AN: Sorry for the delay, will try to update more frequently. But thanks for sticking it out and hanging in there. Thanks for the constructive reviews. I hear that people feel it's going slowly, and as a reader it's torture. But for the way I envision the story going, it's just how it's got to be! Sorry! For the negative reviews, that have absolutelynothing constructiveabout them, please don'tleave them. They don'tmake me feel good, and they definitely don'tmotivate me to write more. Constructivecriticism is always welcome, but just hating for the sake of hating is not. Don't like it, don't read it. Anyway, enjoy!
Callie laid securely wrapped in her mothers arms, her head resting in the crook of Stef's neck. Stef's hands were both wrapped around her daughters' back, softly running soothing shapes over her sweatshirt. Callie's eyes were closed, but Stef knew she wasn't actually asleep; her daughter's anxiety kept her awake over the most mundane things, like worrying about a test, or being anxious someone might be mad or upset with her. Stef knew her daughters mind was spinning, and that it would continue to spin for a very long time.
She glanced down at her daughters closed eyes and laid a kiss on her forehead. She then looked over at Mike, who's eyes were brimming with tears, while he was lovingly gripping one of his daughters hands in between his two. Stef felt heartbroken for Mike, for their daughter, for their family. Whispering, Stef got Mike's attention, "Mike, it'll be ok. Well get her through this, and we'll get through it together".
Before Mike could respond there was a knock on the door, Dr. Roth had returned with Captain Roberts. Smiling softly to the two figures in the door, Stef glanced down to her daughter, nuzzling her head close to her daughters ear. Softly rubbing her hair she whispered, "Callie, love. Dr. Roth's back with Captain Roberts."
Callie's eyes opened and directed their way to the two women standing in the door. She began to try to shift herself into a sitting position for her position laying on her mother's chest, but the wincing and expression of pain that took over her face caused Dr. Roth to step forward and reassure Callie immediately, "You don't have to move Callie. You look comfortable there - it's obviously the best seat in the house." Dr. Roth sat on a stool on the opposite side of the bed next to Stef, while Captain Roberts sat in the unoccupied chair next to Mike.
It was Captain Roberts who spoke first, "Callie I just want to say how sorry I am this has happened. And I know you're in good hands with your Mom and Dad here, but whatever you need and whatever I can do to help, I will. We'll do everything we can to find whoever's responsible."
"Thanks", Callie whispered out with Stef and Mike both immediately echoing her sentiments. Dr. Roth rolled her chair closer to the bed, "so Callie" she started, "we want to get you taken care of and out of here as soon as possible, because no one wants to be hanging out in a hospital. So I want to talk about the stuff that we have to get done and Captain Roberts can add to it. And then we want to talk to you about ways we can help you make this as easy as possible."
"From my end," Captain Roberts spoke up, "we need to get your statement so that we can open an official investigation." Callie tightened her grip on both her parents, their fingertips turning white. Sensing her daughters' distress Stef whispered, "Shhh. It's ok love."
Mike squeezed his daughters fingers back while speaking to Captain Roberts, "Callie still doesn't have a clear memory of what happened Captain."
Dr. Roth quickly interrupted to reassure not only Callie, but her parents as well. Even though Stef and Mike were cops and dealt with this all the time, as parents they were concerned. "That's totally normal Callie, I don't want you to worry about that. Your body is prioritizing healing physically first and when it's ready, you'll start remembering what happened. But the most important thing is getting you taken care of physically first, the rest will come". Dr. Roth's voice was calming and reassuring, to everyone in the room.
"And Callie, your statement doesn't have to be final either. I know your Mom and Dad can explain this all to you too. But we just need something to open the case, and as you remember more, we'll add to your statement. Don't worry about what you don't remember. Dr. Roth is right, the most important thing right now is getting you healed."
"One of the things that we have to do tonight Callie is a rape kit" Dr. Roth explained.
"That'll also help us with evidence" Captain Roberts continued.
It was Stef who spoke up next, "Can you explain what a rape kit means and what an exam will be like? I think the more Callie knows, the more we all know, about what's going to happen, the more at ease we'll be." Dr. Roth smiled sadly at the girl who was buried into her mothers' side, fighting so hard to stay in the present. "Of course. So with a rape kit we take photos of any visible bruising, scratching or any physical abnormalities. We take DNA samples from anywhere there might be DNA evidence from your attacker. We'll use a blacklight to help us look for evidence on your skin, and when we're in private I'll ask you a few questions that might help us know what we're looking for too. When we're documenting your injuries, I'll be able to examine your injuries as well and then we'll know what other tests we might need, like x-rays. The other part of the rape kit is gathering internal evidence and photos. This is going to unfortunately, be the worst part. In order to do that, we'll have to do a vaginal exam. That'll also help us evaluate the internal trauma and then we will know what we're looking at and how to help you and to treat it. We'll know after the rape kit what kind of injuries we're looking at and how to treat them, but you will be treated automatically with a mix of medications to prevent pregnancy, STDs, and all of that stuff. So I want to get started on the rape kit and exam first, and then after that when we're waiting for tests and whatever else we need, you can give your statement. Hopefully you'll be out of here and home in your own bed in a couple of hours. That all sound alright?" Dr. Roth asked in a calm and reassuring voice.
"Yeah, thanks" Callie managed to whisper out even giving off a hint of a smile at the thought of going home. "Alright then. I'm going to give you a couple of minutes with your parents and you can decide if you want anyone to stay, or you want to be alone, and you can change, ok? I'm going to leave these gowns here. You can put one on in each direction and throw some of these socks on too. I'll be back in a few minutes with a nurse."
"I'll be outside if there's anything I can do for anyone" Captain Roberts said before leaving the room with Dr. Roth.
The three Foster's in the room watched the two women leave and the door close before all looking at each other and the two parents smiling sadly at their daughter. "Bug I'm here for whatever you need, ok? I'll do anything you want. But I'm going to assume for the exam you just want Mom."
"Yeah", Callie whispered while a tear dropped down her cheek.
"Why are you crying sweetheart?" Stef asked while wiping her daughters tears with the pad of her thumbs.
"I'm just scared" Callie whispered while her voice cracked with fear.
Stef had no words to offer her daughter to make the horror any better. She instead rubbed her shoulders conveying all her strength and support and kissed her tear stained cheeks. Mike stood from his chair and gave his daughter a hug, kissing her forehead, "I'll be right outside if you anything, you too Stef."
"Hey Mike, do you think you could give Lena a call and just let her know what's going on?" Stef asked.
"Of course. But I don't want to wake her". Callie and Stef chuckled at the same time before Stef responded, "trust me, she's not asleep. Frankie's probably up crying anyway. That child did not inherit my sleeping preferences I tell you!".
Laughing, Mike responded, "Alright then. I'll call her now. I'll see you both in a bit".
They both watched him leave before Stef slowly started to untangle herself from her daughter and get off the bed. "Alright love, let's get you changed, hmm? Can you swing your legs off the bed? That'll be easier I think. Here, I've got you". Stef slowly started moving Callie's body so she sat on the edge of the bed with her legs dangling off the side.
Stef started untying her daughters shoes when Callie spoke up, "Mom?".
"Hm?" Stef answered without looking up.
"You don't have to stay".
Stef immediately stilled her motions and gazed up towards her daughter. Callie was nervously fidgeting with her hands and her eyes were lost, staring at her feet. Stef knew this was going to be a circular conversation, but she also knew they had to have it, and that they might have it multiple times. This is what Callie did; guilt. And Stef could read it all too well. Callie would start to feel guilty about what happened, that it was her fault, she'd feel guilty for everyone who was helping her and becoming involved, she would try to isolate herself, and handle it entirely on her own. Stef knew that's why Callie tried to hide what happened and sneak in the house. She wanted to forget about it as to not inconvenience anyone. So for the night ahead and the weeks to come, Stef knew this was a conversation they were all going to have with her frequently, to remind her this was in fact not her fault, and that there was in fact, no place else Stef would rather be then taking care of her baby.
"Do you want to be alone for the exam?" Stef gently asked even though she knew that was the last thing Callie wanted.
"No, it's not that. It's just.." Callie stopped talking as she choked on her tears and felt herself getting worked up again.
"It's just what my love?" Stef whispered.
Stef waited and was being patient, but after a few moments of sniffles, she spoke up from her position crouched on the floor in front of her child.
"Callie, my love, it's just me here. You can talk to me, you know that, honey. You need to say whatever you're thinking and feeling and get it all out. None of this bottling it up, that's not going to do anyone any good tonight. You can tell me whatever it is you're thinking and whatever it is you're feeling."
"I just feel bad" Callie got our through sniffles.
"Feel bad about what?" Stef asked without missing a beat.
"Everything" Callie cried out as she was beginning to get worked up again.
Stef stood from her crouched position on the ground and sat next to her daughter on the hospital bed. Wrapping one arm around her shoulders, she used her free hand to raise her daughters chin towards her, and wipe her tears.
"Ok. Everything like physically? Or everything like there's a lot going on in your head and you're having a hard time sorting it out?"
"Both I guess. I mean, everything really hurts. But I don't think that's what's bothering me the most. There's so much I'm thinking about. And it's like I can't pause my thoughts long enough to think about one thing before something else comes up." Callie tried to say as calmly as possible.
"Mhmm. That's what I thought. And lucky for you, I'm an expert in this field. I am an expert at sorting out the thoughts in Callie Foster's head. Forget about Mama's PhD.. pshhhh. I've got a PhD in Callie Foster and her amazing heart, and her tremendous talent, and in helping her talk the voices down in her head".
Callie let out a breath. Her mom just understood her.
"Listen to me sweetheart. No one is here because they don't want to be. Everyone is here because they want to help you. Your dad, Captain Roberts, the Doctor. Everyone. Especially me. And Mama wishes more then anything she could be here too, but we have that little wild beast at home, that we rather not come home and have her be totally brainwashed by Marianna and Jesus. I mean I'm sure Jude would try to save her, but Marianna's nail polish would be too enticing for Frankie to say no to. I mean she's almost 3 and it's shiny, so you can't really blame her."
"That's why" Callie muttered
"That's why what?" Stef asked, dropping the humor, sensing Callie was leading onto something significant.
"That's why I didn't come home right away." Callie whispered looking into her mothers eyes, which Stef could see was a struggle as her eyes were entirely unfocused.
"Because of Frankie?" Stef asked, moving her hand to the back of her daughters head, gently stroking it, feeling sticky blood clumping on the back.
Callie swallowed deeply, and squinted her eyes tight together before slightly nodding. She was feeling dizzy and nauseous and was having a hard time processing everything.
"I don't understand love. Try to explain it to me ok? Take me along with you"
"I was watching TV with Frankie before you took her for a bath. And the new commercial came out for the new Little Pony. And it was a shiny silver. And Frankie was just so mesmerized by it, she just walked right up to the TV and stuck her hands onto it, like she was glued by it. And then when you asked me to take the pan to Dad's when you came to get her for a bath. I just thought it would take a couple extra minutes and it wouldn't be a big deal. So when I left Dad's I just went to the toy store cause it's just a couple of blocks from there. I just thought I could surprise her in the morning with it before I went to practice. I didn't think anything bad would happen. I'm sorry mom - I'm so sorry!" Callie finally cried out.
"Callie… Oh, my… Shhhh. Stop, honey. You do not apologize, you hear me? You don't apologize for being a good sister. Not just a good sister, the most thoughtful, generous, kind hearted sister. You don't apologize for that. Ever. And I have it on good authority from four other kids that you happen to be the very best sister in the entire world. You don't ever apologize for being a good person. Ever! Nothing bad should have ever happened to you my love. I'm so sorry it did. I'm so very sorry."
Stef sat with Callie for another minute rocking her slowly, kissing her forehead longingly. She finally separated herself and got her daughter undressed. For her part, Callie was exhausted, and allowed her mother to take control and just get her changed. She was no longer feeling guilty at the moment, and felt better having told her mom the pieces she was remembering from the evening. She knew she couldn't get through the exam without her, and was grateful her mom saw right through her and didn't even consider leaving.
Looking at Callie's body as she changed her, wasn't any easier the second time around and Stef couldn't wait until they could get all the blood off of her and get her home and healing. She got Callie laying back on the bed and she sat next to her, allowing Callie to curl into her while they waited for Dr. Roth to come back. She grabbed her cell and sent Mike a quick text 'She's remembering. Or at least speaking. She left your place and went to toy store near you. Check surveillance'.
Stef put her phone down and pulled Callie as close to her chest as possible. "I love you so much Callie. So so much. You're going to be ok. I promise. We're going to get through this. You deserve only good things in this world, only good things my love." Stef took a breath and just tried to be in the moment, understanding what they were about to undergo was going to be the worst hours of her life.
Six year olds Jesus and Mariana had just recently joined the Adams Foster household, and all things considered it had been a pretty smooth transition. Mariana was shy, but definitely coming out of her shell, Jesus was thriving in an environment where he could play and run around and not be scolded for being rambunctious. Callie was adjusting well to sharing the spotlight with the two new members of the family. It was nice for her to have someone to play with besides her Moms, and she was still the sole recipient of her Dads attention.
Stef and Lena had just gotten the twins to bed when they plopped down on their bed, exhausted. Bedtime was no easy task with Mariana and Jesus, especially compared to Callie, who made it really easy. Jesus had all this pent up energy that kept him talking a mile a minute at bedtime. They finally figured out that some warm milk helped settle him down, and that the motion of a rocking chair lulled him to sleep. So they took to wrapping him in a 'Jesus burrito' with his new Superman blanket that he was inseparable from - partly because he loved superman, and partly because it was the first thing of his own that he got to pick out since he could remember. Every night they would wrap him up and hold him tight in their arms as he drank his milk. One of the Moms would sit there and patiently rock him back and forth for as long as it took for him to enter a deep sleep, gently stroking his hair, and softly running their fingertips over his forehead.
While one mom was busy rocking Jesus to sleep, the other was with Mariana, the easier of the two to get down. She was still apprehensive of being away from Jesus, and wasn't loving having her own room, though she would quickly grow to love it. The other Mom would get her in her bed, in her newly painted purple room, reading her stories, as she listened intently, sucking her thumb, with her new blanket tightly clenched in her fingers. Afraid of the dark, they'd always flip her nightlight on, and lay in bed with her, rubbing her back, until she fell asleep.
Stef and Lena were talking on their bed while the shower in their bathroom ran with their nearly 8 year old daughter in it. Since the twins had come to live with them, Callie had taken to liking to shower in there. The Moms just figured it gave her some extra time near them, and they didn't mind at all. While they were waiting for Callie to get out of the shower they slowly chatted away. "Jesus is getting much better at bed time. He just melts my heart, his little hands were wrapped around my neck tonight. I just love them both so much Lena" Stef whispered to her lover, who was propped up on her elbow mirroring Stef. "Me too. They belong here. But I think we need to give Callie more time to adjust, before we spring the permanence of adoption on her". Just then they heard the shower stop and halted their conversation and turned to look at their daughter dripping in her towel in the doorway of the bathroom. Lena sat up from the bed, "I'm going to get your brush and your pjs. Be right back", leaving a kiss on her daughters forehead and heading out of her room towards Callie's bedroom.
Callie walked towards her moms bed, and laid on it, kicking her feet up in the air, and resting her chin on her propped elbows, landing herself close to her mothers that was still propped up on her elbow.
"Mommy" Callie asked.
"Yesssssss" Stef answered in her funny voice making Callie smile and giggle, while flipping onto her stomach to match her daughters pose and make their noses meet.
Stef smiled hearing that giggle that she loved so much. There was nothing better to her then when Callie was happy, it meant she was dealing with her anxiety and the changes that came her way, and she was just being a kid. Some days were harder than others, and she was so grateful for the little moments like these.
"Mommy can you take me somewhere tomorrow?"
"And where would that be?" Stef asked, still in her funny voice.
"Stop being silly Mom. This is serious".
"What's serious?" Lena asked coming back in the room sitting Callie up, pulling her towards her chest, so she could brush out her hair.
"Mama I need to go somewhere tomorrow. It's important" Callie said, tilting her chin up to meet Lena's gaze.
"OK. I'm being serious now. Where do you need to go Bug?" Stef asked, also sitting up, matching Callie's cross legged position.
"The toy store.."
Before Callie could finish her sentence Stef interrupted, "Callie… we talked about this, we said no more toys for a while. We don't want to overwhelm Jesus and Mariana, and they don't have as much stuff as you do, and they're not used to getting stuff all the time like you are".
"I know Mommy. I listened to you. That's why I need to go. I counted my money in my piggy bank before my shower, and I have enough that I can buy Jesus and Mariana a toy. I know you and Mama got them a lot of stuff, but I want to give them something too. And we were watching TV and there were commercials for new stuff, and I think they both really liked the stuff but I think they're too shy to say anything or ask you for it."
"You want to spend the money you've been saving for a new tennis racket on toys for Jesus and Mariana?" Lena asked, putting down the hairbrush and lifting Callie into her lap.
"Yeah. So can you take me tomorrow? I want it to be a secret? What do you think, can we?"
Stef smiled to Lena, and felt tears glossing over her eyes before reaching her hands out and resting them on her daughters knees. "You wanna know what I think? I think, that you Callie Foster, are such an awesome, loving, kind girl. And Mama and I are so lucky to have you as our daughter. And that Mariana and Jesus are the two luckiest six year olds on the planet, cause they get to have you as a big sister. So yes, I can definitely take you to the toy store and you can pick out what you want for them. But Mama and I will pay and you can give it to them. You've been saving your money really hard for the new tennis racket, and we want you to keep that money for you. Deal?"
"Deal!" Callie smiled while high living Stef, and jumping out of Lena's lap and landing herself on her Mom. Pushing them both back onto the pillows, Stef and Callie both laughed, while Stef moved her legs to put her feet on Callie's stomach, holding her small hands within her own and lifting her into the air "Lena, I've got a Callie plane coming in, are we clear for landing?".
"Oh yeah, Mommy, we're definitely clear, bring the plane in" Lena smiled.
Stef slowly lowered her legs as Lena swooped in to grab her, and get her dressed. Looking over Callie's head as she pulled her shirt on, and handed Callie her nighttime meds, the Moms had a silent conversation with each other, before Lena piped up. "Hey bug, do you want to sleep with me and Mommy tonight?"
"I can?!" Callie jumped up and excitedly on the bed before dropping her legs down and plopping on the bed as if she were on a trampoline. Callie was always excited to stay with her moms. Not that they didn't love to have Callie snuggle with them, but they tried their best to have Callie be as independent as possible. When she was having anxiety attacks, she obviously never left their sides, but through her periods of calm, they tried to snuggle her and leave her in her own bed at night.
"Yes, monkey you can stay. Mama and I are so proud of you and how loving and welcoming you have been to the twins. And we know you've had to share our attention, and you've been so great about it. And we want you to know that they're being here doesn't change our love for you at all, and we love you so very much" Stef said, lifting Callie and getting her settled under the blankets with Stef and Lena joining her, sandwiching her in and cuddling her.
"I know. I don't mind sharing. Cause Marianna and Jesus are lucky to have you as their Mommy and Mama. I love being with you, it's my favorite place to be"
"We love you too monkey. There's nowhere Mama and I rather be then here with you bug". Linking their hands over their daughters back, they watched as her breath evened out and her eyes fluttered shut.
"I think we're the two luckiest moms on the planet" Stef whispered out.
"I think you're right" Lena smiled back, leaning over their sleeping daughter to kiss her wife goodnight, "maybe she should sleep with us more often, she falls asleep before we even got to reading her books. It's much easier then negotiating how many we're going to read".
"My daughter the negotiator" Stef chuckled, "goodnight my love. Oh and it's so your turn to wake up with Jesus at the crack of dawn" Stef added quickly, immediately pretending to be asleep and snore, so Lean couldn't argue and convince Stef, that she was the more athletic and energetic one, and was more equipped to playing with him at 5AM. Lena just smiled, getting kicked in the ribs by an 8 year old all night, and waking up at 5 to entertain an overly energetic 6 year old, didn't sound like paradise to most, but it was her paradise, and she wouldn't trade any of it.
