The Place Where We Belong

Katekyo Hitman Reborn! Fanfiction

Female Tsuna


Summary: Reborn's opinion of Sawada Iemitsu is that the man is a complete fool. Everyone knows this. Reborn should have known better than to take Iemitsu's words in face value. But he didn't think he would fuck up this bad. In which Iemitsu's child is not a dame middle schooler but an adult woman with a life of her own. They really, really need to check the inside of Iemitsu's head.


Disclaimer: I do not own KHR

Warnings: Lots of OCs, grammar mistakes, typo.


CHAPTER 7: One on One


Today is Saturday.

Setsuna is scheduled to guest starring in Namimori's local radio talk this morning. Good thing she has no class scheduled on Saturdays. She left after breakfast. Reborn didn't come with her. He's probably busy making reports to the people in Italy.

Most likely about yesterday.

As expected, the teenagers, Gokudera especially, didn't take her words calmly. He pleaded and bargained with her. Ryohei got progressively louder. Yamamoto looked hurt. Nagi didn't say a word but on the verge of tears. It all culminate with Hibari stormed into the room with his tonfas out. He threatened to bite everyone present to death for disturbing peace. That's when Coach Maeda declared that meeting is over. Everyone sans Hibari went home with their heads hung low.

Setsuna return to her apartment to find Reborn waiting for her. "Are you going to yell at me?" She asked him, closing the door behind her.

"No," Reborn answered. "We need to talk."

"About the Guardians?" Setsuna take off her shoes.

"Those kids are your best bet."

"No, that's what you decided. I'm the Sky here. Based from my past interaction with all of them, I have come to the conclusion that none of them are fit to fill the Guardian role as they are now. You're not going to talk me out of this. It's too late."

"What if we wait until the kids are older?"

"Vongola don't have much time."

Reborn had to agree with her there. "No, they don't."

"Can one force to Harmonize with someone else?" She asked him. "I need to know, Reborn. I don't want someone to force their Flames on me. Can a third party force a Bond?"

"No," Reborn told her. "Harmonisation is not something that can be forced. To coerce a Bond to happen will only damage both sides. I'm not going to force a Bond."

"Huh…," Setsuna looked at Reborn. "So you do have a line you wouldn't cross."

"I'm a hitman, not a madman."

"That did little to console me, coming from someone who is regarded as the best by the mafia. Your standard of normal is different from ours."

"You had your chance to have a complete Guardian set in one go," Reborn said. Most Skies would kill to have a full set so soon. There will be one less thing to worry about if Setsuna Harmonise with the kids. "And you turn it down. Why?"

"Really, Reborn?" Setsuna give him an annoyed look. "Must I repeat what I told the kids yesterday? You were there."

"They all have so much potential. Lambo is too young so I understand where you're coming from. But Gokudera knows how the mafia works. As a boxer Ryohei would perform the duties of a Sun Guardian magnificently. Hibari's prowess as a fighter cannot be doubted. Yamamoto and Nagi have so much potential."

"You want to know why? I'll tell you why. Let's start with Ryohei-kun," Setsuna grabbed a chair from the kitchen and sit down. "Do you know how he got that scar?" Reborn does know. He read his profile. But he will let Setsuna tell him. "When I was on my second year in middle school, a group of upperclassmen keep harassing us. Ryohei-kun found out and went to challenge them. We found him all beaten up and bleeding in the middle of the street. He suffered a fractured skull, Reborn. You know what the first thing he said after he gained consciousness? Ryohei-kun said wanted to learn how to fight so he can protect us. He quit ballet and signed up for junior boxing club. Kyouko-chan cried. She blamed herself for the whole mess. We tried to talk him out of it but it was too late. Ryohei already fell in love with boxing. He loves it like Kyouko-chan loves ballet. There's no changing his mind." She take a deep breath before continuing. "It doesn't take long before we noticed something. Ryohei-kun likes boxing a little too much. Or rather, fighting. He would challenge people left and right, dragging anyone who display the slightest hint of athleticism to the boxing club and he once sneaked to the zoo to fight a bear. Ryohei-kun even challenged Tou-san and his entire family once he's out of challengers from his own age group."

Reborn's interest is piqued. "How did that go?"

"Tou-san refused at first, because Ryohei-kun was just a child back then. Susumu-niisan and Takumu-niisan refused as well. When he keep pestering them, all three apologized to the Sasagawas in advance before making a short work out of him. It only made Ryohei-kun fired up. He finally stopped when his ass got handed by Nagako-baachan. It took a three hours lecture from everyone; the girls, me, Masumi-sensei, Tou-san and Nagako-baachan, until Ryohei-kun got the message. He calmed down for a time… Then when Kyouko-chan left, he started acting up again. It wasn't until middle school he got calmer…. But that's only because Hibari-kun beat him once a week." Setsuna shakes her head. "I think he's addicted, Reborn. Bringing him to the mafia will only make him worse."

In fact, Setsuna avoid taking her usual jogging route this morning because if she bump to Ryohei, he will undoubtedly start to pester her about Dying Will Flames and the mafia.

"He will try to fight everyone. Not everyone in the mafia are willing to fight honorably. Ryohei-kun will get himself killed. Kyouko-chan would never forgive me or herself if something happened to him."

Setsuna did watch the boy grow up. Same goes to Yamamoto.

"Takeshi-kun… He is not exactly in the good spot right now. The other day, when I told him that he need to find something else other than baseball, I didn't mean the mafia. Don't think I didn't notice how quickly he jumped into all that when we told him. He thought it's like a game or shounen manga come to life. I bet he's thinking to make this his new 'thing'. Or at least give him a chance to explore 'himself' if you get what I mean. No, Reborn. The mafia is not a good place to find yourself. It mess people up. You don't have to look far. Look at Gokudera-kun." Thinking about that boy always make her heart ache. Gokudera-kun is doing better, little by little, but sometimes he still reminds her of her mother. "Now, I don't need to tell you about Gokudera-kun. You know it's bad when we draw comparisons between him and my mother. So I'll leave it at that. Hibari-kun do not like being controlled. Period. The only reason he listens to me and Tou-san is because we remind him of birds. We are willing to negotiate and he knows we won't push much. Vongola don't. He, like Ryohei-kun, loves to fight. We were barely able to contain Ryohei-kun. We won't have any such luck with Hibari-kun. His logic still baffles us every now and then. I know myself enough to know that I won't be able to rein in the boys. Even with everyone else's support."

"There's still Nagi."

"Nagi-chan may be the most timid amongst the kids but that doesn't mean she's any less troublesome. It's always the quiet ones, Reborn. And she's a girl. Have you ever dealt with adolescent girls before?" Reborn nodded. His fourth lover Bianchi is a teenage girl. She can be… Handful. "So you get what I mean. It's a good thing that she and Gokudera-kun are getting along… But we're talking about adolescents here. There will be drama. I was a teenager once. I know how bad it can be. Teenage drama and mafia drama? Hell no." The figure skater let out a sigh. It will be too much for the kids to handle. She doubt there will be enough of her to provide emotional support for them. Lambo and Gokudera need her attention the most at the moment. It won't be fair for the others.

"Not to mention her mother is a famous actress. Nagi-chan has as much exposure as I do simply by her association with her. Her relationship with her is not the greatest either. What will happen if her mother found out? I don't want to put her at risk anymore than this. It's bad enough that they know about Vongola. It's bad enough that we keep the mafia a secret from their family. I can't do that to them either. I know that they won't tell their family anything… They are teenagers after all. But Tsuyoshi-jiichan already lost his wife. I can't take Takeshi-kun away from him. We will eventually have to tell them at some point. We have to think about the families as well. Just because mine is so dysfunctional doesn't mean others have to pay for it."

Setsuna's brown orbs meet Reborn's black ones. "I have lines I won't cross, Reborn. My line is not to take advantage over emotionally vulnerable children who decide to put their trust in me. Don't make me cross mine. Don't make me regret trusting you." She got up. "I have some phone calls to make." She went to her bedroom, leaving him to stand there alone with his thoughts.


After talking to Setsuna-nee and to his father, Takeshi take their advice to take it easy for the next few weeks. He didn't go to the batting cage or staying behind at school to practice more. He distanced himself from his teammates. Takeshi suddenly find himself with more free time. He don't quite know what to do with it. For the first three days he lounge around his room, tackling homework and help his father downstairs. But it felt like there's something is missing. Takeshi is relaxed but he's not having fun either. Setsuna-nee said that he need to step back and think, so that's what he did.

Okay, baseball has been the most fun thing in his life. It was his mother who got him hooked on baseball. She used to be in the softball team when she's still in school. She would play catch with him. His parents took him to baseball games. They do take him to places like the zoo or beach but baseball is different. It is a huge part of his childhood. Then when his mother passed away, Takeshi continue to play baseball to honor her memory. Whenever he hold a bat or throw a ball, it felt like she is still present. Takeshi cling to baseball even more.

When he was a bit older, Takeshi joined the small baseball league. He played a bit better than his peers and suddenly everyone wanted to become his friends. Takeshi enjoyed the attention at first… But there was still that hollow feeling that his mother left behind… It grow bigger and bigger. He feel… Fake. Like everything else in this world, him included, is fake.

Was that the beginning of everything?

The emptiness worsens as time pass. On bad days, Takeshi feel like giving in and just sink. Then his father's face would appear in his mind every time. If Takeshi leave, he would be all alone. He couldn't do that to him. So he try his best to stay on the surface. Takeshi hold onto everything he could think off to stay afloat. Pops, baseball, milk and sushi (his favourites), his favourite mangas. He hang out with classmates and teammates from the club. And figure skating. Takeshi always make sure to watch Setsuna-nee skates, even though it's past his bedtime. He found that each time he watch her skate, he is able to breathe easier and sleep better.

He have good and bad days. As long as Takeshi still floats, he can take whatever come his way.

Then after he entered middle school, the pressure doubled. Everyone expect him to carry the baseball team to the podium, to win another trophy. Takeshi wanted to yell at him. Why should he be the one doing the heavy lifting. They are a team, everyone should pick up their own slacks. But he swallowed those words and laugh instead. Deep down… He's afraid that he'll sink even lower if he lose these people. He had gotten to the point of having to rely on fake people. He put on a mask so he can still be allowed to be with them. Sometimes Takeshi wonder if there is still something in him that is real.

(On the worst days, Takeshi would remember the feel of Setsuna-nee's hands holding him steady as they skate through the rink. It's a different feel from his mother but he cling to it anyways.)

Talking to Setsuna-nee really helps. She gave him the push he needed to tell Pops... everything . His father didn't say a word until he finished… And then he hugged him. At that point, Takeshi couldn't hold back his tears. He hugged him back and just let it out. After he calmed down, Takeshi found that he feel so much lighter. He can't remember when was the last time he feel this good.

He had been meaning to thank Setsuna-nee when she sent word to him to come to Coach Maeda's home. It was most odd. Takeshi met her coach a couple times before but they never exchange a word beyond greetings. It get even more bizarre when he met his new classmate Gokudera Hayato and senior Sasagawa Ryohei. There's the girl Kudou Nagi, Takeshi saw her on television a few times, usually when the media cover Setsuna-nee and Namimori FS Club. What surprised him even more is Hibari Kyouya. Nagi he could understand but why are the boys here?

He got his answer soon enough.

Once everyone gathered, Setsuna-nee told them everything. It was very hard to wrap your head around it. The mafia? Setsuna-nee is related to the mafia? He knows that there's no way his big sister figure would be as cruel as the mafia on television. It does at least explained about her father's absence. Takeshi has always wondered about Sawada Iemitsu but no one seems to ever talk about him. They just don't. And to hear that Iemitsu actually forgot her actual age… That tell Takeshi everything he need to know about that man.

Next, she told them about Dying Will Flames. It's like a revelation. Takeshi always has that unexplainable warm feeling he only sensed whenever he's around Setsuna-nee. He cling to that feeling whenever he feel like sinking. They have a Bond. Something real. Takeshi would shed a tear of relief if he wasn't excited at the time. When Reborn (how strange, a baby as a hitman) explained to them about the Guardian System, everything fell into place.

Guardian. He is meant to be her Guardian.

And the others, even though Takeshi don't know them that well, they are connected to Setsuna-nee as well. They are meant to be comrades in arms. Teammates. These people are real too. They won't be fake around him and he don't have to be fake around them either.

It felt like hope .

...Until Setsuna-nee crushed it to pieces by stating that she won't Fully Harmonize with any of them.

Takeshi felt like being punched in the gut.

She called it tough love. Setsuna-nee is not budging. She shut them all out. She is not giving them any chances to prove themselves. He knows that she is worried for their welfare… But it still hurts.

If only he can show her that he can take care of himself… That he has what it takes to survive the mafia… The current Takeshi only know baseball, but he know someone that can change that.

"Pops?"

Tsuyoshi who is currently cutting a fish looked up from his work. "Takeshi? What is it?"

Takeshi looked at his father squarely in the eyes. "Will you teach me kendo?"

Tsuyoshi put down his knife. "Why the sudden interest, Takeshi?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering. "I need to know how to fight. I need to get stronger. There's someone I need to protect." He can tell his father at least this much right?

"What if that person don't want your protection?"

Takeshi faltered. "I…"

"This is about Setsuna-chan, isn't it?" Tsuyoshi asked him.

Takeshi's eyes widened. "Pops?"

"She called earlier. She come clean about everything." Takeshi's eyes is now the size of platters. "Yeah, that includes the Vongola and Dying Will Flames."

"You're not… Mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad? No one can stop a Sky from Courting the other elements and vice versa. Even I wanted to, I couldn't stop you two from meeting up. You two are just kids."

"Stop us from-" It clicked in his mind. "You knew this whole time?!"

"Takeshi, when one walk down the path of a warrior, they will eventually find out about Dying Will Flames," Tsuyoshi told him patiently. "I'm a Rain like you."

Takeshi's head is spinning. His father knew about Dying Will Flames? He knew about Setsuna-nee Courting him? "When are you going to tell me all these?"

"When you're older. High school perhaps. I will pass down my sword skills to you, along with the knowledge of Flames. I will tell you everything then."

Takeshi stared at Tsuyoshi for a moment before swallowed. "Can you teach me now?"

Tsuyoshi fold his arms. "No, I won't. You're still too young. You're not in the best state to learn anything right now. You're too desperate. I know you will try to Harmonize with Setsuna-chan as soon as your Flame is Unlocked. Don't. When one element don't want to Harmonize, the other must back off. I've seen what happened when someone forced a Bond to happen. I don't want that to happen to you two." He move away from behind the counter and stood in front of his son. "Takeshi, I know that you love Setsuna-chan, but you have to respect her decisions. You need to..." He swallowed. "You need to heal first. The mafia will only get worse from here. Setsuna-chan and I don't want you to go down this path before you are truly ready."

The baseball player is quiet for a moment. "Do you think we will ever Harmonize?"

"I don't know, son. I truly don't know." Tsuyoshi placed his hand on Takeshi's shoulder. "But I do know that she cherish you greatly. And you her. It might not be Full Harmonisation but the bond between you two is just as strong. You two will always have that. Why can't that be enough for you?"

"I…," Takeshi bit his lips. "I'm scared, Pops. What if I get worse? What if help come too late? Harmonization will help me. I can be there for Setsuna-nee."

Tsuyoshi pull his son close. "It won't come to that, Takeshi. I'm here too. I'm glad you told me. Setsuna-chan will always be there for you as well. There will be more people in the future that will care for you, Takeshi. To see the true you. It doesn't take Harmonisation to make someone care. It will get better. I promise."

Takeshi stood there for a moment before returning his hug.


Today's training is a disaster.

Nagi screwed up all her jumps. She either over-rotate or under-rotate with her spins. She miscalculate her distance and got dangerously close to the barrier. She wasn't able to evoke the feeling of a ghostly maiden. Coach Maeda's frown turn deeper and deeper. If that is not a sign that she messed up, she don't know what is.

She fell down for the sixth time.

"Nagi," Coach Maeda call out to her. "Take a break."

Nagi feel her cheeks heat up. Setsuna-senpai is standing near Coach Maeda. She must have seen her fall. She had to. Her senpai is looking at her with worry. Nagi looked away.

She retreated to the vending machines. Warm chocolate milk will calm her nerves. It always does. Nagi put the money and punch the button. She cradle the bottle in her hands, warmth seeping in. Next, she went to the emergency staircase. It's like a spot for skaters to retreat to when they are stressed. Or to yell at the void. Sometimes even Coach Maeda comes here.

(No one is sure what the heck is he doing down here. Rumour has it he feed the spirit who lives on this site so it won't bother the skaters. Or to subdue it through a fight. It says something about Coach Maeda when everyone agree that he would win even against an otherworldly force.)

Nagi hugged her legs. Yesterdays was… Was…

Disappointing? Heartbreaking? Crazy?

Yesterday she and the others get so much info dump it made her head spin… And her heart crushed.

Setsuna-senpai is the reason she's here in Namimori.

Nagi had long learned that she is not her parents' first priority. Her mother is too busy with being an actress and high society. Her biological father never bother to meet up with her after he and her mother divorced. Not that they ever been close before that. Like Mother, Nagi's biological father focus more on his occupation as producer. Her stepfather too is more absorbed with his work rather than to try to get to know her. Growing up, Nagi had been raised by babysitters. Neither of her parents are ever home to share a meal with her or to help her with homework. Mother has her own living space. Nagi never even step a foot there.

Still, even though her mother never try to be a part of her life, she still demand for Nagi to follow her footsteps. She signed her up for classes such as acting, vocal training, piano, dancing, English and put her on a strict diet. When she's a little older, Mother start to sign her up for auditions. Nagi never win a role, which led her to earn the disdain of her mother. Nothing Nagi do ever satisfy her. Her mother often bemoaned why her daughter is nothing like her. At least Nagi is not ugly. Imagine the humiliation if she had birthed an ugly daughter.

Eventually, Nagi picked figure skating as her main focus. There is no need for speaking or performing with other people in figure skating. The ice rink is always cold. Her mother don't like the cold. Nagi was kind of wishy-washy about it at the start. She don't dislike the sport but she can't bring herself to like it either. Her rink mates are too competitive and sometimes so ruthless it reminded Nagi of her mother. Nagi couldn't bring herself to open up to them. She's used of being alone anyway. Kids at school keep their distance from her because she is either too weird or too haughty in their opinion.

So Nagi just drift along, keeping to herself and stay out of trouble.

Until the Grand Prix Finale 2005.

Nagi's figure skating club is chosen to be the sweeper girls for this big event. Nagi never attended an event of this scale so even she was excited. And seeing Setsuna-senpai's heartfelt performance was- Wow. Just wow. There are no words that can describe it. Seeing her perform made Nagi want to skate. To see how far she can go. To be more.

Any fans of Setsuna-senpai know that 2005-2006 season had been an emotional rollercoaster for her. There were rumours of her retiring, Coach Maeda's illness, pressure to go to the Olympics. Setsuna-senpai broke down crying as soon as she finished her FS. No one can fault her for that. It was such an emotional piece. It brought tears to her eyes. She still has goosebumps every time she watch the video. Nagi remember it like it was just yesterday she brought flowers and stuffed animals to Setsuna-senpai.

"Ano…," Nagi looked at the older figure skater, unsure if she should say more or just hand over the gifts.

Sawada Setsuna turn to face her. Her eyes red from crying so much. She will need to put on concealer after this. Still she find it in her to smile and accept the gifts. "Thank you."

It's genuine. Nagi can tell that much. She grew up watching her mother act after all.

The judges are not done with the scores. The cameras are not pointed at Setsuna. Nagi decided it's now or never. "Ano!" She started. Setsuna looked at her once more. "Your skating today! I will never forget it. Do you think I can ever be as good as you?"

Nagi is count it as a blessing that Setsuna is willing to humour her. "I don't know if I am that good…," She looks at her. Nagi remember being nervous, but not as nervous she thought she would be when others look at her? Setsuna looked at her as if she is a person, not just an extension of her mother. Her gaze is soft and warm, reassuring even. How did she do that? How can she still find it in her to care for a perfect stranger even though she is so exhausted mentally and physically? "But as long as you know who you are and stay true to yourself, it will show in your skating. Do you know who you are?"

Who is she? Nagi don't know how to answer that. She never really thought about it. "Nagi," She answered after a few moment passed. "I am Nagi."

She will never forget the way Setsuna smiled at her.

"Nagi," She whispered. "I hope I will be able to skate with you someday, Nagi. My name is Setsuna."

Setsuna-senpai is the first person who accept her as she is. The one who taught her that it's okay for her to be Nagi. Even when Nagi herself don't quite understand herself. Setsuna-senpai wanted to see her again. She already acknowledged her that much.

After that Nagi become… More assertive. She worked harder to improve her skating. She told her mother that she want to train with Setsuna-senpai. Her mother let her go easily. Coach Maeda's reputation as coach is cemented when Setsuna-senpai won gold in the Olympics. Her daughter will have the spotlight. Nagi moved all the way from Tokyo to Namimori. She entered the difficult Midori Middle. She joined Namimori FS Club. She become Setsuna-senpai's rink mate. Coach Maeda has zero tolerance for bullying and the like, so the club is much more friendlier than her old one. Nagi find herself spending time with her peers. A year ago that would be unthinkable.

Nagi tensed when she hear the door opened. The footsteps is too heavy to be the kids or Setsuna-senpai. That leaves…

"Nagi"

"Coach…"

The old man sit down next to her. Neither spoke for a little while. Nagi is a mess today. Everyone who's been at the ice rink today would know that.

"Coach," Nagi break the silence. "How long have you known…?"

"Since Reborn."

"I see…," The baby is not here today. Nagi is not sure how a baby could be a hitman but that is the least of her concern right now. "What do you think of all these?"

"The mafia are garbage," Coach Maeda said in the blandest tone possible. "Their entire system is trash. Children used as sacrificial pawns, adults who shouldn't ever be parents, blood money, corruption… I would never let you or Setsuna or the others get dragged into that kind of world."

Nagi looked at Coach Maeda. He really care. He care more for her than her biological parents ever did. Coach Maeda try to keep his distance from his students, to maintain a professional relationship but everyone knows that deep underneath he is aggressively paternal.

(There's a running joke in Namimori FS Club that at some point every member of will call him Tou-san or Jii-san at least once. Nagi has yet to reach that point yet.)

"...I was happy… When Reborn-san said I have a Bond with Setsuna-senpai," Nagi looked down on her chocolate milk. "I chased her all the way from Tokyo. I became her rink mate… I get to see her everyday. I get to spend time with her. I still want more. I want to skate on the same stage as she is. I want to be her to acknowledge me as her rival. I want to be on equal standing with Setsuna-senpai." That is what she thought when Nagi arrived at Namimori. But then… "It's not enough. I want to become more than that. I want Setsuna-senpai off the ice too. I want to be… Someone precious to her."

"You already are to her," Coach Maeda said.

Nagi shakes her head. "No, Coach. It's different. I… When they explained about the Guardians… I was happy. I can become someone Setsuna-senpai need. We can become something more. We can become closer…"

"She said no to keep you all from harm," Coach Maeda told her. "Do you understand the reasoning behind her decision?"

"I do, Coach," Nagi answered. "But it still hurts." She buried her face in her arms.

Coach Maeda pat her back. "There is no way to get around it. There are no shortcuts. You have to get through it."

"Will the pain ever go away?" She whispered.

"It depends," He said. "Sometimes it fade away. Sometimes it stays. The most important thing is to acknowledge that it happens. It will become part of you."

Nagi don't know how people survive heartbreaks. It's really painful and make you hard to breathe. But Nagi is familiar with pain. Maybe she will learn how to live with this one.


...Calling…

Click

"Ryohei!"

Ryohei smiled when his big sister's face appeared on screen. "Onee-chan! Good morning! You look EXTREMELY good!"

Kyouko giggled. "Good morning to you too!"

It's evening in Japan now, which means it's morning in New York. Kyouko is sitting in the kitchen, holding a mug of coffee. It's a ritual between the two siblings. Every day, without fail, they would chat with each other via Skype. It shakes the sleepiness out of Kyouko too. Sometimes they would do a video chat like this. Sometimes their parents would join them.

They tell their siblings about their day. Kyouko told Ryohei about rehearsals, her coworkers, fitting, exploring New York. Ryohei told his elder sister about club activities, boxing, the people that caught his eyes, more boxing and what's happening in Namimori.

"...and yesterday I went to Coach Maeda's- AH!" Ryohei stopped mid sentence. So close! He almost tell his big sister about yesterday. It supposed to be a secret! It will be bad if Kyouko-nee find out.

"You went to Coach Maeda's home?"

"Nevermind! So after I got home I watched the boxing match between-"

"No, I want to hear it. The last time you went to Coach Maeda's house, you challenged the entire family. Did something happened?"

Ryohei start to sweat. "Nothing happened, Nee-chan! You just worry too much! So this guy has a really mean right hook-"

"Are you sure nothing happened?"

He shakes his head, putting on a smile to reassure his sister. "No, Nee-chan. Everything's all right back home."

Kyouko frowned. Why is she frowning?

"Even though Setsuna-chan is living with a hitman who is sent by Vongola?"

Ryohei blinked. "How did you know?!"

"Setsuna-chan told Hana-chan and I," answered Kyouko. "About Iemitsu, the mafia and Dying Will Flames. She told me that she has been unknowingly Court you all these years. She also told me how excited you are to Unlock your Flame."

The boxer swallowed. His sister knows! What should he do?!

"Ryohei, are you ever going to tell me?"

Ryohei didn't say anything. That is her answer.

"You always do this. You keep lying to me, to our parents, to everyone. Just so you can keep fighting. You think it's because you don't want us to worry but you're wrong. You're just selfish. You never stop to think how your behavior will impact the others. You don't care."

She give him a look of disappointment. He can't take it! "No, Nee-chan! I care! I just don't want you to get hurt!"

"You hurt me, Ryohei." Kyouko said scathingly. "You hurt me when you lie. Have you ever thought about that?"

Ryohei opened his mouth but no words come out. It's… True. He never think about that. He only ever thought about keeping his sister in the dark so she won't worry. She is always worried. Ryohei don't want to make her worry all the time. He did it for her own good!

"Ryohei, when Setsuna-chan told you about the mafia, your first thought was fighting, isn't it? You didn't think about her, or me… You only think about yourself. What you want."

Her little brother loves boxing. He didn't care when his knuckles bleed or blue bruises appear on his body. The joy on his face when he won a bout is the same with Kyouko after she finished a performance. She didn't care when her feet bleed or her muscles scream after fouette. But she knows how to pace herself, to learn gradually. Her brother don't have such inhibitions. He always charge straight on.

Ryohei has always been energetic. It's not his fault he can't help it. Kyouko often wonder if she did enough. Their parents simply don't have the patience to deal with her brother. They gave up to reprimand him to mind his volume. They go along with his whims if it meant peace in the house. They would apologize to the school or another kid's parents whenever Ryohei cause trouble, but they long stopped to scold their son. Anything they said would fell on deaf ears anyways.

But not her, not Kyoko. She always made sure to remind her brother when about to go too far. Even if Ryohei shrug off what he said, she keep doing it. Because if no one keep him in check, her brother will got himself hurt. The incident when his skull is cracked is more than enough basis for her fear.

Ryohei need an outlet to channel all that energy of his. At first he just followed his sister's example and take up ballet. He have a real talent for it. Ryohei was so eager to catch up to her level. He would nag at his instructor to stay behind to train him. They stayed behind the entire time, otherwise Ryohei will hurt himself attempting a stunt that his body simply could not take. Often time it was Masumi-sensei who keep an eye on him. She is one of the few people who have the patience to deal with Ryohei. Her little brother tried to mimic her best friends as well. One day, they signed Ryohei up to a ballroom dance lesson for kids. He ended up making his partner cry for being too forceful. The girl couldn't keep up with him and Ryohei keep yelling at her. Hana-chan, who have the least patience for Ryohei but tried anyway because he is her brother, had turned to Kyouko and told her 'no.' Ballroom dancing is not for Ryohei. Kyouko is inclined to agree.

Figure skating is hardly any better. Ryohei grasped the basics fairly quickly. It ended up with her, Setsuna-chan, Hana-chan, Coach Maeda and several staffs chasing after her brother on ice because Ryohei was so damn fast. His repeated attempted for triple and quad jumps ended up with Ryohei falling or crashing to the barrier.

(He had the potential to become a speed skater but it is not Coach Maeda's area of expertise. That and the old man don't have Masumi-sensei's patience.)

Boxing is a curse and a blessing… Kyouko is happy for her little brother to find something he loves doing but the reason he took it up in the first place always cause a pang in her chest. She has been worried when she left for Europe. She know that Setsuna-chan and Hana-chan will keep an eye on Ryohei… But they have their own thing going on. Masumi-sensei is busy with her ballet studio. Her parents always told her that Ryohei is doing fine but Kyouko don't believe them. They love their children, Kyouko knows that, but they had pretty much give up. It's not the same case with Sawada Nana but things would be completely different if they put more effort in disciplining their son.

"Nee-chan! I need to get stronger!" Ryohei told her desperately. Couldn't she see? If he get stronger, he will able to protect everyone better. "There are more EXTREME fighters out there! I need to catch up to their level! If I Unlock my Flame, I can be as EXTREME!"

"It's the mafia, Ryohei. The hitman tutor is trying to recruit you to the mafia. Setsuna-chan wouldn't allow it. I know she wouldn't… But you'll say yes. I know you'll say yes. And then you will lie to me about it. Ryohei, I have let many things slide. Your lies included. If you keep doing this... I don't know if I will ever be able to trust you again."

"Nee-chan, I-"

"I love you, Ryohei. You will always be my baby brother. That will never change. But a line to be drawn." Kyouko take a deep breath before delivering the next line. "You need to learn to consider everyone else… Otherwise you are no different from Sawada Iemitsu."

Yes, she did go there. Kyouko is surprised herself. But as she said just now, a line has to be drawn. The look of hurt on her brother's face breaks her heart… But no… She will not budge. Ryohei need to learn that his actions has consequences.

"Nee-chan…," He looked at the screen in disbelief. Did she really just compared him to such an un-EXTREME man like Iemitsu? The man who pretty much has abandoned his family? How could she? Ryohei is an EXTREME man. He had to hide the truth so his loved ones wouldn't worry. He can take care of himself. He need to get stronger so he can take care of others. A few white lies here and there wouldn't hurt anyone…

Except his lies did hurt someone. It hurt his nee-chan.

Ryohei's eyes widened. He never wanted to hurt his sister, or Setsuna-nee and Hana-nee, or his family and friends and loved ones. But he has been un-EXTREME this whole time. This un-EXTREME-ness is the reason why Setsuna-nee wouldn't take him as her Guardian. Because like Kyouko-neechan, she noticed his un-EXTREME-ness. All he can feel right now is remorse and disgust. Remorse for being so blind to everyone else's feelings. Disgust at himself for being so un-EXTREME.

He is a horrible, horrible little brother.


Gokudera wanted to scream.

His Boss, his saviour, said that she won't Harmonize with him. Won't make him her Guardian. Setsuna-hime didn't even give himself a chance to explain. He was sent to Japan in the first place to be her subordinate. Yes, the circumstances was messy but it was meant to be. He is supposed to be her right hand man, her Guardian, her family.

He didn't have the time to convince her. The asshole Hibari suddenly bursted into the room, threatening to bite everyone to death. The fuck does that mean?! Coach Maeda kicked them out afterward. On Turf Top's case, literally. Gokudera and Turf Top did not go quietly. The old man did not hit Gokudera again, but he did kicked Turf Top. It would be satisfying to watch if only the situation was different.

Gokudera cried himself to sleep last night. He didn't go to school today. Instead he slink away like a wounded animal, retreating to the mountains. He need to be away from people. Away from Setsuna-hime. He need to- He need to make some explosions. He need to take out his anger at something. He need to be alone.

It has been his dearest wish, to be taken in by someone. To be part of a Famiglia. A real family. His biological family was too damn dysfunctional. If he stayed, it will be only a matter of time before he died from food poisoning. Father only see him as an extension of Lavinia (why else would he raise a bastard as his true son?). To his father's wife, he is the physical reminder of her husband's infidelity. Gokudera could not fault her for being distant. Having a mistress' child paraded around in front of you is like a slap on the face. The only person who come as close to genuinely love him is Bianchi… And Gokudera couldn't bear to look at her without pain shot through his body.

He had pledged himself to Setsuna-hime. She took him in. Harmonisation would complete everything. It is every non Sky's dream to Harmonize with a Sky. It's so rare that most Elements didn't Harmonize until they are fully adult. Gokudera is still a teenager and he is so lucky to find a Sky like Setsuna-hime. He couldn't bear the thought of Harmonising with anyone else but Setsuna-hime.

Setsuna-hime, who saved his life when he tried to take hers. Setsuna-hime, the first person to hug him in years. Setsuna-hime, who fully accepted him despite his shortcomings.

All he wanted is for Setsuna-hime to let him stay by her side.

He doesn't need anything else. Everything will work out on its own. For her sake, Gokudera will eat his sister's cooking.

The bomber throw yet another dynamite to the air. He is deep in the mountain. There is no need to worry about civilians, except for hikers. The sky has gotten dark but Gokudera honestly don't care. He has no part time work tonight. He have his dynamites to defend himself from wild animals.

Gokudera is mad. At Setsuna-hime. He never thought such thing is possible. It is. The fact that he is mad at her make him hate himself even more. Setsuna-hime is his savior. He shouldn't have these thoughts in the first place, but he can't help himself. He need to make these feelings disappear. He must. He cannot return to Setsuna-hime's side while he harbour such ugly thoughts. Gokudera need to get it out of his system.

If it means he will be short of dynamites till next month, then so be it.

"Double Bomb!"

Gokudera watched as explosions filled the area. He put a cigarette in his lips. Fuck, he need to smoke badly. Where is his lighter? It was then he noticed a presence close by.

Gokudera whip out more dynamites. "Who's there?!"

He waited until the dust and smoke clears up. A tall, dark shadow is looming at the distance. He can hear them getting closer. It sounds like… Clopping?

"Ara! Gokudera-san! I never thought I'll find you here, of all places."

Green eyes widened.

"Nagako-san?!"

Maeda Nagako is riding a grey horse. She is wearing a hakama and her hair is tied to a neat bun like yesterday. But the more pressing question is, what the fuck is she doing out here? Gokudera get the impression that she is a high class lady. Nagako is the last person he expect to run into here. Does Coach Maeda knows?

"I often go out here for a little bit of exercise," Nagako told him, as if reading his mind. "I stayed out longer that I planned to. I was about to go back when I noticed the explosion. So I decided to check it out."

"I-I see…," Gokudera can't help but wonder what sort of people are Coach Maeda's family. And is that a quiver on her back?

"So what are you doing here so late, Gokudera-san?"

"Uh…," He look down on his feet. He can tell her, right? She is Coach Maeda's wife. Setsuna-hime must have trust her too. "I need to be alone," He told her truthfully. "I need to blow stuff up."

To his relief, she simply nodded. No judgement or anything. "Do you feel better?"

"...No."

"I see. In any case, it's getting late. You'll catch a cold if you stay out too long. You can come down with me and Shiro," She pat the horse on the neck.

Gokudera blinked. "It's very nice of you to offer… Are you sure?"

"Yes," Nagako give him a motherly smile.

Well, he couldn't say no, could he? Beats walking. A few awkward minutes later, Gokudera is seated right behind Nagako, holding onto her shoulders. They didn't say a word as they descend down the mountain. The silence may not bother Nagako but it sure did bother him.

"I can tell you're curious about something, Gokudera-san. Ask away."

Well, since she brought it up, she's probably okay with it. "Does Maeda-san know you're here?"

"Of course he does. He is my husband, is he not?"

"R-right…"

This is awkward.

Should he talk to her some more? Or will that bother her instead? Nagako seems to be more approachable than her husband. What sort of topic should he bring up?

"My husband and Setsuna-chan talked about you, you know," Nagako said.

Gokudera perked up. "They did?"

"Oh yes. My husband talked about how rude you were to him on your first meeting," He blushed from embarrassment. "Setsuna-chan talked about you and the kids to him as well. She cares so much about you. And my husband told me all about it," Nagako chuckled. "She told us the story when you almost start a fire in the kitchen when she came over to teach you how to cook. You like to do it step by step as if it's a science experiment. That when you're thinking you would tie your hair and put on glasses. You subscribed to the magazine 'The Wonders & Mysteries of the World.' You also play the piano."

The silver haired youth can't help but smile. Setsuna-hime has been talking about him! Granted it's Coach Maeda but that man is pretty much her father.

"My husband would never say it out loud but the fact that he told me these at all means that he care for you as well, Gokudera-san."

Gokudera blinked. "Uh," He said eloquently.

"My husband is what you kids these days call a 'tsundere'. I don't know what does a tsundere constitutes but my husband is a giant softie inside." Nagako chuckled. "He could make you disappear. Won't be the first time either. Yet he didn't. He let you stay in this town."

Make him disappear? Not the first time? Shit! So Coach Maeda know how to hide a body?!

Nagako is totally unaware of his panic. "Granted, he didn't do it out of altruistic sense. Setsuna-chan wanted to take care of you and he doesn't want her to get into trouble because of her attention for you... Or your attention for her, to be exact. But he still let her interact with you."

"That's because he loves her," Gokudera said. "He is, after all, her 'Tou-san'."

"Yes… Setsuna-chan regard my husband as her father… It make sense that she would take after him… And I guess you remind my husband of Setsuna."

"...Huh?"

"Gokudera-san, the way you argue with Setsuna-chan yesterday was exactly how Setsuna-chan argue with my husband. Heck, it's basically a role reversal! They used to clash in the past. You are exactly her age when it first happened. The look on your faces were exactly the same to Setsuna-chan's when my husband prohibit her from doing things like quads." The old woman shakes her head. "Understand, Gokudera-san. When Setsuna was your age, she is going through several things. The stress pushed her to acted out. She got reckless. Setsuna-chan got herself in trouble multiple times. It's part of growing up, of course, but doesn't mean it's any less dangerous. That girl have long learned her lesson. Now it's her turn to look out for the others, those who are younger than her. She doesn't want to Harmonize with you to keep you out of trouble. She want all of you to have a peaceful life."

"I'm already a mafioso," Gokudera said. "The Bovino brat too. Our definition of peace is different from civilian's. Setsuna-hime's mindset is more of a civilian."

"That may be the case," Nagako acknowledged. "But it doesn't change the fact that Setsuna-chan wish for you to have the peace you've been denied of. Every child need a peaceful environment so they can grow up. My husband understand that. That's why he let you to stay in Namimori. That's why Setsuna-chan chose not to Harmonize. Because we wish for you kids to have a chance. You deserve a chance, Gokudera-san. To be whatever you want. To go wherever you want. The possibility is limitless. Setsuna-chan don't want you to lose those. The mafia tend not to leave much room for choices."

"It doesn't have to be Vongola. I don't care if Setsuna-hime become boss or not. Hell, I'll even fight Vongola for her sake," Gokudera said. "I made a promise to follow her anywhere."

"Gokudera-san, have it ever occurred to you that it also mean you can go anywhere? That you don't have to stay a mafioso?"

"Setsuna-hime said something similar in the past but I never… I never really consider it."

"This is what Setsuna-hime wants you to have," Nagako said. "A chance to be more than a mafioso. Not becoming a mafioso is a choice. You don't need Setsuna-chan to dictate who or what you are. If you keep subjecting yourself to her, you will deny yourself a chance. Setsuna-chan is giving you space. You're just too young and hotheaded to see it."

Space? Space for what? Gokudera don't need space. All he need is Setsuna-hime and time to prove himself. Gokudera is fine of not being a mafioso.

...Is he?

Not becoming a mafioso… It is an option. He never see himself as something other than a mafioso, having grown up in the mafia community.

Then… If he is not a mafioso, not Smoking Bomb, neither a right hand man or a Guardian… What is he then?

Is it okay to want to be something other than a mafioso?

Ring ring ring ring ring ring

Click

"Hey. I hope it's not a bad time."

"...,"

"How are the others?"

"...,"

"That's good… I'm glad everyone is doing well… ….Listen… I need your advice. It's something personal."

"...?"

"I got into a disagreement with several people. My juniors. I told them I won't let them do… This thing. It's dangerous. I told them it was for their own good."

"...,"

"That was yesterday. I haven't heard from any of them today… Okay, I did avoid one of them. I wanted to give them space. So temper would be cooled the next time we meet, you know?"

"...,"

"No, no. It wasn't that bad. Coach Maeda did kicked them out but that's because a fight almost broke out."

"...?!"

"Hibari-kun started it."

"...,"

"Yup."

"...,"

"Yes, they are nice kids."

"...,"

"Really? You really think it'll work out that easily."

"...,"

"...I don't know."

"...?"

"Actually, yeah. That does make me feel better."

"...,"

"Thank you. Seriously, thank you."

"...,"

"Mm. I know."

"...,"

"Goodnight."

Click


Does Coach Maeda know how to hide a dead body? Who knows… He is half Hibari so let's not put it past him.

Ryohei is inherently selfish. God knows how many lies had he told Kyouko so she would back off his case. (I also wonder how much Canon!Kyouko believe his lies.) He keep pestering people to join the boxing club or fight him. He used his loudness to shut other people. He forgot details easily because he don't care enough for it. You know who is inherently selfish? Iemitsu. His constant lying and the absurdity of those lies are disturbingly similar to Ryohei's.

Gokudera and Nagi has similar issues. Their sense of identity is dependent to other people. They both latched onto Setsuna. In Gokudera's case his mindset is still very much mafia. He can't bear the thought of not being with his Sky/Boss. He still doesn't know that it is possible for him to be NOT a mafioso. In Nagi's case it's because Setsuna encouraged her to be Nagi, even though at that point 'Nagi' is a little more than a blank slate. I hope you catch my meaning.

I didn't include Hibari's reaction because out of everyone, he really really don't want to be tied down. He acknowledged Canon!Tsuna but didn't go out his way to connect with him either. Canon!Tsuna, for his part, let him do as he pleases, knowing that trying to force Hibari to listen will only earn his ire. Also, Hibari is very sure with himself. He doesn't budge if he don't want to be budged. Setsuna is important to Namimori so she is under his protection. She will also bring in new/strong opponents for him to beat up, although indirectly. It's a win-win situation between them. Out of the teenagers, Hibari has the most reservation of getting Full Harmonisation, because it limit his freedom (from his point of view). The fact that Setsuna won't try to Harmonize with him reassures him.

I have something planned for Lambo. Look forward to it!

Writing Takeshi's segment is very hard for me. It hit too close to home. Takeshi has depression. Remember how their other classmates just shrug it off and thought Takeshi was just joking when he threatened to jump? Tsuna was the only one to show real concern for him, that's why he hang out with him regularly after that. He regard Tsuna as his real friend. He hold onto Tsuna (and others to a lesser degree) as his lifeline. I don't know if Takeshi ever really recover in the manga or if he EVER talk about it to someone else. So I have him come clean to Tsuyoshi in this story.

To my readers, if you have depression or any other mental issues, please talk about it to someone you absolutely trust. It doesn't have to be parents. I know how hard it is when your parents don't believe you have mental illness. Call the hotline if your country have one. I believe you. I love you. I'm here for you. DM me if you want to talk about. I probably won't be able to reply ASAP but I WILL REPLY BACK.

This fan fiction is also posted in AO3

Thank you for reading

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