into silence. Granted she was being melodramatic, she supposed, but it was the truth, sort of, well…how did that character from those movies that Teal'c enjoyed so much put it…ah yes, 'from a certain point of view.'
Still, she thought, maybe she should have been a bit less melodramatic in her opening statement. Especially judging by the way Daniel's brows furrowed together like that, he was no doubt conjuring up a host of explanations to explain just exactly what she had meant.
'Best not to let his thoughts wander,' she told herself, as she continued to study Daniel's facial expressions. It was bad enough that this was essentially the third time that she was opening up about her past to Daniel, she wasn't sure she was up to repeating herself for a fourth time.
Tentatively placing a hand on Daniel's upper arm, she gave it a hesitant squeeze, "Daniel," Vala spoke firmly, trying to project firmness into her voice, as she tried to rouse him from his thoughts.
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Daniel was startled out of his reverie as Vala's voice broke into his thoughts. Though her tone was firm, it was the underlying wariness that had caught his attention and forced him to focus his gaze on her.
The sight of her shocked him, she had become deathly pale; it seemed that while his mind was lost in contemplation, she had continued talking, and whatever it was she had to say was taking a toll on her. Not for the first time that day, he cursed himself.
"I'm sorry Vala, you caught me off guard there," he apologized sheepishly. "You seem to have a knack for it," he added lightly.
Her lips twitched slightly, "What can I say Daniel? You're just so easy," she quipped.
Smiling slightly, he noticed that despite her small smile, her eyes still remained blank of any emotions. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze of support.
"So," he began tentatively after a few minutes of awkward silence, "want to try it again? I'm not sure I understand what you were trying to say"
The response he received was a fierce shake of her head.
"Vala, I know this is…" he began but was cut off as Vala abruptly stood up and walked over to the far wall. He watched her as she wrapped her arms around herself and let out a deep breath as if she were gathering her courage up for a battle.
Focussing her eyes on a distant part of the wall, she seemed to stare right through it. "This isn't the way I thought my life would turn out," she finally replied.
'Okay,' Daniel thought to himself as he frowned at this new topic. Vala was certainly taking a roundabout way of telling him what was going on. At least he hoped it was a roundabout way and not an attempt to confuse and confound him until he left in frustration.
"Vala, could you, maybe elaborate a little," he ventured carefully. "You're still not making much sense."
Vala jerked her gaze away form the wall and settled her eyes on Daniel. "It makes perfect sense, Darling," she replied. A self-depreciating smile suddenly adorned her lips as she asked, "haven't you ever wonder how I became what I am? How I became a lying, thieving outcast living on the fringes of society."
Daniel immediately tried to refute her self-description, but Vala was faster.
"Of course you didn't," Vala replied to her own question, "you probably thought I was always like this didn't you? A product of Jacek's superb," she spat the words out, "parenting skills."
"I never…" Daniel began to deny, but thought better of it when Vala's gaze hardened, daring him to lie. "Well, alright," he shamefully admitted, "I did think that on occasion, but briefly," he defended himself. "As for Jacek, well…" he replied with a shake of his head, "after that whole fiasco, I did kind of figure he was responsible for your choice of profession," he finished diplomatically.
"Humph, well, you'll be pleasantly surprised that I wasn't always like this," she replied as her eyes took on a wistful look. "And Mother, after she discovered that Jacek took me on a few of his 'jobs,' not only made sure he was supervised when he was with me," her lips quirked up into a smirk, before dropping into a frown, "but she also made sure that I knew the difference between right and wrong, and the dangers associated with Jacek's 'profession,' as you so kindly refer to it as."
Daniel was surprised at this revelation, Vala hardly ever talked about her mother, in fact the only thing he could remember her ever saying about her was the comment of about inheriting all her good qualities, including her looks and accent.
"Oh don't get me wrong," Vala continued, oblivious to Daniel's thoughts, "Mother loved Jacek, for some reason, but she wasn't blind to his faults." Her expression softened as she reminisced, "she wanted a better life for me. One with a strong, kind, intelligent man who would care for me the way I deserved. One," she smiled wickedly, "who would be able to provide her with lots and lots of grandchildren."
Daniel immediately flushed as an image of Vala cradling a dark haired blue-eyed infant to her chest flashed through his mind. "Where the hell did that come from," he mumbled to himself, before forcing the image out of his mind.
"Uh, not to sound insensitive or anything," Daniel interrupted. "But, what exactly does this have to do with you saying that you're …well…dead?"
She shrugged, "nothing and everything."
"Vala," he prodded.
Vala let out a sigh as she responded. "Well, you're the one who usually wants to know all the details. And this way…" she took in a shaky breath, "this way you won't have any questions, and I won't have to remem…repeat anything."
Daniel nodded in understanding.
She dropped her arms to her side and began to twist her hands nervously as she continued. "Anyways, to make the long story a little shorter for your convenience," she ignored the protest being uttered, "I met Kaien…"
Daniel watched silently as Vala paused in mid sentence as she held her eyes closed and took in a huge breath. She was fighting to hold her composure, to keep her emotions in check… and she was failing. It was becoming more and more obvious that whoever this Kaien was, and he had his suspicions, that he was at the heart of whatever was plaguing Vala.
"Kaien," Daniel prompted gently.
Exhaling a ragged breath, "My fiancé," Vala choked out, her voice a mixture of self-recrimination and loss.
"Fiancé," Daniel mumbled in thought. He knew Vala had been 'married' quite a few times, as a result of some scam or unforeseen circumstances, but it was painfully obvious to him that this man was different, wasn't a 'mark' in some scam.
Something nudged at the back of Daniel's mind as he processed this new piece of information; quietly considering its place in the puzzle that was Vala Mal Doran. Suddenly his eyes widened in shock as a half-forgotten, yet similar, conversation filtered its way into his consciousness.
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FlashbackDoing his best to avoid gazing at her long shapely legs as she sits povacatively on his bed. "Yeah. You live a solitary existence," Daniel replied matter of factly, as he begins to count items off on his fingers, "you move from place to place, you never form any lasting relationships, you use sex as a weapon to prevent yourself from forming any real emotional bonds."
"Textbook case," Vala comments sadly. "Never realized I was so transparent."
She gets up and starts to leave, hurt.
"Vala…"
"No really it's—it's fine Daniel, you're right." Vala spits out emotionally, even as she scrambled to put on her robe. "I can see why you wouldn't want to become involved with someone so pathetic. I wasn't always like this, you should know. There was someone once. In fact, I was engaged. Then I was taken as a host and, even though the Tok'ra eventually freed me, the damage was already done. And once you have been spat on, and stoned by the people of your own village… Well, you try forming lasting relationships."
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Daniel would have fallen had he not been sitting down at the moment. "Oh God," He whispered to himself in shock as the memories of that day, and the way he had eventually dismissed her story as a way to 'mess with him,' were brought back into clear focus.
"That…that day," he choked, "when I found…."
Vala simply nodded, glad for the slight distraction.
"But…but…you told me you were messing with me," Daniel sputtered, still in shock.
"If you recall, I said, 'Is it working?'" Vala replied, "not that I was actually messing with you."
"There's a difference," Daniel, mentally slapped himself when he couldn't help but ask in confusion.
"You're the linguist Darling, you tell me!"
Vala shook her head at the perplexed look on Daniel's face, and decided to take pity on him. "I never said I was messing with you Daniel. Everything that I said that night was true, and it surprised the frell out of me," her voice dropped to a near whisper. "I never told anyone about that time! Yet for some odd reason I wanted you to know, wanted you to trust me…wanted you to know I wasn't the despicable creature you thought I was. It scared me to feel that way, to think you might suddenly pity me, and then," her lips twitched up into a small depreciating grin, "then you gave me the perfect out."
Daniel sat there stunned, she was right; she neither confirmed nor denied anything that day. She had simply let him draw his own conclusions, conclusions that he was only too willing to accept as the truth.
"Vala, I'm…"
"Don't apologize," Vala looked at him sharply, "I didn't want your pity! You gave me an 'out' and I took it." Suddenly a familiar smirk graced her features, "besides I was really quite flattered that you thought that I could come up with such an emotional story, on such short notice, just to get you into bed," she said lightly.
'Only Vala would find a compliment, where anyone else would have been insulted,' Daniel mused to himself, even as he dismissed her attempt to lighten the mood. He could tell that she was trying to buy time, trying to compose herself before continuing.
His own emotions raged in sympathy as he watched Vala fighting to control her emotions. When he saw the first tear slip out and run freely down her cheek despite her best efforts, he couldn't help his own actions. Acting without thought, he immediately stood and moved to envelope Vala into a reassuring embrace.
Instead of welcoming his embrace, as she would normally, she raised her hand to keep him at arms length. She wiped the tears away with the back of her other hand and ducked her head. "Don't," she said brokenly, "If…if you start getting all comforting and Daniel like, I…I don't think I'll be able to…"
"Than don't," Daniel interrupted. "You don't have to tell me anymore Vala. I understand…."
Shaking her frantically, "No, no you don't Daniel," Vala cut him off.
"Vala…"
"I killed him Daniel," Vala cried out.
