Chapter 7.
Andrea was sitting cross-legged on the rug in front of the fireplace when Rick came in from settling Judith, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, balancing a steaming mug on her thigh.
"How's your frostbite?" she asked him, tearing her gaze from the fire, the corners of her lips twitching with suppressed glee.
He shot her a sullen look. He still hadn't forgiven her for pulling such a dirty trick on him, especially in front of Carl, who hadn't let him live it down all day.
"Oh, quit being such a baby, Rick," she scoffed. "It's not that bad."
"That's easy for you to say – you're not a guy," he complained.
"Which is something you should be glad for," she told him.
She set her mug on the hearth and grabbed his wrist, pulling him down onto the rug with her. "In fact, I bet I can think of a way to make you forget all about it," she purred against his ear, working his top button free.
And she was right: by the time she was through with him, he couldn't remember why he had ever been mad at her.
Lying with her under the blanket, watching the shadows cast by the flames dance over her profile, he confessed, "This has always been kind of a fantasy of mine – making love to a beautiful woman in front of roaring fire." He was propped on one elbow behind her, his other arm draped loosely around her waist; he could feel the gentle swell of her belly beneath his hand, but in that moment, he wasn't concerned about what it meant. It was hard to be too anxious about the future when he was so content in the present.
"When you say it like that, you make it sound like we're in a cheesy eighties movie," she said, turning her head to look at him.
He let out an involuntary chuckle at the memories this conjured up, of soft lighting and saxophones. "You must have some cheesy fantasies of your own," he insisted.
"Right now I can't think of anything that doesn't involve food," she admitted.
"You can't possibly be hungry again," he teased her. "We just ate."
"Well I obviously didn't eat enough because I'm starving," she complained. She twisted around in his arms, trailing a finger seductively down his chest. "So, why don't you go get me a snack, and then when you come back, we can pick up where we left off."
Despite her promise, Andrea found herself struggling to stay awake as she waited for Rick to return. She considered shifting from the floor to the bed in case she did fall asleep, but she was so relaxed and sated that she couldn't muster up the energy to move.
She perked up when he reappeared, can in hand, reaching for it eagerly until she saw the label. "Freeze dried green beans? What kind of a snack is that?" They definitely weren't on the list of foods she'd been craving.
He produced a can opener and a fork from his breast pocket, handing them both to her. "Sorry, best I could do. There wasn't a lot left to choose from. It was either that or beets."
"What about all that stuff I brought back?" She was sure that there had been some processed crap like cookies and potato chips in there.
"Most of it's gone." He shrugged apologetically. "At least those will be good for the baby, right?"
She sighed begrudgingly, setting about removing the lid of the can. "We really need to go on another supply run." Her old clothes wouldn't fit her for much longer and she could use a better bra.
"Especially with the way you've been eating," he teased her gently, sitting back down beside her, and it took her a moment to realise he was still talking about the supply run.
She slapped his arm lightly. "Hey."
"I'm going to look for a map or a phone book tomorrow, see if there are any malls we can hit," he told her. "With the baby coming, it might not be a bad idea to start stocking up on things like diapers and formula now, just in case we can't find them later. I don't want to get caught unprepared like we were last time."
"Formula?" she repeated, her heart sinking. She shoved the can aside, her appetite gone. "Rick, this isn't like when Judy was born. This baby is going to have a mother. It doesn't need formula because I'm going to be here to feed it."
"You know, Lori thought the same thing," he reminded her, "and where is she now? We were lucky we didn't lose Judith too. I'm just trying to be realistic here, Andrea. One of us has to be."
She was getting tired of having the same old argument with him day in day out. She drew the blanket around her and stood up. "If you're that sure I'm gonna die then you might as well start planning my funeral now," she snapped, stalking over to the dresser. She yanked open the top drawer and pulled on the first things she found that she knew still fit: a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.
"You think I want to bury you?" Rick retorted, stepping between her and the door. "That I don't lie awake at night worrying about how this is all gonna turn out? Because I do. All I want – all I've ever wanted – is to keep you safe and it kills me that I can't. That I'm just supposed to stand back and watch while you put your life in danger. I never asked for this. I'm not even sure I want it." He walked away from her then, over to the window, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his index finger.
He was talking about the baby, she realised, a sick feeling creeping into the pit of her stomach. He didn't want it, at least not like she did.
She wished that she could find it in herself to hate him for this admission, that she could write him off as cold and uncaring, but there was a rawness about him that made it difficult for her to hold onto her earlier anger.
She knew that it wasn't really her or their child that he was lashing out against: it was this godforsaken world. It had taken too much from him – from all of them – already. He just didn't want to lose anything else.
She moved over to where he was standing, hugging him from behind. "You're not the only one who's scared," she confessed. "But it's going to be okay."
"You don't know that."
"No, but I believe it. I have to," she told him, resting her head against him, her cheek pressed to his shoulder blade. "I'll tell you what else I believe – in a few months, Hershel is going to hand you your new son or daughter and you are going to wonder what all the fuss was about. And when that day comes, I'm going to be there to say 'I told you so'."
