[ Title ] Dreaming Alone
[ Author ] Lena Horror
[ Genre ] The Hunger Games Trilogy
[ Story Genre ] Angst / Drama
[ Pairing ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
[ Word Count ] 19K To Current.
[ Author Note ] You guys inspire the hell out of me! This chapter took a bit longer to get up due to my final "horrah" with NaNoWriMo this year but here's a Gale chapter for you lot! Every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way and I'm so grateful for all of the candor and input you're offering up! If there's anything specific you guys want to see, drop me a line and I'll try to work in some of your ideas/what you guys want to see as well!
CHAPTER SEVEN: NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU, I CAN'T LET YOU GO -GH-
Despite how I was feeling – a jumble of confused, content, happy and somewhat resentful – allowing Katniss into my homes and into my arms felt like something I had been missing. It had become a requirement of mine to let her feel that warmth and that care because underneath the hard exterior, I knew Katniss. Down to her very heart and soul, I knew what lay dormant inside of that girl and others couldn't see it. They saw this Girl On Fire, they saw the former Mockingjay. I saw the odd girl who couldn't do a proper snare to save her life. I saw the laughter in the woods on a cold winter day and how it was the only thing that kept me warm when I needed it. I saw the corner mouth smile when I called her out on something and she didn't want to admit or own up to that something. I saw familiarity, I saw the girl ... woman, that I had loved for so long. My guard wasn't completely down though, despite how much I wanted to let it all go and throw inhibition to the wind.
The smarter part of me prevailed, however. I didn't let myself get too caught up in the moment and I certainly wasn't allowing myself to get to oattached. For all I knew, I could wake up in the morning and the girl would be gone. Gone back to District 12 or gone off on some other adventure. Did I want her to stay? My heart said yes- a million times over it said yes – but my head was concerned. That was usually how it went, too. The heart wanted one thing, the head knew better and fought against it. Though we fell asleep together that night on the sofa, her wrapped in my arms and the scent of her hair allowing me to drift off into the most peaceful sleep I could remember having, I still was apprehensive. What a strange feeling it was to be so happy and so conflicted all in one breath.
A large part of me mostly struggled with my own emotions. I could have easily kicked her to the curb as soon as I saw her face for everything she had done to me in the past. It would have been merited and it would have been something that I'm sure even Katniss would have believed she deserved. I didn't have the heart to do that, however. The reason I didn't have the heart to do it was after everything... after every heart break, every slight, every time she chose him over me, every time she absently kissed me to fill some void, every last turn around... I still loved Katniss Everdeen with every fiber of my being. Man, did I hate myself for that truth. I couldn't avoid it since my heart was so consumed with her. I knew there was the chance that she could hurt me again and I had opened myself up to allowing such a thing. There was a phrase though, about how the heart wants what it wants and you can't control that. I never realized how much truth was in that statement until I felt it for myself. After falling asleep with her and feeling that familiar closeness, smelling that familiar scent, and experiencing that familiar warmth inside of my very bones, it was a risk I had to take. What if the timing was right? What if she was truly over Peeta and was willing to start a new life with me?
My mind flooded with a dozen "what if" scenarios. What if she was genuine and wanted to be a part of my life again? What if she was there because she realized that she loved me all along after all? Could we find happiness together? Could we be the couple I envisioned we'd be not so way-back-when? What if she had changed and was ready to make that kind of commitment to me? On the flip side, there was the other what if scenarios. What if this was a facade and she needed something to fill the void again? What if I was a rebound from Peeta underneath all of the cleverly decorated mistruths? What if she was using me again to feel some sort of love and affection she was lacking from Peeta and eventually would slip right out of my life like she slipped back in? It was a lot to take in and it mentally overloaded me briefly. I wondered if it was worth it; was Katniss worth the pain and suffering that I once felt? I believed that she was. She was worth the risk and worth the heart ache and worth the aggravation. She was worth all of that and more. I was in love with my best friend and now that I had her back, I knew I had to do whatever it took to make her realize where she belonged.
She always had and always would belong with me. I was hoping she saw that, realized that, and was embracing that.
When I awoke in the middle of the night with her, she looked peaceful as I ever could remember her looking. We were wrapped in one of the woolen blankets that I kept on the back of the sofa for the nights I fell asleep reading in front of the woodstove. It was peaceful and one of my favorite places in my home. I didn't want her to wake up in pain so I did what any reasonable man would do. I picked her up and brought her to my bedroom. I laid her down in lush, warm comfort and I was going to take my leave to go back to the sofa. I didn't want to assume that I could sleep next to her and it was my choice to give her my bed. It was what any suitable, good host would do and I wanted to ensure that her comfort came first. When I was about to leave the bedside, I felt her hand grasp at mine.
"Gale, please don't go..."
The words caught me off guard at first because I hadn't realized I woke her while moving her, but the sleepiness in her voice was something I loved hearing. I couldn't remember hearing her speak in such a soft, genuine and almost innocent natured tone. It had been a long while since I had seen Katniss when she was first waking up and I realized in that moment – while jaded by all of my other thoughts – there was never a time where I thought she looked more beautiful.
I learned down after brushing some of her hair out of her face and my lips found her forehead gently. I smiled at her and assured her that I was going nowhere. The smile that she gave me in return as she curled up into my pillows made it all the more worth it. I decided to get out of my regular clothing and into my night clothes, only because I struggled to sleep if I was dressed for the day. When I climbed into the bed with her, I gave her enough room to have on her own. I turned off the lights and laid on my back, my hand behind my head. I found myself staring at the ceiling momentarily as I had become a bit more awake after putting Katniss to bed. Comfort found me but sleep didn't. It wasn't until Katniss rolled over and her head rested on my shoulder, her hand on my bare chest, cuddled into my side that sleep found me once again. The warmth of her breath on my skin, her touch, and the peacefulness of her resting brought me back to a slumber that was all my own.
I can safely say that was the over all best night's sleep I had in a long while.
When I woke the next morning, Katniss wasn't in bed with me. My mind immediately went off into another direction, thinking that she left while I was still asleep. I brushed my hand over my face to brush away some of the grogginess that clouded my head from just regaining consciousness. When I finally got out of bed and threw on my shirt, I smelled something. It took me a second to realize what it was but it smelled like brewing tea or coffee. I wandered out of the bedroom and through the house until I found myself in the kitchen. Katniss was standing in the kitchen, trying to operate one of the cooking appliances in the kitchen, but she had managed how to get the coffee brewed. I leaned against the door frame, watching her with an amused smirk.
She had bread toasted, fresh fruit cut and plated, but she couldn't cook the eggs that I had in the ice box from the hens in the back yard due to the contraption in the kitchen. She looked so miffed. It brought me a lot of amusement. I was happy with the toasted bread, some fresh cream spread, cheese and fruit but she looked so adamant about those damn eggs. She soon turned around and saw me standing there and she jumped, looking at my expression with a confused expression of her own.
"What."
"Not a thing." I said back almost too quickly. She didn't seem impressed.
"What! What are you smirking about? What's funny?" She demanded but I merely held up my hands in mock defense.
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Damn it, Gale."
She seemed so defeated when she couldn't figure out how to get the fire started on the stove. I walked over and with the push of a button, it clicked a couple of times and then ignited. Her face turned from minor aggravation with me to looking like she felt absolutely ridiculous for not thinking of that. She smacked my arm with a hand towel and I laughed at her, rather mercilessly.
"I'm sorry it was too complicated for you." I teased her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.
"Get out of the damn kitchen, Gale." She said, shooing me out.
I grabbed the pot of coffee and a cup, spinning around her so as to avoid her playful wrath. She seemed so irritated with me and I was tickled by that. That was the fire in Katniss I remembered. I made myself a cup of coffee so as to stay out of her way and I sat at the wooden bar that overlooked the kitchen from the opposite side. She was puttering around now that she had things going her way and she seemed like a complete natural. It didn't take her all that long from my interruption to finish up what she had planned. She made us breakfast that now included freshly cooked meat and eggs with the sliced fruit, chunks of fresh cheese and toasted bread. She had even figured out how to make some cream spread for our toasted bread that paired off exceptionally with the naturally sweetness of the fruit.
"It's not burned and if you're lucky, you won't die from this." She teased, bringing out plates to the table. I was going to help her but she playfully smacked her hand at me. "Just sit down. You made me dinner, this was the least I could do."
"You didn't have to do it, you know."
"Well, I wanted to. You're going to enjoy it, too." She started but added a quick, "I hope", in there. I couldn't help but smile at her.
"The effort alone is enough. Thank you, Catnip."
We sat down to eat together and everything had great flavor. She had done a great job cooking for us. When it came to clean up, I naturally insisted, as she had taken the time to cook, I could do the dishes and put things away. I was in the middle of cleaning up as she drank from her mug. It almost felt like playing house with my best friend. I had a really overwhelming feeling of euphoria that overtook any common sense that I had about the situation because everything was going well. I looked forward to potentially going hunting with her that afternoon, getting outside and doing it all together but a rather aggressive knock at my front door changed my plans pretty quick. Katniss stood up from the table with her cup in hand.
"I'll grab it, dry your hands off." Katniss told me and I gave her a small smile.
I went ahead to go back into the kitchen to do that, making sure to put things away where they belonged after I dried them off. I was a comfortable sort of full from the meal and was pretty astounded by the way she pulled it off. Katniss had a knack about her though; if she wanted to do something and wanted to do something well, she managed. Regardless of the skill level, she figured it out and made it work. It was part of what I had always really adored about the girl. While I was drying my hands, I heard her voice and she sounded heated. I put the towel down and walked out of the kitchen, heading toward the door.
"Why are you even here! You have no reason to be!" Her voice echoed, elevated in tone to show she was angry. "I am not going back with you so you can leave. I'm sorry you came all of this way for nothing but what's done is done."
"I'm not leaving without you, Katniss. I came this far and I'm not going home until you realize what a mistake you're making. You don't belong here. You belong at home with me. I'm sorry for everything that happened but I'm not going anywhere until we at least talk."
I knew that voice anywhere. Peeta Mellark. How unforgivably typical.
