AN: Okay, it has been a while. I have my hands full.
I read my original chapter three, and I hated it. So this is my revised version.
Sorry that is sucked! :X
Be all aware. I plan to completely draw out the BxE romance. I want to make you all cling on to the anticipation.
My focus is simply on my main story: Something I was not Expecting.
Once I get that finished, this story will be number one! :)
I have more story Ideas. They are just popping up, but I think that finishing these three are more important before I introduce the others. If you love this story and my other story, be sure to check out Razorblade. I love to go for controversial subjects. I try my hardest to make sure my ideas are some what unique in ways. I know every thing has been done before, but I hope I can add my own twist to the stories I write.
I am reading some books right now. The more I read and write I think my writing skill improves. Lets hope the masses' think so. One day I will be a famous writer!
:P
Here is your Ch. 3 (re-write) of One More Time with Feeling!
"The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on."
-Chuck Palahniuk
Starting now By Ingrid Michaelson
I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb
I want to shut out all the lights in this room
I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink
Scrub away all these thoughts that I think of you
So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil
Feel like I watch from 6 feet under the soil
Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears
But i re count the countless tears that i lost for you
But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -
Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world
I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin
I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin
Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains
Spinning away every piece that remains of you
But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -
Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world
It's my world, it's not ours anymore
It's my world, it's not ours anymore
Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world
The bright sunny light came bursting into my room with force.
Good morning Seattle. Thanks for being sunny on my one day to sleep past 8am.
This past week, I had been spending my hours at work, and off of work, at the coffee shop. I found a certain owner kept me coming back every day.
Edward and I talked a little more then normal, but nothing out of the ordinary, just some small talk here and there. However, he left me feeling like a 12 year girl mooning after a celebrity, and that was not OK with me. I will not, absolutely can not, fall for this Edward Cullen character. He is charming, good looking, built, and kind. Absolutely spells trouble for me.
Not to mention, I have been out the game for so long. I had been with Jake for over 8 years now, and before then I had no experience. Mr. Cullen was too pretty to be inexperienced, thus we could never work well. I'd always feel inadequate.
I was too focused on discovering me, and focusing on getting my life back and focusing on Austin. I felt bad that he had to go through a divorce at such a young age, but I figure that being apart from Jake was healthier for the both of us, no telling what kind of emotional void I would become 10 years from now.
I sighed rolling over to my side to get out of bed, while rubbing all of the sleep out of my eyes. I caught sight of my reflection in the giant mirror attached to my dresser.
"Ah, that's not scary." I mumbled to myself, attempting to pat down my bird's next, that I call my hair.
I felt like I haven't slept in ages, that is what stress does to you I suppose.
"MOOOOOOMMM!" Austin called from what sounded the like living room.
I heaved a sigh, and walked out of my bedroom, grabbing my black zip hoodie to cover up my spaghetti strapped shirt with, it was cold in the apartment today.
"What baby?" I groggily croaked, as I stifled a yawn.
"I am hungry, will you make me breakfast?" Austin asked, using his damn big deep eyes that I was a prisoner for.
I smirked at the mini person who I loved. "Sure you little punk." I pulled Austin into a hug an took a big fake whiff.
"EEEEWW BUDDY!" I mock squealed.
"Moooooooommmmmm!" Austin complained.
"If you want some bfast, you better shower." I laughed as I ruffled his messy brown hair.
"Fine, I'll even tidy up my room if you through in some chocolate chips." Austin bargained with eyebrows raised excitedly.
I swatted his bottom as he started to leave towards the bathroom, "Get that tush outta here buddy. I'll see about the chocolate chips."
Austin ran out of my reach after I swatted his bum, and ran all the way to the bathroom giggling.
I began making the pancake mixture, from scratch, because I could never make anything pre-made. Austin came in from the bathroom when I was to the point of pouring two mini chocolate chip pancakes into the large skillet, with his dampened hair.
"Yay!" Austin yelled as he peered over my shoulder, then proceeded to hop into the living room to watch Saturday morning cartoons.
"Austin sweetie, your breakfast is ready." I called as I finished up breakfast and served it.
Austin and I ate breakfast, and afterwords I asked him to clean up, washing dishes, and putting the dirty ones into the empty washer. I had to get a shower and ready for the day Jake was coming to get Austin till tomorrow after noon. I was trying to let him have some time with our son, but it was actually starting to bother me. I was missing my son, and relishing in the time I did have with him.
Thinking of how lonely I would be tonight I shot a text to Alice and Rosalie.
I will be alone tonight, need help not getting depressed. Girls night? Margaritas and pizza? Sad or funny chick flicks? Let me know what you guys think..
-Bells
Bella's journal:
A vintage hope clouds my mind. The kind of hope we only read about. Hope with relationships, career and in general life. Sometimes I have to take a step back, to evaluate myself. Most times when I do so, I become dissatisfied with who I am. This is a normal reaction. Any man who looks into a mirror and says he see's nothing wrong has a flawed judgment. There is something incorrect about every singly human on the face of this naturally turning earth. Yesterday, today and tomorrow I will look into the mirror and dissect myself. I know what I don't like and what I would like to improve, the question is, how do I go about fixing my flaws? Will I make that effort to fix my self? Today I stand, in front of my retched floor length mirror. My appearance is never what I wish it
However on the inside I feel broken, and lost. I am figuring out who I want to be, and growing as myself. The inside of me tells me that I am who I long to look like, my personality, what defines who I am. After about 8 years in a damaged relationship, and losing myself I am determined to figure out who Bella Swan is.
I am a soon to be divorcee. Mother of a seven year old son named Austin. My friends are Austin's teacher, my divorce lawyer's wife, and the assistant owner of my publishing company.
My heart is aching from the years wasted in that damaging relationship.
My heart is healing with the possibilities life has to offer.
Even though there are days were I sit in my room when Austin is at school, and cry my soul out, I have never felt so much hope before in my life. Things can only go up from here. I have hit my rock bottom
After I wrote that last word, I set down my ball point pin and re-read my entry. I had taken a liking to writing in a journal. It kept me from going insane.
I glanced at the clock and sighed. I suppose I should take a long relaxing bubble bath before the girls come over.
I walked into my bathroom and set the tub and bubbles. I placed a clip in my hair, and set my hair straightener, I needed a big confidence boost today. This is why the ladies where coming over tonight, I needed girl time, alcohol, and chick flicks. I only watched chick flicks to escape reality, and live in a fantasy world for 115 minutes.
It felt like I was soaking in the Mr. bubbles induced bath for 3 hours, and by the time I looked at my hands, I was pruning. I got out of the bath smelling like lilacs and strawberries, and wrapped a navy blue towel around me, walking to the mirror and flat iron and pulled my long cherry brown hair out of the crab clip. I ran the flat iron through my hair quickly, smoothing out the waves, but not completely straitening my hair. I then pulled my hair back in the crab clip and scrubbed myface, towel dried it, and put lotion on, before making my way to my bedroom.
I decided to dress in my long sleeved maroon, plaid long sleeved flannel shirt, jeans, and flat black knee high boots. Once I felt like my outfit make me look good, then I proceeded to walk into the bathroom and applied some light makeup. Just as I was brushing some blush across my cheeks, the girls knocked on my apartment. I checked my appearance and went to go answer the door.
There stod Alice and Rose. Alice help up a bottle of Jose Cuervo and a bottle of strawberry tequila mix. Rose had a large pizza and three chick flicks in her hands. Both held hopeful expressions.
"Hey guys, come in, set the junk in the kitchen." I nodded my head to the back.
"You look cute Bella!" Both of them squealed.
I grabbed the tequila from Alice and opened it, taking a swig. I blushed. "Thanks guys, you have no idea how much I need this night."
Both of them sized me up, then nodded, forcing their way into the small apartment. Rose popped in the movie, Never Been Kissed, and Alice pulled out my blender, immediately making margaritas. A big wide grin spread across my face, I felt well taken care of. These girls were the best.
I sat down to watch the movie and curled up next to Rosalie, and let a few tears streak my face. I quickly wiped them away so no one knew. While I was happy to be free, and excited about my new life, that didn't mean I had a heart of stone. The divorce still stung me like salt in an open wound.
30 minuted into the movie we all had a 16oz glass of strawberry margarita, and were intently watching the movie. I was sipping on my drink at a rather fast pace, and I had the feeling of having to go to the bathroom, so I got up, and immediately regretted standing up.
"WOAH!" I said with laughter as I grabbed the edge of the couch.
"You need help Bella?!" Alice asked, trying to hold in her laughter, while sizing up my nearly empty cup.
"Shut up Alice, I never drink. I have no tolerance." I giggled as I skipped off to the bathroom.
After I did my business, I waltzed into the living room and plopped myself down next to Rose, and grabbed my cup, happily.
"OH!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. "Jasper called while you were in the potty, they boys are coming over in, " Alice glanced down at her watch. "an hour with beer. "
I shrugged, "That is cool Al, you know I love Emmett and Jazz!"
"Well its not just those two." Rosalie told em.
"What? Who else?" I asked.
"Well, Edward wanted to come by as well." Alice nearly mumbled.
"OH CRAP!" I exclaimed as I was taking two big gulps of margarita.
"oh well, I have a margarita down and two swigs of tequila down, I can handle your sexy brother!" I laughed.
"You think my brother is sexy?" Alice asked, with a devilish smile in place.
"Uhm?" I shuddered realizing what I had said. We eventually drifted back into the movie.
Near the end of the movie the front door opening pulled me out of my daze.
"Hey hey Bella!" Emmett exclaimed as he picked me up, causing me to squeal.
"Hey there Emmett!" I said, a bit to happily.
"Is Ms. Bella drunk?" Emmett was on the verge of laughing.
"No!" I jumped out of his arms, and smacked him playfully on the arm.
"I just feel great!" I nodded my head defiantly, denying the fact that the alcohol was giving me false happyness.
"Good, good Bells." Emmett chuckled at my enthusiasm, as he walked towards Rose.
Jasper Followed suit, nodding kindly towards me and walking in to greet Alice.
Edward however, stood awkwardly in my door way looking around, as if he were waiting for my approval. He almost looked nervous
"You can come in, you know?" I nodded toward the living room, motioning for Edward to step in side.
Edward gave me a charming smile before coming inside. "Hey Bella."
I smiled at him and chuckled, positive that the effects of tequila were making me lose the control I had over my obvious pink blush. "Hi."
I skipped back to the couch Rose and I were sharing, but found it was empty. Rose was on the floor snuggled up to Emmett. I looked to the love seat and found Alice wrapped up in Jasper's arms. There were only a few spots left. I had one spot on the couch, Edward could sit on the floor, or he could sit on the couch. Part of me hoped he would keep his distance and sit on the floor. The other part of me wanted him to sit on the couch. Edward sat on the couch, that one part of me cheered, and the other groaned. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that I was developing a tiny crush on the mesmerizing man Edward Cullen.
Edward looked over at me catching me staring awkwardly at him. He chuckled under his breath, then leaned towards me to as what movie we were watching.
"Defiantly not this fricken' chick flick." Emmett over heard him, walking over to my dvd stand pulling out a movie called 'Hot Rod'. "This is perfect Bella. I love this movie."
I rolled my eyes. Hot rod was an entertain movie. It was a good pick for the night, something to make me laugh, and something rather easy going. The bad thing about this movie is it didn't take a whole lot of attention to watch it, and mixed with alcohol I was very tempted to get to know Edward better.
Emmett popped the movie into the player, and took drink orders before walking into the kitchen. The girls asked for another margarita, and the guys all got a beer. Edward jumped up to go help Emmett, and returned with a beer and a margarita, handing the pink blended drink to me.
I gave him a smile in thanks.
Every one resumed their positions, and began to watch the movie. Not 20 minutes into the movie everyone except Edward and I had fallen asleep.
"Wow, we are a lively bunch." I nodded my head towards the lame couples asleep in my living room.
Edward turned his attention from the movie, to see what I was talking about. He raised his head and laughed to him self, then turned to me.
"So how are you doing with everything?" Edward asked in a caring tone.
I was rather shocked that he cared enough to ask. "I am doing, just okay."
"I mean it hurts like hell to realize I trusted someone with my heart, and they didn't care enough to take good care of it. Not to mention that is the father of my son, the only male role model he has in his life beside my dad. It scares me when he is with Jake, I am afraid he will learn his bad habits." I rambled on, admitting my fears to him.
Edward furrowed his brows while I was talking. "I can see your point. Maybe Jazz, Em, and I could take Austin out sometime, get some more male role models in his life?"
Edward was too kind and caring for my good. "You really don't have to do that, but I would love it."
"Good." He smiled.
Edward looked forward, and opened his mouth a few times before slamming it shut.
"Maybe I could take you out sometime as well?" He finally spoke, sounding nervous.
"Edward.." I hesitated.
"Not like a date or anything, if you don't want it to be like that. I would just like to get to know you better, you intrigue me." Edward cut me off before I could say no.
I couldn't deny his request. I may not be ready to date, but I am ready for good friends. Edward has that potential.
"Okay Edward. We can hang out sometime. As friends." I gave in.
Edward sighed and gave me a big excited smile. What have I done?
AN: Okay, so its not quite a NEW chapter, I took most of what I had written, but I added to it. I think it is much better, much more interesting, and gives me something to go off of for the next chapters.
I hope you enjoyed the rewrite.
If not tell me why!!
Review for me please!
