A/N: Hi beautiful people out there:) Thank you for the love, reviews follows and stuff, it means a lot:) please keep up reviewing.. dunno what else to say then here's a new chap, I know everyone loved Kendall being the one who dictates but when I started to write this it came out the way it did and finally the title says it, they switch roles because they both need some support from each other, this time Kendall is the one being unsure, you will see:) lol I'm not sure about this chapter, I had a lot job in it, but anyway hope you like it, at least the end of it:)

much love!


Chapter 7 – Switching roles

Both of them felt sparks gaining in their lower parts, their pants had gotten tighter from two kisses. They couldn't believe it. The shock just now hit them and they quickly broke apart. Kendall stepping back and making a scared face, trying to taste James in his insides where the brunette's tongue licked him over he wondered if it was right or not.

And since James was in the same boat he wondered on the exact same thing. This moment scared them both, even if it wasn't their first kiss with a boy they knew it wasn't just about being curious, it was way more and it was uncomfortable even to James too when he already thought he was fine with being attached to guys.

Kendall slowly backed off to the bed and sat on the edge. James grabbed his clothes and put them on, Kendall didn't notice that he was full nude in the same room; he was shocked how good it felt to kiss him and wondered how it was possible. They barely knew each other and yet his erection ached in his tight jeans what he borrowed from James. This was sexual tension and nothing more. Kendall started to think, what if there was nothing more but his hormones playing with him. He was always the kind of boy who wanted to wait with any kind of sexual activities till he finds someone who deserves it and he couldn't handle the fact that he was so turned on right then on a boy who was nice and kind and sexy and he didn't even know him. He was so scared of his own feelings that he actually was making excuses again. It's not real, just hormones, curiousity, nothing more, it cannot be.

Kendall finally got what he wanted, he could taste James on his own lips and the fact that James never pulled away didn't matter, he was scared. It happened. Now he couldn't take it back anymore. He let James know that he liked him and maybe with that he screwed up the forming friendship between them. Kendall didn't understand that James simply would have pushed him away if he didn't like the kiss, he thought what he always thought, he let him to do it only from compassion and because he later would like to laugh at him or whatsoever. It was just so unreal for the blonde. He fabricated stupid reasons in his mind, reasons to prepare himself for the following minutes when James would tell him that he is a freak and that he mustn't even to look at him once again.

James supposed that Kendall was freaking out inside by the thought of the possible consequences of this kiss but he didn't dare to ask what he was exactly thinking about. Even though then he could have told Kendall that it wasn't like the blonde thought because James let him to kiss him because he likes him too, because the feeling of Kendall being so close to him is just unbearable, and because he was so glad that Kendall wanted to try it, it meant that he was wondering if he liked him too, right? Or no? James was confused too. Soon he too started to think that it was something wrong with him, he figured he maybe wasn't good enough for Kendall and the blonde just now realized it by this kiss, and that's why he just turned away without a word.

He went back to the bathroom to take another shower to cool himself off.

James was confused but he assumed it could be Kendall's problem too. No more of this, we need to talk about it so then we would know what is going on. Come on James, sometimes you need to stand on your heels. James stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed again and laid next to Kendall as he spoke up quietly. Meanwhile all the happenings, morning came by and soon it had gotten lighter in the room, they could see every detail of their faces without the lights being on.

"Kendall, we should talk and then it would be better. I know it's hard, I mean … I feel … I feel that what you do, it's confusing, mainly because we barely know each other but what we feel we can't deny that. Just think about it, I am sure you have been doing it, otherwise you wouldn't kiss me, but then you backed away, uh think of it, we haven't talked about anything and yesterday when we did it went easily, we kinda got to be friends, keep that up and let's talk, okay?"

"I don't know James. I don't know why I want this, I just want, I feel I really do. I'm scared I'd realize later that it wasn't anything serious, I was just curious and then I'd hurt you if you … if you … have this thing for me .. if it's deeper for you, you know? I want to protect ourselves."

"So then it's some kind of confession that you feel something for me, right?"

"Uhm, yeah. I'm sorry" Kendall apologized.

James let out a quiet laugh, "don't be. And don't be unsure either. I mean, what I feel for you, it isn't just an if, I really have something for you, Kendall."

Kendall couldn't believe his ears and turned to look at James' eyes, "seriously?"

James smiling said, "yeah I don't know why you pulled away when it'd got just right."

"You too pulled away, you were shocked, I saw."

"Uh Kendall. I didn't exactly know and I still don't know where it comes, how come that you now realized that you feel something. I just couldn't believe and I still can't why would you like me and when you began to back off I thought you regret it already, that it wasn't such a great thing as you may thought it would be so that's why I got confused too. But see? We just have to talk and it's all good. Isn't it? Now if you like me and I like you too we can kiss again, maybe?" James' words made Kendall smile but he still didn't feel up to it. It was just so unstable. They both were so new in this thing, they can easily hurt each other.

"I'm not sure, still, James" Kendall turned away again.

James sighed, "I give you time, as many as you need. I've been waiting long enough but I know you wouldn't hurt me, I trust you and please Kendall don't turn away just talk to me, tell me more why you're so scared so then we can get through it together, okay?"

"I'm seriously I'm just scared that I'd find out that ... I don't want to say it but from who I am, from my uncertainty, I'll never know what I want and I know I like you a lot but I just don't know where it comes and I'm scared it would go away after a time and with that I'd hurt you" Kendall honestly admitted every scare of his and felt really ashamed that he couldn't trust in his own feelings.

"Oh, well whatever can happen, I know we're kinda young to say anything for sure but if we never try we would never know if this is what we are, you know? And I know you wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose."

Kendall only responded with a sigh.

James took a deep breath and said something he knew it wasn't true but Kendall needed to open up. This time he was the one who needed to grab the lead. It was the thing being wonderful in those two teenage boys. None of them were as confident as they showed towards the world, both of them was scared of doing anything new but both Kendall and James knew if someone needed some courage, some confident to be given, then they needed to stand up and assure one another that they're not alone, that they don't have to be scared, that they can be understood only if they talk. "Look Kendall. I won't be mad at you if you later change your mind, I mean I sure I'd be a little bit but you're a great guy, I wouldn't blame you if you prefer to be with all those pretty girls over me."

"You know you don't mean that. You know you eventually would be mad and I'd understand it totally. Plus don't forget that not I'm the only one with pretty girls around. You also can turn back to them, can't you? If once I won't be good enough because there are prettier and richer and simply just better girls or even if you turn out to be really gay, there are more much better guys than I am."

James rolled his eyes, "everything's possible but yet again if we don't try it, we never will know what we just miss, ya know? About the people being better than you, I don't think I've ever known anyone better than you are, Kendall. Except my dad and Logan nobody cared about me as much as you do. It was mostly my fault, that's true, because before you came into my life I haven't opened up. Not even that much as I did it with you and as I do it lately. I mean you just now said you don't want to hurt me; you yourself are scared too that you'd turn out liking girls instead or other guys and then if I felt something for you, you'd probably break my heart. Nobody, can you hear me?" James turned his face to Kendall and lifted a hand up to his cheek. It was cold but soft, as everything in Kendall. He was closed behind a wall the same way as James was, they were so similar in that. But also with everything Kendall did he was as gentle and sweet and soft as nobody else was ever to James.

Kendall looked deeply into the brunette's eyes and listened to him as he continued, "nobody cared me this much, ever. You hear me when I say I don't care that we don't know each other and we don't know too much about one another? It all doesn't really matter because we have plenty of time to know everything we want to know and nothing matters but the fact that you're the best thing, again I ask you hear when I say you're the best thing I've ever known?"

Tears gathered in Kendall's eyes by James' words. He still didn't understand what made him so special in James' eyes, "why do you think that? What have I ever done for you that it makes you say that I'm the best? I should say that instead, James, you're all but sweet to me since the first moment and I didn't know how to handle that you didn't want to open up. I thought you hated me, I thought I would never be good. I thought you were acting all nice on the surface and then you'd quickly forget that I even exist. I didn't understand if you were that nice why you just didn't want to talk to me. That was why I didn't know how to talk to you again when we met in school. I just didn't understand why you were so nice and then so hiding. And then here, after what happened, you helped me yesterday, you made your dad help me and let me to sleep in your bed and stuff, why? Why am I so special, I didn't do a thing for you."

"You don't even know what you did" James quietly laughed and brushed a tear off of Kendall's face.

"Seriously I don't" Kendall said smiling.

James was satisfied again, "that's it, your smile Kendall."

"What about it?"

"When you smile the world stops and everything leaves me. I see you're shining and I see you're all perfect and I wish you'd be mine, forever. I know it's weird, after this short time, this young, to say something like that. But I mean it. You're so amazing that I just can't deal with it. And with not knowing what you did, you're even cuter Kendall."

"After leaving the hockey camp on that winter we met I realized how chicken I was always. I wasn't the guy all the time that I am now. I was even more closed into my own world, you know? And after seeing that you're something similar I just knew it's not right. I saw you having tons of friends and talent and everything you would need but I also saw that you're hiding as I was doing it. And as an outsider witnessing that behaving wasn't a good feeling. I didn't want to be like that again. I wanted to change. And it was hard to even start it but I knew I need to try. I'm still trying. There are things I just cannot get over, still but I'm trying because I can see that I'm not the only one and I hope if I can help myself then I give some inspiration to others too, to open up, to put trust into others, to not be scared from themselves. You know?"

"That all? You see that all because of me? I was .. I am that miserable? That's so visible that I'm so lost inside?" Kendall asked desperately just now realizing that he wasn't so good at pretending that he was fine all the time if James could see it. it wasn't that he didn't know that he was so a chicken but it hurt him that the boy he liked so much could see it. Kendall thought if he sees his weakness he'd never like him, but then why is this gentle, sweet smile, these little, warm touches on his cheeks? Why is this caring? Kendall wondered. He didn't understand, still didn't get it.

"It's not that Kendall. You're not miserable, you're just lost and confused and young and from what I know about your things with your dad, I can imagine how much you hate even to live sometimes. I just want to say that I understand you. That's why I can see that you're not okay because I feel the same, you know?" James asked and his hand kept caressing Kendall's wet from tears cheek.

"Okay" Kendall replied quietly, "but if you assumed things from the very beginning why did you never ask me? If you asked I would have told it, we would have talked and would have helped each other from the first day."

"I didn't want to get too close to you and then to loose you. I didn't know it yet back then that I'd move out here. I thought I might never see you again and I just wanted to protect ourselves."

Kendall laughed.

"What?" James asked.

"I thought there was something like that but even I was so an idiot as always, and I instead believed that you simply didn't like me that much but wanted to get through the camp easily without having problems with your roommate."

"I think I wasn't acting like someone who just wanted to do that, was I? I mean, didn't we have fun?" James cocked eyebrows as the flood of memories hit his mind.

Kendall sighed, "I told you, I didn't understand. I've never believed in my heart. I thought people wouldn't just like me for fun. Thought everyone just wants to use me or whatever. Those two weeks was a great experience what I'd never forget" Kendall said and turning his face his lips met with the skin of the back of James' hand and he kissed it then they let themselves to fall into the stream of memories.

"Hey, I'm James" the younger brunette smiled at Kendall as he was ordered to the blonde's team when they first met in winter hockey camp a year and a half ago.

It was their first day when they had gotten to introduced each other, when they got their room schedule and they got some instructions about the camp. But first of all they played.

Kendall smiled back and shook James held out hand, "Kendall, let's see what you have got" he said handing James a stick and as the captain he introduced the other guys too whilst they prepared for the game.

Kendall was amazed by the sight of James skating around and gathering their points, he was just amazing, and he couldn't take his eyes off of him. He was 15 back then, he didn't even think it through why he was staring him so bad, he just took it like he was cute and he wanted to know James more, he wanted to be his friend. It was a weird feeling though. He'd never felt such a push inside like he did feel then.

He was determined though. There was something in James what didn't let him calm, something what kept telling him that he has to know this pretty brunette. And then in the changing room when he kept eyeing him how he was lightly talking to other boys, it hit his mind that James would probably be gone when the camp ends and they would barely see each other in the next camp. But then he reminded himself he didn't know anything about him, maybe he didn't live far away and maybe if he got to know him better he wouldn't like him that much to willing to stay in contact. However Kendall made up his mind that he'd make James his friend, he just seemed someone who he could go easy with. You know there was that feeling what comes sometimes doesn't matter how big of a chicken you are, you just know it would turn out right, so Kendall tried to believe in that feeling, for now, just now once, here was the time, when if not now? If he already felt that little push he just needed to hold onto it and pull himself up, finding his confident and believe that he can make it. So yeah, you can say he really wanted to try it.

Fate seemed to help Kendall because soon they figured that they would share a room, only the two of Kendall and James. James was nervous as much as Kendall was but James being James he was covering his feelings very well and seemed so determined, so certain and it literally scared the blond away. Despite of every determination of Kendall's, he realized he was still his chicken self and even if he felt that little push he just wasn't able to face with James huge confident. If he only knew James was the same chicken-hearted as he was it would have gone easier from the first moment.

"You were really good today. Since when you're playing?" Kendall he, even himself not knowing where he got the nerve to talk, asked James when the two of them after taking their dinners with the others, got up to their room and settled into bed to get enough rest for the next day events.

James felt something special as he heard the blonde boy flipping his words straight to him. He could feel it from the first moment when Kendall laid eyes on him, but he, as much as Kendall either, couldn't take it anywhere. He smiled and getting up his balls he said, "I've skated since I was nine or a bit younger and then somehow it's just come and now I'm playing in the school team."

"I've never seen you here. Where do you live?"

"Oh yeah, this is my first time at a hockey camp, actually. My parents are working during the entire break and since I didn't have anyone to stay at, I came up with the idea that I could come here, and they didn't protest. Anyway I'm from Wisconsin, Milwaukee to be exact. I was born there and been living there since I remember. "

"Oh that's a huge city" Kendall sighed recognizing he was right. James came from a totally different world and soon he would be going back there. He swallowed, he wanted him to be his friend but how he could be friends with someone who he wouldn't be able to see for months. "So after this you will be gone for like … till the next camp, right?"

"Dunno, yeah, probably. We should take the time and get to know each other, huh?" James snuggling into the sheets asked and was sure that he wouldn't let anyone to anything about himself but he was opened to know a few new people till it wouldn't get too far and he wouldn't get too attached to them.

"Yes, now get some sleep. I'm tired, dunno if you are but I am. Good night James", Kendall said settling underneath the blankets and falling into a deep dream.


Next morning Kendall woke up yawning and stretching his body under the comforter and turning his face towards James' bed he saw the brunette was gone. He rubbed his eyes once again then got up and quickly got dressed and was about to open the door when it hit him right into the face as James stepped in.

James rushed to help Kendall up from the floor, "oh god, sorry, I didn't know you were there. I hit you hard?" James was worried seeing that Kendall kept his grip on his nose.

"No, I'm good. I guess" Kendall mumbled not taking away his hand because he felt the blood pouring out, "gotta go now", he was about to stand up but he got dizzy and his hand falling off of his nose James saw the light trail of blood.

"Shit. I made you bleeding. I take you to the nurse" James not letting Kendall to protest handed him a tissue to hold on his nose and led him out of the room. Kendall didn't feel like challenging since he knew he should go to the nurse any way, so he just accepted James' help and they didn't even speak till they reached the nurse station.

"James, quit looking at me like this. It's just a little blood, I'm fine" Kendall said as they sat down in the office and James kept sending those worrying looks which bothered Kendall more than the door in his face a few moments ago.

James of course didn't stop worrying and walked up and down in the room till the nurse took care of Kendall, "I can't stop and I won't ever. I always do it, worrying over everything. And now I'm worried that you'd want me to move out of your room, I understand if you want it so anyways but I just want to say .. "

James couldn't finish because the nurse let Kendall go and the blond spoke up again cutting James off, "then I assure you that you're staying in my room if you promise I won't wake up everyday with a door into my nose", he was already standing behind the brunette patting his shoulder.

The nurse gave them a look smiling and wondering if James was gonna freak out so he'd need some attendance too but Kendall shook his head signaling that he'd handle it so the young woman left them there alone.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to start our friendship like this, breaking your nose" James kept apologizing and not looking up.

Kendall sighed, "it's not broken and we can always start it over. Look I'm looking better than before" Kendall joked pointing at his nose and staring at himself in the mirror next to him, "plus at least it was a quick way to wash over my morning sleepiness, ya know?"

Kendall earned a quiet laugh from James, "truth to be told you look really good."

"You look better" Kendall said didn't really realizing what he just let to slide out of his mouth. Back then it didn't mean anything, none of them took it anywhere but how Kendall's mind deepened in the memory he knew he said that because he was already amazed how good looking the brunette was, already back then he was so attractive.

James being James and being proud of his look grinned, "yeah I know right. Thanks and then we really are fine, right?"

"Yes" Kendall placing a palm on his new friend's shoulder said and with that James looked up. Their eyes met and they both smiled.

James blushing a little bit turned around and grabbed the door knob, "let's go and eat then. I'm starving" he said looking back at Kendall who followed him. They headed to the cafeteria and Kendall spoke first, "uhm anyway where were you in the morning?"

"I went for a run, you know I love to run in the morning when the air is still a bit chilly and it clears the system out, you know?" James explained.

Kendall nodded, "yes, I can imagine that but for me the trainings are tiring enough. I don't do personal work out. I was just wondering where you had been disappearing to, you know."

"Yeah that's nice from you. You were worried or what?" James giggled.

Kendall poking his finger into James' stomach, "I knew if you got lost I'll be the first one who'd be asked where you are and I didn't want to get into trouble at the very beginning of the camp because of a soon-to-be friend."

"Yeah I get that. So you wanna be friends then with me?" James raised eyebrows at Kendall and they took their place in the line of guys who were waiting for their breakfast.

Kendall swallowed knowing if they can be good friends, like real good friends it wouldn't be problem if they split apart, so he knew it was worth a try, "yes."

"Great to see that you've gotten over the fact that I'd leave as the camp ends."

Kendall shook his head in confusion, "where did you know?"

"I kinda felt the same. I got your point when you cut our talk last night so quickly", with the last word leaving James' mouth they got to the opened window where they served their meals.

Taking a free table they got seats and ate in silent and talking about hockey. They had discussed how long they had played and how far they wanted to get in it but both of them avoided talking about too personal things like about family stuff since that was a sensitive spot to Kendall as well to James too for some reason. And however they seemed to get along well and having a lot in common neither of them wanted to get too far into things which would hurt their own hearts when they decided to go to camp to have fun and to break out of their every now and then uncomfortably sad and depressing lives.

James liked Kendall, Kendall liked James, the time had flown away when they were together and they didn't even notice it. Even though it wasn't the first time Kendall spending his break at that camp, it was the best so far. He had friends, guys who had played with him but he couldn't get along so well with any of them as he could with James. He seemed to be different, understanding, caring, not like the other young teenage boys who had wanted to be the big wannabes. James had a personality, Kendall knew it after a few hours of knowing him but he also noticed that he was acting differently if others were around. Kendall noticed that certain things always had been skipped if they started a conversation, and also he was the same as his own self, he hid after a mask. The difference was that that James had a way better mask than he had and also in his weak moments Kendall could let it fall off and with that people could see in to him. Kendall kept wondering if he ever was going to see through James' mask, or if he ever would be enough for James to take it off, if the brunette would ever trust him that much that he'd show him more of his real self. Kendall wished for the better.

When they were alone in their rooms James was all nice and even sweet for a guy in their ages, and Kendall being kinda cheesy loved it, but he'd have never admitted that, not back then.

When they were out around the other guys, James was totally different. Not in a bad way, because that James was also nice, but it was something else from that what Kendall had got to see when there were only the two of them.

James was upset from the first moment, kinda regretting that he had come to the camp. He knew if he makes friends it would be hard to leave and with being only his self with Kendall made everything easier. He was anyway the kind of kid being scared of everything, mostly of getting friends. Not because he had really bad experiences but he was always afraid of losing them, so he just gathered a few close ones and didn't really care about others.

Kendall felt special that he could be a part of that tight group (because he was sure in that, he was a part of that already) who James let close enough to discover he was even more amazing as he seemed at first sight.

Kendall settled into bed and looked over at James as the first week was over and they both lied exhausted in their room wondering how the rest of the camp would be going, "why are you so quiet today?"

James snapped out of his thoughts and continued playing with a small ball in his hands, throwing it up to the ceiling and then catching it and so on, "am I quiet?"

The blonde shrugging said, "yes you are. Today even more than other days. Is there something wrong? Don't you like to be here?"

"Kendall, stop thinking that it's because I don't like to hang with you" James said sending a smile to Kendall who felt relieved hearing those words. Kendall really was scared that James didn't like him, didn't like to spend his time with him. "I'm just tired."

"Tired of playing? Couldn't you get used to it yet, during all those long years?"

James rolled his eyes, "nah, it's not exactly that kind of tiredness. Hockey is always some kind of relax for me, that's weird though, I know but it really is because then I don't think of anything but the game, that I have to do my best and everything you know? I can forget all my problems and play without thinking about tomorrows or yesterdays."

Kendall sat up half thinking he should go over to James and hug him but being unsure he just turned with full body to the brunette assuming it would be enough prove for him that he was listening to him whatever he needed to say, "you can talk to me, anytime. I know we don't know each other for that long and I see you try to avoid being close to too much people, like you wouldn't want them to ask anything or I don't know but I think I can be a good listener and since we are kind of friends, I'm just saying. Believe me when I say, I have a lot in my mind too. That's why I try to have fun all the time, get friends, which is hard because somehow it's not so easy for me either to open up but at least I'm trying to be around people so I'm not thinking about stuff, you know?" This hidden side of Kendall's was the thing helping James later, he later realized thanks to Kendall that with simply talking to someone can be the key to the resolution of your problems. Though he couldn't see it back then yet. He refused to talk, instead he quickly got over a weak moment and was always about to take the other's mind off.

James pushed himself up to his elbows, "yeah I know. That's what I'm doing too. I see you are similar as me. That's why I don't want to tell you anything. It's just, you know, I think you could perfectly understand me, and we could be so great friends but soon … " with a heavy sigh he fell back into the cuddle of the pillows on his bed.

Kendall nodded quietly, "yeah, you'd be gone in a few days."

James jumped off of the bed suddenly and stood above Kendall, "come on, let's use our time and have fun. Forget about problems and stuff, let's do what we can the best." Here it came, quick way to get over the problem instead of talking it out.

The blonde accepting James' hand sat up and they were in the door soon, "where you wanna go?"

It was almost time for bed for the guys. Outside it had gotten dark, they weren't allowed to go out after 8, since they were strangers in the city plus they were underage, nobody wanted them to get into trouble.

"Dunno. But I saw some girls winking at us during dinner, we could find them."

"Girls?" Kendall tried to catch up on the line, "where did you see girls here?"

"Where are you wearing your eyes, Knight?" James laughed, "they are from a skate team and they have a camp here as we do. We eat in the same cafeteria every day, didn't you notice them?"

Kendall was thinking for a moment. Actually he always went to hockey camp to hang with dudes and not to look for girls. Girls didn't make him too excited anyway, all of them were too bitchy and he could never see anything attractive in any of them. At school it was different because he needed to keep up his image but anyway he wasn't too interested there either. If they were around, flirting and smiling at him, he every now and then gave it back and talked to them but never felt anything special.

James was the same but since he didn't talk about too personal things with his new friend, they never discussed girls in that tight week since they'd known each other so he assumed Kendall would be interested in some adventure related to the nice girls around them. Plus he really didn't know that Kendall didn't even notice the girls around, if he knew he would have never come up with that idea because actually James didn't care about them either but knowing that every other guy buddies would do something similar he just thought it was right to bring that up.

"Oh no. As I told you before, I have a lot in my mind. I dunno, I just … when we don't speak to each other or others I'm just sitting thinking about things, you know? I didn't look really around, I didn't want you to think that I'm not paying attention to you."

"Oh, that's nice but they are here. If we have some luck they are in this campus or the next one, we should sneak out", James grabbed the doorknob but Kendall pulled him back.

"Wait, we can't just go out and start to do whatever you want with them, it's not like that. If they catch us breaking rules we maybe won't be allowed to come back."

James grabbed a tight hold on Kendall's shoulder pulling out his confident himself just to avoid the entire night being in death silent or possible more talk he just wanted to get out and Kendall to stop asking any kind of things about his life because he really didn't want to get too close to him, it would hurt too much to say good bye then, "Kendall, nobody is ever gonna catch us. We just go down to the lobby and look around. If they are here, probably a few of them is there watching TV or something like that. At least we can check them out, huh?"

Kendall once again sighed, "okay, there's nothing wrong in that, I guess", he decided to not challenge or it would be suspicious to James.

They took the elevator and once when they reached the common floor where the entertaining room was they heard loud laughter, boys and also girls. James gave a "told you so" look to Kendall as they made their way towards the noises through the hallway without speaking words but pounding hearts in their chests.

None of them desired for girls in fact but finally Kendall too realized that it can be a good chance to forget as hockey was, plus James wanted it so, it wouldn't be that bad. Before this year Kendall didn't really care about asking any girls out by himself. If a girl asked him he would go for a movie or something but nothing serious. After this night Kendall recognized that being around girls can be more of a tool to get out of the world than hanging with guys. He wasn't attracted to them but they were fine for him, after this night and after he saw how easily James handled everything which was related to girls.

James needed to handle everything easily since everyone had expected him to do so and since Kendall didn't challenge more he assumed it could be the best thing they can do.

After some flirting with a few girls and playing air hockey (what else if they already were hockey players anyway) and after the guardians came that it was about the time to go sleep for both teams they separated from their actual partners and headed up to their room again.

Stepping into the elevator they spoke again to each other. It didn't happen in at least a whole hour, although James was eyeing Kendall and Kendall was eyeing James all the time to study how they behave around the girls they didn't speak.

"That was great, really" Kendall said.

James turning to him with a smile and giving a light punch into the blonde's bicep "told you it would be. Sometimes girls can be fun. And these girls aren't those girls at school, at least not they are like in my school, I don't know about you. These were interesting and some of them even funny and hot oh yeah they are hot", James had gotten a little bit carried away with complimenting the girls but he wanted to be sure that Kendall wouldn't assume that he more liked to be around him than with any kind of girls. Since Kendall seemed having fun he booked it like Kendall liked girls as a normal teenage boy would do and it was all fine for him if they never get too close to each other. And James knew it wouldn't happen since they both would go home soon and they wouldn't see each other till summer camp.

"Yeah, sure. Let's just get into bed, I'm tired as hell" Kendall headed to their room and after they were in he just fell into bed and sleep came in the second he covered himself with the blanket.

He was lucky. James wasn't that much. He thought he could sleep easily after that day and after all the girls around but it didn't really work. At least Kendall didn't ask more and James didn't feel bad for closing Kendall out of certain things of his but he didn't feel too good either since there were a lot of things he could have told to the blonde, things what other boys would tell about themselves if they were in some kind of friendship but James just wasn't able to do it. Not now when he knew he'd just tell everything and then they'd probably never or only months later would see each other.

They had a lot fun but they both kept their distance and it had the effect on every each day of theirs.

Kendall sighed, "it was fun, even if we were just friends on the surface. I mean, well you know how I mean, now that I thought it through again, I get everything. I just should have given that push and not being a chicken to open up and with that you'd have done the same."

"It's good this way, Kendall. I told you I don't know how I would have got through everything if I knew that there was someone understanding me and then we just had to split apart, you know?"

"Yeah but, yet it would have been a bigger motivation, haven't it?"

James thinking for a moment and trying to find another way to explain Kendall how he exactly helped without even knowing it, and that it was great how it worked, he just closed his eyes for a bare second and then begtan to speak after sucking in a hard breath, "I knew I should find someone who could drag me out of my own darkness, who'd help me to trust people. You were the one who could've perfectly understood me but since I knew we probably would never meet again I didn't want to open up and tell you everything about myself because then you'd have done the same and it would have been heartbreaking to get separated after finding someone who totally gets you. It would have been hard for me and also for you but from then I knew I need to find at least a few true friends who I can talk about everything with. Before you I didn't know it's so needy. I was fine by myself. You saved me and you didn't even know it Kendall."

"Neither you nor I talked about personal things, we were both closed and with that we scared each other, I guess, right? I mean I knew you don't want to talk but if you ever asked anything I'd have told you."

"I didn't want you to do that, for the reason I said before. I saw you were similar as me, I noticed you acted different if a lot people were around and if there were only the two of us. I knew you would understand me but I didn't want us to get into pain if we never meet again."

"But with not letting each other that close I thought you didn't like me. I see that it somewhat helped you but it was rough for me, I thought you wanted to forget me after those weeks and that's why you kept your distance."

"Now you know it wasn't for that but you also know that however it happened you helped me a lot. When Logan came I could see the good in him and didn't assume that he only had bad intentions, I could open up to him and we've got to be great friends."

Kendall turned away again and stared the ceiling letting out heavy sighs, "yeah."

James again didn't know mentioning Logan can make such a big problem, "what is it again? Why do you turn away every time I start to talk about things, deeper things, when I really want you to listen to me and maybe you yourself too to talk about your things?"

"You don't even notice what you're doing every time you start to talk about 'deeper things'?" Kendall asked annoyed.

James shaking his head, "no?"

"Well, let me explain you then" Kendall sat up by the frustration totally forgetting about his injury he didn't even feel a spark of pain, "whenever we start to talk you at some point bring up Logan and you talk about him as he was a God, someone so special that no one can replace and there is that tiny smile on your fucking pretty face when it's about him and I just can't not see it, okay? That's my problem."

James gasped for air and almost burst out in laughter as Kendall's words reached his mind, "Kendall I don't know why you say that. Logan is my best friend, of course he is someone special, no one ever can replace him and I really love him because of those reasons I told you minutes ago. I told you that before I came here I've never had any real friends as he is, I thought I have but I realized I haven't actually because even if you and I wasn't really that close in that two week it was even more of a friendship than anything I had before, plus just to let you know for Logan's friendship I actually owe to you because at hockey camp you made me realize that sometimes I need to open up for the people who seem like willing to care me and if I ever knew that you and I will meet again I would have talked to you as I haven't but I couldn't open to someone who I thought I would never see again. Even if you already back then meant more than anybody in my life, I just couldn't do it. But then when I came here and we found each other with Logan and I saw he's a good guy, and I knew that he wouldn't be gone I just felt like I was ready to let him into my life if it gets sure that he is the possible best friend I have ever wanted. Logan is important but not in a romantic way, he's my best friend."

"Look James. I get you, I get everything you say about this might never see each other again, I felt the same, that was why I've never pushed you and never tried to courage you with telling my life story so maybe you'd open up. I totally get you and I've always done I just don't like it that Logan is always there" Kendall groaned and lowered back to the bed facing the ceiling and starting the sharp pain collecting in his abdomen. Being anxious didn't make it better, he knew it too but he couldn't help, James behaving frustrated him.

"I don't know anyway why you're doing such a big of a problem out of this. You're acting like I'm not trying anything. I mean I help you though you were being a jerk to me in the last couple of months. I mean I let you to kiss me so then you could see if there is only the curiousity working in you or not. I let you to do it even if I was scared to death you'd realize it's a mistake and if I don't try to talk again afterwards we wouldn't be anywhere, I try everything to assure you that I really like you and I just want to make you see that you want it too between us but you're so scared still that you come up with ridiculous excuses in the hope that I'd just give up."

James then took a little break but soon he continued, "Kendall if you never quit being so chicken sooner or later I'll get tired and even if I don't want to, I maybe will give it up, that is what you want."

Only silence. Come on, show him you won't give up. But I need to scare him a bit. James gathered some thoughts of his with the intention of speaking more and using this time in silence to make Kendall think that he really would give it up sometime.

But of course he was still far away from giving up so he began again, not wanting to scare Kendall away just in the very beginning that he'd be able to move on so easily.

"I opened up about things to calm you down and with that I made myself crying, for you, Kendall" he thought of his mom and tears filled his hazel eyes again, his voice got weaker too, just by the thought of his mom, "You're acting like I'm not trying to apology for the wasted time. It wasn't my fault anyway that we ended up how we did. You were the one acting all idiot around me because you thought ah whatever you thought, Knight" James ready to leave the room walked up to the door and Kendall followed him with his eyes, "but it all doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you thought, I can understand, I know I was the same idiot at some point, but if you miss the point Kendall, it doesn't matter. I can do anything and you wouldn't see how much I want it, I truly want it. You don't know, you can't see how much I'm changing in the hope that maybe then I could get closer to you again, because I feel like I'm really ready to get closer, to let you in, now I know you'd be here and there's that little thing in your eyes what keeps me believing that maybe, I say maybe you want me to be close to you. But when I look at you I also see that the bigger part of you isn't ready at all, Kendall. You imagine things that aren't exist at all, you try to build up a picture so then you shouldn't see the real thing. The real thing that you want me to be there, that you desire people to be close to you and care to you but you're so scared still that you just can't believe that they want only good for you. You're always scared that you'd get hurt, and I get that but try to understand that you'll never learn and never get experiences if you never try new things. Kendall I've learnt these things after I met you and wasn't that scared anymore to be a little bit more opened. You helped me, why do you not let me to help you too?"

Meanwhile James was speaking Kendall sat up again and stared in front of his self, down at the blue carpet under his feet and sometimes letting his eyes to wander up to James who was almost crying during his speech. James was ready to leave though but he never wanted to leave, he just wanted Kendall to see that he was ready to walk out of his life if he wanted it, if he still wasn't able to understand even if things could have been better it all doesn't matter because they reached to a point where they still can re-start everything and they still are young, they still can give a chance to each other.

"Just look where we are" James continued, "no matter what happened, the main point is that you helped me so much and I want you to see that. I want you to see that we can help each other more, together if you too start to kick that wall off around you. Just slowly, how I'm doing it. First trying to deal with everything around me, then with you, then with you smiling, then with you sweating on the ice, then with you naked in my bathroom and getting strength from all of that and push myself that if I want to know what I feel, if I want to learn something new I have to open up. You have to try it too, otherwise you'd be lost forever in a world you imagine it's kinda good just because then you wouldn't hurt anyone and you wouldn't get hurt either."

Kendall was always good at going after his head and doing things what came suddenly into his mind, without thinking things through totally. He didn't know that with him being as random as he was helped James and he didn't ever dare to think that James would see so much of him. Everything was so true, now how he listened to the brunette ranting about how important it is to open up.

He let out a quiet chuckle as he rose up off the bed and headed to James and was thinking about the way he woke up a little bit more than an hour earlier. He was determined to discover if James liked him back, he was determined that he'd show it to James how much he meant for him, he was about to tell him a few things and persuade him that it was worth a try to them to know each other and to start something together and then finally they ended up James giving a piece of his mind to Kendall.

James stood there frozen waiting for Kendall to say anything but he only heard that light chuckle escaping the blonde' mouth and soon he found himself being sandwiched between the hard wooden door and Kendall's body. Their breaths jumped between their faces on and back how they got too close again, how Kendall's eyes still full of fears but also now more of a determination of breaking out from those scares were deeply dug into James' hazel ones and searched for the answer to the never asked question.

James lifting hands up to Kendall's cheek and giving him that answer with certain and slow circling moves with the caress of his fingertips and with a quiet nod of his head, he leant in and placed his lips against Kendall's.

Yesterday morning if someone tells him that the following morning he'd kiss Kendall twice, he'd probably have thought of it as the best joke of the week but now it was all but real. He was kissing Kendall. The guy he wanted since who knows when, probably from the first moment but it took 18 months to him to realize that it wasn't that impossible as it may seemed always.

And Kendall? He just felt the safety he ever wanted. He believed in James' words, he knew James would be the person to help him to get through all of his fears. Deep inside he always knew it but he didn't want to believe it because of the way they both were closed from each other he never thought that he could mean that much to James as much as the brunette said he did. It was amazing feeling to know that James felt the same way as he did, it was the best thing on earth actually. He always wanted him to get him, he hoped he would do it and if James had ever told him earlier that he actually really did felt the exact same thing, he really did see the helping hand in Kendall then everything what's now happening, this kiss and all those awesome feelings in his stomach, the butterflies, the tickling everywhere in his veins, those things would have happened earlier.

But it didn't matter. Kendall now could see that it all didn't matter. What matter was the fact that where they were now was an amazing place to be and from then they can go along, together.