Chapter 7

"Inaversiblis"

The single spell was cast in an eerily calm voice as Hermione Granger stepped toward her mantelpiece. The frame upon it glowed with white light before seemingly returning to its original state.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. Please, don't do this. Draco was desperate." Harry said; a tinge of fear in his eyes.

"Oh, thanks mate. I thought it was Slytherin's that were meant to throw the blame on someone else and run."

"You're welcome to try; running that it is. It really won't get you very far." Hermione responded, still in that very calm voice.

"What did you do, Mione?"

"Nothing that you won't be let out of… eventually." She said as she backed away.

"Hermione, that spell is regulated by the Ministry." Minerva warned. The first of her guests to say anything about the scene before them.

"I am aware of that Minerva. Thank you. But given that my best friend is an Auror who used his professional spells to break into my home without just cause and the fact that he brought a Slytherin with him, if it ever comes to an inquiry, which it will not, I am within my rights to plead self-defence and detaining my trespassers for them."

"Hermione, you're acting like you're really mad about this. It's only Harry and Draco messing around." Said Ginny, sounding worried.

"Harry knows that I ward my flat to within an inch of its life because of the panic attacks and nightmares I still suffer with from the war. He knows that not knowing who is in my home gives me severe anxiety and he knows that tonight was an important part of my therapy to begin overcoming such things. Telling him seems to have been the biggest mistake I have ever made."

She turned to Harry then.

"Clearly, I can no longer trust my best friend who seems to no longer be my best friend. And as for you…" Hermione said, moving her eyes the three inches across the picture to focus on Draco, and brought up her wand once more, "Obliviate."

"If you would like to know how I feel about you, grow a back bone and FUCKING ASK!"

"Granger? What's going on?"

Hermione turned from the boys in the picture toward her friends; she didn't quite have it within her to even look at Draco without either going completely mad at him or breaking down in tears. As neither reaction would be ideal and she wasn't ready for him to see her in either state, she chose to keep her cool.

"Ginny, Pansy, Luna, I need you to come with me. Everyone else, please watch these two. I won't be long."

Ginny, Pansy and Luna looked at Hermione and then at each other with blank faces as she walked grabbed a handful of floo powder from the mantelpiece without sparing a glance to the photograph containing Harry and Draco and stepped into the fire. She dropped the floo powder and called out for the Grimmauld Place Library.

The last thing she heard as the green flames reared up to transport her was Harry's voice.

"Oh shit."


Hermione exited the flames of the Grimmauld place library fireplace and stepped aside to allow her friends through… Pansy came through first, throwing a curious look at Hermione; followed by Ginny who seemed very excited and Luna who, as always, was looking dreamily content.

"So, what's the plan, Mione?" Ginny asked excitedly. "It's been way too long since we pulled a big prank and those two need their arses handed to them."

"Wait… this is all a prank? You're not mad at them?" Pansy asked, flabbergasted but attempting to hide it.

"Of course it's a prank." Hermione confirmed. "Harry knows not to fuck with me and when he tries and inevitably gets caught… he knows to fear retribution." She said, turning into the open space where the boys unconsciously lounged on the sofa.

"So, it was all an act; that cool, expressionless demeanour? You were putting it on? Pansy continued to question, not used to this vengeful side of Hermione which was more Slytherin than she cared to admit.

"Oh no," Ginny responded first as they approached Harry and Draco's bodies. "She's pissed with what they've done but instead of causing a permanent rift between her and them, she channels it into the ongoing prank war."

"It's always so inventive and creative, Pansy. I like it because we come up with so many new ideas each time." Luna added.

"Very nice. Very Slytherin Granger. I didn't think you had it in you."

"Pansy, there were only two reasons the sorting hat didn't put me in Slytherin; the first was my blood status, I'd have been crucified as a muggleborn with what was to come over those years but even if that wasn't the reason, my willingness, I suppose some would call it courage, to put my Slytherin-style plans into action is the only thing to outweigh the plans themselves."

"But you laid that guilt trip on Potter pretty thick. Are you sure he's gonna know this is all in the name of your ongoing prank war?"

"He should and if he doesn't then more fool him. Besides, I wasn't really laying it on that thick, everything I said was true; messing with my anxiety levels was going too far." She turned away from staring at Harry to give the girls a sly smile. "Which means I can go too far in return."

"Don't mess up anything too delicate on him, Hermione; I need that part of him." Ginny pleaded.

They all laughed as Hermione raised her wand.

"Ok, now, how compromising do we make this?" Hermione asked her friends.

"Compromising?" Pansy asked.

"Oh, oh; Hermione, that is brilliant. Let me help, please?"

"That's why you're here, Gin. You work on Harry. Pansy and I will get Draco and then Luna can add her delightful little touches."

Ginny pointed her wand at her husband, uttering spells to remove his clothes as Hermione did the same to Draco.

"I bet this isn't how you imagined disrobing him for the first time, huh Granger?

"Well, no but as I have your assistance, I'm sure we can make up for that. What's his most prised body part, Pansy? His hair? Those gorgeous grey eyes of his? Something a little more private?"

"His lips actually. He's always been proud of that smug grin of his. Why, what's the plan?"

"Oh Hermione, what do you think about putting into action what we were going to do to Harry and Ron after Harry's stag do?" Luna asked.

"Gin, what do you think? It's Harry's meat and two veg on display if we do it."

"I'm on your side Mione, whatever you want to do."

"Pansy, can Draco take a joke?"

"Erm…"

"Well, I think it might be time we find out. Luna, Draco has similar colouring to you, what colour should we go with?"

Luna waved her wand and conjured a pale pink lipstick.

"Oh, you can't be serious. Draco will hit the roof. Especially since you obliviated him so he won't know what this is for."

"I'm sure Harry will… fill him in." Hermione said suggestively before squealing with glee."

"I've been dying to do this ever since we came up with it." Ginny said, hugging Hermione.

"Well, now we can. Gin, do you wanna do the honours?" she gestured to Harry's underwear.

"What, you're actually going to…" Pansy couldn't continue as she watched Ginny wandlessly remove her husband's boxers.

"Aren't you the lucky girl, Ginevra? Very nice." Luna's wistful voice added.

"Yeah. The Boy Who Lived got hot. Hey Red… if you ever want a third for his birthday or something, send me an owl, yeah?"

"I'll keep that in mind, Parkinson. Thanks."

They all laughed as Luna passed Hermione the lipstick.

"Now," Hermione said boldly as she walked up to the sofa and straddled Draco. "Time to tarnish those pretty lips of yours Malfoy."

Hermione painted Draco's lips in the baby pink shade of lipstick before magically lifting the impression of his kiss into the air and placing multiple ' kisses' on Harry's abdomen, leading down to his now very exposed broom and bludgers.

As she reluctantly removed herself from Draco's lap, the four young witches stepped back to admire their handiwork.

"Can I leave you three to deal with the positioning please? Something obvious but not overly exposed. Gin, you remember our original plan, maybe something a little more… bold?"

"No problem but where are you going?" Gin asked.

"There's something I need to get. Once you're done, head back to mine. For the next part of my plan, you all need plausible deniability."

"Mione, what are you doing? Isn't this bad enough?" Ginny asked, a little apprehension in her voice.

"Absolutely not. Harry went too far bringing Draco into this, especially the way he went about it. That means severe payback. And if Draco decides he's really interested in me then he needs to understand this side of me; hopefully he'll respect that I have a Slytherin side in me. Hopefully he'll want to put more Slytherin inside me." She said with a devious and hopeful smile.

"Ok but please don't get too crazy and please don't be long."

"It's all in good fun and hopefully they'll both know not to mess with me in future." Hermione said as she headed out of the library toward the main house."

"You know Harry won't let this go." Ginny warned to the retreating form of Hermione.

"Neither will Draco. This is going to mean war." Pansy added.

"Well, all I can say is bring it on boys. Hey, Luna, just before I set up the last part of the plan, do you have your camera in your bag."

Luna nodded.

"Get some good shots yeah?"

"Oh Gods, Granger you really should've been in Slytherin."

"Yep. See you later."

Hermione left the room, trusting her friends to prepare a perfect scene as she headed toward the living floo to make her call. She grabbed a pinch of floo powder and dropped it into the flames, calling out "Rita Skeeter's Office, Daily Prophet".

The familiar whoosh of green flames and dizzy feeling took hold before Hermione was staring at a lavish office; the walls were lined with scandalous front page articles, a neat desk housed several 'quite quotes quills', an enchanted type-writer and a steaming mug of coffee which gave off a distinct scent of brandy.

Hermione cleared her throat.

"Miss Skeeter. Would it possible to have a word?" She said in a sickly sweet voice, reminiscent of Dolores Umbridge.

The infamous tabloid-style reporter slowly turned her gaze to fireplace and looked down her nose at the bitchy little witch who had imprisoned her in a jar almost then years previous.

"Miss Granger." The blonde reported said with disgust as the noise of the type-writer ceased. "To what do I owe this displeasure?"

"I think I might have a rather fabulous story for you. Something very much of your calibre."

"I see, I see. And why would your bitchy little self come to me with such a story? I was under the impression from our last encounter that you would never speak to me again."

"I would rather not to be perfectly honest but I believe if I give you this particular story, you will owe me for life; I can't possibly turn that opportunity down."

"And what is this salacious bit of gossip that you need my help to reveal to Wizarding Britain."

"As I'm sure you know, Miss Skeeter, a picture is worth a thousand words and this needs to be seen to be believed."

"Surely you don't expect me to trust you?"

"Of course not but this story will make your career, I assure you. Please come to the Potter residence in ten minutes and I assure you that you will not be disappointed. I swear it on my wand. Oh, and bring your photographer; like I said, a picture is worth a thousand words."

"What do you want, Miss Granger?"

Hermione feigned a sigh, as if giving up a pretence.

"I'm putting right a few wrongs and I realise I went a little overboard when I imprisoned you in that jar. I tend to go to extremes when people I love get hurt by your gossip but I know you were just doing your job and trying to sell papers. I think this might make up for my behaviour in the past."

Merlin, I hope she's buying this shit.

"Very well, Miss Granger. Ten minutes. But I warn you, if this is a setup, you will be sorry." She warned as her eyes narrowed.

"I assure you, Miss Skeeter. You will love this."

With that Hermione withdrew back to Grimmauld Place and hurried toward the library once more.


Hermione entered the library to find that her friends had all returned to her party and left Harry and Draco in a wonderfully suggestive position. Draco's head lay on Harry's naked lap obscuring any shot too risqué for the front page of the Prophet; Harry's head was cast back as if he hadn't moved after the climax of a very good blow job and his hand had been placed in Draco's hair.

It's almost perfect. Just a couple more little touches to make it more believable.

She waved her wand to silently move Draco's hand to rest on Harry's thigh and set a gentle movement spell on Harry's hand so it stroked Draco's hair.

Now it's perfect.

The floo announcement chimed and butterflies bubbled in her stomach; she knew this was several steps too far but Harry and Draco had both invaded her privacy and in her mind this was simply a case of tit-for-tat; not to mention a wonderful warning to them not be so stupid in future as to try and out manoeuvre her wards.

"Miss Granger?" Hermione heard the acidic reporter calling from the living room.

She checked the scene and magically smudged a little of Draco's lipstick around Harry's mouth before heading to greet her guests.

"Ah, Miss Skeeter and Mr…?"

"This is Reginald Twirly, Miss Granger, my photographer. "

"So glad you could both join me. Right this way." She said over her shoulder as she led them into the library; Rita following behind her looking both excited and apprehensive; Reginald Twirly checking a setting on his camera. When she reached the perfectly manufactured revenge scene, she stepped aside, allowing the reporter and photographer to get a good look.

Rita Skeeter's mouth dropped open in surprise as she took in the scene before her and her perfectly plucked eyebrows stretched upward.

"Is this real, Miss Granger?" she asked slowly.

"Do you care?"

Rita turned to the younger witch as Reginald started taking his photographs.

"I need to know how this came about and why you came to me with it."

"I trust you don't need to know one thing about the realities of what brought this about, you are perfectly capable of concocting something deliciously spiteful. As for my motivations, they are unimportant."

"Why, Miss Granger; I believe we could make a decent journalist out of you."

"I thought you'd like it." Hermione grinned conspiratorially. "Would you like a few minutes to think or do you think you have enough to go on?"

"Could I possibly get a quote from the famous Hermione Granger about how she is supporting the Boy-Who-Lived-Twice in his new relationship with the ex-death eater?"

"On the condition that Malfoy's shady past is not mentioned, I will say anything you want."

Rita rolled her eyes but conceded. "A fair compromise, I suppose." She sighed and a slightly sour look marred her features before she too sported a conspiratorial grin. "Just one more question, Miss Granger… what could these two have possibly done to prompt this level of callous betrayal from you?"

"I have no idea what you could possibly mean by that." Hermione replied with mock innocence. "Come, Miss Skeeter, Mister Twirly; I'll show you out."

"I'll get to the bottom of this Miss Granger." The platinum reporter said as they reached the floo.

"I have every faith in you, Rita." Hermione responded sarcastically, placing a hand on the shoulder of the last nemeses she had left."

"Come along, Twirly. Until next time, Miss Granger."

And they vanished in a flurry of green flames and soot.


Hermione entered her living room and threw a huge beaming grin at Ginny, Pansy and Luna before turning back to the photo frame on her mantelpiece.

"I had no choice but to throw a silencio at them, Hermione; they wouldn't shut up." Katie said.

"No problem… finite incantum."

"What did you do Mione?"

"I'll get you for this Granger."

"Oh I didn't do much. Just a little payback. Harry, you really should know better than to fuck with me and if you need a reminder, feel free to go and talk to Umbridge."

"Hermione, I'm serious. What did you do?"

Hermione decided not to answer his question. It was way too much fun to keep him guessing. The pranks were always better if the victim didn't know what was coming. It had started with quite the tall tale, a few months after war, and not even between Hermione and Harry; the first time, they'd teamed up to prank every single Weasley by announcing they were getting married, that they'd had a secret relationship since fourth year, that Rita Skeeter's story exposing them was not fabricated and that it was just time everyone knew since Hermione was pregnant. They'd kept it going for three weeks. Everyone except Ron had been impressed.

When Ginny had teamed up with Harry to get Hermione back for making her think she'd stolen Harry, the fireworks had begun; literally fireworks. Hermione had returned to school with fireworks concealed in every text book she owned and upon opening any of her given books, it would explode into brightly coloured displays with the sound of Harry and Ginny laughing. The howler sent back to Harry, passing on Hermione's screeching message that "This means war." was not lying. She had promptly sent to Flourish and Blotts for replacement books but charged Harry's Gringott's account with a forged letter from Harry saying all future book purchases by Hermione Granger were to be charged to his account as a thank you for helping him defeat Voldemort as he couldn't have done it without her.

After that, it had grown steadily more vindictive.

"Exsolvio" Hermione said, pointing at the frame. It glowed white again before returning to normal. "Off you go boys. Enjoy yourselves, yeah? You deserve it." She finished smiling.

Once the Harry and Draco had vanished back to their bodies, Hermione spelled the frame once more, rendering it incapable of hosting true consciousness again before turning back to her guests.

"Sorry about that. Would anyone like a top up?" She asked, summoning a fresh bottle of fire whiskey.


A/N: Ok, so I went a little crazy with Hermione on this one and I hope I tempered it well with the idea of the prank war. I put myself in Hermione's place at the beginning of this chapter and put in her position, I believe this is what I would've done.

As always, please review, favourite and follow if you don't already.