When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Chapter 7
Thor hit the ice again, hard. He was beyond frustrated. between having to walk on eggshells around Jane, and not being able to get the hang of these skates, he was beginning to wonder if he should just call it quits before he gets injured again. The thought instantly brought a welling of emotion in him, one that he couldn't qualsh in his mentally exhausted state. The thoughts instantly flooding at him, as though a gate had suddenly been opened to them. He'd never get back to skating again. Never return to hockey. He was washed up. His career on ice over. The worst though, being that he'd be stuck at his 9-5 job for the rest of his life. As he sat paralyzed by his own self pity, he heard the gentle whisper of skates on the ice, and looked up to meet a familiar set of emerald eyes.
"I can't do it," He sobbed letting his tears spill over and down his cheeks. "I've tried and I...I just can't."
"Come on," Loki said gently, holding out his hand to Thor as he helped him up off the ice. The bruise on his friend's cheek was still there, but notably faded. Thor suspected there was some make up magic involved there. He decidedly didn't mention it as he got to his feet, wiping his eyes in a bit of embarrassment. Loki would surely think him a weak fool and send him home. Likely agreeing that maybe skating wasn't for him anymore. But the gentle hand stayed, moving it's warmth to his forearm. Loki taking his other arm in hand as well as he stood before him. "bend your ankles, not just your knees. Almost as though you're about to sit on the ice." He directed gently.
Thor didn't know what to think, but followed Loki's instructions.
"Now you can't just lean forward, and plow forth. You may have gotten away with that on hockey skates, but these are figure skates," Loki continued , cutting off Thor's protest by moving His hand from Thor's arm to push on the small of his back. The touch would cause Thor's heart to skip were he not so focused on following his guidance. "You need to think of forming a line from your chest, to your knees, to your toes. Arch your back . Now, follow me."
Loki gently pushed off, skating backwards with his hands holding Thor's arms as he guided him. Thor felt awkward at first, convinced that he would just fall on his face at any moment. But as they completed the first lap, he grew more confident. Which caused him to straighten up and his toe pick caught instantly. He went down hard, but fortunately didn't take Loki down with him. He looked up at the other man with a sigh.
"Keep those ankles bent," Loki guided patiently. Thor nodded and was on his feet again. Loki holding his arms again to help keep him in position, and correct him as they skated. If Loki wasn't giving up on him, then he shouldn't be giving up on himself. And the best part was, this was working. It was actually working! Soon he'd done another lap, then another without falling. Thor couldn't believe how good this felt.
"This doesn't get you out of your bet,Snowflake," Bucky's voice from the stands called, earning him a middle fingered response from the leaner man.
Thor looked up to see Steve and Bucky had both been watching. He saw the bright smile on Steve's face, and echoed it with his own. This felt amazing! He was skating again, actually skating, not just stumbling around on the ice. Carefully, Loki removed his touch, skating next to him to guide him as he went. Reminding him to correct his position, most times avoiding a fall, but not everytime. Still, his falls weren't so bad, especially with Loki there to help pick him up after.
Finally, panting with exertion, they stopped for the day. Thor couldn't help himself, he went straight up to his friend and embraced him tightly. "Oh Lo, thank you so much. How can I ever repay you?"
"Uh,uh, Snowflake has to pay me first." Bucky's voice chimed in as they approached.
Loki was already pushing against Thor's chest, wanting to be released from his grasp. Thor still smiling brightly, let him go and looked at Bucky. "How much was the bet for?" he asked curiously
"Twenty Bucks," Bucky replied.
"Should of made it fifty," Thor replied, digging out his wallet and placing a twenty in his hand. Ignoring the scowl he recieved at such a gesture from his leaner friend. "It's the least I can do. "
Loki just sighed and shook his head as he went to remove his skates.
"Come on everyone, dinner's on me tonight," Thor announced still in too good of mood to let the night end. He also didn't want to go home just yet, to where he knew a rain cloud was waiting to bring him back down again by way of Jane. She'd be angry if he was out too late,but it seemed he was always in trouble recently. And tonight, he'd earn it.
Loki helped him every evening, skating by his side as Thor did lap after lap. Building his strength and stamina. He was an ever patient teacher, which Thor found quite surprising. Though the snark did come out after Thor would be skating awhile and suddenly mess up. Usually landing him on the ice to hear remarks of asking how that Toe pick was working out for him? Or perhaps whenever he was done with his ice nap, if they could continue. Or his personal favorite, what are you doing down there? He was still thinking up an adequate come back for that one.
Thor took it all in stride, forever grateful for Loki reaching out to help him. He knew he was likely just thanking him for standing up for him to the coach. But still, he knew Loki hadn't needed to help him, he wanted to. And if Loki tended to invade his space a little more each night at dinner, nobody ever made comment. They were just close friends, doing what close friends did.
So, when he didn't show up that evening to help him practice, Thor was immediately concerned. He quickly hunted down Steve to inquire about him, afriad he'd gotten in another tossle with one of the hockey players. Maybe the short one who'd been Malekith's friend, Clint was his name..
"Bad day," Steve confided gently. "We call them blanket days. Buck's up watching movies with him now. I'm sure he wouldn't mind a visit."
He suggested with a soft smile.
Thor nodded curiously, he shouldn't feel relieved that Loki was having a depressive low, but it was better than what ever his mind had made up. He went up, looking hopefully as Bucky opened the door. "Oh hey Thor, we're just watching movies." he announced jovially as he let Thor in. "Come on in man."
"I don't want to impose," Thor immediately answered, standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. "I just wanted to check on him. See how he's doing."
"I can hear you you know," Loki spoke up from the couch. And as Thor peeked past Bucky, he could see instantly why it was called a blanket day. Loki was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket from head to toe. Looking very much like a human burrito. Thor couldn't help but smile at the sight, though his heart clenched a bit uncomfortably at knowing his friend was feeling so down.
"Hey, Lo," Thor said stepping in a bit hesitantly. "I was just checking if, well, do you need anything?"
"Yeah, I need you to get over here and sit your ass down on this couch," Loki answered moodily. "Bucky makes a terrible pillow." he added causing Thor's chest to warm and a smile to creep to his lips. Gods how he wanted to punch himself for feeling this way, but he couldn't help it. It was just fondness for his friend, nothing more, he told himself fleetingly as he went over and positioned himself behind Loki on the couch.
Loki immediately leaned back against him, forcing him to move his arms to allow the other into his space. And seeing as how Loki was obviously feeling down, it was only right to wrap his arms around him, wasn't it?
"What are we watching," Thor asked watching the screen curiously as cars raced across the screen.
"Fast and Furious 3, man," Bucky stated taking his seat at the other end of the couch. "It's the best one."
Loki just shrugged, watching the movie quietly. As Thor watched the dynamic at play here, he was quite impressed. He'd been adamantly looking up articles on the internet about depression, every since discovering his friend suffered from it. But being immersed in it was so much more informative, than any online blurb.
Loki was depressed and having a low day, that much was glaringly obvious. But Bucky never once tried to cheer him up. Just sat with him, being sure to include him in watching the movie, or with conversation with Thor. Loki himself hardly spoke, and Thor didn't believe he'd ever seen the other man so quiet. It was a bit disturbing, but he tried to follow Bucky's lead and not try to draw the other man out or make a big deal out of it.
As Loki settled against him, Thor smelled the feint scent of shampoo still in his hair. So he'd either been strong enough to shower himself or one of his friends had forced him to. Either way, Thor felt he learned more about depression that evening from just being there, then he'd ever read about on the internet. He also noticed the wall calandar with the square colored in blue for today. He'd noticed the calandar in the past, but never really paid attention to the colored blocks before. Loki must track his lows, that was very smart. He held Loki snuggly against him, reveling in the feel of him in his arms despite knowing it was wrong. It was so wrong. But not wanting to let him go.
Sometime later, Steve came up with Chinese, and they continued watching the marathon of never ending car movies together. Though Thor doubted Loki overly enjoyed the movies, he watched them quietly. Not objecting whenever Bucky zealously started the next one in the series. And he atleast nibbled at his food. Thor was a bit upset that his usual food thief didn't even try to take any of his Steak Lo mein, but supposed it was to be He could see Steve and Bucky watching to make certain Loki had gotten atleast enough to maintain him, before stowing the leftover's in his fridge. And it was worth a heavy heart that he forced himself to leave his friend and head home that night. Every fiber of his being, urging him to stay. But doing so would only land him in more trouble with Jane.
Loki's low started to fade as the week went on. He'd only had one more blanket day before finally emerging to come down to the rink. Though that first day out, he merely sat in the stands and watched. Urging Thor to continue his practice, and not let him hold him back. They dragged him out to dinner that night as well, and Thor thought that was good. He'd been more actively reading up on depression at nights now. Not having much else to do from his newly appointed couch bed, and he was determined to do whatever he could in order to help his friend. So he knew that making sure Loki was included in their regular activities was healthy.
He also knew that Loki saw a therapist once a month. '"Gotta go visit my dealer," Loki had joked shaking his pill bottle the morning of the appointment. He also noted his calendar tucked neatly under his arm, the one with all the blue squares colored in to track low days. Thor knew that was good, Loki was actively getting the help he needed. Though he had an idea that Steve and Bucky likely had allot to do with that as well. Both far too conveniently being around in the same location of the rink when he left. As though making certain he hadn't forgot himself.
Thor had never been so glad when everything finaly appeared back to normal however. It was like a cloud lifted and the sun was out again. Still, Thor decided he would be more prepared for next time. If anything, his reading taught him that even with medication, and therapy, people with depression still suffered lows from time to time. Blanket days he corrected his thoughts. He made certain that Steve had his number to call him should the next one occur. He was allowed sick days at work, it never stated that he was the one that had to be sick to use them. Steve just seemed to smile knowingly and agree.
And before he knew it, Loki was once again joining him on the ice. He didn't realize how much he has missed his new skating partner until he was gone. He felt much more inspired, and driven to do well with his friend guiding him. He had even missed his snark, but it was his ever gentle hands, always there to help him up after a fall, that he missed the most.
I'm so glad everyone's enjoying this story so much! I decided to post this chapter a bit early, because I knew everyone was rooting for Loki to start helping Thor. Yay! All the feels!
