Tim had been holding all that in for so long now. He finally felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders; at last. The vault was empty; almost. That one last little (it was little, wasn't it?) piece could stay there. Tim was content with that.

He found himself still reeling in shock; with the very experience of having his boss, Leroy, Jethro Gibbs; giving him the freedom to let that confrontation even happen. Tim didn't quite know what to do with himself now; now that it was all (almost) out there; raw; open; vulnerable to Gibbs' fury and or Tony's ridicule! Damn, he felt exposed!

Well, Tim determined that he wasn't gonna give either one of them that chance. He'd worked too damn hard; suffered in silence too damn long; they weren't gonna take his sense of relief away from him, now! He steadily, silently and calmly walked away from them both. With dignity; he left them there. He calmed his breathing down as he walked. With no destination in mind; his feet just took him away from them. Suddenly, those three days leave were burning a hole in his pocket. But, he couldn't bring himself to leave the navy yard just yet. Somehow; for some reason, this felt unfinished.

The negative thoughts were still churning in his head; not yet completely satisfied. Why was it Gibbs could break his own rules that he force fed his agents? What about his famous Rule #12? No dating a co-worker! Even though this rule formed the foundation of the one last piece of unfinished pain in his heart; Tim wasn't prepared to deal with it now. Hell, at this point; he wasn't even prepared to think about it; never mind expose it!

What now? Now that he had thrown it all out there; where did that leave him? What did that leave him as the next thing to do? Should he just leave; take his 3 days off and just come back like nothing happened? He wouldn't be able to stay in town; Tony and or Gibbs would hound the hell out of him over this, if he did that!

But, he wasn't prepared to go just anywhere; just to run away from those two! Damn it, he was sick of running from being comfortable with his own life! Wait! He still had to complete Step 2 of his plan! That's right! He'd almost forgotten about that! Tim turned his feet toward the building and went in to do just that!

**************

Gibbs and Tony were stricken with imobility and speechlessness in the wake of Tim's outburst and everything he had thrown at them. Watching him walk silently and determinedly away from them; they could only marvel at the way they had been thrown completely off guard by one Tim McGee.. Tim's normally calm demeanor had long allowed them to believe that he didn't even have this kind of extreme emotion inside him. They had never heard Tim's voice raised like this; at anybody!

Gibbs recalled parts of what Tim had obviously not gotten over. Apparently, Tim held on to guilt like a 2nd skin; for a hellova lot longer than even Gibbs had realized.

You ever hesitate because you second guess yourself again. I'll take your badge! Are we clear?

Yeah, he'd been angry, furious, in fact, when he'd said those words to Tim three years ago. But it had been anger born out of parental outrage that his surrogate son had just put himself in mortal danger. Tim was like a son to him. But it had been more than that; Tim should have known better. Gibbs still remembered the rage he felt when Tim had just stood there, his hand on Gibbs' backup weapon. Frozen! Gibbs had let his anger run away with the situation; going off his agent; getting in his face; with barely controlled fury; had his say and allowed his anger to rule him as he walked away; leaving his troubled agent standing there, without a single word of comfort or encouragement; just staring at Archer's body. Another victim in the tragedy that his agent already felt responsible for.l

Gibbs had known that Tim was already totally overwhelmed with the death of the innocent cop and the guilt just from the possibility of responsibility; was eating him up inside. It hadn't been but 10 minutes later that Gibbs had slapped himself for the near-fatal mistake in taking Tim along. His intentions had been in the right place, but he had rushed the issue. Thinking he was doing his agent a favor; he had instead; done the young man much more harm than good.

Truth be told, it had taken Gibbs a long time to stop feeling bad about the way he'd handled that. But, out of habit; he'd never let it show; choosing instead to use those feelings to seemingly cut the young man some slack for the rest of the week; although he did order Tim to spend extra time at the range; and requalify just to suit Gibbs' requirements- he needed to know that the team could depend on Tim to not freeze again. But, the anger he had felt at himself had kept him from feeling comfortable around Tim for a long time. Looking back now, Gibbs could visualize where Tim might have misconstrued Gibbs' behavior and taken it as a sign that Gibbs no longer trusted him after that incident.

Gibbs had dropped the subject like a hot potato; not having the heart to bring up such a painful time in Tim's experience with the agency. He knew that the Agency's shrink was much better equipped to help his agent; so that's the order that was handed down to the young man; extra range time; re-qualify and time with the Agency shrink.

Tim had quietly and in a almost depressed manner; followed the order to the letter. Gibbs recalled; Tim hardly spoke to anyone for a while after that incident. It had been almost like he was punishing himself. Gibbs and Tim had never discussed it again. Not once in the three years following that day! Gibbs had eventually forgotten about it. Tim hadn't hesitated again...at least, not in Gibbs' sight. Tim had gotten more experience; grown up. He'd needed someone to be tough on him to get him to reach his potential.

Isn't that what boot camp is for? We break them down to build them up again? Gibbs asked himself. Another voice piped up from its hiding place deep down inside. But like McGee said; he isn't in the military. He didn't go to boot camp, not even to ROTC. He's never been in battle. He went to MIT. The worst he ever faced was bullies...and Tony. He wasn't raised to think that way He's had none of these experiences; with the exception; of course of Tony's acting out of the Frat brother from hell!

How many times has this kid tried to tell you and Tony that he wasn't like you two? He didn't come from the same background and experiences. Don't you remember that's where his self-doubt was entrenched? How long did it take you to get rid of that in him, anyway? Gibbs found himself asking himself.

Obviously, Gibbs had missed the mark on that situation; as well as many key other ones. Most of which; apparently; had painful repercussions for Tim, at the most; while having really bad memories and vibes for him, at the very least!

Why hadn't Gibbs shown any concern when Tim got Tazered? Why had he allowed Tony to get a way with acting so callously about it? Gibbs knew there had been a possibility of heart problems with something like that! Instead he had shoved the responsibility of making sure Tim was okay, onto Ducky. Even Ducky had admonished him over his terrible neglect of his agent on that occasion! Gibbs remembered trying to justify his actions with the excuse that he was trying to solve the case as quickly as possible.

The poison ivy incidents that Tim apparently still held as a bitter pill he'd had to swallow and suffer thru; well, Gibbs had meant them as incidents of "tough love" Put together with all these other incidents; it was easy to see how Tim could have taken all of those incidents; or even just pieces, in the opposite manner that they had been intended; especially when you threw in the ridicule he'd received from it all.

In hindsight; however, Gibbs had to say that the worst case of over the top ridicule he'd let Tony get away with; had been really bad; and there was no justification in allowing Tony to have gotten away with it. The "When Dogs Attack" cd placed in Tim's computer; to scare him; had been uncalled for and cruel.

And what had Gibbs done? He'd simply continued on with his "tough boss" routine; throwing a snide comment out there and forcing the team to get back to work. Not once had he checked on McGee to make sure he hadn't been literally scared to death; given the afternoon he'd just had; and the fact that he'd kept working that day.

Gibbs could not, for the life of him, remember why he had let Tony get by with that; or for any of the other mean things, he'd let him get away with; for that matter. Gibbs remembered Abby treating Tim with callousness then, too. She had blatently put the well being of the dog before that of her team mate and long time friend. The betrayal Tim had felt had been obvious in those expressive eyes of his. Gibbs hadn't missed it. But he hadn't done anything about it, either. He had figured it was between the two of them. In hindsight now, he had to wonder if that wasn't part of what everyone saw as his favoritism toward Abby.

Gibbs had ignored the hurt look in Tim's eyes when he realized he wasn't getting any sympathy or even concern from his team mates. Gibbs had seen the way Tim had been crestfallen and downtrodden when he'd left that night; still in obvious pain from the dog attack. Gibbs remembered trying to put on his "to do" list; to have a talk with the young man the next day. Of course, he'd completely forgotten about it by the next morning.

Remembering these incidents brought a picture to Gibbs' mind of the ARMFED food chain; NCIS is always being told they're at the bottom of. Only this food chain, visualized in Gibbs' head, was of Team Gibbs and it was showing Tim at the bottom. It showed a shadowed picture of him on the row above that; but it had been covered up with Ziva.

Yeah, Gibbs had to admit; he'd done that. With the arrival of Ziva; her skills; background and ability to learn quickly; he'd unconsciously thrust her into partnership with Tony more and more; indirectly delegating Tim as Computer Geek/lab rat first; field agent, second. He hadn't even thought about it; it had just happened. It had probably felt like a demotion to the young man. He had been so focused on training Ziva; getting her broke in and ready to investigate; he'd pushed Tim aside to get it done. Was this when Tim had begun getting that "not good enough for the team" vibe?

Tony had always treated him like the Probie. But, now Gibbs realized; he had been treating the young man the same way!

And Tim was right about the computer stuff, too. Gibbs never made exceptions or room for delay; always expecting to get what he needed when he wanted it; no matter if the computers were cooperating or not. Tim always wore the brunt of that, too. But, the problem there was; it was partly Tim's own fault; unintentional, to be sure; but his fault just the same.

It was simple really; Tim always delivered; therefore Gibbs had not developed the patience for delay or problems. He had come to expect too much from Tim. He wasn't blind; he'd known that Tim's perfectionism and never-ending drive to get Gibbs what he wanted when he wanted; was fed by Tim's need to feel like his place on the team was secure; needing approval; acknowledgement; not necessarily of a job well done; but that he was doing well enough that he wasn't being replaced. Gibbs was just selfish enough to feed off of that; use it. It was a rare occasion when he thought to reward it. Too rare!

Gibbs had caught an especially poignant example of this when he'd returned from Mexico and was still trying to fit back into his position as Team Leader. Of all the people he'd worked with directly every day; Tim had been the most verbal; joyfully so; with, of course; the exception of Abby; to welcome him back.

"Good to have you back, Boss!" Tim had admitted; his still over-bright teeth catching the sun just right; giving Gibbs cause to grin.

Gibbs had heard the relief in those words; actually had taken a minute to ponder about it. But the urgency of the missing woman had brushed that thought aside. He'd seen yet another vulnerable side of Tim; later on that evening when he and Tony had had that confrontation. Tim, apparently had, at that point, felt that Tony needed to let go of the need to call someone "Probie".

Gibbs had taken pity on McGee and quietly pointed out to him that he, himself was still called that by his first boss; after how many years on the job? Apparently, Gibbs had managed to calm Tim down with that short, but sincere; quietly offered pep talk. It seemed to have had worked out well; at the time anyway.

But, as Gibbs had settled back into his role as Team Leader; Tim had once again began suffering from what appeared to be "Probie-itis" The bumbling, nervous, stuttering, unsure McGee had returned; almost like he was feeling the need to prove himself all over again. Had someone told him that since Gibbs was back; he was no longer good enough? Gibbs; once he'd noticed this; hadn't known what had happened; but he'd handled it like he handled everything else. He let his Marine training guide him and he toughened up on the young man, again; re-training him; giving DiNozzo room to razz him; re-initiate him; to certain extent. It had looked like Tim had needed it. Gibbs had only been thinking of getting things back to normal for everyone; both as individuals, (or so he had thought), and for the team as a whole.

Forging a new relationship with Tony; outside of work; had colored his handling of the team; obviously. Gibbs hadn't seen it before. He saw it now. In full color! McGee had been left behind, in more ways than one. It was obvious, in hindsight; that Gibbs had stepped into the role he'd long ago cast that second "B" in his name into; especially when it came to McGee. The most troublesome part of this truth was that Gibbs couldn't fathom why he had done it! Why he'd turned such a blind eye to what he was doing to McGee and why he was allowing Tony to go overboard with pranks and ridicule, with astounding regularity and abundance.

Looking back now, Gibbs could plainly see where Tim was coming from; on all of it! It was like waking up from a nightmare and watching a video of what you had done while you were sleeping. Horrible, is what it was; knowing you've treated someone who trusted you to protect them; like they didn't matter; for a long stretch of time. Guilt came rushing up at him like a tidal wave; leaving him feeling battered and wrung out.

Sure, he related to Tony moreso than McGee; hence the relationship outside the office; but he still treasured McGee as a member of his team. He would still move heaven and earth to protect him; like he would any other member of his team. So, why hadn't he? What was the problem? Why this mess? Gibbs couldn't put his finger on it; he only knew he hadn't set out to do it. He would never deliberately hurt one of his people like this. Gibbs vowed he would move heaven and hearth to fix this

*************

Tony was in shock. He could not wrap his head around the fact that Gibbs had just let Probie get away with going off on them like that! Tim McGee raging with anger? And just how much crap had he been holding onto all this time, any damn way? And better still; why was he allowed to still be a field agent if he was carrying around that much anger? Hadn't he been ordered to see the agency shrink for any of this stuff? Tony was seeing red!

He looked over at Gibbs; who was quietly sitting on the bench; apparently contemplating what Tim had thrown at them. Unsure of what Gibbs was feeling at the moment. The only evidence of the direction of Gibbs' thoughts was the serious concern etched in his face; his white knuckles as they clenched the bench; and closed eyes; not wanting to bare his feelings to the world at large.

Tony decided that sitting still for this sucked! He wanted to let his anger rip so badly! He could tell that at least part of what Gibbs was thinking had to do with guilt. And if Gibbs felt guilty; then it was damn sure for certain that Tony bore that responsibility in equal measure. Tony was not ready to face that; even though he'd been discussing that very fact with Gibbs all damn day long; in regard to Tim. This was different. This was Tim shoving it down Tony's throat; and yeah, Tony may share the blame in this mess; but he for one; wasn't in the mood to take it like this! There were much more civilized ways to deal with this than what Tim had just done.

"Damn it!" Tony exploded, Isn't that what the Agency shrink is for? Why the hell is he still an active field agent if he's carrying around that much damn anger? And why the hell hasn't he said anything before now?"

Gibbs; startled out of his thoughts; just glared at Tony; trying to stop his outburst. "Think about this, DiNozzo! What makes you think he hasn't talked to a shrink? Do you really think I'd let any of you out in the field without monitoring you? Do you really think he's carried all of this around without any help at all? Sure it seems like it; but if you'd pay attention; you'll notice it wasn't the incidents that have kept him withdrawing from us lately; it's our relationship outside the office; that he feels is affecting these incidents! The catalyst that he can't explain to anyone; for fear of reprisals?" Gibbs attempted to explain. "You know damn well, that Tim has not once endangered anyone or done a bad job in the field! This was just his day in court; the chance to fly in the face of the ones who've done him wrong!"

"You and I just need to figure out how to deal with it from here! We need to fix it and go on. But remember this, Tony; before you sprout on about what he has or hasn't said before; ask yourself this question; "How many times have we paid attention when he does complain? Don't we just make fun of his complaint; or tell him to toughen up? I know, I for one; have had enough. This needs to be fixed! It's a wonder he still wants to be here; and I for one; am gonna make sure he continues to want to stay here! It's time to set things right; they've been wrong for too damn long!

Gibbs got up off the bench and went in search of his confidant. He'd seen him lurking in the trees thru this whole ordeal; listening; wating; watching for signs of trouble or someone possibly needing rescue. That was just his way. Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief; at least he wouldn't have to repeat any of it in order to discuss it with him.

He just hoped Ducky was still here.