The days seemed to pass by in a blur after that. They met at Beck's trailer twice that week, after their meeting at Cat's house, to read Tori's diary. It didn't get any easier to read the further they got into the book, and Jade still had no idea what they were going to do once they'd finished, but she knew it was necessary to read. She couldn't let Tori Vega slip away from this world without anyone knowing how brave she was, how she suffered in silence and stayed unbroken until her last day, but more importantly she didn't want the people responsible for this to get away with no punishment. Still it didn't seem like the Vega's would be going anywhere anytime soon, with David Vega getting his job back on the force and all, so they had time. But Jade was well aware that the more time they took with this, the more time she was giving for the evidence to fade. She just wanted to make sure this was done right. David Vega was a police officer and he would no doubt have friends on the force, friends who would want to protect him, and Jade knew somehow that if she went to the police with this it would just be buried and glossed over to protect David and Trina. A knock on the door brought Jade out of her musings and she looked up from the textbook she was failing to study to see her father standing in the doorway.

"Hey Dad." Jade said and shifted uncomfortably on her bed. She briefly wondered what it would be like to have been in Tori's shoes. To have her father staring at her with his familiar brown eyes and know that there was a high chance of him loosing his shit and beating her to a pulp. She knew her father would never do anything like that to her, that he'd spent almost all of his life protecting her and making sure she had the best life possible, but the thought still made her uncomfortable for a moment.

"Hey." He replied, oblivious to Jade's inner musings, "I was wondering if you were busy tonight?"

"Tonight?" She asked in a high pitched voice and then pursed her lips in thought, "I'm going to Beck's house tonight." She finally decided to say hoping he would think it was a date or something and wouldn't ask her why.

"Oh." He replied seeming slightly taken back. "Well I was going to ask if you wanted to have dinner tonight. It's been months since we've eaten together, mainly because I've been working, and I thought it would be nice for us to spend some time together."

Jade shrugged, feeling bad. "Sorry."

"He could come too." Her father said in a voice that said he really didn't want Beck joining them but would put up with it if it meant he could spend time with his daughter. It wasn't as if he didn't like Beck, he did, it was just the whole 'daughter's boyfriend' stigma that he'd never really been able to get over, like most Dad's wouldn't.

Jade deliberated if she told him that the others were going to be there too, and it wouldn't be just Beck and Jade together, she knew she could probably get out of it knowing her father would feel bad about disrupting plans with her friends. "We'll be there." She responded finally and her father smiled.

"Good." He replied with a nod before turning and leaving Jade's room. Jade loved her father but things had always been awkward between them, especially since everything that happened with Jade's mother. It would probably be good for them to spend some time together again. Now she just had to tell Beck.


Everyone was surprisingly okay with skipping a session of reading Tori's diary, after some inspiring words from Robbie of course, and Beck was now fated to spend the evening at Jade's house at what could only be described as a miserable dinner with her father. Jade's father had never really liked Beck that much, or at least he behaved like he didn't, with almost every attempt Beck made at some form of camaraderie thwarted by Jade's father and his anti social antics. Jade had assured him that this time would be different, that because he'd invited Beck he was sure to make an effort, but Beck knew that Jade would say anything to convince him to go to dinner. Beck had reluctantly agreed, for Jade's sake, but he couldn't help the feeling of dread that had welled up inside of him as he stood in Jade's luxurious driveway. Beck took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and forced himself to man up as he rang the door bell.

Jade's father answered the door almost immediately and his face was tense as he tried to smile at Beck. "Hello Beck." Jade's father nodded stiffly and stepped aside slightly so Beck could make his way inside.

"Hello Mr West." Beck replied and tried to make his voice steady and stop the nervousness he always felt around Jade's father. It wasn't like he'd never been around her father before, it was just that they'd never really seen eye to eye about a lot of things before and the whole awkwardness that came with Beck dating Jade had never really faded.

Once they were all seated their maids brought the food to the table and there was a flurry of movement as everything was put in place. Beck briefly wondered how it would be to live like this all the time. To have people fuss over you all the time, bringing you your meals, making your bed, just having other people do the things most people had to do for themselves. He wondered what it would feel to live in a house this enormous and have almost anything at your disposal simply because you could afford it. He knew most people thought people who lived in places like this were pretentious snobs but Beck knew better. Jade was one of the most amazing people he'd ever met. She made the world seem brighter to Beck and made him want to be a better person. He would never put her in a class like that. "So Beck, how have things been with you?" Jade's father asked breaking the silence that their maids had left in their wake. Beck took a sip of his water cleared his throat so he could speak properly. "Things have been kind of... strained lately, I guess you could say. Things haven't really been the same since Tori died."

"Oh right." Jade's father nodded as if he was only remembering that Tori had killed herself. "I'm sorry for your loss. Were you and Miss Vega close?"

"She was my best friend." Beck replied truthfully and saw Jade flinch slightly. Silence fell back to the table after that and it wasn't until the entrees were cleared and they were halfway through the main course that Jade opened her mouth to speak.

"Dad?" She asked after swallowing a mouthful of green beans, "I was wondering if there was something I could talk to you about?"

"Of course." Her dad replied slowly and cast a weary look between Jade and Beck, probably wondering if this was all some kind of set up. Which was absolutely crazy seeing as Jade's father had set up this whole dinner of his own accord and Beck had no idea what Jade was on about. A small smile played on Beck lips at what could possibly be going through Jade's father's mind and he got a cruel sense of glee at watching the other man squirm.

"I was wondering about Mom." Jade replied and just like that her father's face turned from one of awkwardness and slight worry to a mask of coldness.

"That woman has no place in your life Jade." He replied coolly and went back to cutting up his lamb steak.

"But I want her to have one." Jade replied quietly putting down her utensils. "I want to know my mother Dad. I want to talk to her and at least try to get to know her before its too late."

"And what if she doesn't want to talk to you? What if she just winds up disappointing you again?" He all but yelled and his utensils hit his plate with a loud clang.

"It'll be worth it." Jade replied calmly. "I can't live my life without ever knowing what happened to her or if she ever wanted to know about me. I need to know okay?"

"I don't think it's wise." Her father replied.

Jade sighed and Beck could see she was close to losing her cool. "With all due respect Mr. West, Jade has a right to know her mother."

"Oh yeah? Who asked you? What exactly makes you an expert on any of this?" His father replied yelling at Beck, his face gaining a purple hue.

Beck took a deep breath and tried to reign in his emotions. After Tori's death and due to reading her diary, Beck was finding he had a much shorter fuse now and right now it felt like that fuse had imploded. "You wanna know why?" Beck shouted, standing up - failing to reign in his emotions. "I'm an expert on this Mr West because my mother is dead! She killed herself when I was younger and ever since then I felt like I never really got to know her at all. I know what its like to wonder about someone, to think of what life would've been like with them in it and never being able to find out. Jade shouldn't have to go through that." He concluded and took a deep breath to try and calm himself. His hands were shaking and emotions were piling up inside of him, warring for his attention. Oblivious to Beck's inner implosion of emotions Jade's father remained impassive.

"Again, I am truly sorry for your loss but I do not believe that the situations are the same. Jade's mother was an addict. She was manipulative and violent and we're better off without her." He replied and his voice was as cold as his eyes were when he turned to Jade. "She has no place in your life."

Jade was silent for a moment before defiance flashed through her blue eyes, "That is my decision to make." She replied curtly and she face had become just as impassive as her father's, "She may be a complete disappointment, she may not. Who knows? Maybe I wont find her at all. But I can't stand not trying to find her. She's my mother and despite everything I still love her and I want to know her, good or bad, before it's too late."

"I forbid you to have anything to do with that woman." Jade's father replied, his voice growing colder with each word.

"It's impossible for you to forbid something you have no control over. She's my mother and if I want to know her I will." Came Jade's stoic reply and then everything fell quiet again.

The tension in the room was almost palpable and Beck found himself counting down the seconds until he could leave the dinner table and escape the suffocating atmosphere. But the minutes dragged on until they felt like hours and no one said a word. The only sound was the clinking of cutlery and the maids scuttling about in the kitchen emerging sometimes to check and make sure they had served enough for everyone. It's in situations like this, where you're painfully aware of the world around you, that your mind starts to wander to try to make an escape and for Beck that wasn't a very good thing. His mind wandered to subjects he usually tried to avoid but recently had been playing on his mind a great deal thanks to Tori. Her death had opened up a flood gate of emotions for Beck. Of course there was the overall grief, sadness and guilt that had come with Tori's death, the repulsion aimed at David and Trina, but her death was also bringing up things from his childhood that Beck had been trying very hard to forget.

His mother's image always haunted him, thinking about her auburn hair and her eyes that were almost identical to his made his heart clench painfully and his pulse quicken. But the worst part about thinking of her was the wondering. Unlike Tori his mother had never left a diary, she'd never even left a note, one day she was there and the next she was just gone. It had been a Tuesday and Beck had just started school, being just a child at the time, and his mother was supposed to pick him up. Only she didn't. Beck waited around for an hour before the school eventually called his father to come to pick him up. His father had just planned to pick Beck up, drop him off at home and hurry back to work, but had decided to go inside to see where his mother was. That was when he found her. He found her hanging from their bathroom and Beck would never forget the wailing he heard come next. Beck had tried to go inside the room, panicking, to see what was going on. But his father kept the door shut. Vaguely Beck could remember the muffled sounds of a telephone call and then, once it was over, more muffled wailing. "Dad!" He'd shouted and banged on the door. "What's going on?" He could remember asking but he got nothing but a wail that no man of his father's age should make as a response. The wail was soon cut off by a gruff grunt and then the door was being wrenched open.

Beck remembered trying to see around his father, to see what was in the bathroom, but his father's frame purposely took up the entire doorway. Then Beck's eyes found his father's face. He was wide eyed and his face looked about ten years older than it did when he'd stepped into the room. His face was tear stained and Beck knew somehow that they'd still be running down his face if it wasn't for Beck. "What's going on?" Beck asked in a voice that was so different from the one he had now and his father said nothing. He simply shut the door firmly behind him and grabbed Beck by the shoulders, pulling him into the living room. His father had pulled him down to the floor, facing the doorway, and had sat there with Beck rocking back and forth gently until the flashing lights brought him out of his daze and made everything all the more real.


Beck slowly blinked his eyes clear and looked around the table. Jade was staring at him with her knowing blue eyes and he knew she knew what he had just been thinking about. They were so in sync sometimes it was kind of scary. It was then that Beck realized he had stopped eating his food and his hands were balled up in Mr West's expensive looking table cloth. Beck turned his head slightly to see Mr West was also staring at him slightly although he seemed more than happy to continue with the silence and not mention Beck's stricken expression as he slowly released his hands from the table cloth. The silence dragged on until finally the dinner came to an end and Jade was walking Beck out of the house.

"Are you okay?" She asked linking her arm through his, once they were out of ear shot of her father.

Beck shrugged, "Yeah I'm fine. I don't think your father is going to want me back anytime soon though."

Jade gave a short bitter laugh. "Believe me, I don't think it was you he had the problem with."

"Oh really?" Beck asked sarcastically, "Because I did kind of yell at him."

It was Jade's turn to shrug. "He'll get over it." She replied knowingly, "It's my announcement he'll struggle with. Do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I would give anything to talk to my mother again but as your father said, my mother is not your mother. I don't know how any of this is going to turn out and I don't know if you're going to get what you want out of this, but would you be able to live with never knowing? Because I know you Jade and I honestly don't think you would." Beck replied after some deliberation, "Besides I know you can handle whatever is thrown at you."

At that Jade gave him a grateful smile and pressed her lips to his. It was a sweet kiss but it didn't last long on the account of Jade's father watching them from a window. "I love you." She breathed when the kiss was over, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I love you too." Beck replied before kissing her once more on the forehead and then turning around and walking the rest of the length of Jade's driveway alone.


A/N: Hey guys, I'm back! haha :)

Um so first of I just want to say thank you for reading this story and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Also for those of you who were wondering there will be more diary entries next chapter.

Secondly, I'd like to say a big thank you to those of you who voted for my story 'Falling Apart' to win the 'best Bori' category in the Topaz Awards. I've only just found out that I was nominated let alone that I won, so I know this is late, but thank you so much! I really do appreciate all the support.

Thirdly, I just want to give a shout out to The Creative Victorious Awards aka the CVAs. These are a new set of awards that are open to EVERYBODY within the Victorious fandom. Whether your a fan, writer, vidder or an editor these awards are for you. The nominations will be open when people show enough interest in taking part of the awards. You can find these guys on Twitter and on Tumblr if you would like more information. Please go and check them out to help keep this amazing fandom alive!

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