Side note: I noticed that, no matter how many times I try to change that in this story's "settings", I can't set Natasha and Bruce as pairing. Does anyone know how I could fix that? If so, please, let me know.

And now, the seventh chapter, hope you like it!


Natasha was quickly and methodically preparing her duffel bag after Fury's call when there was a soft knock on her door.

She put her last item inside, zipped the bag and threw it over her shoulder, then, she opened the door to find Bruce, waiting.

She got out of her room and quickly, but gracefully, closed the door, blocking his view of the inside.

As soon as he saw her bag, his expression changed from hesitant to surprised.

"You leaving?" he asked.

"Fury got me some work" she stated simply.

He just nodded, realising she couldn't share more. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, looked down, then picked up his glasses from the pocket of his lab coat and started fidgeting with them.

Natasha would have normally let him take his time, but her jet was due in half an hour.

"Is Stark gone?" she asked, breaking the silence.

Bruce finally looked up at her.

"What? Oh, yes." There was a pause. "We were going to see the other Avengers, but then his phone buzzed and he started to babble something about ships and reviews…was probably higher than usual."

He put his glasses back in their pocket.

"Natasha, I wanted to apologize for earlier. It's just - Why didn't you just tell me you don't want to leave?"

She stared into his warm and now completely brown eyes.

"Because I wasn't sure", was her utterly honest answer.

She saw the emotions flicker on his face: surprise, confusion, disbelief, pain, a glimpse of understanding, sadness.

Her voice was soft and warm: "Bruce, look, I need to go now. I'll try to get in touch while I am away."

He just shrugged, his shoulders even more slumped afterwards.

"I know you're still angry with me."

"I am always angry, remember?"

Again, there was that look of resignation on him, that underlying rage that she guessed was aimed at himself more than at the other guy. Being just the big guy would have been easier in some way: no doubts, no worries, no self-loathing. He would never admit it, but he sometimes envied the Hulk.

.

Dear Bruce,

Oddly enough, it was easier to send you a letter than get hold of a computer that would not be tracked.

This mission is taking longer that it was supposed to - don't worry, I'm fine.

You asked me why I didn't tell you I don't want to leave, and I hope this letter will explain.

After Wakanda it took me a while to be able to think straight - I think you understand. I questioned all the work I had done since I met Clint. Things that usually surface only in dreams were as clear as day, my ledger read "killer", "monster" in letters redder that ever.

Then you show up and for a second I think that that is not the only way.

I felt rejected as well.

But then and there, I believed in the possibility of running away, with you.

But the farm is Clint's haven. I don't have one, no "happy place" to go back to. Neither do you.

Ultron struck back, stronger. In my cell in Sokovia I had time to think. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I wanted to get out and fight, not just because that is what I do, but it is what I choose to do, every day, because, even though I know my ledger will never be cleaned, I can build something better, something to make up for the person I was because of the red room.

This is who I want to be.

I had no other choice but to push you, in Sokovia. I hope you can understand.

If I hid… I could easily do it. But we both know full well that the possibility of being an "ordinary" person was taken away from me long ago. It is a scar that will never fade.

One needs to face his monsters, even when they are monsters themselves.

I can't pretend to be something I am not. Not even for you.

You know I am angry with you because of this. Part of me still wants to run away with you.

Another thing I think you should understand is that this is all new to me. I was never allowed to have such deep feelings - a spy can't get attached, or it becomes a liability.

Something else I owe to S.H.I.E.L.D. is the possibility to have uninhibited feelings, friends even, though old habits die hard.

When Fury sent me to Kolkata, I never would have expected, first, to find someone very much alike me, and then, to fall for you.

I hope this letter finds you well,

Please say "Hi" to the other Avengers for me,

Natasha

P.S. I still adore you

.

Bruce found the letter waiting for him in his lab one morning, about two weeks after she had left.

He had dug in his work harder than usual to keep his mind off everything else. He hardly ever slept and when he did, it was usually because he had dozed off in the lab.

He kept to himself, except for those times when Steve would show up with a cup of coffee for him, just to chat for a couple minutes.

He was truly happy - and surprised - to receive that letter.

As he was reading it, he realised he had never seen Natasha's handwriting. It was strangely harsh and spiky for a woman, all sharp, tall, strong lines.

He read it once, then went through it again and again. She was always so sincere and direct.

I had no other choice. He still didn't believe that. They both had a choice. She had just chosen her job over him.

But as he read again, he realized he couldn't blame her for that.

I felt rejected as well. That was true for both of them. When she had practically thrown herself into his arms, he had flinched away. There was no future with him. Then why was he asking her to believe in it?

But then and there, I believed in the possibility of running away, with you. Damn, he wanted so badly to run away, and to be with her. It didn't seem that likely anymore, though.

I am angry with you because of this. He usually was the angry one. He was still angry at her, too. The moment she threw him off that well…something cracked inside him, all that trust she had slowly built in him with time was compromised.

Though…I still adore you. If only that was true…That would have been really nice. If only…

One needs to face his monsters.