Alexander & Jane – Chapter 7

"Alexander?" he choked out, caught off guard by the name, and rightly unable to believe his ears.

"That's me!" chirped the young boy, completely unaware of the strange look that Castle was now giving his mother.

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts on the potential implications, and knelt down to the boy's level. His eyes naturally roamed over Alexander's features, and he couldn't help but notice the little nuances that were so very telling of the boy's parentage. He stuck out his hand and the boy looked cautiously up at Beckett, who nodded. Alexander then grabbed a hold of Castle's hand with a firm grip, and shook it.

"Richard Castle," he introduced himself.

"Alexander James Beckett, but you can call me Alex," the boy said, grinning widely as he introduced himself. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Castle." He paused and looked between his mother and Castle. "Are you that author guy that my mom loves?"

"Loves?" Castle put a bemused smile on his face and glanced up at Beckett, who scoffed and rolled her eyes, though he did notice how a slight blush began to take root, even if she attempted to stifle it. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Cool!" Alex enthused. "Mom's always got her nose buried in one of your books. She has this whole shelf dedicated to them, and all of them are autographed… she gets them on eBay because she's too busy at work to stand in line."

Castle smirked and glanced up at Beckett to see her eyes slowly growing wide with embarrassment as Alex continued on.

"Oh… and she spends way too much time on this website chatting with other fans about your books," Alex said, shaking his head as if he disapproved. "Gosh, she's like always on it. Checks it every morning and every night." He paused for a breath. Castle couldn't help but smile. He was a cute kid. "But mostly, Mom likes to read your books when she's taking her bath—"

"Okay, Alex, that's enough," Beckett jumped in, her face turning almost beet red. "Dad?" she turned back to the older man.

Castle looked up and then it hit him. This was Beckett's father. The man who—thanks to his encouragement—she'd started to talk to again. He couldn't help but smile with some pride at seeing how close the two appeared to be now.

Mr. Beckett nodded and held out his hand towards his grandson. "Come on, Alex," he said. "Let's go find that book and leave your mother and Mr. Castle alone… to talk," he suggested.

Alex seemed to mull over this for a moment before relenting with a nod. "Okay," he turned back to Castle. "It was nice to meet you, Mr. Castle."

"Same here, Alex," Castle replied with a smile and waved farewell as Mr. Beckett took Alex's hand and led him away. Castle sighed and turned his attention back to Beckett, who was standing there with an anxious look on her face. "He's a cute kid."

She smiled meekly. "Thanks," Beckett breathed out, then added, "He takes after his father." She laughed nervously.

"So… you're what? Married? Divorced? Separated?" he asked, feeling his heart clench in his chest as he agonized over what her answer might be.

Though, if he was honest, there was a big part of him that believed he already knew the answer… not just to her relationship status, but also to Alex Beckett. However, he had been crushed so many times in the past, that he decided to not let his imagination get away with him and imagine things that were not there. Perhaps his overactive imagination had just supplied familial features to the boy in futile hope. He sighed, and cleared his head of such thoughts. If she had had his son… she would have called, would have told him, wouldn't she?

"Married… no," she shook her head. "We… we never really got that far."

"Sorry," he said, not knowing why he was apologizing. A bemused smile took over his face and his eyes sparkled as he looked back up at her. "Alexander, huh?"

Beckett took a deep breath and nodded.

"Nice name," he said, smiling, hoping it didn't look too happy.

"Yes," she nodded, noncommittally.

"Did… did you…?" he began.

"Name him after you?" she finished, giving him a look that said, Seriously? You're that full of yourself?

He nodded, not at the 'full of yourself' but at asking whether or not she had named her son after him.

She looked at him for a moment, and brought her hands up to run through her hair. He watched as she took a shaky breath. Clearly she was debating telling him. He waited with baited breath, pursing his lips, hardly believing that they were having this conversation… here and now.

After what seemed like an eternity (he was being overly dramatic), Beckett seemed to have finally decided on what to say. She took another breath and looked up at him, her eyebrows knitting together in determination.

"I named him after his father," Beckett volunteered, her eyes skirting around wildly, like she was debating the instinctually desire of flight or fight.

"His father's name was Alexander, too?" Castle asked, his breath hitching up as he tried to block out images of Beckett with another man. He knew it was ridiculous to think she hadn't had any other relationships after him… he'd had some after her, yet he had never let it get any further than just the physical, as his heart had always belonged to Jane… even when he had married Gina, Jane had still held his heart. He had had feelings for those he had been with, yes… but never the same feelings that he had had with Jane… with Kate.

Beckett frowned, and bit her lower lip. "Well, not exactly…," she said, not shrinking from his gaze. "At the time, I had thought it was, but no… it wasn't. That was just the name I knew him as."

"Oh," his heart thumped profoundly as his thoughts once again became hopeful. His mind recalled the young boy's features, blue eyes and brown hair. And then his age. Castle let out a wishful breath as he quickly did the calculations in his head. His hopes surged again. He couldn't help it.

"He's yours, Castle," Beckett said, ending the mystery, even though it had already become clear to him when she had started speaking of the boy's father, not to mention Alex was clearly a Castle… after all, he had too many of his facial features not to be. "When… when… when we broke up—"

"We didn't break up," he snarled, suddenly angry, remembering it all. "You ran."

"Yeah, well, you lied about who you were!" she snapped back.

His cheeks flushed with… with… God, he didn't know what to call it, but whatever playfulness they had had previously was gone. His chest was heaving with injustice and fury. "You should have told me… damn it! You should have told me," he seethed quietly. "I had a right to know."

Beckett took a step back, her own face flushed. "I know," she averted her eyes, looking ashamed. "And I'm sorry. But you… you have to understand, I was angry back then. I… I…"

"You what?"

She breathed through her nose and tilted her head, forcing herself to return his gaze. "I thought that you were just using me for a good time. I mean, why else would Richard Castle use a fake name with me?"

"It wasn't really a fake name," he objected, trying to control his own anger.

"I know… birth name Richard Alexander Rodgers, but come on, Castle… how was I suppose to know?" she asked. "Back then your picture was hardly plastered all over Page Six all the time." She let her voice fall off, seeing how hurt his face looked.

Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck, ignoring that comment about Page Six, and looked her in the eyes. "Does… does he know?" he asked, gesturing in the direction Mr. Beckett and Alex had gone.

She followed his gaze and shook her head. "No, I… I haven't told him," she answered.

"And your dad?" Castle questioned, feeling the heat leave his face. He was suddenly feeling very humiliated.

Beckett nodded in confirmation. "He knows."

Castle took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair, thinking. "This…," he jabbed the air. "This is why you were so pissed at me, wasn't it?"

She averted her eyes and shifted on her feet, nodding. "Yes. I blamed you for… for it… for everything. I know now how irrational and stupid I was. I know it now. I was young, Castle… so young… and I really didn't understand, not truly. I needed time to grow up, to mature. But Castle… you have to know… I don't regret it. Any of it. I love Alexander. He… he is everything to me."

He watched as a smile of pride spread crossed her face. It was a beautiful sight to behold. He could not help but smile as well. He recognized that smile. It was one he'd had many times when he had taken parental pride in Alexis.

"He's good at school, excels really," she said. "He's very good at reading and writing for his age." Beckett looked at him. "Something I think he gets from you."

"Beckett… Kate…," he began, not knowing what he was going to say.

She held up a hand, asking him to wait. He swallowed and nodded.

"If… if it wasn't for Alexander, I would never have gotten my life back on track…, I wouldn't be where I am now," Beckett said, averting her eyes for a moment. "Him… and you."

"Me?"

"Yes," she nodded, looking a little hesitant. She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue. "That month we were together… I won't lie, Castle… it was the happiest I have ever been since my mother died. Being with you… it… it helped me sort myself out. And… and you gave me Alexander." She smiled. It was that smile again, one of a proud and happy parent. "Thanks to you, I have my little man. And he's wonderful, Castle. Truly wonderful."

She paused, seemingly finished. He looked up to her to ask if it was okay if he spoke now. She gave a nod.

"I'm sorry," he said, not knowing why he was apologizing. In his mind, what he had done was not as severe or selfish as what she had done. While he had used his birth name, she had used some random name, and judging from her age at the time, and the location of their first meeting, it had just been the name she had used to get into that club.

Castle closed his eyes and rubbed them with the heels of his hands. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he summoned up all his will power to not be anger, to not blow up. Despite everything, he loved her, he truly did. Opening his eyes, he looked back at Beckett, really looked at her, letting her see the true him… the real him, the version of him she had known as Alexander. Her breath seemed to catch at the sight.

"Let me explain, okay?"

She nodded, "Okay." Her voice was small and weak. God, how he hated that. He wanted her to be herself, to be strong.

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Castle forced himself to say what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. "I used my middle name because I… I didn't want to meet some crazy fan," he said. "I wanted someone who would… would like me for me, not because of the fame associated with me. I didn't need an obsessed stalker back then… I wanted someone real. I wanted you." He paused and took a deep breath. "Everything that happened between us," he gestured between them, "was real. I only ever kept my true name and profession from you."

He watched as she nodded and absorbed what he said. Beckett's face was difficult to read, and Castle didn't know if he had truly gotten through to her.

"I… I had just gotten out of a terrible marriage with Meredith…," he continued, seeming to believe he needed to say more to get through her thick skull. Sometimes, she was frustratingly dense when it came to true emotions, at least from his current experience with the Detective Kate Beckett. "Alexis was the only positive thing to come from that whole fiasco. And after all of that… I then met you, and I was terrified… truly terrified that if you knew who I really was, you'd assume I was just there to pick up some one-night-stand."

He paused and looked at her seriously. "Despite what you may think, Kate," he said, using her first name. "I do not do one night stands. When I'm with someone, it's because I want to be there for more than just a fling… a tussle in the sheets, do you understand?"

Castle noticed the small smile that tugged on her lips as she looked at him, nodding. He took that as a sign of hope that whatever illogical excuses she had given herself in the past were floating away from her subconscious, and that the real truth of the month, so long ago, was finally seeping in.

"I never forgot about you, Kate, never," he continued. "I spent nearly four years looking for you." Beckett looked genuinely surprised by that bit of news, even a little touched. "All I had was the name Jane, and the fact you went to NYU. But when I checked, all the Janes there… well, they weren't you."

"Four years?"

He nodded. "I only married Gina because I wanted to give Alexis a mother…," he sighed. "Biggest mistake I ever made."

Beckett crossed her arms and looked at him cautiously. "What about all those women on Page Six?"

"That… that's all fake. For publicity," he said, giving her a bemused expression. "As a trained detective… one of the city's best, I might add… I thought you would have deduced that. After all, you are one of the few people who knows the real me."

"I… what?" she stammered, blinking in confusion.

Castle nodded. "There have only been brief instances in my life when I got to be the real me, not the persona of Richard Castle," he explained. "And one of the happiest times I ever had, simply being me, was that month with you, Kate." He paused and swallowed. "You've finally come clean about Alexander, even if it was forced on you… and I'm still angry about it," she nodded in understanding, "but let me tell you something else about that month together…"

"Castle… you don't," she began to protest as he took a step closer to her, crowding her against the bookshelf. He knew that she was self-conscious, but he didn't care if anyone saw them. He had to tell her.

"I was getting ready to tell you," he asserted, leaning closer. "We were getting serious, Kate. Really serious. I was going to introduce you to Alexis, and tell you the truth… I was even thinking about asking you to move in… hopefully a step towards something more, but I knew it was too soon after getting divorce to jump into that again, but… but with you, everything felt so right. I… I just had to get over the hurdle of telling you who I really was, and then hoping you didn't bolt." He looked away and sighed, finally giving her some breathing room. "Which you did… granted, the circumstances in which you discovered the truth weren't ideal… but your reaction confirmed my worst fears. But still…," he looked back into her eyes, seeing tears forming. "I… I didn't give up hope on finding you again."

He stepped fully back, allowing Beckett to reach up and wipe at her eyes and compose herself. He knew she didn't like her emotions getting the better of her, so he gave her the time she needed. Castle would have loved nothing more than to have done that himself, to have reached up with his hand and tenderly wipe away her tears, and then hold her in his arms, soothing and comforting her, but it was too soon for that. And he wasn't going to push his luck.

Finally, when she was ready, he turned back to her, seeing that her eyes were still watery.

"I…," her voice cracked, and she paused, swallowing hard before continuing. "At the bookstore, when I found out you were Richard Castle… I… I jumped to conclusions… I thought that you were the persona in the papers, and that I… that I was nothing but… but some toy for your entertainment."

Castle shook his head. "Never. You were far more than that, Kate… far more."

Beckett chewed on her lower lip and gazed up at him. "I can't believe I'm going to ask this," she let out a breath and averted her eyes for a moment. When her gaze returned to his, he believed she looked almost hopeful. "You said you searched four years for me?" He nodded. "Do… do you still feel the same way... as you did back then?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation, the word slipping out before he could even think. Seeing her reaction to his affirmation, he felt he needed to say more, even though he was quite obvious how he felt. "My feelings have never changed. Even now, knowing you as you are now, I still feel the same, maybe even a little more than back then."

Castle watched as she took this in, her eyebrows knitting together. She blinked, and a look passed across her face. He recognized it. It was determination, mixed with anxiety and worry. Her lips parted, but before she could form the first word, they were once again interrupted by Alex and Mr. Beckett, who were coming back after making their purchase. Castle watched as Beckett completely transformed in front of his eyes. Whatever she had been gearing up to tell him was forgotten, as all her focus turned to her son… their son.

He exchanged a look with Jim Beckett and noticed that the man was narrowing his eyes at him. He wondered just how much Mr. Beckett knew of his daughter's history with him. Meanwhile Beckett was smiling down at Alex and fussing with his hair. Castle slipped away while she was distracted, concentrating on her son.

Searching the crowds around his books, he found his mother and daughter. Martha gave him a tentative smile.

"Sorry about that, darling," she apologized. "I hope I didn't make things worse for you and the detective."

"No, it's alright, mother," he said. "We're fine… just… Mother, brace yourself for some news…" Martha narrowed her eyes, looking worried. "Detective Beckett… she… she's Jane."

Martha gaped, stunned, and Alexis smiled knowingly, having been there when Castle and Beckett had reunited during the launch party for Storm Falls. She had seen his reaction, and had heard what he had said when confronted with the detective for the first time. Plus, she was rather clever, and no doubt had already guessed the truth by how he would drop anything at the detective's beck and call.

"Castle?" the sound of her voice startled him.

He turned around, not missing the look that Martha was now giving Beckett as the tall brunette came walking over, one hand firmly grasping her son's. Jim Beckett was behind them, staying at a respectful distance.

"Oh," Alexis suddenly said, stepping forward. "Here's your jacket, Detective."

Beckett smiled and thanked Alexis, before looking up at Castle. They locked eyes and he knew that she was asking him if they should tell the teen. Ever so slightly he shook his head, just enough that only she could tell. Now was not the time. He wanted to sort out whatever it was that they were before he dragged the rest of his family into the quagmire he had gotten himself in.

"Here, let me help," he offered, taking the jacket from her and holding it up, allowing her to slip her arms into the sleeves. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, giving him a brief nod of thanks. The look radiating out of her eyes could kill him, really… it could.

"So… see you Monday?" she asked, looking hopeful as she reached down to take a hold of Alex's hand once again. The young boy was looking at Castle and Alexis with a curious expression. Castle could not help but notice that his eyebrows knitted together in much the same why as Alexis's did when she was that age and was thinking hard. The expression was also mixed with that adorable nose wrinkle Beckett had when she, herself, concentrated.

"Of course," he said, smiling, as he returned his attention to the brunette detective… his Jane… his Kate (well, hopefully soon to be his Kate).

Beckett returned the smile and his heart soared at the happiness being displayed on her face. The whole hostility over his choice of names for his fictional character seemed to have been forgotten, at least for the moment.

"Then, I'll see you at the precinct," Beckett said, nodding.

He inclined his head in response, slipping an arm over Alexis's shoulder. He noticed that his daughter looked slightly confused as to the change in the detective's attitude. Sighing inwardly, he knew that he was going to get interrogated later by both his mother and daughter. They were hell when they tag-teamed against him.

Beckett looked down. "All right, Alex, let's go," she said. "It's well past someone's bedtime."

"Ah, come on, Mom," the boy grumbled. "It's a Friday… you always let me stay up on Friday."

Beckett shook her head and rolled her eyes, looking like she was suppressing a smile. "Goodnight," she said to them, and then tugged her son along with her as she headed for the bookstore's exit, her father at her side. She paused, and arched her neck over her shoulder. "Oh, and Castle?"

"Yes?" he called back.

"Our little talk about," she narrowed her eyes, "Nikki Heat… we're not done with that."

And with that, she was gone. Castle stood there for a moment with a bemused smile on his lips. It only took a minute for his mother's voice brought him back to the present.

"Did I hear that right?" Martha said, standing slightly in front of him, her mouth partly open. "Did that young boy call her, Mom?"

Castle nodded. "Yes. You heard correctly, Mother." He chuckled. "Don't worry. I won't be committing you anytime soon."

His mother huffed and gave him a slap on the shoulder. He just smiled in return.

"She's married?" Alexis looked up at him, a little sadness in her eyes, as she knew how he felt about the detective, since it was now clear to everyone that Detective Kate Beckett was the mysterious Jane from his past.

"No," he said. "And that man standing behind her, that's her father." He paused and frowned. "I don't know if he likes me."

"Why not?" Martha asked, laughing lightly, still a little shocked over the revelation that Beckett was the mythical Jane from her son's past. Castle knew that she had always assumed he had made her up. "You're very likeable, Richard."

"Well," he half cocked his head. "If I was him, I'd probably not like me, either."

"Why?" this time it was Alexis.

"Because… that little boy… well, I'm his father," he let slip, hearing both Alexis and Martha gasp. He groaned, unable to believe that he had gave away such information so easily. Hopefully Beckett wouldn't kill him for his slip, especially when they had silently communicated to keep it quiet. He took a quick breath and prepared himself for the barrage of questions.

XXX

Kate let out an exacerbated groan and pulled herself out from under the covers and sat up. Glancing at her clock, she noted that it was only 2 o'clock. She didn't understand. It felt like she had just gotten him to sleep. Sighing, she pushed up off the bed and staggered over to the half opened door.

Her father had put a nightlight out in the hallway, knowing that she'd be making constant trips to and from her room and the baby's room during the middle of the night. To be honest, she had not expected it. Now she knew better.

Trudging along, Kate grumbled to herself, silently cursing the man who was the cause of all this. "Damn you, Richard Castle," she voiced her curse once before she reached the door and gently opened it, stopping in shock to find her father already there, in the process of retrieving his screaming grandchild from the crib.

"Daddy! What are you doing?" she questioned.

Jim Beckett looked over his shoulder at his tired daughter. "Go back to bed, Katie, I got this," he said.

"You don't have to do this, Dad," Kate asserted. "I… I can do this."

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, you listen to me," her father said, giving her a stern look. "You're tired… exhausted. Heaven knows that the past year as been difficult on you. But tomorrow's you're first day… and you need you're rest."

"He's my son, I… I can do it, Dad," she said, stepping forward and holding out her arms for Alexander.

Jim took a step back and rocked his arms, Alex almost immediately quieting. "He just needs to be held, Katie," he said. "Go back to bed, and get some rest."

"I know you don't approve of me becoming a cop, Dad… that I shouldn't put myself in danger—"

"I've made my peace with it," he said, trying to assure her, but not succeeding.

She knew that he'd always have doubts and concerns over her career choice. But for her, it seemed the right decision. Being a cop would give her the opportunity to help others… to give others the kind of closure she never got. And maybe… just maybe, she might catch the bastard that killed her mother.

"Go to bed," he reiterated. "Grandpa's got this."

Kate smirked. "You like saying that, don't you?"

"Of course," he said, bouncing Alexander. "Besides, Alex and me need to work together."

"Oh," she crossed her arms, much like her mother would have, and raised an eyebrow. "You two are going to conspire against me?"

"Maybe," her dad replied with a playful quality in his voice she had not heard since her mother's death.

It was nice hearing it again, and she realized that she probably might never had heard it again if it hadn't been for her month long relationship with Alexander Rodgers—Richard Castle. She sighed and gave a nod. Whatever bitterness she felt about that month, it had had one bright spot… her son.

Stepping over, she gave her dad a grateful kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Daddy," she murmured. "I could not have done this without you."

"No, thank you, Katie," Jim said, giving her a warm smile. "If it were not for you, I would never have sobered up and I wouldn't be in the position of being able to have a major part in my grandson's life. I know I may not always say it, and sometimes you may doubt it, but I'm proud of you. You could have taken the easy way out when it came to Alexander, but you didn't. You took responsibility, and that's why I'm willing to do this… to be with you and him." He paused and smiled broadly. "We Becketts need to stick together."

"Well, all the same, I'm still grateful… for everything," Kate replied, and then leaned down to kiss Alexander on the forehead, running her fingers along his smooth bald head. "I love you… both of you."

"We love you too, Kate," Jim said. "Now… be a good girl, and obey your father. Go to bed and get some rest… and be the best damn cop that this city has ever had."

"Yes, Daddy," Kate smiled and inclined her head. She gave Alexander another kiss before departing, pausing at the doorway to look back and watch as her father bounced Alexander gently, and softly sang a lullaby. It was almost a complete family. All it was missing was a husband and father.

Sighing, she slipped away, contemplating the idea that perhaps someday she'd meet a man who could fill those two roles. Kate managed to get to sleep, but her dreams were unsettling, bombarding her with images of Richard Castle holding a bubbling Alexander in one arm and the other arm wrapped around her waist as he murmured sweet nothings into her ear, making promises that she knew the real playboy author never would.