All She Wanted
-Opening up
Come next day, Regina hauls herself up by her hair. Well not literally. But almost. Enough pondering about her mess of her life, (when is her life not messy?!) and back to reality. No more "what if's" and "why not's". She's Regina Mills and Regina Mills does not mope around.
She promised her sister to watch Robyn for the night, and that's exactly what she'll do. Enough sulking.
She pulls herself together and makes an effort at work for once. She walks Henry to the school bus like it's any other ordinary day. She even manages to have a perfectly normal conversation with Snow and David when she runs into them on her way home from the office. Snow looks a bit tired to be honest. Neal is starting to walk and rips everything from the shelfs in the process. Regina nods in sympathy. She remembers clearly how Henry was when he started to walk.
,,You shouldn't be tormenting your mother little man. That's my job," she quips and Neal gurgles at her. She then wishes The Charming's a good day and heads home to drop her papers of before heading over to Zelena's farmhouse.
She's had a perfectly good day, so why's she still checking her phone for messages at any given opportunity? She's acting like an idiot, that's what she's doing. This madness really needs to stop. Maybe she needs a holiday? Some time away from Storybrooke might do her some good. No, she can't leave Henry. Maybe she could bring him with her? Would Emma agree to that? Probably yes. But maybe it's not the best idea to drag him out of town in the middle of the school year. And Regina never leaves Storybrooke, so that would probably lead to a lot of questions she can't answer.
No. A holiday is not the answer. But what is then? What is it she needs but can't name? Maybe the answer will come to her if she stops obsessing about it and concentrates on watching Robyn. Yes. That's what she'll do.
She arrives at Zelena's farmhouse at 7:00 sharp, and she doesn't even have to knock on the door before Zelena appears.
,,Regina! Thank god. Thank you so much for doing this," she says as she leads Regina into the living room.
,,No problem." Regina answers and looks at her sister. Zelena is wearing a tight green dress and her red curls hangs loose around her face. She's clearly planning on having more than just a burger at Granny's.
,,So where are you going tonight?" Regina asks.
,,The Rabbit Hole. I really need a night out."
Mmm, I've already tried that. ,,Stay away from the whiskey," she warns and Zelena laughs. Regina's told her about the "one night stand" she had, and Zelena had found it incredible funny that Regina had ended up in bed with a stranger. If only she knew.
,,I can't promise you that. Maybe I'm better at holding my liquor than you are, sis." She teases.
,,Not very likely," Regina shoots back.
,,You don't believe that? Well, I guess, we'll find out tomorrow," Zelena says. ,,Now, Robyn will probably be wanting her bottle in an hour or so, and her chew toys is upstairs. Top drawer. Do yourself a favor and bring them down after I've left, and if she's still asleep in an hour then just.."
,,Let her sleep." Regina cuts her off. ,,Zelena relax. I've tried this before, remember? We'll be fine."
,,I know, but it's my first time being away from her and I'm just.."
,,I've got this," Regina assures and pats her sisters arm. ,,You just go on out and have a good time. But seriously, be careful with that whiskey."
,,I will," Zelena promises and kisses her sleeping daughters tiny hand before wishing Regina a good night and leaving the farmhouse.
The door closes behind her and then Regina is alone with her niece who's currently fast asleep in her pram. Why's she's not sleeping upstairs in her nursery is a mystery to Regina. It would be so much better for to sleep in her room instead of in the middle of the room where Regina will be and distract her nap.
So Regina lifts the child up and rubs her back soothingly as she carries her upstairs.
,,I'm sorry to wake you darling, but it will be much better for you to sleep upstairs."
Robyn coos and shifts in her arms but doesn't wake up properly before Regina lies her down in her cot.
,,There we go." She says and watches as the child squirms a little, lets out a yawn and then goes back to sleep.
,,Right back to sleep then. My goodness how you look like your father," she mutters. Robin had been a good sleeper, and it took a smaller disaster to wake him if he was in a deep slumber.
Regina watches Robyn for a while. Not only does she sleep like her father, she looks like him too. The same blue eyes, the same dimpled smile. If only her hair will turn out be red. That would be terrific. But even if her hair turns out to be red, the resemblance with Robin is still striking, and a very small part of Regina still cringes when she thinks about the fact that her sister has a child with her soulmate. But Zelena is changing, and Robyn is a lovely child, so what would be the point of playing "the guilt trip" with Zelena all over again? Zelena has apologized about a million times already, and Regina has forgiven her, she really has, but there's still a teeny tiny part of her that cringes. It will probably never go away.
Regina lets Robyn sleep and heads downstairs with the baby monitor. She should have brought some of the papers from work. If Robyn is gonna be asleep for the rest of the night, it would have been better to get some work done instead of watching television. She considers summoning some papers from her mansion by magic, but decides not to after all. She deserves a night in front of the television given how hard she's worked today.
Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" provides her with entertainment for the evening, and she's completely enthralled with the movie when there's a knock on the door.
Regina's head snaps up. Have Zelena forgotten to tell someone she won't be home tonight? She didn't mention anything about expecting anybody. There's another soft knock and Regina mutes the television and rises from the couch. Who the hell is interrupting her movie? The unwelcome (welcome?) thought that maybe Maleficent followed her out here, steals its way into Regina's mind. And why the hell would she do that? She doesn't even know you're here, you moron.
Regina rolls her eyes over her own stupidity and opens the door. Not for Maleficent but for Emma Swan-Jones
,,Hi! Can I come in?" she asks briskly.
,,Uh sure," Regina says and wonders what exactly brings Emma all the way out here when she could be at home with her son. And husband.
,,Henry told me you were watching Robyn tonight, so I thought I would provide you with a bit of company," Emma explains and reads Regina's mind completely.
,,Oh. Well that's nice of you."
Emma shrugs her red leather jacket off and plops down on the couch. ,,So, what are we watching?"
,,The Birds."
,,Huh?"
,,Alfred Hitchcock, miss Swan. Sometimes I worry about your education."
,,Hey, I know Alfred Hitchcock okay?"
,,Good. You had me worried for a second."
They bicker and shoots insult at each other all through the movie. Just for fun, obviously. They are friends now. Who would have imagined that when Regina first laid eyes on Emma the day she arrived to Storybrooke. But they are, and Regina is grateful for Emma and her way of seeing the world. She knows that everything isn't black and white (something that Snow must be reminded of every so often)
,,Regina?"
,,Mm?"
,,Can we talk?"
,,Aren't we already?"
,,Har har, very funny." Emma rolls her eyes at her.
,,What do you want to talk about Emma?"
,,You, actually."
,,Oh? Why?."
,,You know Henry is worried about you, right?"
Here it comes. She knew it would be a matter of time before Henry shared his concern with his other mother. ,,Of course I do."
,,My mom is worried about you too. And so am I."
Ah. Of course. ,,Is this an intervention, miss Swan?"
,,No. it's me being your friend. You've been acting strange, you know you have."
I know. ,,I just have a lot on my mind that's all." Ha! Understatement of year.
,,Something you wanna talk about?"
That would be uncomfortable for both of us. ,,Not really."
Emma nods and fiddles with her hands in her lap for so long that Regina believes that it's the end of their conversation, and she's about to turn her attention back to the television when Emma says:
,,I uh.. Have a confession."
,,Don't tell me you knocked another sign down. We can't keep replacing them."
,,That was one time."
,,Whatever you say dear," Regina teases even though she's well aware that Emma only knocked the sign down once.
,,If you're done teasing me," Emma says and glares at the brunette. ,,Would you mind listen to me for five seconds, because it's about you actually."
,,I'm all ears. miss Swan. Shoot."
Emma takes a breath. ,,As I said, I was- am worried about you…"
,,I'm fine."
,,…So I went down to The Rabbit Hole."
,,Not the best place to drown your worries," Regina comments dryly.
,,And had a little chat with the bartender."
,,What could you possibly have to talk to him about?"
,,I told him to show me the footage from the surveillance camera from the bar from the night you were there," Emma blurts out.
What?! ,,You did what?"
,,Regina…"
,,I told you not to worry about it! God, what is it with you Charming's and your ability to meddle into other people's business?" Regina hisses quietly not to wake the baby. She is not at all pleased that Emma have seen the surveillance footage from the bar. She was so drunk that night, and Regina is damn sure she was flirting rather obvious with Maleficent the whole time.
Emma holds her hands up in surrender. ,,I'm sorry! But I was worried about you, okay? I thought maybe some creep had, I dunno, spiked your drink or something."
,,Well I was fine," Regina mutters through gritted teeth.
,,I'm sorry okay?"
Of course you are. ,,It's fine. You're the Savior. You can't help it."
,,Right."
,,And I'm sure my behavior hasn't made it better," Regina adds.
,,Not really."
They sit in silence for a while (why can't the baby wake up right now?) and Regina wonders if Emma have seen the entire footage or just bits and pieces? Because if she has seen the entire thing, then she's seen Regina and Maleficent leave The Rabbit Hole together. And the Savior is smart. She can put two and two together. Good god.
,,How much have you seen of it?" she asks.
,,Sorry?"
,,The surveillance footage. How much have you seen?"
,,All of it."
You have got to be kidding me. ,,Right."
Then there's silence again and Regina stares blankly at the screen without seeing anything really. This is hellish. She can feel that Emma is watching her, and Regina desperately wishes that the earth would swallow her whole.
It's the Savior who breaks the silence first:
,,So, Maleficent?" she asks Regina with a sheepish grin.
,,Indeed."
,,You wanna talk about it?"
,,Not much to say really." Regina says with a shrug.
,,Right. Okay."
,,The things too much alcohol does to you," Regina muses, and the blonde sniggers.
Regina wants to glare at her. Intimidate her and inform her, that this is no laughing matter, but it never happens. Instead a soft chuckle escapes the brunettes lips, and once she's started she just can't seem to stop again, and her chuckles turns into full blown laughter. Emma is laughing along with her, not at her. Definitely not at her. and Regina laughs and laughs because my god, this situation is absurd.
They laugh until Regina have to catch her breath, and her laugh is turning into soft hiccups.
,,Well if it's any consolation, it looked like you were having fun on the surveillance footage." Emma informs her and wipes the tears of laughter away from her face.
Well. ,,That's one way of putting it."
,,So whose idea was it to uh.. move the fun to the bedroom?"
Is that really any of your business? ,,Mine. I think, but.." she quickly adds when Emma cackles. ,,Maleficent hit on me first!"
Damn right she did.
,,What did she do?"
Remind me, why are we having this conversation? ,,Well, if you must know, she kissed me."
,,Did she now?" Emma smirks.
,,And that's the end of this conversation," Regina says sternly, but Emma ignores her completely and asks:
,,Have you and Maleficent ever… uh, before?"
,,Of course not."
,,Never?"
,,Never."
,,Really?"
,,Yes really!" Regina snaps. ,,It was just a one time thing."
,,You sure about that?"
,,Regina…" Emma sighs deeply
,,What?"
,,You're lying again. My superpowers, remember?"
Dammit. ,,There uh… May have been a second kiss," she admits sheepishly.
,,When?"
,,A few weeks ago. She sort of cornered me." And spilled the beans about her feelings. But that's not something Emma needs to know.
,,Do you feel anything for her?" Emma asks her without sugarcoating anything.
,,No." yes.
,,Dammit Regina, don't you ever stop lying?!"
,,I might be a tiny bit attracted to her," like hell. ,,But it doesn't matter."
,,Why not?"
,,Because it doesn't mean anything."
,,Does Maleficent feel the same?"
,,What do you mean?"
,,Is she "a tiny bit" attracted to you?"
,,I don't know. I think so."
,,Then what's the problem?"
,,Pardon?"
,,If you both feel the same, then why aren't you together?"
,,It's not that simple."
,,Why?" Emma questions. ,,If it's Henry you're worried about, then I hate to break to you Regina, but that kid has already seen some real crazy shit, so I doubt seeing his mother with a woman would be the worst thing in the world."
,,That's neither here nor there."
,,Then what is the issue?"
,,The issue, miss Swan, is how do you think Robin would have reacted if he knew that I only mourned him for four months before I moved on with someone else?!"
,,Robin wouldn't have wanted you to be alone. None of us wants you to be alone. Especially Henry."
Regina ignores that statement completely and Emma continues:
,,You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to be with someone, Regina. You deserve to be happy."
,,You do realize you're talking about Maleficent, right?" Regina scowls.
,, I doubt Maleficent is the worst person to be with."
,,Well she's not. She just has the great disadvantage that she turns into a dragon when she's angry."
,,Has she ever done that with you?"
,,No. I mean, I've seen her as a dragon once."
,,And did she harm you?"
,,No, she allowed me to ride her,"
Emma splutters and bursts out laughing, and then Regina realizes what she just said.
,,If you say anything, I swear to god I will end you."
Emma stuffs her fist into her mouth to muffle her laughter. But Regina is not amused.
,,Oh do shut up, miss Swan."
,,Sorry," Emma sniggers. ,,But in all seriousness Regina. Why don't you just go after her? It's silly to deny yourself the opportunity of happiness just because you are afraid that people will judge you."
,,I guess so," Regina mutters and then she tells Emma about her last meeting with Maleficent, and how Maleficent is waiting for Regina to make her decision.
,,It seems to me like you've already made your decision, so what are you waiting for?"
,,It's not that easy, Emma."
,,Yes it is. You want to be with her. And she wants to be with her. End of story." Emma states, and Regina realizes she's right.
,,You haven't.. told anybody about it have you?" the last thing she wants right now is a million questions from Snow White.
,,Of course I haven't."
,,Good. Because if I decide to…" Regina trails off and takes a breath before she continues. ,,If I decide to go to Maleficent, then I need you to promise me.."
,,To keep it a secret," Emma finishes the sentence.
,,Just until I figure things out."
,,Of course. Sure thing, Regina." Emma smiles and gives her shoulder a light squeeze.
They don't discuss the "Maleficent situation" the rest of the evening. Instead they talk about anything else beside that. And when Zelena returns home a few hours later, none of them tells her the actual reason why Emma is at the farmhouse. And Zelena doesn't notice anything, instead she simply thanks Regina for her help. And Regina and Emma walk together for a while until Regina goes towards her mansion in the opposite direction.
She's almost sure about what to do now. Her conversation with Emma has helped a great deal. Now she only needs to pick the proper moment to turn her thoughts into action.
To Be Continued..
