A/N: Thank you to all of you who reviewed :D Words cannot express how much I appreciated it!

Songs: The Greatest By: Cat Power
Suggestions By: Orelia Has Orchestra

~~Hymns of a Lost Soul~~

Distance

"What?" Sesshomaru's scowl deepened.

"You heard this Sesshomaru, Miko."

"Well, yes, I heard you but…" Were Sesshomaru not so noble I imagine, by the look on his face, he would have issued a rather dramatic sigh.

"Do you not know?" By this point I was getting frustrated. He seemed upset at me for something but I didn't know how he expected me to make things right if I didn't know why he was so upset.

"I am sure I do not, Sesshomaru-sama." I stretched the honorific out in anger. With one step forward, Sesshomaru's pointed claw rested mere inches above my belly-button.

"You carry a child."

"Merry Christmas!" I stared at him. I could barely contain my excitement but InuYasha didn't seem to feel the same. "…Say something."

"What do you want me to say?" I felt my heart tighten slightly. This was not how this was supposed to go. What was supposed to happen was, I would give InuYasha the news of my pregnancy, he would be speechless and his eyes would well up. He would leap across the floor and pull me into a tight embrace while taking the reality of it all in. That we were going to be parents; we were going to have our own little family. That was what was supposed to happen. Instead, InuYasha just stared at me.

"Well, I want you to be happy, for one."

"Keh! Who says I ain't!"

"You certainly don't look or sound very happy…."

"Well, I am."

"Then why aren't you acting like it!" A hysteria was seeping into my voice and I couldn't stop it. InuYasha sighed.

"Listen, I am happy. It's just, kids are a lot of work. Another mouth to feed, another life to protect…and we already have Shippo and Sesshomaru's brat to watch." The part of me that was still furious at InuYasha for ruining what should have been a beautiful moment wanted to scream at him that he was never around long enough to have to worry about taking care of the Shippo and Rin. Sure he worked but even if he did not, the villagers would never let us go hungry. They'd said as much as payment and gratitude for defeating Naraku. But the other part of me, the one that loved my husband and mate understood that this was big news to take in and it was only natural to worry about not being able to care for this new life we had created. So, acknowledging that my pride was not what was important in this whole thing, I relented.

"I know it will be hard InuYasha. But we both know that you will be a wonderful father and provider. You will be there for our child and be the parent you never had. This baby will love you no matter what." I watched emotions flicker across InuYasha's face. He'd never been good at hiding his emotions and I could tell that he was considering what I'd just said. I could even tell the moment he came to a decision when I saw his shoulders slump and his eyebrows relax.

"Keh…" He half-smiled. I was overjoyed! Our first child

"Oh, InuYasha, I simply cannot believe it! Since I first fell in love with you, this has been my dream!" I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, crashing my lips upon his.

I woke, cold, half naked, and alone at what I figured was about noon. He'd left. Again. He was never there when I woke. Not even after we'd had sex. He was up and gone before I was even aware. Trying not to let it affect me, as I had daily duties to attend to, I got up and ran beautiful new brush through my hair. I grabbed my kimono, having traded the miko hakama for something a little more feminine, and dressed woodenly.

"Congratulations Lady Kagome!" Rin smiled beatifically up at me from her spot in front of the fire. She'd grown to love cooking; it was, doubtless, another exciting way for her to use all the different herbs and spices she was learning about. While my mood was a little on the sour side despite my good news, I returned Rin's smile.

"Thank you very much, Rin. Is there anything you need help with for dinner?" Rin's face turned serious in an all too comical way.

"Oh no, Lady Kagome, you're going to need all the rest you can get with a baby growing inside you!"

"Yah Kagome!" Shippo piped in. It seemed though, that after he realized what he'd agreed with that he was confused. With wide, innocent eyes Shippo stare up at me and asked,

"There's a baby inside you…but how did it get there? Why is it so small right now?"My stomach lurched and it had nothing to do with morning sickness.

"Yah, I always wondered that too but Sesshomaru-sama always said that I would find out when I was older." My heart sunk even further. Now I had two children to explain the birds and the bees to. Rubbing a hand across my face and wishing InuYasha were here to help me tackle this situation I accepted the inevitable.

"Shippo…Rin….When a man and a woman love each other very much…"

Emotionally exhausted from answering a million and one questions to two insatiably curious youngsters on where babies came from, I decided to leave the rest of the cleaning for the next morning. And, besides being tired, InuYasha had returned for dinner and was now walking back to our room to sleep. I did not want to miss any quiet time I might have with my husband. He was gone so often and I so rarely got to speak with him without the cares of the day hanging over my head. I followed him into our room and donned a sleeping yukata before crawling on to the futon next to him. He was faced away from me but I figured he might still be awake. I clung to his back like a small child and let myself drown in his earthy scent.

"I'm sorry we fought. I think the baby is already having an effect on my emotions. Wow…a baby. I can't believe we're going to be parents! InuYasha didn't answer but I imagined he was smiling as well. Who wouldn't be giddy with joy? "InuYasha….? I know the way everything happened wasn't what I wanted but after everything, I'm so glad it's all ending up falling into place for us. I love you so much and I'm so happy to be able to share the rest of my life with you and our children." InuYasha didn't respond but I could hear from his breathing that he was asleep already. Poor thing, he worked so hard.

It was the night of the new moon and I was more than anxious. Sesshomaru's visits had become habit for me to expect. He had not left in the best of moods last time, though, and I was unsure how he would react upon seeing me again. For Rin's sake, I hoped he would be civil. The strange thing was, I had no idea why he had reacted so strangely or with the definite anger he had. I hadn't really had time to think on his reaction over the past month. I'd been so busy with the news and with preparing for the new addition that I had time for little else. And trying to figure out the emotional intricacies of a centuries old Daiyoukai was something that required a little more than just a passing thought. But now, with InuYasha transformed and safely hidden within our hut and me alone by the well and waiting for Sesshomaru, I had plenty of free time to ponder.

No matter how long I thought about it, I couldn't really come up with a concrete answer as to Sesshomaru's anger. The only thing that even seemed plausible was that as much as he despised hanyou, he would definitely lament the addition of a quarter youkai to the world. I glanced up at the sky. By my calculation, it was far past the time Sesshomaru normally made an appearance. A cold chill had long ago seeped past my clothing and I found myself wishing I had worn the fur lined kimono to meet Sesshomaru again. It was the warmest thing I owned.

At what I assumed to be very early morning, I gave up. He wasn't coming. My heart ached for Rin. As much as she missed Sesshomaru, his monthly gifts were treasures to her. He had left me with the burden of telling her that he had not come for her. For Sesshomaru's sake, he had better have been in a battle for his life to ignore Rin. If not, I would find a way to make him pay. No one hurt my Rin.

Another month passed in a flurry of preparation and excitement. And another new moon passed with no visit from Sesshomaru. Were it anyone else, I would have been worried for him. But this was Sesshomaru. Nothing could hurt him. He would probably even be able to fight away the grim reaper and live for as long as he wanted to. So, since it was Sesshomaru, I was furious. How dare he do this to Rin? She loved him and he obviously didn't care about her as much as I thought he did. The next month I didn't even try to wait for him. He wasn't coming. My heart burned and tightened. How could he not come? How could he? I even let a tear fall that I assured myself was simply for Rin's loss and nothing else.

It was the new moon again and InuYasha was far more taciturn than normal. I probably would have been able to handle it but under the circumstances any added stress made me extremely irritable. I had not been well lately. I was constantly sick and my back always hurt. I was four months pregnant, but you could barely tell. A sharp pain lanced up my spine as InuYasha faced me, face scrunched in frustration,

"No! I don't wanna be cooped up here like some coward!"

"You know you will be vulnerable tonight! Why tempt fate?" My voice was raised over the noise just outside. A young couple in the village was married today and a feast had been thrown in celebration. The celebration was exceedingly loud due to the fact that the village headman's daughter was the bride.

"Keh. I ain't gonna be broken or anything. You seem to get along just fine as a human and you've had far less experience and half as much skill as I do, I'll be fine."

"Hey!"

"Oh, don't act all injured, you know it's true." Whether it was the hormones, or righteous anger, I didn't know but what happened next was not even something that I had anticipated.

"Fine. Think you can handle yourself so well? Then I'm not gonna worry about you. I want you out until you transform back tomorrow! Leave!" An almost injured look passed his eyes before InuYasha shook his head and stormed out. The nerve! How dare he insinuate I was constantly vulnerable. I mean I was but…he'd made me sound so…inferior. And I was tired of feeling inferior. Not a few weeks before I had come to realize that what InuYasha and I had was not normal. I could tell his feelings weren't as deep as mine and that his constant absences for "work" were not something he lamented. It hurt. Immensely. But there was no denying it. Watching every other married couple in the village confirmed that while every marriage wasn't movie perfect, none of them were as unsettling as ours. But, we were mates. Tied together forever. And I loved him. Despite the insults and pain, he was still my hero, my husband. And I would soldier on because this baby deserved two parents who loved it, as did Shippo and Rin. I wiped a tray tear away. I was so confused and upset I wasn't sure what or who I was crying for specifically. I just knew I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

About an hour after I'd sent InuYasha away, I'd begun to worry. I felt his youki extinguish and it had been very faint. This suggested he'd gotten a fair distance away from the village before his transformation. A distance enough to prevent him from being able to get back to the village before the sun rose the next day if need be. I squeezed my eyes shut again and felt another few tears fall. While I'd sent him away, I didn't actually mean for him to leave the village. I missed him already. Suddenly a pain, sharper and more insistent than any of the previous ones shot through me. I grabbed my stomach in agony. Another pain followed not a minute later and knocked me to my knees. A panic completely unrelated to what I had been feeling earlier had me gasping. Something was wrong, I could feel it. I managed to push myself onto my hands and knees in an attempt to stand. But, as I slid my foot forward to try and get up, I lost my purchase as my foot slipped from underneath me. My front slammed on to the wood floor and I cried out. Opening my eyes I tried to see what my foot had slipped on and screamed. Blood drenched the lower half of my kimono and pooled around me. My stomach rolled and I vomited. My dizzy mind tried to understand what was going on, what I should do. All I could think was to cry out for help. However, with the wedding celebration still going strong no doubt the half of the villagers that weren't drunk couldn't hear my soft cries over the celebration. I swayed dangerously and fell back to the floor. I'd lost so much blood. Nothing was making sense, everything was wrong. My vision started to tunnel just as a flurry of white flew through the door.

My whole body felt like lead. Lead that had been dropped into deep water. I tried to lift my arm to shield my eyes from the sunlight pulsing against my eyelids but failed. A frustrated, pained groaned left me. I heard a gasp in the corner.

"Go get Kaede, quick!"

"Rin?" I breathed. A soft hand touched my forehead

"I'm here, Lady Kagome."

"Rin, what's going on?"

"Sesshomaru told me to not leave your side until you woke. To do everything I could for you. He said you're going to need a lot of extra support now that…." Rin hesitated and I found it odd that the girl who never had any problem telling it how it was, was holding something back.

"Now that what Rin?" I croaked. Just then, Kaede bust through the doorway.

"Kagome! Child!" Her movements were hurried but gentle as she checked me over. I had not forgotten what Rin said and something about her tone and her unwillingness to continue disturbed something deep inside me. So I pressed again,

"Now what Rin?" Kaede looked to Rin. Rin sighed and shook her head at Kaede whose movements immediately stilled. Rin's gentle hand went to my shoulder.

"Lady Kagome…you…you lost the baby."

A/N: YES, I know Christmas was not celebrated in Japan 500 years ago and YES, I know it's a mainly American holiday but that doesn't mean that in this day and age a few foreigners haven't picked the fun tradition of a Christmas day gift exchange up. Sorry about the lack of Sesshomaru in this chapter, he WILL be in the next few chapters and in about two or three chapters from now, he will be involved in the story in a BIG way. So, PLEASE, be patient with me and the progression of the story! Also, I realize the two heartbeats thing was kind of confusing. It's just, a baby's heart start beating early in the first trimester so someone with very keen hearing, like Sesshomaru, would be able to hear the heartbeat before Kagome even had a clue she was pregnant. Thanks for reading and PLEASE review :D