The Avatar State

Kai lifts her head from her lounging position in the corner of the room. Through her single eye she watches Iroh try to comfort Zuko, who's been moping ever since the sun rose. Not that she blames him—anniversaries always bring out unbidden memories, especially the unpleasant ones.

But really, he had been relatively cheerful up until he woke up today. Not a single regret regarding the North Pole, at least not a regret important enough to report to Kai (and since he didn't have a crew anymore, she was subjected to all his moaning regrets unlike before, when it was spread out evenly among the crew).

She tunes into their conversation just in time to hear Zuko say, "Three years ago I lost it all. I was banished. I want it back. I want my honor, my throne. I want Father not to think I'm worthless."

"I'm sure he doesn't think that!" Iroh protests. "Why would he banish you if he didn't care?"

Zuko glares at him. He gets up without another word and walks out.

Iroh winces. "That came out wrong, didn't it?" he asks the workers, visibly wincing.

"I think even I could have done better," Kai answers.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Iroh prompts.

"Did you see the mood you just put him in? Nothing's pulling him out of that."

"Well, I implore you try. You know, since it's your job."

Kai huffs. "Fine."

She rolls off the bed and runs after Zuko. She catches up to him only for the prince to snap, "Leave me alone."

"To wallow in self-pity?" she questions. When he doesn't answer, she decides, "Well, I can't stop you from wallowing, but I can stop you from doing it alone. So tell me what to pity you over."

"Stop making a joke about this," he growls.

"What else can I do? We can't change it, can we?"

Zuko turns his back on her. "I'm trying to change it, and you and Uncle aren't doing a thing!"

Kai folds her arms over her chest and lets out an annoyed growl. "Clearly you're in a mood. When you're ready to be rational come find me. Until then you can go be sad alone." She spins on her heel and walks back to the building. Halfway, she pauses and glances over her shoulder. Zuko walks the other way, head down, anger clear in his tense shoulders.

Should she have said that? Probably not. But damn, if he couldn't get under her skin with his stubborn bouts of moodiness. Just like Lu in so many ways.

She absently scratches her cheek and immediately winces. The wounds are healing which means lots of itching, but she's afraid of accidentally ripping off a scab and reopening something. Instead, she pats the scabs. For a moment, she pauses to gaze in the stream at her reflection.

The water's current tugs at her face like a monster sucking at her essence, but she gets the gist of the face staring back. There will be scarring. She'll never regain use of her other eye. Tilting her head to the side, Kai trails the wounds with a finger, marveling at the way the lines twist right along where her original scar had been, but never quite touching that sacred territory. Her hand drops and she frowns. Such a familiar face in the water, and yet…

If memories shape a person, then what's to be said about these physical memories? What do these scars say about her?

Shaking her head, she brushes alongside the river and back toward the hut with Iroh inside.

Zuko finds himself pacing a nice stretch of clear grass in the middle of the woods. The trunks watch him silently. Around him the birds sing and chatter, oblivious to the angry boy fuming below them. He rubs his eyes and growls.

Deep down, he knows Uncle and Kai are right. They're always right.

But that doesn't change the pain.

He stands at the edge of the stream and gazes at his reflection, wondering if he'll ever be able to look at his own face and not see the wide scar, not remember that painful day, not dwell on every ill thing to ever happen to him. Will that ever be possible?

He kneels beside the water.

Will the guilt ever go away, either? Kai threw herself over him to protect him. He knew it was part of being a leader, but he never really understood what it meant to have other sacrifice themselves for him. If anything happened to her, he'd never forgive himself. How does any leader deal with that?

He closes his eyes and listens to the water. He sits there for a long while.


"Look at these magnificent shells!" Iroh cries, scattering them across the table. Kai leans against the wall and smiles at Zuko's stony, clearly-not-amused expression. He had come back from his brooding session just in time for Iroh to drag him shell-hunting, much to the prince's annoyance and much to Kai's amusement.

She rubs her hands together and frees them of the last bit of seashore sand sticking to her skin. "I'll enjoy the keepsakes for years to come," Iroh continues, holding each shell up to examine them.

Kai wonders if he'll miss any if she takes just a couple and pounds a small hole through the tops. Just to throw around Zuko's neck, make him jangle when he walks. That way she can know when he's approaching. Kind of like a polar dog, she thinks. Or a spider cow.

"We don't need any more useless things!" Zuko growls. "You keep forgetting that we have to carry everything ourselves now!"

"Hello, brother. Uncle."

What the hell? Where did that voice come from?

Kai spins around, eyes raking the room. Her heart pounds in her throat. Someone pulls themselves from the shadows with a scary grace—it's like they do this often. Kai wonders about the mental state of someone completely comfortable lurking in shadows like that.

"What are you doing here?" Zuko demands.

"In my country we exchange a pleasant 'hello' when greeting someone," the person drawls, casting a meaningful glance at Zuko. He clenches his fists. This must be Azula, Kai realizes. Zuko's sister. They have the same color hair, and their eyes match perfectly. The way they carry themselves is worlds apart, however. "Have you become so uncivilized so soon, Zuzu?" she asks, standing and walking to them. Her eyes never once dart to Kai and that's when she realizes the shadows in the hut must be obscuring her from view, just as they had hidden Azula for the better part of a minute. Kai grins. This will be fun.

"Don't call me that!" Zuko shouts.

Zuzu? Kai smirks—new ammo.

"To what do we owe this honor?" Iroh interjects calmly.

Zuko catches sight of Kai's grin. He shakes his head at her—the last thing he wants is Azula talking to Kai. Rather, the last thing he wants is Kai spewing her usual insulting nonsense all over Azula's pride; it'll surely end with Kai hurt.

Naturally, Kai ignores him and reveals herself from the shadows. She chirps a cheerful, "Hello!"

"Who's this?" Azula demands, cold gaze fixing upon Kai. If she's startled by Kai's appearance, she doesn't show it. Zuko stiffens and grits his teeth. Why couldn't she stay out of this like he asked? Iroh remains silent.

Kai bows with a flourish and says, "Kai the Sailor, sworn enemy of Admiral Monkeyface!" She looks up and grins widely at Azula. "And who might you be?" Oh, Kai definitely knows who she is now. But the pleasure of seeing Azula's eyebrow twitch is just too much to ignore. Zuko lets out the smallest of breaths, signaling a stopped chuckle despite himself.

"I am Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, you ignorant peasant," she declares.

"Oh, you are? You must forgive me, Princess. I'm from a lowly peasant dock, and the only real socializing I got as a child was talking to fish. And rats. But now that I think about it, maybe that was all the preparation I needed. After all, you do resemble—"

Iroh yanks on her collar, effectively cutting her off. Kai sunnily smiles at Azula in spite of the lack of breath in her throat.

"Why are you here?" Zuko asks.

"Straight to the point, as always, Zuzu."

Kai snorts. Zuko glares at her before focusing back on Azula.

Azula continues, "I just came on Dad's request. He wants you to come home."

All three stiffen. Iroh and Kai exchange glances. Zuko, jaw slack, stares at Azula, unadulterated hope in his eyes. "Home?"

"He's realized how important family is. Especially in a time when rumors of conspiracies and plots to take the throne are spreading." She crushes another seashell in her hand. "Father's finally had a change of heart. He regrets your banishment. He wants you home."

Zuko bows his head, falling deep into thought.

Azula frowns. "Didn't you hear me? You should happy, excited, grateful—"

"Bouncing up and down in joy like you do whenever we eat Fire Flakes," Kai pipes up.

Azula lifts a hand to Kai, who immediately shuts up. Even though this would be the absolute best time to jump in and cause all sorts of problems in the conversation, Azula is different than Zhao. She has power rippling beneath the surface. Something dark and cold waits to lash out. "I've just given you great news," Azula continues in her silky, dangerous voice.

"I think your brother just needs some time to think—"

"Don't interrupt, Uncle!" Azula shouts.

Don't point out the irony, Kai tells herself.

Azula slinks around to stand beside Zuko and look him in the face. "I haven't heard my thank you yet. I didn't have to be here. I'm not a messenger—I didn't have to come."

"Father… regrets? He wants me back?" Zuko slowly says, disbelief coloring his tone.

"I can see you need some time to think about this. I'll wait until tomorrow at the dock. Come find me when you have an answer."

She leaves. The three wait a few moments in silence until she disappears down the steps, out of view and out of earshot. Zuko glances at them and excitement brews in his eyes. "Home. We're finally going home. Father changed his mind!"

Kai and Iroh exchange doubtful glances. "I don't trust her, and I think you of all people shouldn't trust her either," Kai murmurs to Zuko. She thinks of the letter Zhao had so proudly presented to the members of Zuko's crew, so easily able to manipulate Zuko into losing everything. This has to be another ploy. No one can have a change of heart that fast.

"Remember who banished you, nephew. Remember who scarred you. Remember who refused to help you when you needed it most," Iroh says.

"How can you two say that?" Zuko asks, looking as if someone had slapped him. "Father wants me back—he cares about me!"

"I care about you!" Iroh cries. "All I'm saying is that if Ozai wants you back, it's not for the reason you might think. Things in our family are not always what they seem."

Zuko rounds on Iroh. "I think you're exactly what you seem—a lazy, shallow old man who's always been jealous of his brother!" With that he storms out, leaving a startled and hurt Iroh behind.

Kai slips up beside him. "You know he doesn't believe that," she says. "Right?"

"I know," Iroh says with a deep sigh. "But his family always causes so much confusion in him. I don't know if I can stand to watch him fall apart again. I don't know if I can watch him go back so willingly."

Kai wrings her hands together. "Maybe you don't have to. Not if you trust me." Her throat tightens and she regrets the words. Why would she say that? Of course Iroh wouldn't trust her, not after she failed his son and helped him to his death. "I mean I know I'm not a comfort, but I'll go. With him. Unless you don't think I should. After everything… I guess, um…"

"Kai," Iroh interrupts.

She meets his eyes.

A kind smile crosses his face. "It would be a great comfort to me if you went with him. I can't think of anyone better to help him."

"Really?" she breathes.

"It was his choice," Iroh says, setting both hands on Kai's shoulders and forcing her to face him. "Lu Ten did what he thought right. I miss him every day, and it's no comfort to know that he's resting peacefully in the Spirit World, but ever since you told me his last words, I've come closer to peace with it. I'll always wish you had made him make a different choice, but I'm proud he chose loyalty and courage at the end. Just like his mother chose."

Kai hugs him. It takes him by surprise and he doesn't get a chance to return her gesture before she turns on her heel and darts after Zuko.

Iroh blinks.

It dawns on him slowly but surely. He had always known Kai was a distressed spirit—what cursed spirit wouldn't be? It had never occurred to him that it was a distress lurking so close to the surface. It has never occurred to him that he could help her. It never occurred to him until now that perhaps Zuko is helping her as much as she's helping him. Perhaps she regrets things as deeply as Iroh does.


Someone steps through the door behind him. The faint smell of oranges reaches his nose just before he looks back to confirm that Kai stands there. "What?" he asks, voice flat. He's not in the mood for more criticism.

"I'll come with you," Kai says.

What? Zuko turns his gaze to her, not sure if he can trust his ears.

She looks away. "It's always been my dream to be a part of the Fire Guard," she reminds him. Maybe this is really it. Maybe he won't need her after this and she can move on to the next helpless soul in need. Her bones ache at the thought—all she really wants is the chance to rest, just for a little bit.

But she'll be damned—literally—if she abandons Zuko to the fiery lion's den of the Fire Nation royal family.

"You will?" he says, disbelief evident in his voice.

Kai glances sharply up. "What's that supposed to mean? Of course I will. Am I going to have to give up a limb for you before you finally realize I'm completely loyal to you?"

Taken aback by her serious response, Zuko draws closer, suddenly desperate to make her understand. The last thing he wants is to insult her. "I know. I just…" he reaches and touches her back, brushing at the still-healing wounds there that itch like the devil's rash. "I don't blame you if you don't. I don't want this to happen again." Hesitantly, he touches the spot where the pirate captain had clocked her, just below her mess of scars. "Or that. You shouldn't get hurt for me."

Their eyes lock, his hand still resting on her cheek, her hands loosely folded between them. The world draws closer. The air grows heavier. He wants to thank her somehow, to show her that her companionship has meant more over the past three years than he knows how to say. His eye flick to her lips before flicking back to her eyes.

Her gaze catches that familiar glint and he inwardly groans—moment gone. Disappointment fills him, but this time he doesn't have the luxury of a certain blue mask to hide his emotions in this close proximity. "As sweet as that is, you misunderstand my approach," Kai says. "See, these scars garner sympathy. It's like when you see a one-eyed dog—you immediately want to pet it and give it food and make sure it's okay. I'm trying the same tactic."

Zuko pulls a face. "I don't know if that'll work in the Fire Nation."

She wickedly grins. "It seems to be working for you, Zuzu."

He flushes a deep red. "Stop, please."

Kai laughs and pats his chest. "I'm just saying to wait. Everyone loves a wounded, vulnerable man. You'll have all sorts of suitors falling on your doorstep once you get back."

"That's not what I meant," Zuko protests, desperately wishing the heat would drain from his face. He withdraws his hand from Kai's back and folds his arms over his chest. Anything to put some distance between them.

She just laughs. "You better pack. Oh, wait—I forgot you only own like five things now, me included. I think it can wait until morning."

Zuko shakes his head and walks away. "I'm going to bed. We'll head out mid-morning. And I don't own you!"

"Whatever you say, Princess! This future Fire Guard is at your beck and call!"

He groans.


Morning comes and finds Kai awake and pacing, ready to go. She peers in at Iroh but finds the old man asleep. Or pretending to sleep—she can't tell. His breathing is even and deep but there's no snoring. Either way, it means he's not coming with them.

Frowning, she turns back to Zuko's room and finds him awake, too. In fact it looks as if he didn't sleep. Bags hang under his eyes.

She hops inside the room and announces, "It's morning!"

He glares at her. "It's too early, Kai."

"The day is young—breathe in that fresh sea air! Doesn't it just fill you with excitement?"

Zuko shakes his head. "Get your stuff together."

Kai picks up a dagger from the table and small bag filled with nothing but nuts and one final stinkbomb. "I'm ready!"
He buries his face in his hands. "I'm coming," he groans. "Just be quiet for a minute."

Soon enough they're bouncing out the door—rather, Kai bounces down the steps toward the sea while Zuko lags after. He eyes the ship below. Excitement and nerves fight in his stomach. A final glance backward makes guilt join the fray. He wishes he hadn't shouted at Uncle like that. He knows he should apologize, but it felt like a hand was crushing his heart every time he tried to approach Iroh's room and he couldn't bring himself to move past the threshold.

"Wait!" a voice calls.

Zuko's stomach does a flip and a sunny grin slaps itself to Kai's face. Uncle Iroh comes running down the steps, his pack bouncing against his hip. "You changed your mind!" Zuko cries, delighted. A smile breaks out across his face, one that could melt the North Pole if given the chance.

"Of course I'm coming!" Uncle says. "Family sticks together." He rests a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Let's go." Complete again, the trio heads down the steps with Zuko in the lead.

Kai nudges Iroh. "I think he needs you more than me. Look at that optimism shining in his young eyes."

"Nonsense," Iroh replies. He casts a suspicious glance at the ship below and adds in a lower voice, "I suspect he'll need both of us quite soon."

She cracks her knuckles. "I'm ready."

As they approach the ship, Azula and her ship's captain come to greet them through a gauntlet of soldiers. "You came," Azula says, smiling coldly. "Father will be thrilled, as am I. Come on. Let's go home."

"Home," Zuko repeats, savoring the word on his tongue.

Azula nods at the captain. The captain returns the nod, lifts his chin and shouts, "Escort the prisoners—"

Everyone stiffens. The captain cuts himself short, eyes going wide. "I'm so sorry, Princess," he stammers. Azula whips around, fury etched into her face.

Before anyone else can react Kai, Zuko, and Iroh attack the guards in a single, fluid offense. Guards go flying into the ocean. Fireballs shoot through the air and spears race toward them. Zuko jumps clear, going straight for Azula. Iroh launches return fireballs, and Kai deflects the spears with her dagger.

"Traitors!" Kai growls, grabbing a spear's shaft, turning, and smashing her elbow into a guard's stomach. He doubles over. She kicks his feet from under him and shoves him into the sea.

The fighting explodes across the entire deck, the guards hurriedly flinging themselves into battle with the exiled prince and ex-general. Kai weaves her way through the shifting mass of firebenders, eagerly turning helmets around to cover their faces, temporarily stunning them, and ripping spears from their hands. Zuko fights like a madman, shooting fireballs left and right at Azula and any guards who dare get in his way. Iroh fights with much more precision and grace.

Azula fights with cold precision.

She dodges Zuko's attacks calmly, dancing across the ship as if she does this every day. Her eyes narrow after Zuko fires a particularly nasty plume of flames over her head, singing a single strand of hair. The air crackles around her.

Suddenly quite sure that her attack skills are far more impressive than her dodging skills, Kai pushes a guard over from behind, rips off his shoe, and chucks it. It smacks Azula square in the forehead. For a moment, the crackles stop. "One point for Kai!" she gleefully shouts.

Azula scowls, face dark, and the air resumes crackling.

It had given Iroh just enough to time stand between Azula and Zuko. It had been just enough so that when lightning shot from her fingertips in a stunning display that sent chills through Kai, Iroh grabbed Azula's fingers and twisted the lightning into the sky. It happened in one fluid motion, as if it were no more than water passing through a tunnel.

"I think it's time to run," Kai announces, swiftly grabbing Zuko by the hand and yanking him toward the shore.

"I can still beat her!" he protests.

"The moment you show me you can shoot lightning like a regular thunder storm, I'll let you fight your sister all day and not say a word about it," Kai promises. "But until then, we're running before she electrocutes us and cooks us like floundering fish!"

They both glance back and see Iroh kick Azula into the ocean.

Bad-ass old man, Kai thinks.

Zuko swallows his anger. He snatches his hand from Kai but follows her. Together, they streak from the ship, up the path, and into the wood, taking the most direct path to the hut. Once there, they duck inside and scoop up their few belongings. "Where to meet Uncle?" Kai pants.

"By the stream," Zuko decides. "He'll find us. He saw us run up here. But just for good measure…" He pulls out his sword and slashes it across the tree bark. "Enough for directions," he says, and they take off toward the stream.

Once there, Kai immediately turns to Zuko. "Are you okay?" she demands, patting him all over and inspecting him with a critical gaze. "No stray fire hit you? No hidden wounds?"

"I'm fine!" Zuko exclaims. When she doesn't stop inspecting him, he snatches her hands and holds them together near his chest. "I'm fine," he repeats, softer. Her hands feel warm in his. "Please stop doing that."

She gazes up at him. "What about the not-so-physical kinds of wounds?"

His gaze drops. "I'm fine." He glances back up and lets go of her hands so his thumb can brush her cheek just beneath the scars. The rest of his hand gently holds the spot where her cheek meets her neck, just below her ear. "Are you okay?" His stomach twists with guilt and anger.

Gently prodding her eye, Kai brings away her fingers clean. "I'm fine! No blood, no problem. You seem fine too, I suppose," Kai finally decides. She makes a face. "Guess that means you don't need a body guard."

"Of course I do," he says. Relief shines in his eyes and she realizes his hand is still cupping her face. It makes her stomach do an all-too-pleasant flip. Kai glances away and coughs. He drops his hand and takes a step back, folding his arms over his chest, clearly uncomfortable with whatever had just passed between them. Something too simple to not be complicated, something Kai doesn't want to think about too much. Not yet.

A few moments later, Iroh appears, serious-faced. Zuko and him exchange glances and nod. Like a well-oiled machine they kneel by the stream and cut their ponytails from their heads. The hair falls into the water. The current sweeps the hair away, completely washing their past from sight.

If only it were that easy.

Zuko glances at Kai and frowns. Iroh shares the same expression for a moment. Kai self-consciously rubs her neck, very aware of her scars and the unmistakable recognition. "Let your hair grow a bit longer," Iroh advises.

Kai blinks. "That's it?"

"Nothing to do about scars," Iroh replies with a shrug. "Now come, we must hurry. It will not be long before Azula returns with guards and soldiers." Together, they stand and walk from the river into the woods, leaving everything behind. No packs, no food. Kai looks eagerly at the forest spreading all around them. Survival, plain and simple. She knows how to do this.

She notices Zuko hanging a bit farther back. Kai slows her pace until they match steps, allowing Iroh to draw further ahead. Iroh casts a glance back, but doesn't say a word, just inclines his head at Kai. Swallowing, Kai turns her attention to the former prince.

"Thank you," Zuko murmurs, refusing to meet her gaze. "For dragging me away."

Kai gently punches his shoulder. "Anytime, Princess."

He eyes her wounds, still worried. "I'm sorry I got you into that mess."

"Are you apologizing? Spirits, let's dip the quills in ink and unroll the scrolls! This day goes down in history: The Day Prince Zuko Swallowed his Pride and Apologized!"

He scowls and gives her a shove. She laughs and draws back to his side. "Shut up," he growls.

"You wish is my command, Princess."

He casts her a sour glance, but he wonders how he got lucky enough to get Kai as his crewmember those few years ago. He can't imagine doing any of this without her.


I am SO sorry for being so incredibly terrible at updating (at this point it's worse than late)! Thank you to all of those who have read this far, whether this be your first time or not. I sincerely hope you enjoyed, and please let me know your thoughts! As you can tell from my however-many-months absence, I hit some writer's block. So please let me know if you spot any inconsistencies or have any comments on character development or thoughts about the plot moving forward. I have trouble with some of the actual plot, as I feel like we've all seen Avatar enough times to not need to re-read each episode. I try to skip some episode plot and just kind of focus on characters, but I feel like that isn't exactly the best method either, lol. How can characters grow without plot? But I guess that's the fun of fanfiction, right? Uncertainty EVERYWHERE. And fun, too. Littered amongst the chaos.

As usual, I hope you have a fantastic day, and if you are a writer, may your muse flow! You are all amazing! :D