Diner Dash

"Low blood pressure, huh?" DJ asked, carrying Noah down the block.

"It's a curse," Noah said. "But you learn to live with it."

"Well, it's about noon," DJ noted. "Let's grab some lunch. I know a great place nearby."

It seemed that fate looked favorably upon DJ and Noah. After a half hour of walking, the street where construction blocked them off from the school finished quickly, so the two just crossed. They were a little distance away though, in the shop district.

DJ took Noah to a diner nearby. "Here we are!" DJ said. It was a chain diner with the statue of the "Big Boy" at the front.

"We're eating here?" Noah asked.

"Of course!" DJ said happily. "This place is really cool. I eat here all the time."

"I don't eat anywhere that has less than four stars, Tiny."

"Suit yourself." DJ said as he started to walk in. Noah stood for a moment, but his growling stomach forced him to follow. But there was a little problem.

"Hmm…" DJ said, examining a sign on the door.

"What is it?" Noah asked.

"The sign says 'no rabbits'."

"Okay," Noah said. "That's oddly specific. What do we do now?" After a moment, both looked at each other as if they just had the same idea.


"Hi. My name is Gwen, and I'll be your waitress today." The waitress said. "What do you two want?"

"Well, little bro?" DJ asked his "brother". "What are you hungry for?"

"Gee, big brother," Noah said, now dressed as a six year old. "What will you have."

"Okay, little guy," DJ said. "Hold on while I place your order." DJ turned to Gwen. "He's such a little bundle of joy."

"Do you want me to take your order, or puke?" Gwen asked.

"We'll have two specials." DJ said.

"Fine," Gwen said, walking to the kitchen to place the order.

When she was out of earshot, Noah and DJ burst out laughing.

"Oh man," Noah said. "I almost lost it when you called me 'little buddy'."

"Alright," DJ said. "I admit this was a good idea."

"When will you learn that all of my ideas a good ones?" Noah asked.

"Hmm…" DJ said. "What about the fact that you went into the park at night, got chased by all the cats in the zoo, tricking me to take you back to school, and walked into the construction site?"

"Well, sure, if you put it that way."

Gwen came back holding two plates with giant burgers on them. "Two specials for the happy family…" Gwen said without emotion, dropping the plates on the table.

DJ clapped happily, but Noah was disgusted. The burger before him was bigger than he was, and was overflowing with bacon grease and mayo. The fact that DJ was making big munching noises didn't help.

"Um," Noah said. "I have to watch my figure. Class president, you know."

"Oh. Come on." DJ said. "Here, let me help you." DJ lifted up Noah's burger and poured ketchup all over the patty. Noah gagged, then got up.

"Where are you going?" DJ asked.

"I'm just going to talk to the chef for a sec." Noah said.

"You're going to get us kicked out." DJ said.

"Please," Noah said. "With this disguise, I'm invisible." With that, he walked to the back.

DJ sighed, then chuckled a little. All in all, Noah was a pretty cool guy, when he wasn't totally absorbed in himself. He took a sip of soda.

But then the table behind him was occupied. And not just by anyone.

"Ug," Heather moaned, seated at the table next to DJ. "We've been searching for hours and we've come up with nothing." She was talking to Owen, who was seated opposite her at the table. "That is the last time we take directions from some random crazy girl selling cheap food in a park! I should have gotten rid of Noah when I had the chance myself!"

This caught DJ's attention. He stopped eating and started listening.

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself," Owen comforted. Heather just bent her fork. "Don't worry, Heather." Owen said. "I got you covered." He turned around to DJ.

"Hey buddy," Owen asked. "Can I borrow a fork over here?"

DJ did the best he could to hide his face. "Um, sure here." DJ said, quickly passing him a fork.

"Thanks man--hey," Owen said. "Don't I know you?"

DJ got nervous. "Um, no, I don't think."

"C'mon," Owen said. "Weren't we in the same elementary school? Or was it the same swim class? Oh, I remember! It was Mrs. Othmar's home-ec class! Two semesters. I sat in the back, cause that's where the fridge was. C'mon, help me out!"

"I don't think we've ever met," DJ said. "Look, I've gotta go." He got up and ran off.

"Don't worry!" Owen yelled after him. "I'll think of it!"

Meanwhile, Noah was in the kitchen talking to the chef, Chef Hatchet, who was getting madder by the minute. "I just wanted to make sure that you make something resembling food back here," Noah said. DJ ran in to get Noah.

"Isn't there anything here that's not deep fat fried?" Heather asked as she looked at the menu.

"I'll go ask," Owen said, getting up.

"Okay, I'll make it simple for you," Noah said, as DJ was dragging him away. "Is there or is there not anything edible on the menu?" Chef was really angry now.

DJ was about to drag Noah out of the kitchen, when he spied Owen on his way in. He grabbed Noah, and ran into a storage room near the back.

"Hey man," Owen said to Chef. "What's your policy on making special orders?"

"All right!" Chef yelled. "That's it! I've had it up to here with you kids telling me how to do my job! You want food?! You cook!" Chef handed Owen the ladle, then began packing up supplies. "Four years in culinary school, and all I get is a stupid job at a school, which I have to supplement by working at a ^*& diner…" He muttered. He stormed out, leaving Owen alone in the kitchen, dumbfounded.

Then Gwen walked in. "Okay, I need two burgers, extra bacon on the side, three orders of waffle cheese fires, a strawberry milkshake, and a well done steak with mashed potatoes. Got all that?"

"Two classics with a pork belt, three deep fried Canadians and Maple, a fruity cow squirt, and a cross section with boot scrapings, got it!" Owen said.

"What's going on?" Noah asked DJ.

"No time to explain," DJ said. "We just have to get out of here."

Meanwhile, Heather was growing impatient. "What the heck could Owen be doing in there?" She asked herself. She got up and walked to the kitchen.

DJ found a window in the storage room. "C'mon!" DJ said.

"In a sec, Tiny. I'm still hungry." Noah hopped back into the kitchen.

Owen was busy cooking, so he didn't see who was talking. "Okay, chef," Noah said. "All I want is a spinach omelet with some wheat toast." Noah walked back to dining area. As he opened the right door to the kitchen, Heather opened the left. At the same moment, DJ came out of the storage room, and ducked under a table.

"Owen?" she asked. "You're cooking here?"

"Yep!" Owen said. "It's a dream come true!"

"Fine," Heather said. "In that case, I'll have a mini-burger. Without the mayo."

"Got it," Owen said, not looking up from his work.

Noah walked back through the right door as Heather left through the left. "Actually, make my omelet a pastrami sandwich." He said, walking out the left again.

"Okay," Owen said. DJ leapt out to follow Noah, but Heather came back in. DJ froze in the position of the famous Big Boy statue, and Heather didn't seem to notice him.

"Owen," she said. "Can I get the potatoes as a side dish?"

"I'll have to charge you full price." Owen said.

"Grr…" Heather growled, and walked out the left door, as Noah entered the right.

"Hey, how 'bout some potatoes, buddy?" Noah asked.

"Potatoes. All right." Owen said. Noah walked out. Heather walked in. "Want some cheese on those potatoes?" Owen asked.

"Cheddar, please." Heather said. She walked out. Noah came back in.

"Cheddar potatoes. Sounds good," Owen said.

"Potatoes yes, cheese no," Noah said, walking out. Heather came in.

"No cheese," Owen confirmed.

"No, I want the cheese," Heather said as she walked out, while Noah walked in.

"Cheese it is," Owen said.

"On my potatoes, cheese I do not want," Noah said. Heather walked in. Noah walked out.

"Cheese out," Owen replied.

"Cheese in," Heather said, walking out.

"Oh come on!" Owen said. "Make up your mind!"

Noah and Heather both came in through the two doors, so they couldn't see each other. "On second thought, make my potatoes a salad," both said in unison. Then both walked back to their tables.

DJ took this opportunity to sneak back to the dining room. When he saw Noah and Heather sitting just meters apart, he whispered something into Gwen's ear.

"I hate this job," Gwen said, heading to the kitchen.

Just then, Heather noticed the "kid" at the next table over. Something was strange about him. In fact, he looked almost like a…

Suddenly all the waiters and waitresses came up to Heather and shouted "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They started to sing, throw confetti, and they placed a sombrero on her head. Heather was not amused.

DJ then ran into the dining room, grabbed Noah, and ran out as fast as he could.

Owen walked out of the kitchen. "Oh man! It's your birthday?!" He laughed.

Outside, DJ was breathing heavily, while Noah remained confused.

"Whew, that was close," DJ said.

"What was?" Noah asked.

"There were these two people in there looking for you," DJ said. "A big, fat guy, and a skinny young woman."

"Wat a sec," Noah said. "Did this skinny woman seem to emanate evil and hate from every pour in her body?" he asked.

"Oh yea," DJ replied.

"That's Heather!" Noah said. "Heather and Owen! They've come to rescue me!"

"I really don't think they want to help you," DJ said.

"Of course they do," Noah replied. "Now, thanks for your help DJ. But I can take it from here." "Noah, they want you dead!" DJ argued.

"That's insane," Noah replied. "They love me!" Noah started to hop away, but DJ grabbed him.

"I'm not letting you go, man," DJ said.

"Oh, I see how it is," Noah said angrily. "You never wanted to take me back to the school. You wanted to keep me out here forever! All you care about is that stupid animal club!"

"That's not true!" DJ said.

"Well, you can't pull the wool over this guy's eyes. Why don't you get lost?"

DJ stopped. "You really mean that?" he asked.

"Read my lips," Noah said. "GO HOME!"

DJ frowned. "Fine," he said. "I hope you have fun becoming rabbit stew!"

"Whatever," Noah said, hopping away.

Noah hopped to the front of the restaurant, where Heather and Owen were exiting.

"This is all your fault, Owen!" Heather said.

"What I do?" Owen asked.

"You were the one who mixed up the poisons in the first place!" She yelled. At this point, Noah was within earshot of the conversation.

"There will be no more distractions until we track that rabbit down and kill it!" Noah heard this, and was stunned.

"Whoa," Owen said. "Kill Noah? Isn't that a little extreme?"

Owen got on his bike, and Heather got into the carriage. "I'm doing the school a service. Since Noah was president, what has he done for the school? Nothing. All he's done was serve his selfish interest."

"Well, you have a point," Owen said. "Nobody at school seems to miss him at all."

This broke Noah's heart. What he thought were his friends turned out to be his enemies. He was all alone now. And nobody even cared. Heather and Owen rode off.

"DJ!" Noah screamed, looking for the guy that got him this far. "DJ!" Noah hopped towards the park once again. "DJ?" But there was no one. Noah sighed, and walked slowly back into the park. Storm clouds were forming.

Inside, he could just make out the top of his school. But he didn't care anymore. It wasn't "his" at all. He was just a rabbit now. He had failed as a man.

Noah sat silently, while the rain drenched his fur.

So here's the story guys. A man, cursed to become a beast, trapped by his own hubris. Like I said. I'm the victim here. They took---

"Do you mind?" Noah asked.

I'm just trying to tell them what happened.

"They know what happened. They just saw what happened."

Well, yea, but--

"Just shut up and leave me alone," Noah said. He curled up into a little ball of fur, and tried in vain to sleep through the rest of the day.