A/N: Still for Re-Ane/Al. Also: Ha Ha.
OTP
10.1.08
"THEY ARE LIKE DIRY FILTHY CRACKWHORE CANDY TO ME," Kiba's voice erupted into the calm stillness of the night.
Shino sighed, very, very tiredly and rolled his eyes. "Kiba," he intoned, "Come down off that streetlight."
"I WON'T."
"Kiba—"
"NO! You're trying to take me from my one-true-love! We're an OTP, you know!"
"An Overly Troublesome Person…?"
"No! A One True Pairing! God, Shino, you don't know anything! What a loser!" Kiba snorted scornfully and slid down four inches from where he had wrapped himself around the streetlight. "Noo! Penelope, don't leave me!"
Frowning in annoyance, Shino walked over and very calmly delivered a kick to the base of the streetlight. With an inarticulate cry, Kiba fell off and onto his back, legs twitching like a dying bug.
Sighing again, Shino stopped to take hold of his teammate when Kiba latched onto his neck and forcibly used Shino to haul himself up. "Oh, Shino, I lied. You're my OTL."
"Overly Troubled Leader?"
"Noooo, silly. My One True Lover!"
Shino opened his mouth, then closed it when Kiba shoved his face into Shino's hood, smelling like the alcohol he had obviously consumed too much of. Recoiling, Shino was just in time to see Hinata emerge from the cramped ninja dive from around Kiba's head.
"O-hh, thanks!" She grinned to someone inside, waving slightly and smiling ear-to-ear. Her cheeks were flushed and she seemed less self conscious than usual, if her cheerful words were anything to go by. Then she turned and started walking towards them. Shino saw her weave slightly and a chill went down his spine.
Oh no.
"Shino-kun! Kiba-kun!" Hinata cried. Kiba gave a little start at the sound of his name from where he was half-collapsed on Shino's chest. "T-That was fun, don't you think?" Numbly, Shino nodded assent.
"You bet, Hina-chan!" Kiba laughed, clutching at Shino and angling himself to face front. "But, damn, if only Penelope hadn't jilted me…"
"Penelope? The streetlight?" Shino looked down at the man in his arms in bewilderment.
"No! We're totally over!" Kiba declared. "Shino's my true lover!"
"R-Really?" Hinata asked. "T-That makes sense. I've always thought S-Shino-kun would be a good lover." Shino stared at her in shock. "Don't you think so, Kiba-kun?"
"Definitely!" Kiba flashed Hinata a grin. He turned and kissed Shino.
Shino stood transfixed in horror as Kiba added a little tooth and pressed his canines into Shino's bottom lip. With a jolt, Shino jerked himself away and, just for good measure, punched Kiba full in the face.
"Owwwww!" Kiba hissed. "What the crap, Shino, I've told you to stay off the mushrooms! They're going to your head!"
"Mushrooms?" Hinata gasped. "O-Oh no! Shino-kun, you know you're not allowed to eat them anymore. Not after that time in the forest."
"Yeah, yeah!" Kiba nodded enthusiastically.
Shino could do nothing but stare at the both of them in confused shock. He honestly could not at any time recall ever having problems with mushrooms. They were both obviously drunk.
"Oh no!" Hinata said again. Shino looked at her in worry. "You remember w-what happened last time?"
"Yeah, yeah!" Kiba repeated.
"Then you know what we n-need to do!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
They advanced on poor Shino. A few thoughts passed through his head questioning why his teammates weren't acting drunker. To be fair, Kiba was swaying very heavily and looked extremely bleary. But Hinata only seemed flushed. She wasn't walking straight though, and Shino acknowledged the dread curling in his stomach. Obviously, he was dealing with two very inebriated teammates.
"Hang on," he tried to command them in the voice he normally used when issuing instructions, but they only moved towards him faster.
"Hinata, Kiba," he said, "stop. You're both drunk."
"That's re-reh-ridick-dumb! I am not drunk!"
"You're stuttering," Shino pointed out, still backing away.
"No!" Kiba protested.
"Y-yeah, no!" Hinata echoed.
Suddenly, Shino found his back was to the wall of a building. Seeing his predicament, Hinata and Kiba looked at each other in their alcoholic haze. Kiba darted forward and grabbed both of Shino's hands, and for a drunk his hold was rather tight.
"I've got him now, Hina! Get him!"
"Yaaaa!" Hinata cried. "Tickle attack!" She barreled straight into Shino, doing her best to worm her fingers under his arms and around his neck, and her weight combined with Kiba's drunken leaning bore Shino straight to the ground.
"Kiba-kun, it's not working!"
"I'm not ticklish," Shino said patiently from the ground where Kiba and Hinata were draped all over him.
"W-Well, what now?"
Kiba awoke with a start and looked at Hinata in confusion. "Let's dance!"
"N-No, I don't think this will work this time! We've got to do something else before he's too far gone!"
"Ready the E.R."
"Stat!" Hinata cried, though she was giggling a little. "I need that, um, that thing. Y-you know what I'm talking about, Kiba-kun?"
"The oars! You need the oars!" Kiba seemed to be succumbing to Hinata's laughing fits.
"N-No, Kiba-kun. You mean the paddles, the p-paddles!" So saying, Hinata collapsed on top of Shino. Kiba took his cue and fell over Shino too until they were one big Team 8 heap, two-thirds of which was laughing. Shino took the opportunity to form seals, latch onto both of them, and transport them to his house.
Once home, they were still all rolled up into a bundle package. With a concentrated effort, Shino pushed Kiba off, pulled Hinata into his arms, and carried the still-giggling girl into his room. When he put her on his bed, she rolled over and promptly buried her face in his pillow to muffle his giggles.
Shino turned to deal with Kiba, only to have the other man appear in the doorway and stalk towards him before he could leave the room. In a sudden rush, Kiba tackled him into the bed. There was a minor tussle where Hinata, still laughing, and Kiba both wrassled a struggling Shino into bed until he couldn't escape from their limpet clutches.
"Kiba, Hinata."
"Y-You smell nice, Shino-kun," Hinata sighed, pressing her face into Shino's neck where it was exposed. During the scrambling, Shino's jacket had come partially unzipped, and the rest of his team were under similar conditions. Shino didn't want to think about it as he laid on his back between Kiba and Hinata.
He tried to escape once more, just for the heck of it, but Hinata's hand brushed alarmingly close to his crotch as she tried to tighten her hold on him, and Kiba groped him with a very obvious drunken giggle. Shino settled himself down for a long night.
But it was only five minutes later and Kiba started pressing sloppy kisses to Shino's face while murmuring nonsense. Shino bore it a total of twenty seconds before Kiba started nibbling and licking his neck. Unable to take it, Shino shied away, further towards the Hinata-chan side of the bed, only to have her hand actually brush his crotch.
Shino stiffed and pulled away. Kiba took it as a sign to continue, and tried to fumble Shino out of his jacket. Growling in annoyance, Shino elbowed Kiba in the stomach, but almost in response Hinata took it upon herself to drape herself over Shino's chest, squirming to get comfortable and rubbing her not insubstantial chest all over him.
Kiba rejoined the fray, grasping Shino's waist and pulling the two of them closer to him, where he proceeded to start feeling up Shino's thigh. Hinata swatted him and scooted up Shino's chest to get away from him, leaving her breasts almost level with his face. Reflexively, before he was smothered, Shino drew in a breath.
Just because apparently life hated him right now, Kiba took that moment to whisper wetly in Shino's ear, "Was it good for you?"
Unable to help himself, Shino exhaled in shock, and found himself getting more personal with Hinata's chest than he'd ever wanted to be. Finally, Shino had had enough. Forming seals, he got himself out.
"Do you have a guest room open?" he asked Neji as soon as he'd arrived in the Hyuuga compound.
Neji raised an eyebrow at him, looking at Shino with his hood down, hair ruffled, and jacket almost completely unzipped. "Is my cousin okay?"
"Probably."
"You know where to go," Neji said dismissively. Shino thanked him with a nod and shuffled off dejectedly down the hallway. Neji watched him go curiously before forming seals and going to investigate.
"Hinata, you can't sleep here," he told his cousin as soon as he was apprised of the situation. Though she looked extremely comfy cuddling into Inuzuka, he had no doubt that the moment she woke up she'd be utterly embarrassed.
"Nnngoway," she replied in one syllable.
With a huff, Neji dragged a hand through his hair and bent over to pick his intoxicated cousin up. Abruptly, he was laying face down on Shino's bed, not even sure when Kiba had gotten a solid hold on him.
"Mmm," Kiba nuzzled into his hair, "you have gor-gorge-great hair," he slurred. Neji felt his eye start to twitch. Hinata burrowed into his other side.
"Ugh," she frowned, pushing away from Neji and pushing him further into the groping hands of Kiba, "I hate honeydew melon." Neji felt the other eye start twitching.
Kiba took a big inhale of Neji's hair from where he was sprawled over the other man. With a choking gasp he pulled away coughing. "Grooosss," Kiba cried, "You smell like that disgusting shampoo that dumb Neji Hyuuga uses!"
Neji glared into Shino's pillow.
