Before I begin, can I please say that I'm mostly a Team Edward fan, so there might be some bias against Jacob and his fans. I just want to clear that up so that there won't be any angry Jacob fans sending me to the fiery pits of flames. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so therefore I don't own the characters in my stories. I only own the twisted plot, TDIB, and the screaming fan girls. I also hate disclaimers, as they are a waste of time and space.

TDIB: -mutters to herself while checking on bruised knee- What have I done to deserve this?! -Suddenly looks up at the audience- Well, hello again! I've decided to take a break from all the vampires, and to interview someone…else. So, whether you like him or hate him with a passion, please give him your support – Egotistical Jacob the Jerk!!

-The Team Edward fans are booing at EJJ while the Team Jacob girls were drooling at the shirtless guest-

TDIB: Hey Jacob! How are you today?

EJJ: I feel awesome, because I am the great, sexy Jacob Black, and girls just adore me!

Team Edward Girls: -Booing- Get off the stage, mutt boy!

Team Jacob Girls: -Swooning- Marry me Jacob. Marry me!!

TDIB: Um, right…So why did you come without a shirt? Do you need to phase into a werewolf soon?

EJJ: That's part of the reason, but mainly because I'm…too sexy for my shirt. -Starts singing his own version of 'I'm too sexy' while dancing on the coffee table-

TDIB: … -Cough- -Cough-

TEG: -Covers eyes and ears- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm mentally scarred for life!!

TJG: -Panting and drooling on the glass wall- I love you Jacob!! I love you!!

TDIB: -Looking disturbed- Jacob, can you please leave the singing and dancing for the shower at home?

EJJ: But my singing and dancing talents should be viewed by other people besides the pack and my father!

TEG: -Shudder-

TJG: Amen!

TDIB: Yeah, moving on…despite the fact that Edward came back and told her that he loves her, why can't you accept that Bella chose him over you?

TEG: In other words, why can't you leave Bella and Edward ALONE?!

TJG: -Hiss-

TDIB: Now girls, settle down. (To EJJ) Well, why?

EJJ: -Shouting- WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHY!! IT'S BECAUSE HE IS A -beep-ING BLOODSUCKER THAT COULD NOT KISS HER PROPERLY WITHOUT KILLING HER! -Suddenly settles down onto the sofa- I, on the other can love her, care for her, and provide, erm, certain services for her, all while she is human!!

TEG: …How DARE you insult the great name of Edward Anthony Mason Cullen?!

TJG: -Cheers- Yay!! Go Jacob!!

TEG: -Yelling at TJG- Go Jacob?! He is a hypocritical jerk who hates Edward, and we hate anyone who hates Edward!

TJG: Edward, Schmedward! He is a stupid leech who left Bella at the beginning of New Moon! Jacob promised to be with her forever!!

TEG: Yeah, well Jacob might imprint on someone else!

TJG: Yeah, well Edward might accidentally kill her!

TEG: EDWARD!

TJG: JACOB!

-The girls from opposing teams started fighting each other while yelling out reasons why Edward/Jacob is better/worse-

EJJ: -Grinning- Please girls, you don't have to fight over me! There's enough love for everyone here!

TDIB: -Mutters to herself- Maybe interviewing Jacob isn't the best idea…

Well, there you have it! Thanks again to those who reviewed and were patient with this.

Next up: Mike a.k.a Golden Retriever Boy!