Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
I Hate You, Kiss Me
"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." - Robert Orben
Chapter Seven
I paced back and forth in my living room, glancing out the window every five seconds to the street. In between glances, I hurried around the room fluffing couch cushions and adjusting the framed photos on the walls to make sure they were at ninety degree angles.
As soon as I heard car tires against pavement, my ears perked up and I pushed my curtain aside. I recognized that green Nissan Sentra and rushed out my apartment door.
"Ang!" I called excitedly, waving my hands and jogging over to their car. Ben had barely put the car in park when Angela pushed her door open and ran to me.
"Bella!" We threw our arms around one another, almost cackling wildly with unhindered joy. When we broke apart she exclaimed, "Where have you been all my life?!"
I giggled. It was our little joke when we hadn't seen each other in a long time. "Twice a year really isn't enough time for best friends, is it?"
"How are you, Bella?" Ben greeted, giving me a lanky one-armed hug.
"I'm great," I answered as I helped them unload their bags.
"Nonsense, Bella don't lift a finger, that's what husbands are for," she scolded with a smile and put her arm around my waist. "Now I want to know everything. Update me on your life and um... you know who," she prodded gently. We walked inside with Ben in tow carrying two duffel bags.
In my moments of frustration I had called Angela and vented to her about Edward. This was before he and I had become friendly, well sort of. I still managed to find things to vent about when it came to the subject of my distressing and enticing once lover now coworker.
"The little dramas in my life can't be that exciting, Ang. Besides don't you two want to get settled first? And as tradition calls for, I'm going to make you my double lasagna dinner tonight."
I always turned my office into a guest room when they visited. I tidied up my papers earlier and set up the futon in the corner with fresh sheets and pillows. It wasn't a large room but they had enough space and light coming in through the windows, overlooking the street.
Like the sweet person Angela was, she didn't force a confession out of me until I was ready to spill. After they lounged in the apartment for a bit to rest from their travels, we loaded into my car to go grocery shopping. With the busy weeks at work I only had peanut butter and a sad looking onion in my refrigerator. Not until we comfortably strolled down the grocery aisles did I plague them with my stories.
I described the night at Alice's Halloween party in vivid detail. I hoped I wasn't boring Ben to death, but I needed Angela to understand the situation.
"And so there you have it. It was utterly embarrassing," I concluded with a sigh and picked jars of tomato sauce off a shelf.
Angela took a few boxes of lasagna pasta noodles off the shelf thoughtfully. "Maybe he just behaved like that because of how you reacted."
"Edward is nothing but confident to the point of pompous, whatever he wants he gets. My actions have never influenced him before." I thought of all the times he infuriated me at work by being a jerk and then when he played nice I found myself joining him for lunch. Ugh!
"Well, I've never met him so I guess I can't give you any well-based assumptions. I'm just going off of men in general. Ben hunny, you remember how we behaved before we got together?"
Ben looked up with a small blush from a box of fruit roll-ups he was holding. "How could I forget?" Ben was the only adult man I knew who still blushed as much as a high school girl.
He fixed his glasses with an index finger and grinned. "We were so shy that it took us forever it seemed to finally blurt out our feelings. Anytime I thought I had the courage, I abruptly changed the subject to something boring like the hibernation of beetles." He blushed again and looked back down to the box of fruit roll-ups.
Angela and I laughed loudly, wheeling the grocery cart around the corner. I slammed into another cart, my teeth clanked together and the impact tingled from my hands on the bar up to my elbows. I opened my eyes that I hadn't realized were squeezed shut, preparing to be yelled at by an old lady.
My eyes connected with those painfully beautiful green eyes that were so familiar to me, except now they were wide with surprise. I blinked several times, thinking this must be a dream. Maybe I fainted on the ground or died from a grocery cart collision and went to heaven.
"Bella?"
"Hi," I said in a small voice. I remembered our last conversation at lunch yesterday and my cheeks flamed up. We hadn't exactly parted on friendly terms.
He looked between the three of us.
"Oh, excuse me." I could feel my cheeks growing redder by the second. "Guys this is Edward Cullen, a coworker and friend," I introduced, pretending this was their first time hearing about him. Angela played along perfectly and gave a small wave.
"Edward, these are my friends from high school, Angela and Ben Cheney." I finished the introductions with a squeak.
Ben and Edward shook hands like men do.
"Are you okay? I hope I didn't knock over anything in your cart..." Edward said, bringing our attention back to our original cause for meeting.
I rubbed my elbows as the tingle faded. "I think everything managed to survive," I replied, looking over the jars of tomato sauce. "Are your things okay?"
"Nothing destroyed on my end. Are you making lasagna tonight?" He observed my ingredients with a friendly smile, yesterday's conversation forgotten apparently.
"Do you like lasagna?" Angela asked, friendly. I looked at her with a frown.
"I do. It's one of the best comfort foods," he answered, even-tempered.
"Bella makes the best lasagna. Why don't you join us for dinner tonight?" She cast a sly look at my now bulging eyes.
"Thank you, but I don't want to rearrange your plans," he answered politely.
"Oh we don't have set plans, isn't that right Bella?" Angela turned to me innocently. I wanted to glare at her and shout "YES WE DO!", but she was usually so sweet that it was impossible for me to ever be mad at her. But this was pushing it.
"No, we don't have set plans…"
"See?" Angela urged.
Edward looked to me, trying to read my face. Whatever he saw, he then said, "I don't want to impose." Just as I was about to relax, he continued with, "But I've always wanted to taste the best lasagna." He gave me a sly, lopsided smirk.
Before I could think of another excuse, Angela jumped in. "Great! Why don't you come by at five-thirty? Bella's address is..." she looked at me to continue.
"Forty Lenox Avenue, unit eighteen," I mumbled, knowing full well that he already knew where I lived.
"I look forward to it. I'll see you later then, Bella," he said with an unreadable expression. He backed up his cart and wheeled past us saying goodbye to us.
"See ya…" I was still registering the last five minutes of the conversation. I whipped around like a cobra snake to Angela's satisfied face. "What…!?" I lowered my voice. "What was that all about?"
"He wouldn't have agreed if he didn't want to spend time with you."
"Edward agreed because you kept insisting."
"Exactly. Bella, men need encouragement." She glanced at Ben, referring to him as the perfect example. "I saw the hesitant, but hopeful look in his eyes when I offered," she said, a little disturbed by my reddened face.
I breathed a heavy sigh, trying to calm myself. "I don't know how you managed to observe all that and if I didn't know any better, I could have sworn you're making it all up. But I know you're a terrible liar so that means your observation must be correct or you yourself are deceived."
They chuckled at my line of thought and speeding rambles.
"Crap! I've got to clean my apartment before he comes over."
"Bella, it already looked clean," Angela said soothingly.
"Right, you haven't seen Edward's place." I fought another blush. "He lives in a rich condo uptown. It's a vacation getaway compared to my hole in the wall," I said over my shoulder, rushing through the aisles with Angela and Ben tailgating me.
~/~/~/~
I tore through the door of my apartment at a quarter to four, all of us weighed down by grocery bags.
"Ben! I need you to put the food in the fridge," I hurriedly instructed. He obeyed, stifling a laugh as he flung the refrigerator door open.
"Ang can you—"
"I'll wash your coffee mugs in the sink."
"Thanks." I flung the cabinets below my sink open, blew the cobwebs off the cleaning products, and eyed them speculatively for a moment. It's not that I didn't clean, it's that I hadn't done a deep, down, and thorough cleaning job in months. I grabbed the lemon soap, bucket, and mop and scrubbed the floor of the kitchen. I vacuumed the soft carpet while Ben and Angela tidied up small piles of clutter like books and pens. I wiped down the tops of furniture and as forty-five minutes rolled by, Angela tapped me on the shoulder.
"Bella, you're over doing it. It's already sparkling clean." She gestured with a hand to all the rooms.
"Angela's right. You don't want this place to smell like a bleach factory, do you?" Ben rhetorically asked, washing his hands at the sink.
"I'm going crazy, aren't I?" I wiped sweat off my forehead with the back of a yellow gloved hand.
Angela nodded and peeled my hand off the feather duster with a smile.
At half-past five I was showered, dressed and prepping the food. My hair was blown dry to a smooth, silky sheen and I clothed myself in casual jeans, a thin black t-shirt that gently clung to my curves, and fuzzy striped socks.
Edward was right on time and my hand shakily buzzed him into my building. When he knocked on the door, I took a deep breath to calm myself before opening it.
A pleasant tingle pooled at the pit of my stomach. He smelled like he had just taken a shower, damp unruly hair and a clean shaven jaw. He wore a gray, thin knit shirt under his jacket and dark fitted jeans. His eyes were bright and fixed on my face.
"Hi," I greeted a bit breathlessly.
"Hello." His lips curled in a small, lopsided smile.
While hanging his coat up on a hook behind the door, I took the opportunity to inhale his scent on his jacket, which befuddled my mind momentarily.
Breaking from the brief, private moment, I turned back to the room, only to be faced with a bottle of red wine. "I wanted to contribute to your dinner," he clarified, answering my questioning gaze.
"Thank you. You really didn't have to." But my pleased smile said otherwise.
"Hi Edward, how are you?" Angela greeted with Ben at her side.
"I'm great." The three of them small talked about the drive from Forks to Seattle and Seattle weather for a bit.
"Why don't you boys go relax in the living room while we finish prepping in here," Angela suggested as she took the wine from Edward's hands and shooed them out of the room like the pre-school teacher she was.
My shoulders relaxed and we turned to the counter. Angela chopped the vegetables and I prepared the cheeses. I always made two sauces, one meat and one vegetable for the double lasagna dinner.
"So, are things going well so far do you think?" she asked carefully.
"I think so. It's hard to tell, he's always so cryptic about his feelings."
She giggled and shook her head with a sweet smile as she started on the mushrooms.
When the sauces were stewing and the noodles were boiling, Angela and I joined Edward and Ben in the living room.
Ben sat in the large plush chair while Edward was seated beside him at the end of the couch perpendicular. Ben was explaining his Nintendo DS to Edward who looked very interested in the little gadget. Angela squished next to Ben and rolled her eyes at the DS.
I sat next to Edward since it was the only spot left vacant and listened to Ben teach him how to play MarioKart. I leaned over his shoulder to watch, too. He wasn't very good at first and kept slipping on the banana peels along the trail. I couldn't help snickering every time that happened, which only made him try harder to win.
"How about you try—since you think I'm no good at it," Edward teased after he came in last place again.
"No thanks, I've got to check on the food," I replied smugly and got up to go to the kitchen.
Edward loomed up behind me when I reached the stove.
"Need any help?" he offered.
"Uh sure, why don't you stir the sauces," I suggested, handing him a wooden spoon before I drained the noodles, preparing them into the two baking dishes.
"So, how's the dating scene?" he asked lightly. The interested look he gave me betrayed his off-handed tone.
"It's going well thank-you-very-much," I answered, my chin rising a notch as I concentrated on my ingredients.
"What's his name? Jerome? John?"
"It's James," I corrected.
"Whatever," he said casually with a shrug.
I huffed a laugh at his tactics of poorly disguised interest and elbowed him in the ribs. Realizing the intimate friendliness of my action, I reined myself in.
Changing the subject, he commented, "This is a nice place you have here."
"You think?" I glanced at him for signs of sarcasm.
"Yeah it's... soft."
"That's exactly what I was going for. It's no condo paradise like your place, but I think it suits me."
"Condo paradise?" He chuckled. "I've never thought of it like that. It does have a lot of nice amenities though," he said cheerfully.
"Like what?" I was curious about his lifestyle.
"Well for one, it has a cleaning service." He smirked down at me. "That came in real handy after the night you stayed over."
I looked away, but not fast enough to hide my face. "I already told you how sorry I was about that. I don't know why you have to bring it up and embarrass me."
"I don't understand why you're embarrassed by it," he remarked, fighting a smile.
"Of course you don't, you're a man," I retorted. You're just happy you got laid. I started layering the ingredients in the baking dish methodically, preparing one with the vegetable sauce and one with the meat sauce, including cheese in between.
He ignored the jab, not deterring from his point. "I can understand surprise, but people that are embarrassed are ashamed. Which is why I never felt the need to apologize when you asked me to," he argued matter-of-factly and looked over at my working process. I think he was fascinated that I took my lasagnas very seriously.
"Hell, I'm not ashamed. I was trying to be respectful and nice. If anything went broken you know I would've paid for the damage."
"That was never an issue, Bella. Besides, I helped you knock everything over." He chuckled again.
I didn't want to know what he was picturing as I started to feel a dull ache between my legs. "But the way you tease me makes me want to retract any apology I offered you in the first place."
"Good." He grinned wickedly. Somehow he had tricked me into agreeing. He always managed to do that before I realized what I'd said.
"Why are we even talking about this? I was commenting on your extravagant apartment." Edward helped me top the lasagnas with mozzarella cheese and load them in the preheated oven.
"Well then thank you, I think. It suits me," he said, mimicking my earlier comment.
"Well that's all there is to it," I said, referring to the food as a means of changing the subject completely. As we washed our hands in the sink, he stood right up next to me, our bodies touching shoulder to shoulder.
Being with him in my apartment was a lot more intimate than being with him at work. He was in my personal space and I had to admit, I enjoyed it as much as it made me uneasy. Clearing my throat, I reached for the drying towel. Our fingers brushed together when I handed it to him, causing a static shock of electricity between us. He noticed too and looked up at me with bright, questioning eyes, holding my confused gaze with his stare like two endless galaxies pulling me in. We had somehow unconsciously moved closer to each other and his lips parted as if he were about to speak.
"Something smells amazing in here," Angela breathed as her and Ben entered the kitchen, looking around for the source of the delicious smell.
Our gazes snapped apart. My face felt hot and I snuck a glance at Edward who was busy drying his hands with the towel, his face already retreating behind the expressionless mask. Perhaps I had imagined that look of fleeting, passionate inquiry.
"It's already in the oven," I answered, recovering myself with some much needed throat clearing.
"Wow, that was fast," Angela commented.
"Edward makes an excellent sous-chef," I replied without looking at him. "How about you guys set the table while I finish things up in here?"
"Sounds good," they all said in unison and laughed lightly.
I prepared a simple mixed green salad and then checked on the lasagnas. They were ready—melting and bubbling. Grabbing several oven mitts from a drawer, I was caught off guard when a second pair of hands reached for a set, too.
I gave Edward a grateful smile as he helped me take out the heavy baking dishes and set them on the stovetop to cool.
When I turned around, I saw that the table was set and Ben and Angela were already helping themselves to salad and bread. Edward and I joined the pair across the table and he unscrewed the cork of the wine bottle. We passed our wine glasses and he filled them, giving us all a generous portion.
After toasting to health and happiness, I took a curious sip. The wine was sweet and tingled with spice down my throat. It settled in my stomach with a nice, burning sensation. We eagerly began passing the food around, Edward and I bumped the salad bowl and bread basket together in our haste.
"So I hope you won't spread the secrets to Bella's lasagna recipe around," Angela said to Edward jokingly.
"Bella arranges them all with such precision, I don't think anyone could steal that kind of cooking secret," he mused.
"I should have copyrighted it just incase," I replied while buttering my bread.
They all chuckled at my seriousness.
We ate contentedly while swapping work stories. Angela always had the cutest stories about the children in her pre-school class. Ben worked as a video game developer for Sony and liked to discuss the new games coming out every season. Edward surprised me by taking a real interest in both of their careers.
As we settled down again I cleared the salad bowls and brought out the lasagnas on hot plates. Edward, the gentleman he was being tonight, offered to help me.
We all cut squares and loaded our plates hungrily. It was quite a challenge as the melted cheese would stretch from the baking dish to the plate every time.
"This is delicious, Bella. We need to visit you more often," Ben said in between mouthfuls. Angela nodded with bright eyes, but was also unable to speak as her mouth was busy, too.
I turned to Edward expectantly. His face was solemn as he studied his plate and my eyes widened with worry. "Just kidding, Angela was right. This is by far the best lasagna I've ever tasted." He gave a tight-lipped smile as he chewed.
I sighed with relief before glaring at him for his little not so funny joke. He just smirked cheekily at me and sipped his wine.
"So Angela, how did you and Ben meet? Bella mentioned you all went to high school together."
"Yup, that's right. Bella joined our school junior year and we became friends instantly." She glanced at me with a sweet smile. "Ben and I got off to a rocky start. Neither of us were exactly the assertive type." I laughed at the memory as she turned to Ben with a special smile. "Ben, why don't you start off the story."
He swallowed and cleared his throat, already blushing. "I was so shy that I never had the guts to ask her out. I pretended I was indifferent, but she would complain about math class so I asked her if she needed help with Algebra."
"And I was really good at math, but I pretended I wasn't so I could study with you."
"Being together just felt right," Ben said, taking her hand in his.
"And so after months of studying together, one day after school I marched over to him and said, 'So when are you going to stop talking about the quantum mechanics of the square route of Pi and ask me out?!'" she said, laughing. "And so we've been together ever since and got married two years ago."
"You never would have been so bold if I hadn't convinced you that you were a strong, confident woman," I added.
The two of us high-fived at the table and Ben pulled her to him, planting a small kiss on her cheek.
"It was a really beautiful wedding, too." I leaned my chin in my hand, propping my elbow on the table. If there was any hope for lasting true love, Ben and Angela were sheer proof of it. I had every ounce of faith that they would always be happily married.
After dinner, we sipped our wine for a bit until I decided to clear things up. I didn't want the food to sit out and spoil. Everybody stood up from their chairs, offering to help. I laughed and resigned myself to their offers.
Angela covered the food and made room in the refrigerator while Ben helped clear the table. Edward and I stood together at the sink washing dishes. I washed and rinsed and he dried with a dishtowel as I pointed out to him which cabinets everything belonged in.
"Well, we're finished, we'll see you in the living room," Angela called.
"Great, thanks guys! Maybe you can find a movie on TV while you're in there."
I hummed while I scrubbed the remainder of the plates. I hadn't realized I was doing so until Edward joined me, humming in his deeper, velvety voice.
"Are you making fun of me?" I asked teasingly.
"Not at all," he answered innocently.
We continued humming again for a bit, washing and drying, elbows touching and hands brushing in the process.
"Thanks for coming over and helping out. You were the perfect guest."
"You are welcome Ms. Swan. Thanks for baking the best lasagna ever," he said formally.
"Ya know, you're very difficult to hate when you're being nice," I remarked, finishing the last dish.
He chuckled at my childish comment.
It seemed fitting for Edward to sit here at my table and help me in the kitchen. It turned out that it wasn't as awkward as I initially thought it would be. I suddenly imagined us many years down the road, working and quarreling together. Strangely, it was a happy picture.
"Bella?"
I focused on Edward standing in the kitchen doorway. "Huh?"
"You coming?"
I nodded, pushing the thoughts away and skipped over to join him.
We took the empty couch as Angela and Ben were occupying the large chair. Ben had his arm around her and their legs were intertwined.
"So what are we watching?" I asked as I settled into a cushion.
"Sleepless In Seattle," Angela replied, putting the TV remote on the coffee table.
"Oh, I just love this movie," I said excitedly.
"I know!" Angela agreed.
It had just started and I pushed myself further into the couch, hugging a throw pillow. Angela and I commented and sighed appropriately at all the adorable scenes. We yelled as if were watching a football game when Meg Ryan saw Tom Hanks for the first time across the street but leaves after he says hi to her. Ben and Edward kept making fun of us, but we didn't care.
I think the work week was finally catching up to me. I nestled down into the couch and yawned sleepily. "Oh sorry," I muttered as I felt my head droop against Edward's shoulder. I pulled away automatically, but he put an arm around me and hesitantly gathered me to his chest. Too sleepy to protest, I sighed, absorbing the softness of his shirt and fresh soap and vanilla fragrance. My eyelids felt like heavy weights and the even breathing of his chest made me drift off that much faster.
~/~/~/~
I woke up completely startled and out of touch. I was in my bed, which should have been nothing but familiar to me except I was freezing. I looked around to find my blankets kicked off and sprawled at the end by my feet.
The scent of coffee wafted into my room, stirring my senses. When I smelled coffee, nothing could deter me from the hunt. I realized I was still in my jeans and black t-shirt, which were sadly wrinkled from sleep. I slipped on my violet plaid pajama pants, a fresh t-shirt, and my old college hooded sweatshirt.
I opened my bedroom door a crack and peaked out to see Angela in the kitchen filling her coffee mug.
"Morning sunshine," she greeted as I joined her in a cup.
"Where is everybody?"
"Everybody? Oh you mean... well Ben is still sleeping and Edward went home last night," she clarified.
"Oh," I said disappointedly.
"It was very sweet actually. We didn't realize you were asleep until the credits started rolling. Edward carefully picked you up and carried you to your room."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fallen asleep with company here."
Ignoring my apology, Angela went on. "I think he even tucked you in too because when I went to check on you later after he left, you were still completely out but were nestled in a cocoon of blankets."
"Really?"
She smiled over the rim of her mug.
"What do you do when you're interested in someone, but you don't think they feel the same way, but you want to find out… but they keep switching from hot to cold and you're not even sure of your own feelings—um you know what I mean?" I felt like I was sixteen again.
"When you speak in third person it's difficult, but I think I understand you. I think it's important to figure out one's own feelings before declaring anything," she answered slowly. "You—I mean, a person, wouldn't want to lead another person on
"Well I did forget to mention one other thing..."
"Let's hear it," she said, resting her coffee mug on the counter, giving me her full attention.
"I sort of started dating this other guy, James. I thought it would be more bearable to be around Edward since he brushed me off at Alice's party."
"Well that does complicate things..."
"Yeah." I frowned into my coffee.
"Edward is very nice, I like him a lot."
I snorted a laugh. "He was nice last night, sure, but he's quite infuriating to be around at work. That's the hot and cold part I was referring to."
"He could barely keep his eyes off you last night. Every little movement you made, his body adjusted to it. If you crossed your legs, he inclined himself toward you. Didn't you notice how he helped you all those times in the kitchen, too?"
I stared at her like a bullfrog. "Actually I hadn't noticed all that, I was too busy being hostess." I replayed bits of last night in my mind, trying to see what Angela saw. Another thought occurred to me. "Do you think I should keep dating James to provoke Edward into an admission?" That kind of thinking would certainly get me into trouble. Wearing my heart on my sleeve wasn't an option, though.
Angela gave me a disapproving look and picked up her coffee again. "I think it's best just to be honest with him."
"If he laughs at me then I could ruin our whole working relationship, not to mention our tentative friendship." My stomach churned at the very thought.
"Well, perhaps you should find out what he thinks first. And then be honest," she added.
I nodded, mulling things over.
"Remember what you told me? 'You're a strong, confident woman,'" she said knowingly.
I cracked a smile in return, but it faded quickly. We sipped our coffee in a contemplative silence for a bit.
"Ang?"
"Yes?"
"How did you know Ben was 'the one'?" I asked hesitantly.
"Well, there's lot's of reasons. We have fun together, feel comfortable doing nothing together, and I can tell him anything because he's my best friend."
None of that coincided with how I felt about Edward, though I wasn't exactly sure what I felt. "No I mean, how do you know, without a doubt that he's it for you." I pleaded for an answer with scrunched eyebrows and desperation in my voice.
"I don't want to live in this world without him," she answered quietly, tilting her head to peer at me.
I sipped my coffee thoughtfully. "I'm really going to miss you," I sulked.
"Me too. We'll have to plan a visit this summer," she agreed, putting a slender arm around me.
