Sara had insisted on getting two rooms that night. One for LJ and the brothers, and the other for herself. Since they had picked up LJ he had barely spoken a word and hadn't made any kind of sign that he recognized them.
Sara had done a quick exam and explained that he was probably just in shock over witnessesing Jane's death.
Lincoln and Michael hurried LJ into the other room to try to get through to him, while Sara hid the car then went into her own room. Seconds later Michael knocked on her door. "Sara?"
"It's open," Sara muttered, flipping through the TV, sitting on her bed.
"You shouldn't leave this open." He started as he stepped through, then closed and locked the door behind him.
"We're on TV," Sara pointed with the remote ignoring him.
Michael sat on the floor with his back against the bed; he lifted a hand to her leg.
"I don't like that mug shot," Sara said seriously, "You always look so evil. The way you tilt your head like that is just wrong."
"Sorry," Michael bent his head back to smile at her, "Next time I'll ask the guy to let me smile to make my girlfriend happy. I'm sure that'll go over well."
Sara grinned; they hadn't had a moment alone together since the train. The girlfriend comment made her feel as tingly as when he last kissed her. Sara gave herself a mental shake; there were more important things to think about.
"How's LJ?"
Michael's grip on her leg tightened protectively, "Not to much better—he started crying."
Sara leaned forward and placed a hand on his shoulder, "That's a good thing Michael, he's letting it out."
"If you say so," He gave her a brief smile.
"Why aren't you with him?" She removed her hand. "He's gonna need as much family as he can."
Michael sighed, his eyes focused on the TV, "Lincoln can handle him. I was worried about you."
Sara smiled slightly, "I'm fine, Michael. You need to go be with your family. You have no idea how important that is."
He said nothing, catching the subtle meaning in her voice. She had been thinking about her father more and more often since they picked up LJ.
"Sara," Michael picked himself up, shut off the TV and turned. "Are you ok?"
She stared up at him, "Of course,"
"I know that seeing Linc and LJ has been hard for you-" He sat close to her, taking one hand in her's.
"Michael-" She lifted her free hand to signal him to stop, "it's ok. I'm ok. We have important thing to think about."
He gave a wry sigh then smiled. "I think worrying about you is quite important so stop trying to distract me."
Sara shook her head angrily then stood, "Michael-"
He was on his feet in an instant. "Sara, don't shut me out."
She wanted to walk to the little table by the door and read the newspaper, she wanted him to go, she wanted-needed to be alone so she could cry. Lincoln had embraced his son with such love that Sara stared at them for a full minute. Her father-not even when they were good did he ever hug her like that.
"I don't think you want me to open up to you right now Michael," she said cynically.
She could feel him place a hand on her hip, then use it to pull her back to him.
"I always want you open to me." He whispered.
Sara could feel her control loosen. Michael lifted a hand and stroked her cheek. That was all it took for her to burst into tears and throw her arms around him. Michael held her tightly and kissed her neck gently.
"You hold me so tight-" she muttered through tears.
"I'll always hold you this tight," he replied wrapping his arms tighter.
"My father never did." She dug her hands into his back. "Lincoln nearly crushed LJ. Did you see that? He picked him off the ground for a split second. And it wasn't ended by a pat on the back-" she was rambling now-her tears streaming down her face.
"Sara-" Michael sighed sadly.
She pulled away so she could see his face, she tried to clear her face but he didn't release her hands.
"I'm so sorry-"
He shook his head, "Don't apologize,"
She nodded then rested her head back on his chest, "My mother used to hug me. Right before bed, right after I'd brush my teeth she'd give me this big hug and whispered in my ear that she loved me. She did it ever night…. until…"Sara stopped.
Michael pulled her away a little so she could see his bright smile. "Really? So did mine! She always ask me if I got my back teeth,, Linc never did so she had to make sure. But I also did so she'd lift me up and tuck me in."
Sara's tears resided as she listened to him. The excited smile was contagious, but more then anything the fact that he shared something about his childhood with her made her smile.
"Thank you," she whispered after a moment. She finally pulled a hand free and wiped under her eye.
"For what?" He kissed her cheek gently.
"Making me smile when I was being a complete-"
"My father never hugged me." Michael said quickly, suddenly sober.
Sara flinched, but said nothing. Instead she moved her arms to rest on his shoulders.
"But he did die for me," he buried himself in her neck. "And I know he loved me. As hard as it's been to understand that I know it's true. In the deepest part of my heart I know it's true. Just like I know your father loved you." He lifted his head up and she saw his tears. "They may not have shown it like Linc shows LJ but it's there."
Sara nodded then rested her forehead against his. "This is why we shouldn't open up while we're on the run-no lotion tissues."
Michael stared at her for a second before laughing. "Very good point. When we get to Panama-I'll make sure to order lotion tissues by the case for you."
"We can do that?" Sara questioned.
"Sure, if we ever decide to get off our hammock." He smiled.
"Our Hammock?" she repeated.
Michael pulled her forward to kiss her, "Our Hammock."
"You're kidding!" LJ asked stunned.
Sara smiled awkwardly at him, "No."
"You're serious?" He said. "As in serious, serious? As in get on the plane with me tomorrow serious?"
"As in." Sara looked down at her cup of coffee.
LJ jumped from the table and pumped his fists into the air. "YES!"
Sara slapped the table. "Calm down LJ."
"Dad and Uncle Mike are going to go crazy—Oh my god we have to tell-" LJ dropped back into his seat.
"We don't have to tell anyone." Sara said her smile residing. "I'm staying long enough to meet your girlfriend and to make sure Michael doesn't drink anymore."
LJ gave a disbelieving nod, "Of course."
"I'm serious LJ!" Sara pointed a finger at him, "One-two nights Max!"
"Deal!" LJ said slyly.
Sara stared at the young boy suddenly feeling like this had all been a part of his plan.
"I'm serious LJ!" she repeated.
"Hey! I heard you the first time! Who you trying to convince?" LJ dug into his cereal.
She stumbled, "I-I'm just making sure we're on the same page."
-
Sara was sure she'd never been more nervous in her life. Never had she wanted a drink more. Just one, just a little one, something just to take the edge off. Hell, she'd take a wine cooler. Anything just to make this walk to the plane a little easier. She spotted the airport bar as they hurried past, if she had been alone she knew she would have stopped. Just like Michael had. Sara froze; she couldn't go to the same bar that Michael had started ruining himself at.
LJ turned when he noticed Sara slowing her paces. He followed her eyesight and saw what she was looking at. He didn't comment instead slipped an arm through her's and tugged her along.
-
Michael didn't know what the big deal was. So LJ was coming home. Good but it wasn't incentive enough for him to stop drinking, yet his brother had woken up bright and early. Throw him in the shower then told him they were going to pick up his nephew and he was coming. Michael knew it would be easier just to do as told.
Michael leaned against their car as they sat in front of the airport waiting. Lincoln stood next to him smoking a cigarette.
Michael scanned the crowd, all he wanted was to see his nephew-get into the car drive home and crawl back into a bottle. He was thirsty-all he wanted was a drink.
"There he is." Lincoln pointed, spotting his tall son over the crowed, "That little jerk, I'm gonna rip his head off not coming home sooner."
"A sentence like that might be the reason he stayed so long," Michael muttered. He didn't like to think that LJ had stayed with Sara for so long. In was stupid to be jealous of his nephew. He knew that LJ and Sara had bonded while they were on the run, yet it was hard that she had allowed him to stay and kicked him out.
"LJ!" Lincoln threw his cigarette away and lifted a hand to his son.
They saw LJ lift his head and steer toward them.
When the crowed cleared a little more they saw his traveling companion and they both froze. Michael was glad he had been leaning up against the car because the moment she stepped into view he sagged against it.
"That sneaky little bastered." Lincoln said brightly.
"Dad!" LJ yelled happily waving toward them.
Michael didn't bother to knowledge his nephew as they approached. He stared in shock at Sara; she was wearing long tan colored slacks with a sleeveless t-shirt. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail that allowed hair to fall, framing her face.
"Sara-" Michael stared. He took a step toward her, forgetting for a moment everything that had happened and just wanting to touch her.
"Michael," she greeted, she stared at his shoes. She could feel his eyes scanning her, almost caresses her where she stood. She felt Goosebumps cover her arms; silently she cursed herself for still allowing him to have that affect on her.
"How was the flight?" He managed.
LJ was animatingly telling his father about a woman that had sat in front of them.
"Good," she forced herself to meet his eyes. "Hot."
Michael nodded seriously, and then dropped his head. "I'm sorry you had to come all the way-"
"LJ wanted me to meet his girlfriend." Sara stopped on his sentence, "I'm only here for a few days."
Michael glanced at LJ in confusion then dropped his gaze at her final words. She wasn't here for him. "Let's get you out of the heat," he turned toward his car and pulled open the passenger door for her.
Always the gentleman, Sara thought as she walked to the car, "Thanks."
LJ, still raving about his trip jumped in the back with his father while Michael gently shut the door and walked around to the drivers seat.
They listened to LJ ramble in the back seat in awkward silence until he made a joke and nudge her. "Eh Sara?" He asked.
Sara flinched; she had been trying so hard not to think about Michael sitting next to her that her mind was completely focus on him. "What is it LJ?" She turned her head.
"Just admiring the view, it's great isn't it mom?" He said again with a smile
"Mom?" Both Michael and Lincoln repeated.
"Sara was about to make a mistake so I covered for her." LJ smiled at the back of her head.
"What happened? Are you Ok?" Michael asked urgently, looking sideways at her.
"It was nothing-just a stupid mistake," She glanced back at LJ, "Right, darling son of mine?" she threatened gently.
"Well that depends on how long you plan on staying." He leaned forward on her seat.
"Pardon me?" Sara turned in her seat.
"Oh did I forget to mention that if you don't want me to share you're little mistake your going to have to extend your vacation a little more!"
"I can't believe you did this!" Sara gasped.
"That's the deal!" LJ winked.
Sara turned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "Good to know scheming runs in the blood." She muttered, only Michael heard her. He gave her a quick look of apology.
"So what's it going to be, Sara?" The boy asked.
"Go ahead-tell them." Sara leaned back. "I don't care."
"So about a week ago, we get done with dinner when the lovely Sara here informs me-" She would have let him continue if she hadn't noticed how focused Michael was on her, and how broken he looked. "Shut up, LJ." She muttered loud enough for him to hear her. She tore her gaze off Michael and turned, "Fine. You got a deal. But after this ordeal I might have to tell Sophie that Pirates of the Caribbean scared you."
"Who's Sophie?" Lincoln asked.
Sara turned to Lincoln, "Sophie, Your son's girlfriend-" she faded off as LJ rubbed the back of his neck with a guiltily smile on his face.
"About that-Sara-" He looked up at her.
"You lying punk." Sara whispered in shock.
Michael spared his nephew a glance, "What the hell did you do LJ?"
"You lied about that too LJ?" Sara gasped.
"I'm sorry Sara," He started seeing how deeply she was hurt. "I just wanted you to come home-"
"It's Ok, LJ. Don't worry about it." She said but her tone expressed the opposite.
LJ dropped against the back of his seat; His father hit him upside the head with a large paw. "What'd you do, kid?"
"I just wanted her to come home-" He whined.
"So are the locals welcoming you?" Sara looked at Michael.
Michael stared at her, surprised that she had spoken to him directly. "For the most part-we don't go to town much…"Michael stopped. He had been going to town a lot as of late-"But when we do and we have money they don't seem to care either way."
"That's good. So no trouble?" She asked.
"I won't say that." Lincoln said from the back seat eyeing her.
"We're home." LJ muttered happily.
Sara looked out the windshield as they drove down a lengthy drive way. She looked around them, the road had trees and weeds had over grown both sides of the driveway. Sara gripped the side of her seat as the car dumped up and down. "Nice, driveway." Sara muttered as she was pulled from her seat only be dropped a second later.
"Keeps away the sells men." Lincoln said from the back.
Suddenly the car hit a bump and Sara jerked up, she prepared herself to be slammed into the dashboard when a tattooed arm shot out across her chest and pushed her back.
Sara turned to him, "Careful." He muttered retracting his right hand.
She couldn't help but smile, her mother had done that to her when she was old enough to sit in the front sit. It was just a protective gesture it made her blush. "Thanks."
Moments later Michael pulled the car to a halt in front of a nearly run down house. It had it's own private beach a few yards behind it. Sara saw a hammock over back the beginnings of a beach, she couldn't help but smile, it was almost an exacta replica to the paradise she created in her mind.
Sara pulled her small backpack over her shoulder and stepped out of the car. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes off the hammock. LJ got out of the car, he saw where she was staring and smiled. "It's Uncle Mike's. But he never let's anyone use it." LJ explain quietly. Both brothers stood on the other side of the car have a discussing in harsh tones.
"Really?" Sara questioned, there was a time that they had planned on endless hours laying on that hammock.
"Yup-" LJ turned to her, "Sara-I am sorry."
Sara gave an exhausted smile, "LJ, I wish you had just told me. I don't like being lied too."
"I know! But I knew that you wouldn't come any other way." LJ looked down at her, he opened his mouth to continue his apology when his father came over.
"LJ," He waved a hand at him, "We need to talk."
LJ gave Sara a quick fearful look then followed him.
Sara found herself alone with Michael; she studied her shoes until he was standing beside her.
"I tried to convince Linc not to be to hard on him." He watched his brother and nephew.
"Somehow I don't think he listened," Sara muttered, watching Lincoln wave his hands angrily in all directions.
After a moment Michael brought his gaze back to the woman at his side. He studied the top of her head. He would have liked to say he was relieved to see her, which he was. But a larger part of him was ashamed. She had come because of a lie. He used her from the very beginning, his actions caused her bodily harm, and her left her to die then killed their child. He had a lot to be ashamed of, and the fact that his nephew had lied to her to get her to come here just topped it off for him.
"Sara, I'm sorry." He said sincerely.
Sara gathered her courage and faced him. "Are you?"
He couldn't help but flinch at little at her tone. It forced him into honestly. "I'm not sorry you're here but I am sorry you were lied to."
"Again," Sara muttered, turning away from him.
Michael bit his lip, "We should go inside." He gestured to their house.
She nodded, gripped her bag close and followed him in.
Michael insistently regretted the offer. The house had three bedrooms on one side of the house. A dining room that connected to the kitchen and living room on the other.
"Cozy," Sara smiled briefly as she entered then froze as her eyes rested on the contents of his coffee table
Michael felt like bashing his head into a wall. He hadn't cleaned up after himself. At all…for the past three weeks. Beer bottles, whiskey bottle…bottles Michael didn't even remember buying and drinking covered the little table. Worse then that, a file laid open. A file Michael had constructed of her before the escape. Photos of her from newspaper clippings laid in full view.
"I'll take you home." He muttered not looking at her.
Sara turned her head to stare out the kitchen window that gave full view of the ocean.
"You don't want me here?"
"It's not a matter of what I want is it?" He responded barely above a whisper.
She nodded, "What if it was?" She said closing her eyes. She knew why she had come. It wasn't to met LJ's girlfriend-it wasn't to spend time to make sure he was safe. It was to help Michael; it was to repair what she had broken. She dropped her bag onto the floor and rested both hands on her neck.
"You'd never leave." He answered slowly.
"I'm so sorry, Michael." Sara whispered, she could feel the oncoming of tears.
"You, Sara, have nothing to be sorry for. Ever." He said passionately.
"I wish that were true." She opened her eyes and turned to him.
He stood before her more vulnerable then she'd ever seen anyone. And that knowledge almost killed her, she had broken him.
"I told you about our child when I shouldn't have." Sara felt the tears tear roll down her cheek. "When it happened I was a mess. More of a mess then I've ever been. The only reason I'm sober and alive is because my father's friend's threw me in rehab for the first several months." Another tear. "But I made it through, Michael. And I can't let you sink the way I could have."
"Sara-" he took a step toward her and lifted a hand to touch her shoulder.
She pulled away, "Michael, I can't forgive you. But I can't abandoned you." She finally lifted her eyes to him. She could barely see him through the tears in her eyes.
"I…I understand." He nodded, "You don't owe me anything, I don't want you to feel as if you do."
"I owe you more then I've ever owed anyone, Michael. I owe you because you showed me the best things in life aren't at the end of syringe." She wrapped her arms around herself, "That's the real bitch of this all Michael. I should hate you, I enjoy your pain, you left me to mine and I should do the same. But I can't. Because I still love you, as fucked up as that is it's true." She realized she was yelling now.
Michael stared at her, "I want you to hate me. I want you to never forgive me."
Sara dropped her hands in sudden exhaustion; a heavy smile touched her lips. "And that's why I can't hate you. Because when it comes right down to it, you always want what's best for others."
"Sara," he said stepping towards her, she didn't move.
"Uncle Mike!" LJ burst through the half open door. "Sara-" he stumbled, seeing them standing at the entrance, "Um-hey-sorry."
Sara turned quickly and began wiping at her face. Michael stepped in front of her and faced his nephew. "What is it LJ?"
"Um…Dad wanted me to tell you-" LJ tried to see Sara past his uncle. "That we're going to go back into town. He wants to know if you need anything."
Michael glanced quickly at Sara, "Decent food would be fine." He turned to LJ. "Is that all?"
"I guess." LJ completely missed Michael's dismissal. "Sara-can I get you anything?"
"No," her voice was horse but she covered and smiled at him. "I'm fine. Make sure you get some cleaning products, if they have any." She gave a playful look around. "I'm going to have my work cut out for me."
That seemed to relieve LJ who nodded and ran back the way he had come.
Michael stepped forward and closed the door then turned to her. "You don't have-"
"He's been through enough, Michael. He's just a kid. He doesn't need any more added stress." Sara bent to her bag, "If it's all right I'll stay for a few days."
"Of course," Michael said quickly.
Sara looked around, gripping her bag close, "Where should I-?"
"OH-sorry," he waved her down the hall. "You can stay in my bedroom-it's the cleanest."
"Thanks-" She stepped past him into the room.
"Sara-" He took a step close to her.
She turned quickly. "About before-" She met his eyes, "I think we'd better take this slow."
"Sounds like a plan." He agreed studying her.
Thanks for reading-plz review! Hopefully only one chapter left!
