I do not own TYR

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Nothing can ever prepare you for grief.

In some cases you have no idea that you will be seeing someone you know or love for the last time before they are taken from you so fast. So there's no way you can prepare for that hurt.

Then there's the knowing you're going to lose someone. You're given an indication of a time line, your mind thinks you're prepared for the inevitable and you try with all you're might to make the most of your last months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds.

And then they're gone.

They have gone and you are left with hurt so unbearable that you have no idea how your life can go on without them in it.

You regret all the things you wished you had said, all the things you wished you had done, but you realise it is all too late.

It brings out the good in you and it brings out the worst in you. Grief is so dark and so suffocating and at times it consumes you.

But the cold hard truth is that life goes on.

You still have to get up in the mornings. You still have to make school lunches, dinner and pay the bills. You still have to have your birthdays, kid's birthdays, family birthdays, Christmas and the list goes on.

But none of it will ever be the same.

Make the most of every second you spend with those you love. If you fight, let it go, don't live with regrets. Make memories, good memories and cherish every moment you spend with those who make you who you are.

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After coming home early from camp on the Tuesday I decided that I didn't really need to go back to school until Thursday. So I spent Wednesday working on an English assignment before I headed to work.

Since I wasn't at school I arrived at work right on three, usually I wouldn't get there until four, four thirty. This way I would be home early enough to finish my English homework for tomorrow.

Things were moving pretty quick, and so far I was able to stay away from Mr Wicks. That was until I heard the whiny voice of someone I really wasn't expecting.

"Hi Daddy," I watched, confused, as Dorthia went running up to Mr Wicks and wrapped her arms around his neck. He in return wrapped his arms around her and gave her a quick peck on top of her head.

I quickly slipped further inside the office I was cleaning, hoping like hell she hadn't seen me.

"What are you doing here sweetheart?"

Using the door to shield most of me, I peeked to watch them. How did I not know that Mr Wicks was her father? I'm positive that her last name is Simmon's or was it Maxwell?

"Oh, no reason Daddy. I just thought you might want to take me shopping on your way home." She smiled brightly.

"Ah, so you did come for a reason." He smiled lovingly down at her, "I can't go shopping tonight sweetheart." He told her as his hand slipped into his back pocket to pull out his wallet, "Why don't you go on without me." He pulled a card from his wallet and gave it to his daughter. "I'm sure you have some party this weekend, buy yourself whatever it is you need."

Dorthia didn't hesitate grabbing the card. Just like her father, Dorthia also didn't look that disappointed that her father wouldn't be joining her. "Thanks daddy."

She gave him a quick peck to his cheek before skipping off towards the front exit. I couldn't believe she got what she wanted that easily.

"She has you wrapped around her little finger." Mr Hopkins came over to join Mr Wicks.

"She gets that from her mother." Mr Wicks laughed, "I just hope she marries wealthy otherwise there will be nothing left for my retirement."

"Isn't she dating Teaspoon Hunter's son?"

"She is,"

"Well I don't think you have to worry there."

"When I said she is like her mother I wasn't joking. Dorthia maybe dating Hunter's son, but she's also seeing Daniel's boy and Thomas's son when he's home."

"Sorry Lyle, I didn't know."

"It is what it is. The kids these days are in such a hurry to grow up. I'm just happy that I'm not a grandfather yet."

"You're telling me." Mr Hopkins sighed, "I don't mean about the grandfather comment, I meant the kids these days." I watched as Mr Hopkins looked around his surroundings, "I mean have you seen the pretty wee thing we have cleaning the offices. She must be your daughter's age, but man I wouldn't say no to that."

Eww.

"I have, and I know what you're saying." I watched as Lyle looked around before leaning in, "She's a lot prettier to watch than Charlotte, that's for sure."

Mr Hopkins laughed and clapped a hand on Lyle's shoulder, "She's in a whole different ball park."

They both laughed and walked off down the hall. I on the other hand quickly slipped inside the office closest to me and quickly got a start on my nightly routine.

Men are pigs.

Too many red flags were popping up in this place, shit there were more than enough before I learnt that Tiffany was Lyle's daughter. But the creepy feeling that I get from him alone and now hearing that Hopkins is just as much a creep as him, I'm feeling I shouldn't be putting myself in this situation.

Problem is, I need this. For now anyway.

After emptying the rubbish and polishing the desks. I picked up the two dirty coffee cups and headed out the door.

Once I got home I got stuck into my English paper the best I could, but sleep soon won out and I slipped into bed early with every good intention of finishing my paper in the morning.

After all I only had the finishing touched to go so it shouldn't take me to long.

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"Ike," I called out, the following day, and jogged up to him. "Hi,"

"Hey Lou, how'd that English paper go?"

"Good. I hope. I just handed it in and should get it back tomorrow, so I'll let you know for sure then." My stomach did a little flip when I thought about getting my paper back. I was nervous as hell.

"You put a lot of work into it, don't worry so much." Ike smiled.

"I did, but I feel like I could have done better. I was just so tired after work I couldn't concentrate." And it was true. I kept dozing off in the chair.

"It sounds like you should give it up. The job I mean." He told me with a troubled look on his face.

"I wish I could Ike, but I can't." Especially since I found out that my boss's daughter was Dorthia.

"Lou I understand you need a job, trust me I do. But you also need to pass school." It was easy to see he was concerned. "If this job is going to keep you that busy when are you going to have time to fit your homework in?"

"I don't honestly know. But I have to find a way for all of it to work. I mean I have no other choice, do I?"

"No you don't."

"Hey babe," Arms snaked around me from behind while I cringed at the name, I was also startled as I didn't really expect Frankie to be so hands on in public. After all this was all new and I kind of thought we were taking things slow.

"Frankie I'm not a pink pig, so don't call me that."

Frankie and Ike both laughed, but Frankie stopped abruptly. "Why the fuck are you laughing dick?"

"FRANKIE." I scolded, but Ike didn't say anything he just turned and walked away. I swung back around to Frankie. "You're the dick." I turned to follow Ike but Frankie grabbed my wrist, "Let me go." I seethed through clenched teeth.

"What's your problem? He is a dick, a geek why the hell do you care…"

"He's my friend. He's my best friend, and I don't care what you think because I will pick him over you any day." I pulled my arm free from his hold and ran after Ike.

I was so angry.

"Ike." I called out, but he didn't turn around. "Ike." I yelled again but he continued to just walk into the school with his head down and ignoring me.

I wasn't going to make a scene in front of everyone so I just followed him to our first class. He would have no other option but to listen to me there as we sat next to one another.

"Ike, I'm so sorry. I…"

"Why are you sorry? It wasn't you who said it."

"No but he was there because of me."

"Trouble in paradise?" Dorthia's whiny voice asked, pissing me off even more.

"Fuck off," I snapped without even thinking. Did I need to watch what I say in front of her now? She is my bosses daughter.

"I…I…" she stammered, never really getting anything recognisable as words out of her big mouth.

"Just keep walking Dee," Jed said from behind her nudging her lightly with his body. I looked up at him and saw he was looking at me too. I kind of expected him to be upset that I talked to his girlfriend like I did, but he didn't seem to care.

Ha.

Everyone was seated as the bell rung out, but all eyes swung to the door as Frankie made his way into the class room. I quickly looked to Ike instead of Frankie, and saw that Ike was looking down at the table.

"Ike, I'm sorry for what I said. Lou is right, I'm the dick and I didn't mean to be." with wide eyes I looked up at Frankie not believing he was doing and saying this in front of the class.

I looked to Ike to see he was just as shocked as I was. But he was able to pull himself together as he muttered a thank you, and that it was ok.

I couldn't say anything though and then the moment was gone as Frankie walked behind us to find his seat.

I reached for Ike's hand and gave it a light squeeze. He looked at me then and I could see in his eyes that all was forgiven.

The rest of the day I wanted to stick by Ike, but when Emily whisked him away I soon found myself sitting with Frankie.

I knew Ike had forgiven him, but I was still slightly peeved.

"Tyler is having a party on Saturday. Go with me." Frankie nudged my shoulder as we sat down on the grass.

"Oh, well, since you asked so nicely."

"Sorry." He smirked, "Please will you go to Tyler's party with me?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because,"

"Because…"

"I don't feel comfortable around him, I won't go to a party of anyone I don't like or trust for that matter."

"You don't have to like or trust him. You don't even have to talk to him. I won't let him get anywhere near you." I believed that he would look out for me, but I still wouldn't go.

"I can't, I'm sorry Frankie." I could see he felt let down. It was obviously important to him. "Why did you want me to go the party with you?"

"Because, I like you, I want to spend time with you." He groaned, "Come on Lou I thought I had made my intentions clear."

"I know, but we don't need a stupid party to do that. Instead of going to the party, why don't you come around to my place and hang out? Just you and me."

"Yeah, that works." He smirked gathering me up in his arms and kissing my forehead.

I think he is expecting much more out of tonight than I planned on giving.

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Later that night Frankie showed up. I had to admit he looked good. And of course he knew he did. He was cocky and he was a flirt, but I had not felt this happy for a long time.

As that thought stuck me, so did the guilt.

It felt wrong that I was happy. Was it too soon to be happy?

Would people think that I didn't care enough about my mum if I did occasionally feel joy? Would mum be looking down at me, hurt, because she thought I had forgotten her? That I can be happy without her?

Frankie grabbed me by my hips and pulled me closer. "What has you so flustered?"

"It's silly." I told him.

"I bet it's not to me."

I stared long and hard at him, now was the time I had to decide if I trusted this boy. Do I let him in, can I let him in?

"It's silly to me." I lied as I stared up at him. The realisation that I didn't want to let him in was pushed further back in my mind.

Frankie grabbed my chin and tilted my head up even further, "I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree."

"I guess we are." I smiled, my eyes watching his lips as they moved closer to my own.

What started off soft and slow, soon turned into hot and heavy. I had no idea how we got to my room, or how we ended up on the bed.

What I did know is that his lips felt amazing. I felt amazing.

"Frankie," I whimpered, his lips felt like they were burning a trail around my neck and jaw. My hands weaved in his hair, holding him to me.

His hands trailed their way over my sides and arms. My body had never felt like this. Yes I had felt lust before, I had done this very thing before. I couldn't allow myself to think of that time of my life…I…"Oh my…" Frankie had adjusted himself so he was lying between my legs, his arousal thick and definitely felt where I was on fire the most.

He slowly rocked against me, grinding down on me as his lips made their way back to my mouth.

My moans and my breathing were embarrassing to say the least, but he was making me feel, "So good,"

His hands slid up my torso taking my shirt with him. My hands quickly found his wrists in a panic. "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you," he ground himself into me again, "Let me make you feel good." He kept grinding but his eyes never left mine, he was waiting for me to give him permission and for that I was thankful.

"I don't want to have sex," I told him truthfully. I wasn't ready for that. "I'm not ready to go any further than we have tonight."

Frankie moaned, but he sat up. "Your first time is always going to be scary, but I promise you, you will love it."

He thought that was what I was worried about? I wasn't going to correct him.

"Frankie you can't tell me what I'll like and what I won't. I'm just not in that place to go further with you. I'm not like the rest of this sex crazed town. I don't need that."

"Sex crazed town?" he smirked.

"Seriously have you not noticed?" I laughed nervously. "I swear the whole town is full with horny assholes."

Frankie laughed with me, "It doesn't sound too bad to me."

"Of course it doesn't, you're one of them."

"So no sex?" I shook my head no, "Can I kiss you goodbye?" I frowned only because he was obviously leaving. I wondered if I did offer him sex if he would have stayed. I mean he never mentioned he had to leave early when he first arrived.

I frowned as he bought his lips to mine. I dint open my mouth further, I was confused to what was going on. And I have to say I'm a little hurt.

Could he not just stay to hang out with me?

"I didn't know you had to leave early." I thought I'd just put that out there to see what he would say.

"I did promise a few people I might see them at Tyler's."

"Ok," I muttered under my breath, trying my best to not feel rejected and disappointed.

With that said, I let him leave.

I wasn't prepared for this abandonment feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stood there for a while trying to figure out why him leaving upset me. I mean only earlier I knew I wasn't ready to really let him in, but now I'm upset because I realised I wanted him to stay.

I think I'm going mad.

I crawled into my bed, my mind unable to fathom anything about who Frankie is. In the end I think I fell asleep from being emotionally drained.

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The following morning I got dressed and organised like any other morning. Today wasn't or shouldn't be celebrated any different than the others.

I walked into school looking over my schedule, as I headed for my locker, when arms snaked around my waist.

"Morning," he smirked, spinning me around in his arms before leaning down and kissing me. I tightened my hold on my books, scared I was going to drop them. He had just kissed me in the busy hallway, and I liked it.

Whatever my doubts were with Frankie, I liked that someone cared about me in this way. I loved that even though I was an outcast Frankie didn't care, he just proved it in front of everyone that he was with me. I was with him. I think he owned a little part of my heart in that moment.

"Morning," I smiled up at him, letting him take my books when his hands grabbed for them.

"So what did you do last night?" he asked cocky and sure of himself.

"Not you," I smiled, to which he laughed out loud.

"But you wanted to." His free hand pulled me into him.

He pulled me in tighter and kissed my forehead. We walked like that to my first class where we found Ike waiting outside with a knowing smirk on his face.

Frankie passed me my books and turned me towards the door of the classroom, "Go learn woman," he laughed with a smack to my ass before he left.

"Jerk," I smiled after him but that smile slid from my face when I saw that Kid and the boys were watching the exchange from the other side of the corridor.

Frankie walked passed them flicking them the finger as he passed.

A small part of me still worried that he was just using me to get to them. Not that I thought it would, but it sickened me to think that he would think it would work.

Kid's eyes found mine, I couldn't read what he was thinking, but I knew that it wasn't anything good. "Eww, are those two together?" Dorthia asked Jed, breaking my trance with Kid, "I can't keep up. Who hasn't she been with?"

That girl was getting on my last nerves. I knew that if I didn't stand up to her soon I was going to start looking like a fool, if I didn't already.

Thing was I really didn't want a part of that, a part of her. I also didn't like that she was my bosses daughter. I wondered if she knew I worked there.

Just like I knew it would be the day rolled on uneventful and nothing special. It made it worse that I was in gym.

I was sitting on the bleachers in the gym, day dreaming about everything and nothing. I didn't even see him approach but as soon as he plonked himself next to me I was surprised.

"So you and Frankie,"

"Was that a statement or a question?" I asked not at all sure what I was meant to say to him.

"It was a, what the fuck are you thinking?" Cody's eyes were hard and guarded as he turned to look at me.

"I'd say she was thinking with her dick if she had one." Jed announced as he too came and sat next to me.

"Is that it?" Cody asked me, "You just want to sleep with him?"

"Na, no way, girls don't think like that." This time it was Jimmy as he joined what seemed to be our group.

"Yes they do. I swear Dorthia is always, wanting it."

"That's because she hopes that someday you'll forget to wrap your shit and you'll fill her belly with hopeful little Hunter's."

"That's never going to happen."

"You cannot sit there and say that there hasn't been one time you have forgotten to wrap your shit or close to it." Kid now joined the conversation. I just sat there as they all sat around me, but I didn't look or say anything to either one of them.

"There have been near misses, but never have I out right forgotten." Jed let out a sigh, "And I honestly don't think I'm the only one she's hitting."

"What? Since when?" You could hear the genuine concern in Kid's voice.

"Heard a few things, and I couldn't find her for two hours at Tyler's party."

"Dump the bitch then. Her voice is starting to get on my last nerve anyway."

"Yeah, I'm thinking about it."

"What's there to think about Jed?" Kid growled. "Don't let her do that shit to you." I nearly laughed. It was alright for their father to do that to my mum, but if it happened to them it wasn't alright. Bloody double standards.

I actually got up from my seat and started to walk off. I didn't want to hear any more. That last statement put me in a foul mood.

"Hey Lou," That was Kid calling out to me. Against my better judgement I turned round. "Just be careful." He nodded his head towards the main gym doors. I followed his gaze and saw Frankie watching our exchange.

I wanted to tell him where to go but I didn't. I walked towards Frankie somewhat reluctantly. I was new to this boyfriend thing. Was it ok that I was even talking with the boys, not that it was me doing the talking. But would Frankie get mad?

"What was all that about?" he asked pulling me into him when I got close enough. He had been doing that all day, and I didn't mind it earlier, but in this moment I didn't feel like a human being when he did it. I felt like property.

"Nothing," I told him, pushing back.

"Nothing?" He scoffed, "They just sat next to you for no reason?" he started to walk away and I followed.

"Yes."

"Bullshit. What did they say?"

"Why does it matter?" I stopped, not really sure why he was so upset with me. I did nothing wrong.

"It matters because I thought you were my girlfriend, I thought you understood how I feel about those guys."

"Frankie, I'm sorry." Hang on why was I apologising? "I mean, I'm not sorry. I did nothing wrong there and if you can't see that then maybe the "us" thing isn't going to work."

Frankie quickly pulled me back into him.

"In that case I'm sorry. I guess I get jealous when you aren't spending your time with me." This little freak out was because he was jealous?

I hated that I was questioning everything he was saying and doing. I feel like maybe I'm looking for him to have an ulterior motive, why couldn't I just be content that he wants to be with me because he likes me? But I felt like my concerns are legit.

I wasn't an expert on the whole relationship between a girl and boy, but I knew without a doubt that Frankie and I weren't on the same page.

I think I could walk away from him today and never give him another thought. But I couldn't deny that there were parts of him I liked.

I felt like I owed it to myself to try.

For the rest of the day I tried to keep my mind focused on just Frankie and me. I didn't over think everything he told me, or hang on every word he said. I just listened and pretended that I was happy.

We spent the lunch hour under one of the many tree's that bordered the school and the small bush area behind the school.

I listened to him explain his basketball season and how much training he will have to do. I ignored his jabs about the boys and their football season, and I laughed when he made fun of Dorthia and her clones. I listened to it all.

Until I wasn't listening to a single word he was saying.

My mind wandered off. My mum's face was all I could see.

The wind had picked up and the tree's swayed from side to side, and all I could think was Mum was here. She was here and she was trying to tell me something.

Was she happy?

Was she sad?

Have I disappointed her?

Does she feel any pain?

Does she love me?

I have no idea what started it, but I began to laugh.

I laughed until I cried.

Frankie had no idea I was crying because I was so unbelievably sad. He thought they were tears of laughter, and I made sure to pretend as such as I fought with my mind and emotions to try and get back into what he was saying.

I thought about what today was. I thought about how I wanted my mum more than anything in the world, and I would give anything to have her back, and then I thought about the boys.

I thought I could keep doing this, keep pretending that I don't give a shit about any of them, but I do.

I care far too much, and as everyday went on and the more that the rift between them and me still stayed strong with no sign of ever letting it all go, the more my heart shattered.

I felt like they were in arms reach, but at the same time they were too far away from me to grab.

I wiped my eyes as I stared at Frankie. Did I have to choose? Could I keep trying with Frankie and have the boys in my life?

Was Frankie just something else I needed to make work?

If it was right shouldn't it be easier than this? Shouldn't I be happier than this?

I needed to get away.

"I better go. I have work." I managed to get out as I stood up and brushed the grass from my jeans before heading for home.

"Can I come around in the weekend?"

"I actually have plans. I'm sorry." I lied.

But the fact that he didn't pull me up on that, just proved to me just how much we didn't know about each other.

I quickly got ready for work dreading what tonight will bring.

All I wanted to do was stay home, snuggle up with a book. Of course I would also love to watch a movie. I can't remember when and what the last movie I watched was called. It had been so long ago.

I could probably go to a movie after work. But I would be alone and I didn't have the spare money lying around to begin with.

I laughed to myself.

I knew that the reality was I would go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

I couldn't justify spending the money I would have to if I went to a movie. I will save my money for something more exciting than a stupid movie.

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I was just about done for the night and I couldn't be happier. I was surprised when I got to work to see that Charlotte had left me an envelope that contained my first payslip. There was also a note saying how happy everyone was with my work.

I was excited and slightly proud. I mean I knew it was cleaning, but I would rather receive a compliment about it then getting negative comments.

The idea of going to a movie once again popped into my head, but the idea was soon pushed to the back of my mind when I walked into Mr Wicks' office to see he was still working at his computer.

"Sorry," I muttered cursing under my breath. I was pissed for two reasons. One I would have to wait for him to be done, that could take a while, and two I didn't like the idea of being her with him especially when I didn't know who else was around. "I can come back." I told him already backing out of the room.

"No, not at all. I could be here all night, just tidy up the table and take my rubbish out. That will do in here."

Relief flooded me as I set to work.

"How old are you?" He asked, "If you don't mind me asking of course." I didn't look up I just continued to dust the coffee table and straighten the books that lay on top of it.

"I'm 18." I told him honestly, my eyes glued to the date on his small desk calendar that sat on the coffee table.

I willed myself not to think about this milestone without my mum. If she had been here…no, I can't go there not while I'm here. I polished the wood with more vigour damning myself for even allowing my thoughts to drift to mum.

"Mmmm," he hummed to himself.

"It's good to see young girls like you actually wanting to work." He adjusted himself in his chair.

I didn't reply with anything as I had no idea what I was meant to say to that.

I finished polishing the large bookcase that adorned one wall of his office. All that was left for me to do was the rubbish bin and his desk but he was still sitting at it staring into his computer, and occasionally me.

I walked over to the left hand corner, which was behind his desk and bent down to pick up his rubbish bin.

On my way back up I spun around to empty the bin, my eyes looked up to see his computer screen.

Instantly my cheeks flushed, and my heart raced as images of a young woman on her knees giving a man a blow job. My eyes quickly turned away as it registered in my mind that he was watching porn.

"She doesn't look much older than you, does she?" There was amusement in his voice.

I didn't answer him I simply emptied the bin and then raced out of his office as fast as my trolley could go.

His laughter that echoed behind me told me he knew exactly how he made me feel.

After that I stayed clear of his office, and I constantly kept checking over my shoulder. I didn't want to be here, not with him.

I didn't put as much effort into the cleaning tonight, I just did enough that it looked like it had been done and then I slipped out the door without another word.

The whole way home I still continued to watch my back and was hyper aware of my surroundings.

This is not how I imagined this day would be.

Walking up to my trailer I nearly cried. It had been a long day.

And I was ready to lie in my bed and forget it all together.

"Hey girly," Rachel smiled and waved from her smoking spot, on an old sofa that sat under their awning, "Come have a drink with me."

"Actually a drink sounds really good." I sighed. I wasn't a drinker, but I felt like I needed something.

"I was thinking a coffee but something tells me you're looking for something a little stronger."

"You'd be right." I huffed as I sat my ass in the chair next to her.

"You're too young to talk like that." She scolded, but I also knew she really didn't care. "Then again you live an adult life so why not?" She got up from her seat and raced inside bring back with her two bottles of beer.

"You want to tell me what has you breaking free from your little goody too shoes act?"

"When do I act like a goody too shoes?" I didn't even really know what that meant, but I had the feeling I wouldn't like it.

"Honey no offence, but if your nose isn't in a book your ass is working hard at the job you got, I just wonder when you take time for yourself. I mean do you have fun? Do you have girlfriends you can laugh and talk with? I never see you go out, I mean when I was your age there was a party every other night, I never see you leave that little trailer of yours."

I did feel offended, or was it defensive? I was angry that she didn't see or get why I had to work and do my school work. There was no way I had time for parties or going out with friends.

Friends.

She was right on that point. I have no friends.

I mean I have Ike and Buck, and I guess I also have Frankie, but I couldn't go to either of them with feelings and emotional moments, they were boys, they didn't care.

"I can see by your look I have upset you. I didn't want that Hun." She leant over and placed a hand on my knee, "I'm just worried is all."

"This might sound sick, but I like that you're worried. I haven't had any one that has worried about me for a while."

"Oh hun," Rachel cooed.

"Can I tell you something else?" I asked her, "And this is just plain sad,"

"Shit do I want to know?" She laughed.

I smiled. "It's nothing bad." I promised. "I turned eighteen today."

"Shit Kitten that is sad." Rachel placed her cigarette down and got up from her chair, holding out her hand for me to grab. "You're coming with me."