Hello there, it's me Fry telling Matt Groening and the others who created Futurama that the guy who's writing this is not getting paid for it, so don't bother suing him. Of course, because he's not getting paid, that means I'm not either-plus I have to be a girl for this story. God does my life suck.
Chapter 7
"Oh don't look so gloomy, Leela," giggled Fry as they followed a young drow about Cubert's age, supposedly one of Matron Fendre's own grandsons, through the caverns to the Fendre estate's dining hall. All though there were no electric lights, a strange luminous fungus lined the rock walls, making it brighter than the sewers under New New York.
"You're dragging me on a leash," muttered Leela; a silvery-chain lead was clipped to the collar around his neck. "How am I supposed to look?"
"You could cheer up a little," Fry smiled as she kissed him on the cheek. "After all, we're guests at a banquet. How often does that happen when we go on a delivery?"
"Only because of an ion storm." Leela tried to frown but it was hard to when Fry was being affectionate like this. It was true; with Matron Fendre's permission he had gone to where they docked the Planet Express ship and checked the instruments. Ion storms were frequent on Lolth 4; they had caused numerous ships to crash on the planet-and survivors to become slaves of the drow natives.
"Besides, we're the matron's honored guests," Fry continued, holding the small gold medallion with the seal of House Fendre around her neck. Leela and Bender wore similar items only silver. They symbolized how the trio was under the protection of House Fendre, and that anyone who harmed them would have to answer to the House's Matron.
Several other guests and members of House Fendre walked the caverns with them. Tall statuesque drow women led shorter, diminutive males on leashes much like Fry did Leela. A few female drow also led human or Neptunian men on leashes as well. Much of the time they would stroke the males' heads or pat their sides as if the males were their pets-or slap or scold them, or lash them with multi-headed energy whips that so many drow women carried on their waists. And the male drow with non-drow female companions were likewise just as abusive or demeaning to them-if anything even more so; the drow matrons would not tolerate a male who did such to a drow female yet apparently didn't care in the slightest what males did to females of other species.
Memories flooded back to Leela when he was a she and with the Eco-Feministas under Frieda Waterfall. I wonder what she'd think if she saw this, Leela thought. They had talked about the drow at times, and Frieda insisted that the stories about the drow's cruelty had to be male chauvinist propaganda or man-formation as she called it; that a home grown matriarchal society would be gentle and benign. Sadly everything Leela had seen seemed to prove Frieda dreadfully wrong. Heck, I wonder how she'd act if this happened to her. Leela tried to imagine Frieda as a man, and the image was enough to lift him out of his gloom
The page boy showed them around the corner, to a large lawn just outside the Fendre estate. A huge piece of the luminous fungus nearly as big as a tree stood at the center of the lawn lighted the area as bright as a starry night. "The matron's honored guests Phyllis J Fry, her consort Turanga Leo, and the robot Bender Bending Rodriguez," an Amphibosan slave chained by the ankle to the doorway announced. Another drow boy, who looked slightly older than the page leading them, escorted Bender to the table where other robots were sitting. Fry and Leela continued to the table next to the fungus tree; Matron Yvonna Fendre rose to greet her guests.
"Come, sit," she beckoned as a drow male-one of Fendre's sons-pulled out a chair for Fry to sit. No one pulled one for Leela, he had to pull out his own and sit next to Fry. As the matron seated herself again, she smiled at Fry. "I do hope you're prepared for a long night; I do so enjoy conversing with off-worlders.
Scruffy looked at herself in the full length mirror again, trying to see something of her old self in the reflection. Before she could, even after she lost her mustache. But then she had been wearing her usual janitor's clothes; now she was wearing a grey blazer and slacks with a white blouse-a businesswoman's variation of her janitor's attire-and she wasn't wearing her usual cap. On most catering jobs she'd wear chef's clothing but Petunia suggested that wouldn't be appropriate for the mayor's daughter's wedding. For a big gala she'd need to look professional and business like.
Scruffy hoped by wearing pants instead of a skirt she wouldn't look so feminine. No such luck, the slacks showed her wide curves and the blazer did little to conceal her full bosom. She hadn't wanted to wear makeup yet Petunia insisted it was necessary-pink lipstick, light blush and clear nail polish. Petunia had done it and brushed her hair too. This wedding reception was the biggest job Scruffy's catering business had had so far, and could likely lead to more in the future. Up till now the catering had just been a hobby and Scruffy was content to simply be the Planet Express janitor. But now that her business might have a chance to expand Scruffy knew she'd have to make a good impression, and that included appearance-more so for a woman than a man, as she was finding out firsthand.
The door behind Scruffy opened, and in walked Petunia, dressed like a matreedee. "All right, I and the others have got everything set up, and then we dressed up." he said, taking a drag on his cigarette. He blew out a smoke ring then took a long look at Scruffy. "You sure look different now dressed like that."
Scruffy touched the top of her dark blonde hair. "My head feels naked without my cap."
"Well, you can't wear it for something like this," Petunia said, then pointed over to the vanity where a wide brimmed brown lady's hat lay. "I gave you that to go with the rest of the outfit."
Why am I letting him boss me around? Scruffy wondered as Petunia picked up the hat and placed it on her head. Is it because I let Petunia in my honey pot last night? No, that wasn't it, Scruffy realized. If her business was to grow, she'd need to interact with her customers. And since she didn't really know how to interact as a woman she needed Petunia to teach her. Petunia handed Scruffy her purse and she looked back in the mirror. True she was dressed in the same colors she usually wore but saw no trace of the man she'd been.
"Ya look like a business lady out to start a day's work," Petunia quipped. Scruffy just grunted.
They walked out to the backyard of Mayor Poopenmeyer's estate, where two tables lined with food waiting to be served were placed. Standing between them were a fat middle aged woman and thin young man with piercings in his nose, eyebrow, and upper lip; both were dressed similar to Petunia. And both had problems adjusting to their new genders that got them fired form their previous jobs.
"Hey Scruffy," the fat woman asked. "How comes yous gets to wears pants, while I've gots to wear this skirt?"
"Scruffy had to order them outfits on short notice," Scruffy replied. "Ain't my fault when the design computer read 'gender,' it gave you a skirt 'stead of pants." Although Sal Cavetti was as fat as a woman as when she'd been a man seeing her in the feminine serving outfit along with her face in modest makeup and her brown hair tied back in a bun Scruffy hardly recognized her. She was even wearing perfume, likely to cover up her B.O. problem. "Maybe after this, I'll get you one with slacks."
"Wish you'd let me wear a skirt," muttered the young man.
"Doing so got you fired from your last job," Scruffy pointed out.
"They knew I was a woman before I took that trip; I still am a woman inside," April grumbled. "Why'd they insist I come to work dressed like a man?"
"You'll have to ask them next time you see them." Scruffy was not unsympathetic, yet she had to get started-the wedding ceremony would be over soon, and the party would be coming here for the reception. "As for here, this is the mayor's daughter's wedding. You imagine the scandal it would cause if you were in drag and got exposed? How you dress in your off time is your business, but for work since you have the body of a man, dress like a man." April looked sullen, then nodded. "Good. Now, get ready to start servin', Scruffy hears hover cars comin. That means the wedding party has arrived."
The food was good, Leela had to admit. Whatever cooks Matron Fendre employed certainly knew how to make rothe meat tender and delectable, while the other courses sounded disgusting yet were quite delicious: bread made from mushroom spores; wine fermented from some strange fungus found under rocks; mushrooms prepared in a variety of ways; there were even these strange blind cave fish that seemed to melt in Leela's mouth.
Most of the drow ignored Leela; to the drow females his single eye, talons growing out of his elbows and shoulders, and bulging muscles made him hideous. The male drow for the most part were small and diminutive and the females seemed to prefer them that way.
Right behind them watching over the matron's table was a huge exception: Gomorph Fendre, the matron's youngest son. Nearly eight feet tall and bulging with muscle, Gomorph was his mother's bodyguard. Yvonna Fendre herself had a small male drow on a leash next to her that looked kind of similar to Gomorph; Leela idly wondered if he was Gomorph's father.
Here and there, drow females bared breasts or lifted up skirts for their male companions to suckle. Strangely none of the males with female companions of other species used them in a like manner-although sometimes they'd strike them. The female drow just seem to ignore what they were doing.
Fry was in animated conversation with Matron Fendre, giving a modified account of her adventures since awaking the 31st century. "So you're one of those humans who've had themselves frozen centuries ago and awakened in the present?" Fendre asked.
"Yeah," said Fry. "Although in my case it was kind of an accident." She smiled at the Cyclops next to her. "That's where I met Leel-, uh, Leo here." Leela blushed as he felt Fry touch his face affectionately.
"Really." The drow matron looked at Leela with distaste. "I understand that you humans tend to prefer your males big and well-muscled. What would you say to a night with Gomorph?"
Fry looked at the gigantic male drow and had to suppress a shudder. She truly felt no desire to be with any man besides Leela, yet even if she did the prospect of doing it with this one frightened her; not only did he look as if he could break her in two the look in his eyes said he would enjoy doing such. "I ah, don't think he'd fit into me," she finally said.
Fendre cackled at Fry's remark. "You're probably right; the only females we have he can lay with are the Amazonian slaves. A pity; other matrons pay me so well for his brothers' services."
Now both Fry and Leela's eyes went wide. "You pimp your children?" Fry said, aghast. Leela wanted to kick her; saying the wrong thing could get you into deep trouble with the drow.
Yvonna Fendre simply laughed. "Only my sons; if you have handsome boys what else do you use them for? Not all matrons care to have a partner like my Kiljic here," and she stroked her companion's snow white hair. "Then even some who do still pay me for a night with one of my boys!"
Several tables down, at the one reserved for robot and stone golem slaves, Bend downed himself another glass of fungus-wine. "Y'know, this stuff ain't half bad. Shame it's not sold on Earth."
"Matron Fendre's been talking about expanding trade with other planets," one of the robot slaves sitting at the table said.
"Yeah," replied another robot, this one looking as if it were built to work in mines. "But the only way DOOP would lift the restrictions on tradin' with Lolth 5 would be if the drow all freed their slaves from DOOP home worlds, and agreed not to enslave anyone else from the DOOP that crashes on the planet. Guess how many matrons will agree to that." The way he rolled up his eyes showed how likely he thought that was to happen.
"And Matron Fendre ain't as bad as some of the other matrons here," replied another, this one a cleaner bot from a yacht that crashed twenty years ago. "This one, Matron B'anel, some robot spills wine on her and her guests at a feast; she has him melted down and made into jewelry!"
"Yeah," replied a stone golem. "And I dread the day when Lady Devina takes her mother's place. " He indicated a young drow maid who looked similar to Matron Fendre seated a few chairs down from Fry and Leela. "One day she was having some items moved from her room to a laboratory when the Amazonian acting as a porter trips over a stone and drops them all, and most of them break. She has her brother Gomorph pin the slave to the ground and rape her! In front of the other Amazonian slaves too, as a warning."
Bender focused his optic sensors on the enormous drow male. "He did that to an Amazonian?" Amazonians were among the few biological species Bender knew to be typically stronger than he was, and Bender was built to bend steel girders. "All by himself?"
The other robot nodded. "Held her down with one hand while he had his way with her he did. Afterwards Matron Fendre gave them both a lecture; said a simple electric flogging should have been sufficient. Aye she's a hard one, but at least the Matron has limits to her cruelty."
Bender scanned over at Matron Fendre, Gomorph, and Devina, and at his friends seated with them. Had he been able to, he would have broken out in a cold sweat.
"How long until I can get out of this penguin suit, Dad?" Amy Wong asked as he and his parents sat down at one of the reception tables. He'd never worn a tuxedo before and he didn't care for it. Oh sure, plenty of women's dresses were uncomfortable too, but a least it was a familiar discomfort.
"Until this reception's over boy," Leo Wong replied. "Wong men always wear black tie at formal gatherings.
"I'm not a Wong 'man,' in case you've forgotten," Amy muttered back.
"I should say not!" retorted Inez. "I book you fifteen whores for one night at Queens's ritziest brothel. All of them young, beautiful, and fertile. And none of them got pregnant! At this rate I'll never get any grandchildren!" Now Inez glared at her male daughter. "And don't tell me you didn't enjoy it! I've got vid discs from the brothel security cameras and you were having the time of your life."
Amy said nothing, he had enjoyed that night. And his sexual encounters since. But that was about the only thing he'd enjoyed about being male. There was so little he could do with his hair, shopping wasn't nearly as much fun as it had been, and the way men dressed was so boring! Amy had dressed up in drag a couple of time and could successfully pass as a woman-but it just wasn't the same.
Amy glanced over at the table where the Professor, Zoidberg, Cubert and the Conrads were sitting; Inez and Leo reluctantly agreed to let Amy's co-workers come to the wedding with them. Dr. Cahill had declined saying he had extra business to do at the head museum.
Strange, Amy thought, I hardly recognize them. Oh even in a yellow dress and with a starfish in the side of her head Zoidberg still looked much the same. But the others-well at work the professor still wore her old familiar lab coat and turtleneck but here she wore a formal ladies dress, as did Hermes. LaBarbara was completely unrecognizable in a suit-well the tie at least was in the pattern of LaBarbara's usual pants. And Scruffy-Amy peered at the woman directing the caterers as they served food-no way would anyone who hadn't have known about their situation would believe she was the Planet Express janitor.
"Why hello Amos." Amy turned and saw Zelda Brannigan standing right at the Wong's table, with Kyella Kroker at her side. "Fancy meeting you here. And Inez; so good to see you here too. What brings you to this occasion?"
"Leo friends with the Mayor," Inez replied. "You?"
"Oh, the groom's mother and mine are old bridge club partners," Zelda giggled. "They even tried to set us up a few times, but well, it just wasn't meant to be." She looked at Amy again. "And what's Amos's relation to the two of you? From what I know, you have a daughter, not a son."
"Amos is my so-,"
"Bastard," Inez finished for her husband. "He Leo's bastard, with that little bimbo in Hong Kong twenty odd year ago. Right?" She glared at Amy and Leo, as if daring them to say otherwise.
"Oh. Well, I'd love to stay and chat some more, but I've got more people to see. Tah tah."
As Zelda wandered off, Amy sighed at his mother, his face getting hot. "'Bastard?'"
"Hey, it got her away, didn't it?" Inez smirked.
"Couldn't you think of something less embarrassing?" Leo fumed. "You know I never cheat on you."
"Of course not," Inez snorted. "You can barely get it up, let alone get enough energy to cheat."
Hoping to change the subject, Amy asked, "How come you know Zelda?"
"Oh. I meet her and a bunch of other society ladies every fourth Friday to play mahjong." Now Inez grinned. "She big, wide hipped girl; should be good for giving birth to los of grandchildren. What say I fix you up?"
Sighing Amy placed his face in his hands. Some things just never changed.
Out of earshot from the Wong table, Zelda nudged her Secretary. "Kyella?"
Kyella rolled her eyes. "Yes, oh love goddess?" Kyella sighed wearily.
Ignoring the sarcasm, Zelda said, "I want you to find out about the Wong fellow. Where he lives, where he works, and then arrange for him to come my place at 7:30 next Saturday."
The banquet lasted for several hours, degenerating into an orgy of debauchery and bondage that made Leela sit down and shake his head. He was no prude yet some of the things he'd seen would shock or outrage even the most libertine of Earthicans. The worst was when several drow female soldiers dragged behind them a chained, naked, and bruised Amazonian, striking her with energy whips. They kept flogging her as Gomorph walked from behind his mother's table, pinned the Amazonian to the stone floor, and had his way with her! Leela didn't know which sickened him more, the rape, the way the other guests-including the females and several non-drow-were cheering, or the bored disinterest on Matron Fendre's face.
Fry was appalled too. "You're just letting him do that!"
Yvonna Fendre simply shrugged. "It's not my taste; I prefer to discipline slaves in private." She then looked at her daughter sitting down from her. "Devina, this will be the last time I let you select the entertainment for a banquet."
"Oh mother, you're so dull," Devina pouted. "You're actually considering giving in the DOOP's demands in order to lift their trade restrictions."
"True, I'm not happy about that," replied Matron Fendre, "yet, it might be worth it not to have to go through months of paperwork and then searching for a delivery company that's willing or desperate enough to take us as clients. The greater revenue that would flow into our House's coffers would be more than enough to make up for the loss of our slaves."
"You always think about money," Devina said between her teeth.
"Someone has to," retorted her mother. "It's my regret that your sister Deidre is dead; she'd understand."
Mother and daughter continued talking to each other; from what Fry and Leela could make out Matron Fendre had four other daughters who had at one point or another tried to assassinate their mother-and paid for it with their lives. "You're the only daughter I have left, and I would much rather have our House continue through my own bloodline instead of my sisters'.
"Don't worry mother. You're about to get your wish."
"What do you me-," Matron Fendre stops in mid-sentence as her eyes cloud over and she falls face first into her plate.
"What a pity," says Devina as she stands up and snaps her fingers. From out of the shadows emerge several drow soldiers, and about eight Amazonians all carrying either electro-whips or blaster rifles. "Now that Yvonna Fendre is dead, I assume my birthright as the new Matron of House Fendre. Any of my aunts or cousins who want to challenge my claim, step forward." None of the drow who were seated at the table which was surrounded by the eight Amazonians moved. "Good."
Finally Gomorph spoke. "You-you poisoned mother."
"Aren't you the genius?" Devina spoke sarcastically. "Lucky for me that you're only a male and a freak besides, dear brother. Why don't you pick up Mother's body and take it down to made into compost for mushrooms?" Slowly, the enormous drow walked over to his mother's body, slung it over his shoulder, and walked out the courtyard. "Oh by the way Gomorph, make sure you strip her before she's processed. That gown she's wearing's expensive."
Finally the new Matron Devina glanced over at her mother's two guests. "Now what do I do with you?"
Fry held up the medallion around her neck. "We-we're under the protection of your House."
"True-of which I am now the head." Devina smiled evilly as three of the Amazonians moved over to the redhead and the Cyclops. Fry gulped as Devina walked up and looked down-she was more than a head taller than Fry and Leela. She reached out and Fry had to fight not flinch as she felt the drow's cool sharp-nailed hands on her face. "I could use a new maid," Devina said. "And you look like you'll do well enough." Turning her gaze at Leela, who was held in a firm grip on his arms by two Amazonians, she only snorted in distaste. "I suppose I owe you and the other Amazonians something for the aid you've given me," Devina snorted. "Very well, you may have the Cyclops for snu-snu."
End of Chapter Seven.
Okay, how'd you like this chapter? And if I don't get any reviews I won't update.
Yeah I know, they're all in a tight spot-yet Devina in her arrogance has overlooked the robot. Will Bender come through for his crewmates? And back on Earth, Zapp's sister Zelda makes plans for 'Amos' while an accident in the lab has unfortunate-or amusing-results for Dwight, Cubert, and and a couple of girls from Leela's old Orphanage.
