Chapter VII: Moving Forward

Apart from the whir of the heater, and the rev of the engine as he accelerates, the car is silent. The lights of the city become less frequent as we drive, silently, into the countryside. I shift in my seat and look out the side window, but, apart from the random lit up house, everything is pitch black.

I glance over to see Edward clench his jaw, a look of intense concentration on his face. I face forward again and chuckle.

"Well, this is awkward," I blurt out.

Edward gives a laugh and I catch him glancing over at me with an amused smile.

"Yep," he agrees. "I'm guessing Angela didn't tell you I was coming tonight?"

I shake my head. "Nup."

It was a pretty shitty move on her part, but I can see she was just trying to get the old crew together for her birthday. Still, I'm a little prickly at her for forcing it upon me.

"I'm glad you came, though," he says again.

"Me too," I reply softly.

It's silent for a moment as we both seemingly take in this joint admission.

"Are you excited for SU?" he breaks the lull in conversation.

"Yeah, a bit nervous, too. What about you."

"Same." He falls quiet again, seeming to fall deep into thought. "I'm just worried about Dad, you know?"

I peek over at him and my heart hurts at the sad expression on his face. "I can understand that."

I let the car fall silent for a bit, and then remember a question I've wanted to ask for a while now.

"Hey, so what are you doing at SU? You didn't tell me. Are you still doing baseball?"

"I've signed up to play for the Redhawks, yeah. I'll be majoring in medical science."

"You want to be a doctor like your dad?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I haven't decided yet, but I know I want to do something in that field. I want to make him proud of me."

"I get that," I nod in understanding. Everything I do is for my mother. More than anything I want her to look down and be proud of the person I've become.

I feel Edward glance at me and I look over to see pain in his eyes.

"What's it like?" he asks softly.

"What?" I ask, intrigued.

"Watching a parent die?"

My heart slams into my chest wall, and I lean my head back into the seat, clenching my eyes shut, to stop any tears from spilling over.

"Edward …"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck, I just … you're the only person I know that's been through it." He sounds frustrated.

I open my eyes and look over to see him wiping at his.

"My dad's going to die, Bella. And the worse thing is, we have to watch him lose his identity before then. He's already starting to forget who I am. Do you have any idea what that's like? Seeing your own father forget that you're his son?"

My heart aches for him and I wipe at my eyes to stop the tears that are welling up from spilling over.

"My advice? Cherish every moment you have left," I whisper.

There's another lull in conversation and I turn the radio on to fill the space. We drive like this for some time.

When he pulls up in front of my house and turns down the radio, I take my seatbelt off and turn to thank him, when he speaks first.

"I'm sorry."

I'm confused, because this isn't a sorry for the recent conversation, this is a different sorry. A deeper apology, coming from somewhere else, for something else entirely and I'm not sure what that thing is.

"We lost you, Bella. And … you know, I couldn't work it out. I mean, I fucking did you wrong, I get that. But you were distant and I couldn't get to you. You were so distant …" He sighs and drums his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. "It was a shit time to do it – break up with you, I mean. I didn't know your mom had passed." He turns in his seat and looks me dead in the eye. "I get it now. Why you were so distant. Why nothing we did brought you back from the brink of whatever dark hole you had slipped into. But I know now, the grief you were feeling. That … fucking agony."

"Yeah, that hurt, all of it," I mumble mindlessly. "And then Jessica?"

He huffs and shakes his head. "That was my childish way of trying to forget you. When I found out about your mom, I broke up with her. Not that that makes things better." He shakes his head again and looks down, lost in thought.

"And the way you guys were to Jacob." I can't help myself from pointing out every fucked-up mistake he's made over the past few years. I don't want him thinking he can get away with a simple apology, as childish as that sounds.

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose and clenches his eyes closed.

"Again, childish on my part," he explains, but he doesn't elaborate and it makes me a little mad.

"Why?" I push.

He opens his eyes and holds my gaze. He gives me a lopsided grin. "I was jealous of him," he admits.

"But …" I am confused. It was obvious to any passer-by that Jacob is gay. It was the flamboyant clothes he wore that they were all picking on when he first came to school. Which stopped quickly, mind you, when they found out he was Sam's cousin, but that doesn't excuse them from having done it in the first place.

"I was jealous because he brought the spark back out of you that I couldn't."

My confusion deepens.

"After your mom … you were so unreachable. You wouldn't even look at me. I couldn't even engage you enough to approach you and apologise. It scared me. There were days that I thought for sure you were going to slip so far down into the darkness that you were going to take your own life. There were days when I thought for certain that I wouldn't see you again. I felt so fucking helpless."

I'm so shocked by his admission that I sit back and look out my side window. Those days seem like such a blur now, but there are certain things that I will always remember. A tragedy like that always leave a scar on your soul.

"I did think about it," I whisper.

I hear him catch his breath and I turn back to him.

"It's funny how I remember that time differently. I guess that was my brain trying to cope with everything. It was easier for me to just see you all as the enemy and shut you out," I admit.

"Yeah it sucked, but you were in pain. And, I get that now."

I don't know what's come over me, but I have a sudden urge to hug him and I allow it to take over. He returns it, putting his arms under mine, and pulling me into him harder. I feel him breathe in deeply, and then let it out in a long sigh. It's not a sensual hug by any means. It goes deeper than that. It's two broken people finally finding a level ground of understanding.

I pull away slowly and wince at him, because I still have one question burning inside me. I don't want to mess up the ground we've just made up, but in the same instance, I need to know the answer to this to move forward. "One more thing."

"Shoot." He smirks at my discomfort.

"Brittany?"

"Who?" he looks genuinely confused.

"At the party last week?"

His eyes widen in surprise. "You heard about that?"

"I kind of saw it, with my own eyes." I cringe as I watch his face flush with embarrassment.

"Oh shit! I thought you had left." He runs a hand through his hair rather frantically. "Shit, okay, so no word of a lie, this is what happened …" He stops for a moment and seems to take a nervous breath in and, releases it in a rush through his lips. "Oh, man, I'm really going to do this … okay. So, after the fight, I managed to get Mike outside. When I came back in to get you, you were gone! I was really fucking down and out that you just kind of left. So, I, er, I put down about four shots and got ridiculously drunk very, very quickly." He searches my eyes to make sure I understand how serious he's being. "Really drunk. I've never been that drunk before." I nod in understanding, so he'll move on with the story. "So, basically, that Brittany girl kind of approached me I guess, and from what I've heard, I kinda got down and nasty with her." He cringes and runs his hand through his hair again.

"You licked her face."

He looks at me wide eyed. I nod to confirm that's exactly what I saw. "No!" He throws his head back and chuckles. He looks back at me with a smile. "I spewed on her, too, apparently." He bites his lip to hold in a laugh.

A snicker escapes me and it's enough to make him come undone. He lets out a laugh and he covers his mouth like a giggling girl. "I saw her the next day and she yelled at me for ruining her dress."

Our hysterical laughter fills the car and it takes a while for us to calm down. When we do, he leans his head onto the seat and watches me with admiration.

"I've missed this," he admits with a smile.

"Me too," I beam back.

It feels good to really laugh, I just never thought I'd be doing it with Edward. I glance back at my house and notice that there's a light on. I know for a fact that dad will be waiting up for me.

"I better go." I pick my bag up from the footwell and look back to Edward with a smile. I lean over quickly and give him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks for the ride."

"Any time," he replies, giving me a dimpled smile.

I move to open the car door when he calls my name.

"Bella?"

I turn to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Can I call you tomorrow some time?"

"Sure." It seems weird that he'd ask, but I guess he's still unsure on if we're moving forward or not.

"Cool. Goodnight, Bella." I still feel a strange nervousness when he calls me by that name.

"Night, Edward."

I unlock my front door and open it, before turning back around to wave at him, knowing he is waiting for me to get inside safely. When I close the door and lock it, I hear him put the car into gear and take off.

I lean against the door for a moment and let all the nervous and happy feelings take over me, before taking myself up to bed.

NB: Thanks again for the reads, faves and reviews. Seems these guys are ready to move forward with the story faster than I am. I reckon there's only one or two chapters left. I then have an outtake or two from EPOV. If you'd like a snippet of an outtake, just let me know in your review.

Again, no editing done, except for my own. So, apologies for misspellings and grammatical errors. Also, I'm an Aussie trying to write a story set in America. It gets confusing sometimes with word differences etc. Thanks for your understanding.