A/N: Hello everybody. I want to start by warning readers that there is mention of self-harm in this chapter. (WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM) Please, be cautious and if you do need help, or know someone that does, call you local helpline. Now, on a happier note. It's Wednesday night here in good ol' Australia. I'm excited to post this chapter. Whoop! I hope you guys are enjoying this story. I've gotten a lot of nice reviews from people, and follows and favourites, so thanks for those. I appreciate them. Don't be afraid to check out some of the other fics on my profile. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the ones to come. Read and Review. Enjoy. JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.


Chapter Seven: New York Nationals

It's been eating away at him for the last three weeks. Ever since Christmas, when Burt told him to promise he wouldn't say anything to Kurt about knowing where his mother is. It's like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, and he doesn't know how much longer he can keep it in for. Wes has been pushing them extra hard. National's is in two days. Tonight, they fly out to New York, and then tomorrow its rehearsals, and then Tuesday is the big day. Jeff is watching him from the other side of the room. He's been zoning out a lot lately, thinking about the repercussions of his friendship with Kurt should he keep this big thing from him. He's been trying to stop Kurt from finding his mother, but he knows what his plans are after Senior Year. He's taking the three month break to find his mother, ask her why she left. Maybe he should just tell Kurt, but then the likelihood of him finishing out the school year would dwindle even more. Nick is broken out of his daydream by Wes shouting at Riker for messing up the steps to their rendition of Uptown Funk. Blaine looks about ready to strangle Wes, and Kurt just watches the scene from his position, amused. Nick just stares at his best-friend. What would happen if I told him? Would he thank me? What would happen if I didn't tell him? It's taken us almost thirteen years to get here… Nick thought, once again being knocked back to reality by Wes calling for them all to leave, and be back out the front of the house by four, so they can go to the airport. Jeff takes his hand as they head back towards their dorms. He can hear Kurt, chatting with the Twins and Riker, Blaine is saying something to Ian, Sebastian and Lachlan about the post-National's party ND are throwing. He's lost in his own little world… lost in his head… lost in his mind… with the weight of the world, and his best-friend's future in his hands.

When he and Kurt get back to their dorm room, he quickly moves to the shower, avoiding conversation with the countertenor, who seems pre-occupied with packing anyway, giving Nick enough time to get out before he asks what's wrong… and Kurt always knows… he can always sense when something is wrong. Nick grabs his clothes, and goes into their bathroom. He turns the water on in the shower, and stares at himself in the mirror for a moment, wondering if he's aged in the last three weeks. He feels as though he's aged almost sixty years, but knows he's exaggerating in his mind. Something about this whole situation is just… wrong. Burt had called him, told him he was driving to Boulder tonight, and that he couldn't be there to say goodbye to them at the airport, but he was to tell Kurt that he's just on business in Colorado. Another lie. Okay, so he's lied to Kurt before, but it's mostly to get him to just calm down, or stop doing something stupid. He's never intentionally held something from him… especially something this big. This monumental. For the most part, he's holding it together, but right now… he just needs a shower. Maybe the warm water will clear his mind. Kurt, on the other hand, is standing in front of his bed, deciding whether or not he's going to need to over pack, or under pack, because you never know… and it is New York. If Rachel looks better than him… well of course she won't, but she'll try. He's about to throw some pants into the case on his bed, when he's distracted by the colour red underneath Nick's bed. Christmas was almost three weeks ago, and he's surprised that the boy still has unwrapped presents under his bed. Regardless, Kurt is curious. Not curious enough to open the presents… god no, he's not that kind of person… but just curious enough to wonder. He is broken out of these thoughts by Blaine and Jeff. Something seems off about Jeff, he's been avoiding eye contact with Kurt for the last week, and the countertenor has tried to talk about it, but both he and Nick just brush him off. It's frustrating.


When they arrive in the courtyard the next morning, waiting for Wes to "assemble them into line", Nick avoids Kurt. It's difficult, but he manages to do it, sitting behind the Twins on the bus with Jeff, who keeps shooting sad looks at Kurt, but not saying anything. Blaine has begun to notice as well, and brought it up to Nick before they got on the bus, but he just rebuffed the Lead Warbler. When they're on the plane, and there's nowhere to go, Blaine will confront him. He'll get out of Nick whatever is going on. Wes is giving them a speech on the way to the airport, and Miss Price, they're liaison, is driving, and attending National's with them. There has been speculation going around that one of the Warblers is in a relationship with the teacher, but Blaine knows the boys just like to talk and work up unimaginable scenarios in their heads. At least, he hopes it's not true. Regardless, Kurt is sitting beside him, running his hand up and down Blaine's thigh, and the shorter boy isn't aware if Kurt knows he's doing it, but it's massive distraction territory. He grabs Kurt's hand, and sees him smirk out the corner of his eye, just kissing his cheek in response. The countertenor is quiet on the way to the airport. He's never really been on a plane before, and his father wasn't home last night as the usual time they call, Finn had said something about him going to Colorado, and leaving his cell. It's distracting to Kurt, because his father wouldn't just up and leave without contacting him. Nick has been avoiding him too, and he's wondering how long it will be before the other shoe drops, and Blaine ends up realising that he's not worth sticking around for. Then something, a flash of a memory of his mother driving fast through the street flashes through his head, and he closes his eyes, shaking the memory away, before looking over at his boyfriend to see if he noticed, and thankful that he's engaged in a heated debate with Sebastian and Ian over which gaming console is better. Kurt just sits quietly, listening.

The airport isn't as crowded as he imagines JFK will be. They manage to check their bags, and get their tickets and go through customs without much hassle. Wes had taken charge once again, getting the Warblers to sit nicely in the waiting area until their flight was called, checking all their names off a list. Kurt just smirked at the Head Warbler when his name was called, watching Wes look away before clearing his throat and moving on. Riker chuckled beside him, and praised Kurt for being able to scare the shit out of Wes with a simple smirk. Kurt grinned brightly, and fist-bumped the other boy, sending a wink to Blaine who was sitting with Sebastian and Ian, looking bored. He'd been lucky with his ticket. He and Blaine had managed to get seats beside one another, and Nick and Jeff behind them. He's finally going to get the chance to ask his best-friend why he's been avoiding him for the last week or so. Just as they line up to board the plane (seriously watching like twenty Warblers all bouncing around excitedly is hilarious), Kurt got a text from Rachel, with a winky face and a message that simply read: SEE YOU AT NATIONALS XX. He smiled, and replied with a wink and cheeky face, before returning his phone to his pocket, and taking Blaine's hand. You would think, having not been on a plane before, that Kurt would be nervous. Nope. In fact, it's Nick and Blaine that are nervous. So nervous, that they jump when the speaker in the cabin comes on and the captain welcomes them to the flight. Kurt just takes Blaine's hand, and Jeff takes Nick's and for a moment, the two best friend's share eye contact, and something akin to pain and hurt flashes through Nick's eyes, but it's gone as quick as it came. Kurt goes to question it, but the flight attendants are starting the safety talk and he doesn't get the chance.


FLASHBACK

They decided they wanted to be pirates for the day, and Nick's mother was good at making costumes, so she had made them pirate outfits, and they built a fort in the backyard. When Burt came over to pick Kurt up, he was surprised to see the detail that Mandy had gone to , and thanked her for amusing Kurt for the day. She told him it was no trouble, and then he saw Kurt, eight years old, chasing Nick around the backyard with a wooden sword, and he melted. Allowing himself to sit down at the dining room table that overlooked the backyard, he just watched the two boys, playing happily. Mandy and Tad, Mandy's husband, joined him, each with a drink, the men a beer and Mandy a juice, just watching their children playing happily. Kurt giggled when Nick knocked him down and called for him to surrender, pretending to kill him with his wooden sword, before claiming the fort as 'CAPTAIN NICK'S KINGDOM', and raising the flag they'd suspended on the clothes line. The adults clapped, and Kurt and Nick joined hands, and bowed, before running over to them. Burt wanted Kurt to stay young and free like this forever. He didn't want him to grow up, and one day discover the truth about his mother, that she ran away, abandoned him. He wants Nick to always win their battle and climb to the top of the fort, and shout to the world that he's won. Kurt, still dressed like a pirate, pretends to stab his father, and then laughs when Burt "dies", before giving Kurt a five second warning, and chasing him around the backyard trying to tickle him. Kurt wriggled around on the ground, laughing and trying to get his dad to stop, but Burt just raised the flag and took the fort from Nick, pretending to stab him with the sword, both boys giggling when Nick fell to the ground sighing in defeat. Mandy and Tad clapped, and Burt bowed, thanking the crowd.

'Thank you, I'm here till Thursday, try the veal' Burt said, picking his son up and flinging him over his shoulder, carrying him inside

'Thanks for coming over Kurt. I'll see you tomorrow,' Nick said, as Burt buckled his son into the car, and Kurt nodded enthusiastically

'See you tomorrow,' Kurt replied, thanking Mandy and Tad who just waved, as Burt pulled out the drive, looking over at his son asleep in the seat beside him

'Stay young for as long as you can Kurt,' he whispered, more to himself than the sleeping boy beside him


When Rachel realised that the Warblers were staying at the same hotel as the New Directions, she made herself known to the private school boys, most of whom crowded behind Kurt, scared for their lives, of the short brunette girl. Kurt rolled his eyes, both at his classmates and Rachel, who began ranting about how this was a conspiracy, until she saw that all the competitors were staying in the same location, and it wasn't something orchestrated by Sue, to try and destroy Will again. Kurt told her to relax, that they would do fine, so long as the Warblers don't kick their buts, and turned to go back to his room. Finn would no doubt be a little miffed that Kurt didn't say hi, but he doesn't want to get caught "selling secrets" no that he would, but Wes would do anything to accuse someone. They met in their designated rehearsal room on the third floor, and began going over their routines. He and Nick had managed to get back to their normal friendship, laughing and exchanging stupid texts. Blaine was thrilled, not that he minded being with his boyfriend, but Kurt seems more… Kurt when he and Nick are talking to one another. He's still determined to get to the bottom of what's going on, but now isn't the right time, especially because it's almost seven pm and they're tired and hungry. David points this out to Wes, who reluctantly adjourns them for the night, telling them to meet back here at five am sharp, for morning rehearsals, before their ten am time slot performance. They're following the New Directions, which Rachel will be happy about, but Kurt doesn't care. He'll get to see them perform, that's what he's happy about, he just wants to see his brother and friends from McKinley perform. Regardless if they're the competition. Their friendships are more important. They disperse from the room, some heading down to the buffet in the hotel restaurant, others going back to their rooms for room service. Kurt, Blaine, Nick and Jeff decide to hit the streets, and find a nice place to have dinner, instead of hanging around the hotel like losers (Wes doesn't take kindly to be labelled as that, but the four just laugh and walk off). Blaine manages to find a nice little restaurant just a couple of blocks from their hotel, and is amazed that they can get seats without a reservation. Kurt takes note of the food prices, before looking to Nick who just nods comfortingly, and then gestures to Blaine, who looks over at Kurt, kisses his cheek, and tells him that he'll get it, and Kurt can get their lunch tomorrow. The countertenor doesn't like it, but smiles and says thank you regardless. He's not in the mood for a fight about Blaine coming from money, and him not really. Besides, college is their chance to find out what it's like to be the "broke college students" when they head off in September. In April, three months away, they find out what colleges they got into, but that isn't stopping Nick and Jeff from checking out NYU and Columbia's campuses while they're here. Kurt thinks it's a good idea for Blaine to check them out, if he can't get into the music program at Harvard, at least there are plenty of performing arts schools in New York that he could attend.

Over dinner, they go off into their own conversations, and Blaine brings up a topic they've been trying to avoid… the possibility of not being together when college starts. Kurt is looking at him, trying to tell him with his expression that he really doesn't want to talk about this, but Blaine is oblivious, just going on about how they're going to make this work if Kurt gets into Harvard and he doesn't. He's really trying to push this whole highschool romances don't last thing… Kurt thought, taking Blaine's hand to stop him rambling. He's right, they need to talk about it, and taking a deep breathe, Kurt looks over at Blaine, and tells him that no matter how far apart they are, they can still be together. He then makes sure to point out that Massachusetts, is only a one hour flight, and three hour drive. Blaine gives him an incredulous look, stating that the three hour drive and flying each week is going to be tiring. Kurt just gapes at him, and he feels as though the whole room is listening to their conversation. He doesn't stop, standing and leaving the restaurant, Blaine hands Nick his card, and chases after his boyfriend. That's not what he meant, he just meant that it isn't fair they should have to do that, they should both be in the same place. But sometimes, you don't get into the same school, and Blaine know they're meant to be together, Kurt knows it too, he just doesn't know how they're going to manage if they're three hours apart. Kurt is speed walking back to the hotel, almost at the entrance when Blaine catches up to him, grabbing his hand, and pulling him into a hug. He whispers in Kurt's ear that no matter how far apart they are, they'll always be together. Kurt believes him, he knows he over reacted, and promises Blaine that they can talk about it more upstairs, but Blaine, of course, waggles his eyebrows, and Kurt smirks, winking and sauntering off, leaving Blaine speechless, but chasing after him again, pinning him to the wall of the elevator.


Left right, left right, double left, double right… these are the words that are going through his mind as the Warblers take their place on the stage at National's. Of course, the New Directions had led with a power ballad, sung by Rachel, with the others backing, and then broke out into their group rendition, of the American Authors song The Best Day of My Life. Wes had praised their choice of group number, but noted that Uptown Funk, done by the Warblers, is going to be epically awesome. Kurt just rolled his eyes, but agreed when he saw the footage at their rehearsal, from the video that Riker and Lachlan had taken so they could "see their flaws" as Wes called it. Regardless, he's in the world of remembering the steps, when the curtains open, and the Warblers start with their first song, Sugar by Maroon 5. It wasn't their first choice, but it's the best song for their set, and Blaine seems to be able to really kill it. Literally, he blew the teacher away the first time he just sung it normally, and Wes used it against him for their National's number. Reluctantly, he'd agreed. The curtains opened and the acapella started, Kurt moving in unison with the beat, eyes completely focused in front of him. If he looks at Blaine, he'll just melt into a puddle of gooey eyes and screw everything up. They had the crowd moving in their seats, and out the corner of his eye, Kurt could see the New Directions dancing and singing along. He smiled. This is what today is about. Sharing a moment with your friends, no matter the outcome. When they finish their first number, and arrange themselves for the second one, Kurt hears Finn and Puck cheering the loudest for them, the cheers from the others drowned out by the crowd. Sending a quick wink to Blaine, Kurt begins the song.


FLASHBACK

He was beyond nervous. He'd only been at Dalton for six months, and he and Blaine have only been together for like, a day. This is their first date, their first official one as boyfriends. Rachel, Mercedes, and Nick were gathered around him, fixing his tie, his hair, his shirt, and chatting about how exciting and cute it is that they're finally going out. Nick patted his best-friend's shoulder, and told Kurt that Blaine had been in love with him since the first moment they'd met, leading to Kurt scoffing, but sporting a small smile. Regardless, when the doorbell rang, and Finn shouted that he'd get it, Nick sprinted out of the room, to try and save Blaine from the tall quarterback, who would no doubt be threatening the boy as they speak. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Burt, Finn and Carole were standing in front of a very calm looking Blaine, who just happily chatted to them, ignoring the glare from Finn and the menacing, but amused, smirk from Burt. When Kurt finally descended the stairs, leaving Blaine gaping… because come on… he's HOT! Blaine shook this from his mind, not really wanting to give Mr Hummel a reason to shoot him before he's even gone out with Kurt, and smiled happily, Kurt just grabbing his wallet, keys, jacket and following Blaine out of the house, ignoring Nick and Mercedes' demands to know what goes on… in detail, as he climbed into Blaine's car. There wasn't much discussion between the two boys on the way to the restaurant, but Blaine headed towards Westerville, and Kurt wanted to know where they were going, but didn't ask. He's never really been on a date-date before. Sure, he's be out but never like this. Not with someone he thinks he could have more than just 'I like you' feelings for.

Blaine pulls up outside of Capella's, named for the Dalton Academy Warblers. Graham's mother owns the shop. Graham is in the Warblers, and is a junior, so he's going to be taking over the reins next year… well he will be if Thad and Wes get their way. Most of the other Warblers, are seniors, so they're all leaving at the end of the year. Kurt has never been here, but he hears the other Warbler's talk about it often, and is excited, especially when Blaine grabs his hand and pulls him into the restaurant, over to the reception, saying nothing but his last name, before a waiter comes to take them to a table, rather secluded, at the far end of the room. It's not hidden, but it's not overly in the public eye either. He's being cautious, and Kurt likes that. He just kisses Blaine's cheek, and smiles at the blush that appears, before sitting down opposite the Lead Warbler. They talk about everything. Blaine asks Kurt how being at Dalton is going, and if he's enjoying the Warblers, then he tells stories about Nick, Jeff and the others, that Kurt makes himself remember, if to use them against his friends one day. They don't stray too far into anything dark, and Kurt doesn't mention anything like that at all. He talks about his dad and Carole getting married, and how Finn is going to be his brother, and he's a good brother already, even though he's an idiot sometimes. Blaine just comments on how protective Finn is of him, and Kurt promises that Finn isn't always like that… but the McKinley quarterback knows the truth about his past, and he's just worried. Kurt can understand… well kind of. Graham is their server for the night, because he's on lookout, stationed here by Wes, and he just happened to be working. Wes wanted him to "document Klaine in all its glory", and Kurt blushed at the fact that they've only been together a day, and already, the Warbler's have given them a couple name. Blaine just laughs, raises his glass of champagne (shh no one needs to know *wink*), and dubs them "Klaine". Kurt joins him, clinking glasses, and smiling. They ate, and talked and laughed, and when they finally left the restaurant, and got back to Kurt's house in Lima, Blaine was nervous. Kurt just kissed him softly, thanked him for an amazing night, and promised to see him at school on Monday. Blaine skipped back to his car… literally skipped.


They didn't win National's, they came second the New Directions. Kurt wasn't that choked up about it, but Wes was taking it harder than most of them. They were at a post-National's party, being held in the ballroom, which was attended by the New Directions and Warblers. Their teachers were nowhere to be seen, and somehow… he doesn't want to know how, but somehow, Puck had gotten his hands on some alcohol. Needless to say, Nick was already half drunk, as were most of the other Warblers, and a few of the ND girls. Finn was slurring his words as he talked to Kurt, before chuckling and admitting that he thinks he's going to go to bed. Kurt and Blaine walk Finn back to his room, (so that Schuester doesn't find him like this), and then decide to go back to the party for a while. Nick and Jeff are making out in a corner when they return, but Kurt pulls Blaine into a less populated area of the room, and kisses him, before pulling something from his pocket, and placing it in Blaine's open hand. They stand there in silence, before the countertenor explains that it isn't an engagement ring, it's a promise ring, that no matter how far apart they are, somehow they'll find their way back to one another. Blaine just kisses him, and whispers that he'll meet Kurt upstairs, winking, and Kurt grabs an unopened bottle of champagne, before winking and heading to the elevator. He's about to follow when Nick clamps on to his arm, and changes everything…

'I know w-where K-Kurt's mother is. She's been l-l-living in Colorado all this time. It's been about f-four weeks since B-Burt t-t-told me. Shhhh, don't tell Kurt,'

'Nick, what the fuck are you talking about? Are you telling me, that for the last four weeks, you've known where Kurt's mother is, and you haven't told him?'

'Please Blaine… please don't tell him. Burt doesn't want him to run off and try and find her. Please Blaine…' Nick says, before running to the bathroom, apparently to vomit, Jeff close behind him

'Shit…' Blaine says, rubbing his hands over his face, finding an empty chair and sitting down, head in his hands…. Shit fuck shit!


FLASHBACK

Kurt sat on the floor of the bathroom. He's twelve years old, and he has no idea about the feelings he's having. He didn't expect to feel that way about anyone… especially a boy. It scares him. On top of everything else he's going through, sitting here, with a razor in his hand is almost comforting. It shouldn't be, he knows this, somewhere in the back of his mind. The twelve year old in him wants to act like this is some kind of stupid thing that just floated into his head. He's twelve, he can't know that he's gay. He can't know that, not for sure. Maybe it's a passing thing? But he knows it's not, because he doesn't see girls the same way. He imagines having sex with a girl, and it doesn't seem appealing to him in any manner. He's twelve, but still. His father is out, and Nick is at his house, and everyone else is out, running around in the summer sun, but he's sitting on the floor of the bathroom, contemplating whether living through the inevitable pain, that he knows is going to come as he gets older, and begins to experiment with guys, is worth tolerating. He's the reason his mother left after all. Maybe she did it because he's gay. Maybe she did it because she would grow to be ashamed of him. Regardless, he puts the razor to his wrists, closes his eyes, and lets it glide across the skin, watching the red liquid seep from the cut, drop onto the floor, and it feels good. He doesn't feel pain anymore. He feels free. He hears the front door open, and his father call his name, and as quickly as he can, he wraps his arm, cleans the blood, and pulls his sleeve down over the white gauze now dressing his wrist, but he feels different, lighter almost, and for the first time in a while, he smiles at his father, who smiles back…


Nick is snoring in the bed beside him when Kurt wakes in the morning, seeing eleven texts from Blaine stating that he had to help an overly drunk Wes back to his room, and the wasn't allowed to leave. Kurt sends back a reply, to say that it's okay, he fell asleep anyway, and gets up to shower. He's oblivious to the information that three of the Warblers, and his father now knows. He's oblivious to the information that would give him the answers he's been wanting for the last thirteen years, and he's oblivious to the sudden desire to desperately get back to Westerville to see his father and ask him why he suddenly disappeared. He did ring last night, and apologised that he and Carole couldn't be there, but he didn't ask what he wanted to know… he didn't ask the real question, and somehow, even if he did, he knows he probably wouldn't get the answer he's looking for. Kurt showers, and when he leaves the bathroom, fully dressed, and preparing to pack his bags for their flight back home, he spots Nick, sitting up in bed, hair sticking up all over the place, rubbing his eyes, which widen when he remembers the events of last night. He looks up at Kurt, who just smirks and talks loudly, which makes him cringe, and throw a pillow. They're back to normal… but there is an earthquake under the surface, and it's bubbling up… preparing to explode.


A/N: Next Chapter: As April fast approaches, and college acceptances on the way, the Warblers throw a giant week of festivities to start saying goodbye to the seniors. Nick and Blaine continue to ignore one another, and Kurt and Jeff feel the pull from it. Wes hands the reigns of Head Warbler over to his predecessor, Graham Tanner, who accepts it with grace. The New Directions call for the Warblers to attend Santana's "senior's bash/sleepover" at her house, and shenanigan ensue. Kurt, Blaine and the Senior Warblers and New Directions find out what colleges they got into, and loyalties are tested, when Kurt announces to his best-friend, brother, parents and boyfriend, that he's taking time off in the summer to find his mother. Burt admits that he's known for a while where she is, and feeling betrayed, Kurt takes off. Flashbacks include: The moment Blaine realised he's in love with Kurt, Kurt's first day of preschool, New Direction's first sleepover, and Mercedes and Kurt's spectacular outing. Read and Review. Enjoy. JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.