-A-

"Hey there, Shortman," Grandpa said when Arnold came in the door that evening, grocery bags in hand. "Looks like you've got quite a haul there!"

"You bet, Grandpa!" Arnold said heading to the kitchen with the old man right behind him. "I hope you guys don't mind, but Lila is going to come over for dinner tonight. Thought I'd try making something new, you know?"

"Lila?" Grandma's voice echoed from the hallway. She stuck her head in the kitchen door, a scowl on her face. "Who's Lila?"

"She's my fiancée, Grandma," Arnold said, unpacking and pulling out pots and pans. He pulled the printed receipt out of his pocket and got to work on chopping ingredients with grandpa. "Remember? She's been here a few times."

Grandma marched into the kitchen, hands on her hips, Viking hat askew. "Well what about that other girl?"

"Pookie," grandpa said, rolling his eyes. "Leave the boy alone, he doesn't need you badgering him about his love life! He's a grown man now! He can make his own decisions."

"Hmmm," Grandma said, eyes narrow. "I still like that other girl better…what's her name? Eleanor….Helen…of troy…?"

She walked out of the kitchen still pondering the name of the other girl she just couldn't remember. However, Grandpa gave Arnold a knowing look; everyone knew exactly who she was talking about. It was the girl who everyone knew had been sneaking into Arnold's room on a weekly basis since they were in high school. She was the girl that came over during the summer and winter breaks during college and stayed from breakfast until midnight. Even if Arnold couldn't see it, everyone else could; the girl loved him! And he was pretty fond of her too.

"So, Arnold," Grandpa said, grabbing some tomatoes from the counter. "How's your work been? Anything exciting going on?"

"Eh, not really in my life, no," he said with a shrug. "Phoebe's going to have a baby, so that's pretty exciting for them. Gerald asked me to be its Godfather. "

"That's great news!" Grandpa said. "Who's the kids Godmother?"

"No idea," Arnold said. "Gerald said it was Phoebe's pick, so I guess one of her friends. I didn't think to ask when I ran into her today when I went to drop something off at Helga's bookshop."

"Oh?" Grandpa said, eyebrows raised. "What busisness did you have at Helga's?"

"Geeze, Grandpa," Arnold said, getting defensive. "She's one of my best friends, I can't stop by and say hey to her sometimes? "

"I didn't say you couldn't," Grandpa said, keeping his cool. "It's just, you seem to stop by her bookshop a lot more than you stop by Lila's place of work."

"Well, let's be honest, Grandpa," Arnold said as the doorbell rang. He washed his hands off before heading out to answer it, calling over his shoulder with a laugh. "Books are a little easier to stomach than hospitals, especially the baby wing."

He opened the door to see Lila standing in the door way, a smile on her face. She pulled her coat, hat, and scarf off and handed them to Arnold who stored them in the hallway closet. She kissed him on the cheek and followed him to the kitchen, where the rest of the boarders were collecting. This was Arnold's favorite part of the day, when he got to sit down with his strange family and have one big happy meal together. These were his people, the ones he cared about and who cared about him, but it became quickly obvious that Lila stuck out like a sore thumb among them.

"So uh, Lila," Ernie said, waving a hunk of steak around on the end of his fork, spraying her with steak sauce. Lila shrunk away from him, wiping her face with her napkin after every drop that hit her. "What is it you do again?"

"Well," she said, shifting in her seat uncomfortably. "I work in the neonatal section of the hospital across town."

"Ooooh," Mr. Hyunh said, leaning towards Lila. "The babies?"

Lila nodded and Susie sighed. "That must be so nice, all those sweet little babies you get to see every day. I bet it's really rewarding."

Lila was about to respond when Grandma came bursting through the kitchen door with a pan of roasted sweet potatoes in her hands, dressed head to toe as a knight. "I CLAIM THIS TABLE IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!"

She slammed the pan down on the table, making everyone's plates jump a good inch off the table, as well as causing Lila to jump a good inch in her chair. She leaned over to Arnold, worry in her eyes. "Arnold, is…is she okay?"

"What?" Arnold said. He hadn't noticed anything had even happened, given the fact that he grew up with his Grandmother doing strange things like this every night. "Oh, you mean the costume and everything? Yeah, she's fine, she does this all the time, ever since I was little."

Lila nodded, but looked uneasily around at the table for the rest of the night at Arnolds non-traditional family, cringing when Oskar would eat straight off the serving plates, jumping when people yelled, and practically falling to the floor for cover when the food started flying. Okay, so his family was weird, he knew it; this kind of stuff doesn't happen at every dinner table. But still, it wasn't the first time she came over for dinner, and it wasn't the first time Grandma has done something weird in front of her. You'd think she'd have learned to roll with the punches at this point…

After dinner, they all went to the living room, sitting and chatting, when the conversation went right back to Lila's job, courteous of Oskar. He had been talking about the time he and Susie had watched a baby and how he was really great at parenting.

"Do you have any kids?" Lila had asked politely.

"Oh, no," Susie said, laughing and holding her hands up. "We're not ready for that yet. You know, finances are tough and babies take a lot of time and energy…"

"I can't wait to have kids," Lila said, clasping her hands together in excitement. "They are just the cutest things! We'd have really cute kids, don't you think Arnold?"

It was as if someone had hit the mute button for the entire room, that's how quiet everyone got. They looked at Arnold expectantly, wondering what he would think about being a parent. It struck him that this was the first time Lila had ever mentioned wanting kids… or wanting kids with him!

"Uh," he said, standing up and scratching the back of his head. "Well… I don't know, isn't that… can we not talk about that?"

"Ah, let's leave the poor boy alone," Grandpa said, waving his hand at everyone in the room as he got up to turn on the t.v. "Besides, it's time for my show, everyone be quiet, now."

They all settled back to watch their show, and Arnold offered to do the dishes. Lila followed him, looking determined.

"Arnold," she said, standing next to him at the sink. "Why don't you want to talk about having kids?"

"Could you grab a towel?" Arnold asked, setting a wet plate on the counter next to her, not looking up from his work. He glanced sideways only for a second and saw her standing there with her arms crossed and her foot tapping. He sighed and dropped the dirty pan he was working on back in the sink. "I don't know, Lila, I just…I don't know about the whole…parent thing…"

"Why not?" Lila said, raising her voice and getting teary-eyed. "Is it because you don't like babies? Because you don't like the idea of having kids with me? Because if that's the case Arnold, I'd like to know now before I make any commitment to you in the future, okay?"

"It's not that," Arnold said, blushing and trying to quiet her down. "It's just… It's personal, Lila. I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Well, Arnold," She said, voice high pitched and squeaking. "Maybe you need some time to think about it! And when you figure out what you want from our marriage, you come and talk to me!"

"Wait, Lila," Arnold said, feeling terribly guilty. "You're not breaking up with me are you?"

"No, I'm not," she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "But this is a serious problem Arnold, and I wish you would have said something sooner about your fear of commitment to me and our future family! Now I can't even set a date to rent the park gazebo! You're ruining everything Arnold, just everything!"

And with that, she stormed out of the house and slammed the door behind her, leaving Arnold thoroughly embarrassed with a sink full of dishes and six pairs of curious eyes staring at him. He finished the dishes quickly, then excused himself to his room, saying he was tired and wanted to get to bed early. He practically ran up the stairs, checking his watch. It was almost 10:00, and he was expecting Helga any minute now.

He burst into his surprisingly cold room, searching his pockets for his remote control to turn on his lights, when he noticed a soft glow coming from the roof. He headed over to his ladder, and noticed an extension chord leading from the outlet on the wall up the rungs and out his cracked window. With a smirk on his face, he grabbed his coat and headed out to meet Helga.

She was sitting on his roof on a blanket, her coat pulled tightly around her. She had taken Arnolds space heater from under his desk and pulled it up to the roof and placed it next to her, where it was glowing bright orange. Her breath was coming up in clouds and her face was towards the sky. Arnold came over and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around his knees for warmth.

"It's snowing," she said. She didn't look at him, but continued to look upward, smiling. She closed her eyes and Arnold watched snowflakes falling gently in her hair before melting into little sparkling beads. He must have been staring too long, because she quickly snapped out of her trance, looking directly at him with intense eyes. "so, what did you need to talk about?"

Arnold looked out over the rooftops and sighed. "It's Lila, she's just bumming me out all the time you know?"

"No," Helga said, looking out to the horizon with him. "I don't know. Please continue."

Arnold told her about Lila's ultimatum, how she told him he needed to make sacrifices yet she never seemed to make any. How she made him feel guilty for doing anything that wasn't exactly what she wanted, and to top it all off, her behavior at dinner tonight.

"…and then she storms out, making a big scene, and I'm left with everyone staring at me like I did something horribly wrong!" he finished his long winded speech, and now he was on his feet, leaning on the ledge of the building with his arms crossed, angry.

"Well, no doubt she's been acting ridiculous, and she could have handled that kitchen situation better, but," She was now standing next to him and put her hand on his shoulder, looking at him knowingly. "You probably should have talked to her about your future plans before you got her a ring, you know?"

Arnold didn't get mad easily, but that comment got under his skin. "What? You're going to take her side now? Great, and I thought I could count on you."

"Please, if I was on her side, I'd have told her about what goes on in your room when she goes home," Helga said with just as much bite in her voice. "You know I'm always on your side. You should have figured out what she wanted in her future so you wouldn't be stuck in this situation, Arnold."

Arnold shrugged and turned his head away from her. They were quite for a long time before Helga spoke up again. "So…why don't you want kids?"

Arnold sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. "It's complicated, Helga."

"Like my life isn't?" she said with a cynical laugh. "If you can't tell me about it, who can you tell?"

Arnold looked at her for a long time, deciding if he should tell her or not. He decided to let it go. "I guess I'm just kind of scared."

"Why?" she asked bluntly.

"Because…" he was struggling now. It was easy to say in his head, but not so much out loud. "Because I don't have parents. I don't know how parents work. My parents left me."

"Arnold," Helga said softly. "You know they didn't leave you on purpose…"

"Please, Helga," Arnold said, getting frustrated. "They did leave me on purpose. They decided that they would make one last trip to South America. They got on that plane. No one forced them, they did it on their own free will, and they didn't bring me with them. It wasn't their decision to die, but they decided to leave me."

"Arnold, you don't know that they died, they could still—"

"I know they're dead," He cut her off. "I didn't tell you, but I got a letter from their friend Eduardo. Said that their plane was found in the jungle, a few miles off their charted course. Their bodies were still in the plane. They died a long time ago."

Arnold thought back to that day, the day he got the letter. It was their sophomore year in college, and it had been a rough one. He had gotten word of Helga's marriage just weeks before school started, right at the end of their spring semester ended. She hadn't even been dating him for a year, and she had gotten married. He was worried for her, and hurt that she didn't even think to talk to him about it…she didn't invite him to come along…she did it alone. Then, just as classes were starting and he had finally gotten over the shock of her actually marrying a man who was wrong for her, he found out his parents were officially dead. He hadn't told Helga then; he felt like he didn't even know her any more, and she was acting blissfully happy about the whole married life thing. He didn't even tell Lila…and of course it hurt their relationship in a bad way. They fought throughout the entire year, he pushed her away, and she forced her way back into his life. That's when the guilt trips started, where she forced him to do things she thought were good for him. He knew it was because he was slipping into a depression, and it did help him at the time to get out and do things…

He thought that, after a while, the pain had stopped, but really he was just numb. Maybe that's why when Helga came into his room that night, at the end of their sophomore year, when she had been married just ten months and already had fallen back into her worst nightmare, he gave into what he had been wanting for a long time and slept with her. At the time, he just wanted to feel some resemblance of love, even if she didn't love him and he didn't love her. He just wanted someone to make him feel whole, and Helga was so good at doing that with her words, and they were in the same emotional position…they were both at their lowest…they were both hurt, and sad, and lost…and it just worked.

He never expected her to become his addiction, something he couldn't go even a day without. He needed to talk to her, always, and every so often he needed to be with her. He needed to touch her soft skin and feel her arms around him. He wasn't sad any more, really, he was doing better. But he still needed her with him…

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts, as they were frankly, scaring him. He didn't like to think he needed someone so badly, so he let it go. He realized he had been silent for a long time, and so had she. He thought about how she always knew what to do, or say, or not say, when he needed it…God, Arnold! Stop it! Stop thinking about that! You're engaged to Lila.

"So I guess," he said quietly, trying to clear his mind of her. Talk about a tangent… he went from talking about his lost parents to thinking only about Helga? "I guess I'm afraid that I'd ruin a kid's life…that I'd leave him behind and not think twice about it…or I'd not be there for him emotionally because I couldn't, I don't know, just couldn't. It's hard to imagine yourself as a parent when you've never really seen it done. And it's fucking terrifying to think about yourself as a parent when you have no one to go to for help."

She was silent again, thinking. He wanted her to say something before he went back to daydreaming about her again. Please say something, please…

"You know what I think?" She said suddenly, turning towards him. He leaned up against the ledge, and she stood in front of him, staring at him square on. "I think that you would even think to say that shows that you'd be one hell of a dad."

Arnold scoffed at her and looked away, and she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "No, Arnold, I'm serious. You're scared because you don't want to mess your kid up, but who isn't? You'd be a parent for the first time and so would she, and you'd be getting through it together. Plus, you'd have her parents to ask questions about. You'd even have Gerald! You'd have a million people! Everyone doubts themselves, but as long as you are kind and try, you'll do fine, and you'll have a beautiful kid to love you to prove that you're doing a good job."

She let go of his face and put her hands in her pockets, smirking at him. "Well, as good as anyone can expect from you anyways."

Arnold laughed, folding his arms and rolling his eyes. "Oh, thanks Helga."

She laughed, shrugged, and started to head back to the blanket, but Arnold grabbed her elbow. She turned around and looked at him, confused. "No, really…Thank you."

"Hey, what are friends for?" She asked, smiling sweetly at him. She pulled her hands out of her pockets and took Arnolds hands in hers. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed Arnold quickly on the cheek. Before she could move too far away, Arnold dropped her hand and brought his up to her chin, bringing her face back to his and kissing her full on the lips. She put her arms around his neck and he pulled her close, pressing her body against his. They made out for a long time, and he let his hands travel down to her lower back, pulling her hips harder into his.

At that moment, she pulled away. He looked at her confused, and saw that she looked troubled. "What is it?"

"I don't know," Helga said, putting her hands on his chest. "I feel like…like we shouldn't be doing this."

"We don't have to tonight if you don't want to," Arnold said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't pressure you to do anything you didn't want."

"I know you wouldn't, Arnold, that's why you're so wonderful," she said quickly, practically under her breath. "But…you need to work out your issues with Lila."

He felt frustrated now. "I need to work out my issues? Really?"

Helga pushed him away even more, frowning. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like you're one to lecture anyone on fixing their problems," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets angrily. "You've got your own shit to handle at home, Helga."

"Oh yeah?" She said, putting her hands on her hips. "You tell me what you think I should do, then, Arnold. What? Do you think I should talk to him? Work out our problems with our words?"

She was mocking him, and he was in no mood for that. After all, he just got rejected for sex… "Well, it's not like you've ever tried talking to him or do anything else about it. You just let him beat the crap out of you and then you come over here. Do you know how much it sucks to see you this way and I can't do anything about it? You don't want me to talk about it to anyone, and yet I have to sit there and talk to you about such trivial shit when all I want to do is make you stop hurting?"

"Arnold, just stop it!" Helga yelled. The sudden increase in volume took him by surprise, and he shut up instantly. "You want to help me, Arnold? Really? Because you could have, Arnold! You had a million chances to help me, but you didn't!"

He stared at her, shocked. "I'm not saying it's your fault, Arnold, but don't act like you did all that you could!"

"But…" he stuttered. "You told me…"

"Jesus, I came to you when I was sixteen, Arnold!" Helga continued to yell. "Six-teen! Do you really think I was in any position to instruct you how to help me? I had been beaten up by my father and my alcoholic mother just let it happen! Sorry I didn't want to talk about it!"

"Hey!" Arnold yelled back, heated. "If you're so aware of your problems now, why can't you take care of your shit? You're not six-teen anymore! Fix it! I'll help you any way you want me to, but don't get on my case about not breaking my promise to you! In case you didn't notice, but I was six-teen when you came to me too! You think I had much experience with domestic abuse? I didn't!"

They were standing a good three feet apart from each other now, enraged. "What can I do, Arnold? What can I do that won't lead to me getting the shit beat out of me even more? You really think I can just go up to him and say 'hey, you mind not punching me today'? I've tried talking to him, I've tried figuring out what the hell happened to make him this way, but he doesn't tell me! He doesn't love me, Arnold!"

She was crying now, and he stood silent. He felt terrible now, for bringing this up and making her cry…granted she started it, but still, he knew this was a much harder topic for her than for him… When she spoke again, it was quietly.

"At least you know someone loves you, Arnold," She said sadly, wiping the tears off her cheek with her coat sleeve. "No one loves me."

"That's not true," Arnold said, coming towards her. He went to hug her, but she pushed him away.

"Do you even know why I come to you, Arnold?" She said, her voice surprisingly steady for someone who was crying. "Do you know why I've always come to you? Why I cheat on my husband with you? Did you ever think about that? Did you?"

He had. He had thought about it a lot, and he was sure he knew why she did it all. He didn't answer, he didn't want it out in the open where he'd have to face it.

"Ever think about when we were younger?" she asked suddenly, and he looked up. Where was she going with this? "Ever think about why I knew that girl Summer was a bitch? Ever wonder how Mr. Huynh's daughter found him?"

"What…" Arnold said, but she cut him off.

"I love you, Arnold," she said seriously, a look of complete desperation on her face, as if she had wanted to say this for a very long time. "I've always loved you, and I always will love you."

"Helga," Arnold said, his voice coming out raspy. He couldn't find his words; his head was spinning and hurting all at the same time. He felt angry tears burning in his eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Then figure it out, Arnold," she said, picking up her blanket. "You figure it out, and I'll help you."

"Helga," He said, pressing his palms into his eyes. "God, what do I even say to you?"

She shrugged and headed for his fire escape. His breathing was heavy, and he didn't know what to do, so he did the first thing that came to his head. He ran after her, reached out and grabbed her shoulders, spun her around, and kissed her again. This was different from before, he wasn't trying to get her into bed, he just wanted to convey…something…

He put his hands on either side of her face as they continued to kiss. When their lips broke away from each other, he rested his forehead against hers, his fingers entangled in her hair.

"I need you," He said quietly, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. "And you can be damn sure someone loves you."