Chapter 7
Kid didn´t say a single word on their way to Fairbury. Not a single one. He just kept staring in front of him, all day long.
Buck limited himself to driving the cart and left Kid alone.
Night fell long before they reached their destination, so they decided to make camp. Kid lit the fire while Buck took care of the horses.
It wasn´t until the middle of dinner that Kid finally seemed to come out of his reverie.
"So, what´s in the package anyway?" he muttered, bending over his plate.
Buck shrugged and shook his head. But he seized the opportunity now that his friend was talking.
Clearing his throat, he said as casually as he could, "You´re really handling yourself with that cane, huh?"
Kid seemed to cheer up a little and looked up.
"Yeah," he nodded. Then he looked away again.
Buck sighed. He knew it was almost impossible to get Kid to talk if he didn´t want to. Besides, he wasn´t comfortable being so nosy. Not at all. But this was the whole purpose of the trip and the job needed to be done. He looked down and started playing with his fork.
"Lou…Lou doesn`t seem to think so, does she?" he added, wincing imperceptibly as soon as the words came out of his mouth.
Kid turned sharply to glare at him.
"She´s just worried, that´s all. She has every right to be," he added defensibly.
As Buck opened his mouth to say something more, Kid jumped up and threw the rest of his food into the fire.
"I think I´m turning in. Good night," he said dryly, as he lay down in his bed roll and put his hat over his face.
Buck found himself with his mouth open and nobody to talk to.
"That went well," he finally muttered, as he settled in for the night himself. "That went really well…"
Rachel wasn`t sure what had woken her. It was still dark outside, though she could tell the sun would be rising soon. She closed her eyes to go back to sleep when she heard it again. Muffled, yet persistent, sounds coming right from her front porch.
"What the…?" she mumbled as she forced herself out of her warm and cozy bed. She hastily grabbed a robe, hurried down the stairs and peeked through the front window.
There it was, an unmistakable shadow figure on the porch swing, her body nearly bent in half, shaken by uncontrollable sobs.
Rachel shook her head, sighed, opened the door and approached her friend.
"Lou?" she whispered.
The girl looked up at her. Her red swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks told Rachel Lou had been crying hard for a while now. She was still crying now, crying as if her world had ended.
"Oh, honey!" Rachel exclaimed, rushing to sit next to Lou and putting a protective arm around her shoulder. "Have you been out here all night?"
"I ruined it!" Lou blurted out between sobs, almost unintelligibly. "I ruined everything!"
"What do you mean you ruined everything, sweetheart?" Rachel said softly, stroking her arm.
"Kid! Our marriage!" Lou exclaimed, unable to stop crying. "I ruined everything and now he hates me!"
"What on earth are you talking about, child?" Rachel exclaimed. "That boy is crazy about you!"
Lou shook her head violently and looked down.
"Not anymore, he ain´t," she whimpered. "Not after the way I treated him. Not after I acted like a foolish, whiny, overprotective hag!"
Rachel tried to suppress a smile and tightened her embrace.
"You didn´t act like a hag, doll!" she replied. "It´s true you got a little…carried away, but your intentions were good. You just wait for him to come back and you´ll work things out just fine. You`ll see."
Lou looked up at her.
"But what if he don't come back?" she sighed, her eyes shining with tears and fear.
"What? But of course he´s coming back, Lou! What´s this nonsense you´re talking about?"
"Maybe he got tired of me. I know I would have!" Lou cried out. "And if he does come back," she carried on, as Rachel was opening her mouth to reply, "I´m sure it´ll be to tell me to leave him alone."
The spasmodic crying overcame her again.
"Lou…" Rachel whispered gently. "That man adores you."
Lou shook her head.
"I feel this horrible void in my stomach," she sobbed. "Like actual physical pain, you know? It´s horrible, horrible. Just like when he left me the first time. I should have known better than to think I could be actually happy."
Rachel gave her a disapproving look.
"Stop it, Lou. Stop saying those kinds of things! You have every right to be happy, and you will. Now that you finally see you were acting a little-"
"Crazy?" Lou interrupted.
Rachel chuckled.
"No, that ain´t what I was gonna say. But anyway, I´m sure that if the two of you talk everything will be fine."
"But what if I can´t stop acting crazy, Rachel?" Lou said. Her friend looked questioningly at her. "I mean," she went on, "I look back at the last few months and I almost can´t recognize myself. Like I was this whole different person, all fearful, even…terrified." She looked blankly in front of her. "That´s it, I´ve been so terrified of losing Kid that I completely lost myself in the process…I despise this fearful thing I´ve become. I´ve hurt my husband so deeply, and now he hates me, and he thinks I don´t trust him…" Lou turned again to Rachel and grabbed her spare hand with her own, looking her in the eye. "What if I can´t be myself again, Rachel?" she said pleadingly.
Rachel squeezed the girl´s hand back.
"Well honey," she said seriously. "You´ll have to find a way."
Lou nodded silently.
There was something else. If Kid didn´t need her to take care of him and carry more weight anymore, what was left for her? She knew she couldn´t become "just a wife" and give up the freedom she had fought so hard for. Then what? Losing him? Neither was an option. But she didn´t dare saying any of this out loud. Not even to Rachel.
"If you want him, if you really want him," Rachel was saying, "you´ll have to figure out a way to find yourself first."
I want him. I want him more than anything…
Rachel was right. She had to let go of all the fear, get rid of it somehow, find the brave and daring Lou within herself again. She would deal with the other stuff later.
She realized she had stop crying. She looked gratefully at Rachel and squeezed her hand once more.
"Thank you…" she whispered.
She rose up and, without looking back, she went inside and straight up to her room.
There was enough light now coming through the window for Lou to be able to look at herself in the mirror.
She looked like hell. Well, what could she expect after crying all night long? But that wasn´t important now. There was something she had to do. Maybe it was foolishness, maybe it wouldn´t make a difference, but she needed some tangible sign to show she could be herself again, to feel she was letting go of her fear.
Lou ran her fingers though her hair. It had grown very fast and way past her shoulders by now. But she didn´t care. Without hesitation she grabbed a pair of scissors from her drawer, took a big lock of hair with her other hand, and cut it off right below her ears. Then another one. And another. Soon the floor was carpeted with bunches of silky brown hair.
And she felt good doing it. Like she could sever all her worries away along with her hair.
Once she was done she took a good look at herself, at her now once more short locks. And she liked what she saw.
"That's where you've been hiding, Lou…" she whispered to herself.
Then she smiled and collapsed onto her bed. Her head was throbbing and her eyes were on fire, but she fell asleep almost immediately.
Buck opened his eyes to the sun shining up in the sky. He sat up and found Kid had the horses and the cart ready, had made coffee, and was now sitting down drinking a cup.
"Hey! Woke up early?" he said.
Kid looked up and smiled at him. "Yeah, I didn´t sleep very well."
"Want to grab some breakfast?" Buck asked.
"Nah, I ain't hungry," Kid replied.
Buck sighed. Well, so much for our breakfast talk. He would definitely have to take a more direct approach and he was running out of time.
"Well," he grunted, getting up and starting to pack his bed roll. "Better get going, then."
In no time they were on their way.
After two hours of dead silence, Buck realized he had to do a much better job if he wanted to try and reach Kid. His friend definitely wasn't going to talk on his own. But as he was opening his mouth to speak, two men, hiding behind the bushes surrounding the road, jumped in front of the cart. They had their noses and mouths covered with dirty bandanas and their guns already drawn on their hands.
Buck pulled the startled horses to a halt. Automatically, both he and Kid had their hands on their holsters, but they knew it was too late.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, boys", one of the men said. "How 'bout you drop them guns to the ground and raise your hands?"
Kid and Buck looked at each other, then slowly did as the man said.
"What do you want?" Buck asked. "We ain't got nothin' worth a plug nickel here."
"These fine horses don't look like nothin' to me," the second man replied, approaching the animals' side. Then he took a quick look at the back of the cart. "And who knows what you boys are hiding in that big box over there," he added, signaling Teaspoon´s package with his head. "Now why don't you two step down from there?"
By this time he was standing only an arm's length from Kid, while the first man stayed in front of the horses.
Kid and Buck exchanged a look, while Kid grabbed the cane resting on the seat beside him. It was too good an opportunity to lose.
With one swift move, Kid jumped up and swung the cane across the robber's face, smashing the cane into two pieces.
As the other man quickly turned his gun toward Kid, Buck produced a knife out of nowhere and threw it at him, hitting the man right in his hand, making him scream and drop the gun.
Kid was already jumping onto the second bandit. The man tried to fight back, but the Southerner tossed him to the ground and knocked him unconscious with two blows to his face.
Buck leaped to the ground, quickly grabbing his gun and shooting into the air, which made the other man, who was making a run for it, stop short.
Buck looked at Kid. His friend was standing over the now passed out robber, panting, covered in dust, but with such a glorious and proud smile on his face that Buck couldn´t help but smile broadly, too.
Well, Buck thought, it wouldn't occur to me the gods would send us a couple of low life robbers to help me with my task. Go figure.
Ten minutes later, the two burglars were tied up, gagged, and lying in the back of the cart.
When Kid was certain they were well secured, he limped towards the front of the cart, looking for the pieces of his cane.
He picked them up and held them in front of him.
"Well, this thing sure came in handy," he said cheerfully. Looks like I still can take care of myself, after all.
Buck chuckled, and then looked attentively at his friend.
"Kid, did you notice you helped me tied those two, toss them into the back on the cart, and walked around without the cane?"
Kid held his breath. No, he hadn't noticed. But now that Buck mentioned it…
"Well, I guess I did, now, didn't I?" The smile on his face got even bigger. Then he stroked his thigh. "Leg's killing me, though," he grimaced.
"Well, you'll have to put up with it until we get back home," Buck said, taking the horses by the bridles and starting to turn the cart around.
"What you doing?" Kid frowned.
"Well, we better hand these scoundrels over to Teaspoon as soon as possible," Buck replied, getting up in the cart.
"But what 'bout Teaspoon's package?" his friend asked, looking up questioningly at him. "We can hand them over to Fairbury's Marshal, too, can't we?"
Buck's face suddenly blanched white. He stared at Kid as he clambered up into the cart with a grunt.
"Oh, yeah, that…"he finally managed to mutter.
"What's in that famous package anyway?" Kid said, sitting down. "It won't hurt to take a look, right?" he added, as he turned back to reach for the box sitting in the back of the cart.
"No, wait, don't do that" Buck exclaimed, grabbing Kid's arm to stop him. At Kid's puzzled look he hastily added: "I don't think Teaspoon would like it."
Kid squinted at his friend and straightened up in his seat.
"All right, what's going on?" he asked amused.
"What do you mean, what's going on?" Buck babbled. "Ain't nothing going on. What makes you think there's something going on?"
Kid raised his eyebrows at his friend. "Buck, c'mon."
The half Kiowa finally gave up. He took a deep breath, let the reins down, closed his eyes and blurted out, "We were all very worried about how things were going between you and Lou, and though we didn't want to interfere between the two of you, Teaspoon thought it was time to give you both a hand before there was no turning back. Since we all know how much you love each other we couldn't just sit back and watch that happen. So Teaspoon asked me to take you away from Lou so he could try and talk some sense into her, a task I don't envy at all, by the way. That way you could also clear your mind a little. And I was supposed to get you to talk and help you deal with whatever is obviously eating you."
Buck sighed, opened his eyes, and turned to face his friend.
Kid was staring at him in awe and confusion, his mouth half open as if he truly didn´t know how to react to this news.
"So, what you´re telling me," he finally managed to say, "is that this whole trip to Fairbury is nothing but a scheme you all came up with to get Lou and me back together?"
Buck shrugged and nodded.
"Then this important package of Teaspoon´s is…just an empty box?" Kid went on.
"Just an empty box," Buck affirmed, nodding.
"And, those two over there," Kid said, signaling the two robbers with his head, "they were part of the plan, too?"
"What?" Buck frowned, not understanding for a second. Then he saw the disappointment in his friend´s eyes. "Oh! No, no! Those two are for real." Though it seems they came in handy, he told himself. "You really knocked down an armed man on your own."
Kid lit up again. Indeed, his whole demeanor had changed. He seemed happier all of a sudden, and Buck knew very well he had to thank the scoundrels for that. The Southerner didn´t even seem mad about his friend´s recent confession. If anything, he seemed half amused.
"I…I really don´t know what to say," Kid said. "I agree things have been pretty bad lately…and I know you meant well…but I think this is something Lou and I need to take care of ourselves," he added softly.
Buck nodded. "I know, my friend. And I respect that." Then he went on, "But know that we are here if you need to talk. Believe it or not, dumping your worries on a friend´s shoulder can make a great difference. There´s something eating your soul and you need to let it go."
Kid´s face darkened. He felt a knot in his throat. For a second Buck thought he had finally reached him. But his friend immediately backed up and looked away.
"Thank you, Buck. I really appreciate that. But I…I can´t," he said softly, shaking his head.
"Just let me tell you this," Buck added, putting his hand on Kid´s shoulder. "Whatever you believe you´re guilty of, you already paid a high price for it. Don´t let this war take a bigger toll on you than it already has. Talk to your wife, my friend."
Kid nodded, then looked back at his brother and swallowed hard.
"Thank you, Buck," he whispered.
The robbers struggled and groaned in the back of the wagon.
"Well, I guess we better get going before we bore these two to death," Kid teased, smiling again.
Both friends chuckled as Buck took back the reins and got the horses in motion.
After waking up, almost at noon, Lou spent the rest of the day not knowing what to do with herself.
Rachel was the only person at the house when she came down. Even though Lou was wearing a blouse, she had put on her old trousers and hat. The older woman just raised her eyebrows, smiled, told her the new haircut looked pretty cute, and went about her business. She knew when it was time to leave Lou alone.
Strangely, nobody came to lunch at the house that day. Lou imagined Rachel had told them not to in order to give the young girl a little space.
She felt much stronger than she had in a long time, but that sense of dread and desolation in the pit of her stomach refused to go away. She spent every second of the day thinking about what would she do if Kid didn´t came back, if she didn´t get the chance to at least talk to him, trying not to burst into tears every time she did. Then she fought the thought away, telling herself Katy was still here. He had to come back, at least, for Katy.
She tried to keep busy, but just couldn´t settle on any one thing. Early in the afternoon, fearing for the poor girl´s sanity, Rachel dragged her to the stable and practically forced her to take Lightning for a ride, insisting Lou should get out of there and get some distraction, at least for a while. Kid and Buck weren´t due back for at least another day, anyway.
So Lou reluctantly saddled up her horse and led him outside by the bridle. The second she put her feet in the stirrups and sat down, she silently thanked Rachel from the bottom of her heart. She immediately launched Lighting into a gallop. Sometimes she forgot how wonderful it felt, the indescribable and marvelous feeling of freedom. She could let go of everything when she was riding.
She rode as if her life depended on it, heading for nowhere in particular, and completely losing track of time. After a while she realized the sun was already dipping toward the horizon, and decided it was time to head home. Both she and her horse needed a rest, after all. She galloped until she spotted her house, slowed down, and entered the yard at a slow pace. Then her heart stopped.
The cart was there, next to the barn. They were back too soon.
Lou led Lightning to the front of the house and slowly dismounted. She walked to the door, grabbed the knob, took a deep breath and opened it. Then she ran a quick glance through the five heads
that turned to look at her. Buck, Teaspoon, Rachel, Theresa and Jeremiah. Her heart skipped a bit. Kid was nowhere to be seen.
"Louise, what´d you do to your hair?" Theresa exclaimed, and her question was immediately answered by a nudge from Jeremiah. By the look on their faces, they were all wondering the same thing.
Lou stood at the door, building up the courage to ask the inevitable question.
"Where´s the Kid, Buck?" she finally said, trying to sound casual. She didn´t succeed.
"He´s in the stable, Lou," Buck replied, smiling. Lou felt her soul returning to her body. "I guess he wanted to say hello to Katy," Buck added, chuckling.
Lou smirked and turned around. Bracing herself, she walked across the dark and silent yard, towards the stable.
To be continued
Thank you so much for keep on reading.
Lou cutting off her hair wasn´t planned at all, it just happened. After she did it, I thought it was a good idea and decide to follow her example, pretty much for the same reasons: cutting off all the rotten stuff from the past along with the hair, find yourself again. It worked, it really worked. So, thank you, dear Lou!
