Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, to all of you wonderful reviewers, favorite-ers, and followers.
I would like to express my gratitude to my wonderful betas kismet4891 and katnissinme. Thank you so much for all of your help and guidance!
In Name Only
Chapter 7
Thanksgiving came and went and in early December Peeta insisted that they get a Christmas tree, although Katniss thought that it was far too early. By the time it was all decorated, the tree was the most beautiful Katniss had ever seen. She'd never had anything like it before. Peeta and Prim must have spent two hours picking out the "perfect" tree. He bought strands of colored electric lights and brand new glass bulbs to put on it. Katniss and Mrs. Seeder strung up cranberries and popcorn. Katniss didn't know who was a more blissful child, Prim or Peeta. It amused Katniss to see Peeta and Prim's joyful faces as she watched him lift up Prim to place the star on top, even though he was more than tall enough to do it on his own. Mrs. Seeder commented on how she'd not seen Peeta so happy since his father passed away, and that it was all Katniss's doing.
Katniss and Peeta now had an understanding, and the name Kitty never passed his lips. They spent more time together and after much debate, Peeta finally gave her tasks to do at the bakery. Katniss was happy to finally have something to fill her idle hours. She washed windows, scrubbed the counters, and did other housecleaning chores. When she efficiently finished the work, Peeta showed her how to do inventory. They didn't get a lot of alone time at the bakery, but they enjoyed being in close proximity to one another. Sometimes in quiet moments they would share chaste kisses, most initiated by Katniss;, she could tell that Peeta was holding back. She couldn't blame him –she knew he had been hurt in the past and still thought that she would ultimately leave. Katniss wanted so badly to prove him wrong, but she didn't know how exactly to do that.
Katniss had never been the type of girl to swoon with silly infatuations, or to waste her time obsessing over what boys thought of her, the way many of her classmates had. When she did love someone like Prim or her parents, she did it faithfully and completely. But she'd never known romantic love. She admired him, respected him, she wanted to be by his side whenever possible, and the thought of spending her nights wrapped up in his arms was very appealing. She missed having him in bed with her, even though they'd only shared a bed for two nights. There were many nights that she wanted nothing more than to sneak down the stairs and crawl into his bed, but she decided it was best to respect his wishes.
One evening, in the dining room, Peeta and Katniss were cleaning up after dinner and Prim was at the table working on her homework. Katniss was collecting dishes, Peeta was bringingin a damp wash cloth to wipe down the table, and they passed each other in the doorway.
Prim looked up, grinned and said in a sing-song voice, "You're under the mistletoe, you two have to kiss!"
A few days previous, Finnick had brought the sprig of dried greenery and took the liberty of hanging it in the doorway when he and Annie had come over for Sunday dinner. He smiled coyly and said the he was spreading holiday cheer.
Katniss looked at Peeta to see what he would do, as he was usually reluctant to be overly affectionate in front of Prim. On this particular night, though, she was pleasantly surprised when, for the first time in front of another person, Peeta wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close and kissed her wanted nothing more than to embrace him, but her hands will full of dirty dishes. When he was done kissing her she was breathless; they both just smiled and blushed. Peeta offered to take the dishes and Katniss started to wipe down the table. Prim just giggled when she met her sister's eye.
"What is so funny little duck?" Katniss asked.
"You look like Mama," Prim managed to say through her fit of giggles.
"I don't look like Mama at all, I look like Papa. You're the one who looks like Mama." Katniss shook her head at her sister's silliness.
"No, I mean when you look at Peeta," Prim explained like it was a well-known fact. "You look at him like Mama used to look at Papa, you're so happy when you're with him."
Katniss had never seen anybody as much in love as her parents had been, so for Prim to say that she looked like her mother when she was with Peeta was something big. The realization didn't scare her like she thought it would, it made her inexplicably happy.
The next day at the bakery Katniss was busy rearranging the display case when a customer walked through the back door.
"Katniss Everdeen," a low voice lilted her name. It was a man's voice, and he was obviously trying to sound seductive. "My how you've grown up."
Startled, Katniss turned to see who was speaking, finding it was none other than Gale Hawthorne. Growing up his family's farm had been next to hers. He was a couple of years older than she, and even used to be her playmate until they reached the age when it became difficult for boys and girls to be playmates. Gale was smart and athletically gifted, and had earned a college scholarship to a school several hours away. He'd been out of town for a few years and was as handsome as ever, even Katniss couldn't deny that.
"Oh, hello Gale, how are you?" Katniss was able to spit out after the initial shock of seeing him for the first time in three years. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a college sweater and khaki pants, nothing like the farm boy she remembered from her childhood.
"Good. I'm home for Christmas. I thought I'd surprise my parents with a pie when I got home," Gale replied, and Katniss couldn't help but notice that his eyes wandered up and down her body, clearly appraising her, and it made her uncomfortable. It was only then she realized that she was in one of her old dresses with her hair tied up in a handkerchief.
"Oh, that's nice of you. What would you like?" Katniss said, and went to the display case to see what they had in stock.
"Do you have any apple pie? That's my mom's favorite," Gale told her, then he leaned against the counter so his face was level with hers. "I must say, Katniss, if I would have known how pretty you'd grow up to be, I'd have been back to visit years ago and come every chance I got."
"The trip would have been wasted, Gale," Katniss rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"I see that you're still as charming as ever," he quipped sarcastically. "So, you're working for Mellark?"
She found herself grinning as she answered while searching for an apple pie, "I'd like to think that I work with Peeta, not for him."
"Oh, really?" Gale questioned, it had only then occurred to Katniss that Gale had not heard about her marriage. "It looks like you're working to me."
"No, I'm just helping my husband," Katniss matter-of-factly responded and then looked at Gale, whose jaw had dropped slightly. She couldn't understand why it made her feel so proud to tell Gale that she was Mrs. Mellark. "Oh, you haven't heard? Peeta and I got married last month."
It's not that she wanted to flaunt her marriage in anyone's face. It was just that in her small town everyone seemed to know within hours of her nuptials. Katniss hadn't gotten an opportunity to actually tell anybody that she was Peeta's bride. Pride swelled within her – she couldn't help but beam with excitement.
Gale congratulated her, obviously shocked, paid for the pie and left. Katniss walked back into the kitchen, almost bumping into Peeta who was standing on the other side of the wore an almost unreadable expression on his face – a mixture of sadness and adoration. She sensed that he'd witnessed the whole exchange.
"You know you deserve to be with a boy like that, don't you?" he lightly joked, but Katniss could hear the sadness in his voice. Katniss wrapped her arms around Peeta's waist and sighed. She hated when Peeta was in one of his self-loathing knew that in his head he was thinking of her as 'Kitty', trying to keep her at arms' length. She didn't want to let him do that, she wanted to remind him she was now a woman.
"I don't know about what I deserve," Katniss whispered and stood on her tip toes, bringing her face closer to his. "But I know what I want, and that is a man with a good heart and flour on his shirt, not a pompous boy in a college sweater." Then she pressed her lips to his. This kiss was like no other they'd shared, their mouths opened to each other's. Katniss felt a brush of his tongue, and responded by opening her mouth wider to invite him in deeper, tangling one of her hands in his hair. He took the cue and his tongue searched for hers and she obliged him, their tongues moving with fervor. After a few moments Peeta backed her into the wall, one hand anchoring them in place while the other was on the small of her back as he pressed his weight against her. One of his knees was pressed between hers, her legs inching apart of their own will, and her body knew what it wanted even if her mind didn't. She felt a tingling below her naval that spread lower and lower. The back door swung open and Thom came in from making deliveries. The tangled pair quickly parted and tried to play innocent, which was impossible with Peeta's ruffled hair, Katniss's puffy lips, and the blush on both of their faces as they avoided Thom's gaze.
Katniss stumbled to the storefront to distance herself from the embarrassment of being caught in a compromising position. There were other thoughts and feelings swirling through her mind too, not to mention the damp feeling she now had in her was not just affecting her emotionally, but physically. She was slowly coming to the realization that she did, in fact, love him, without question. She knew that Peeta would take some convincing though.
They did not speak much for the remainder of the day, for when they got home Mrs. Seeder gave them the message that Annie had given birth to a son, and that Finnick had invited them to come see the new baby. Mrs. Seeder being the wonderful, insightful woman that she was, had already prepared a meal of ham, potatoes, and green beans for Peeta and Katniss to take over to the Odair house.
They entered Finnick and Annie's home to see a very proud Finnick cradling a tiny bundle in his arms. Immediately he rose and insisted that Katniss take the already nicknamed 'Lil' Finnie'. Katniss had never been one to gush over small babies – she much preferred toddlers – but she could not resist the already chubby-cheeked angel with fuzzy red hair. Prim was of course excited to see the newborn and eagerly presented the Odairs with the gifts that she, Katniss, and Peeta had picked out for the newborn.
Annie had rejected the modern trend of going to the hospital to give birth and instead had her grandmother, who was an experienced midwife, help her deliver at home. The elderly lady insisted that everyone call her Grandma Mags. She would critique Finnick on how to hold the baby, and insisted that he learn how to how to change a diaper. With a not so subtle wink, Grandma Mags even offered up her servicesfor Katniss when she needed them, leaving her speechless. She watched Peeta envelope the tiny newborn in his large hands and was surprised athow natural he was with the baby. After all, he was a bachelor and never would have had much contact with babies. Then it struck her, Peeta was just a sweet and nurturing person, one of the many things she had come to love about him. If anybody deserved to have a family, it is Peeta, Katniss thought. She flushed softly as she realized she wanted to be the one to give him that.
When they got home that night it was already time for Prim to go to bed. She drowsily wished them good night and went to bed carrying Buttercup with her. Katniss and Peeta sat on the couch listening to the radio, propping his injured leg on a foot stool. Peeta was off in his own world, idly playing with his cane; his leg was bothering him due to the cold weather that had recently settled in. Katniss wanted to speak to him and break the awkward tension that had lingered between them since their passionate kiss hours before.
"Lil' Finnie is the most adorable newborn I've ever seen," Katniss announced, hoping to draw Peeta back to her.
Peeta jolted a little, turned his attention to her and smiled slightly, "Of course, it helps when his parents are the most attractive couple in town."
"Yes, it does." Katniss agreed and moved closer to him. He raised his arm to make room for her. She settled by his side, slid off her shoes and tucked her legs under her. Bing Crosby crooned from the radio and Katniss hummed along, snuggling a little closer to Peeta.
Peeta broke the silence. "I never thought I'd see the day where Finnick Odair would be changing diapers and swaddling a baby."
"Oh, why is that?" Katniss wondered.
Peeta chuckled softly. "That Annie is really something special. The Finnick I knew as a boy never wanted to get married or have a family. He was wild, there wasn't a barkeep or a loose woman in a twenty mile radius who didn't know him by name…Sorry, maybe I shouldn't be telling you this."
"Peeta, I've heard that both you and Finnick have pasts. You won't be devastating my sensibilities by telling me the truth about the past. I thought we agreed about that," Katniss gently reminded him. "I don't need to know the details, but I would like to have an idea."
"I know, it's just that you're so innocent," Peeta said respectfully. "I hate to be the one to ruin that."
"Peeta," she sighed, and placed her hand on his knee. "I appreciate that you want to protect me, but I'm not as naïve as you imagine me to be. I've been having thoughts and feelings about you that I'm sure people like Mrs. Cartwright would condemn me for. I want you to be the one to teach me about what it is that men and women do together. I liked what we did earlier today. I was hoping that we could do it again sometime." Peeta looked at her wide-eyed. Under his scrutinizing gaze Katniss' boldness subsided a bit and she blushed.
"Do you really want to know?" Peeta asked, a little taken aback. "About my past, I mean?"
"Peeta, I know that you have been with other women before," Katniss confessed. "I don't need a detailed account, but I would like to what has made you who you are. You don't have to tell me everything."
Peeta thought about it for a moment, "What do you want to know?"
"How old were you the first time you were with a woman?"
"A few weeks short of my twentieth birthday. I had just gotten rid of the crutches and Finnick invited me to visit him at college. He and his buddies took me to a well-known brothel to play cards. All of the girls fawned all over me when Finnick told them that I was an innocentand a decorated war vet, who had recently been rejected by my sweetheart, and some other things that I'm too embarrassed to talk about. Let's just say I was a popular man that night, and a tall, blonde, lovely woman by the name of Cashmere offered her services for free. I had a couple of drinks and couldn't say no….I'm not proud of it. I want you to know that I've never paid for affection."
Katniss ruminated on this for a few seconds. "So were they all like that, I mean women you just met and…went to bed with?"
"No, sometimes, well most of the time, they were girlfriends – I guess you could call them," he reluctantly admitted. "It was the roaring twenties, and there were girls who were uninhibited. They went to bars and drank and swore. I always looked for girls who lived out-of-town and only wanted to have fun, that way no one knew what I was doing or expected anything from me."
"Did you never find anyone with whom you wanted to settle down?" she pondered.
"After Clove I didn't even want to think about marriage, and the type of girls I spent time with were not wife material. Plus, I was taking care of my dad. He had a series of small strokes about five years before he died, and I didn't want to drag someone else into that."
"So what changed, Peeta?"
"My father died. He was my best friend, and I felt truly alone for the first time…and then I fell for you," Peeta whispered so softly that she could barely hear it. "You made me feel like I could be whole again. I haven't touched another woman since I knew how I felt for you, it just felt wrong."
"Oh, Peeta," she sighed and kissed his lips. "I only want to make you happy."
"You already have, just by being here, it's already more than I had ever dreamed would happen," he said, and nuzzled his face in her hair.
"Can I come to bed with you tonight?" Katniss requested.
He thought about it for a moment, then he replied almost sadly. "I'm not ready yet, Katniss. Just like the first day we were married, you said that it was hard to go from knowing me as Mr. Mellark to Peeta all in one day. It's difficult for me to go from thinking of you as Katniss to Mrs. Mellark in such a short time. We should do like we said and keep pretending that we're not married and only courting, just for a while longer."
"Alright, Peeta, if that's what you want, we'll do it," Katniss acquiesced, trying to hide her disappointment.
Peeta sighed and his fingers found her braid. "I only want to do right by you. I want us both to be absolutely sure first," he said, trying to convince her or himself Katniss wasn't sure. His expression lightened and he playfully tugged on her braid. "Come on, let's get you to bed – your bed."
Peeta stood and extended his hand to help her up. Katniss wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his. It was not a frantic kiss like they had shared at the bakery, but a slow and smoldering one. When they pulled back, Peeta stared at her in surprise. She grinned shyly and whispered in reply, "People courting kiss, or so I'm told. Sometimes more, from what I've heard."
"I've heard that, too," Peeta smiled and shook his head. "It's late and the bakery opens early and I have to take a shower before I go to bed. Goodnight, Katniss."
Katniss wasn't sure if Peeta was waiting for a stronger sign form her or if he still doubted himself. So she went to the book shelf and pulled out Jane Eyre and hastily wrote Peeta a note and placed it in the last chapter of the book. She waited to hear the shower turn on and she snuck down to Peeta's room and placed the novel on his pillow. The note read:
I think that you need to reread this book. Personally, I think that as long as you don't have a crazy wife locked up in the attic, we'll be alright. –Katniss
I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. If you are interested I am writing a series of flashbacks, In Name Only Peeta's POV. As of right now the plan is to post them on tumblr (izzysamson), as I write them and then I will publish them as a one shot later on. Tags- INO Peeta's POV, In Name Only
