DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING (BESIDES O.C.)
-14 months later-
Spencer Reid didn't like get attached to people. He was a too sentimental person and everything affected him a very intense way. But after so many years, Derek Morgan was part of his life. No matter how far his friend was living.
He sat on the bonnet of his beige car and folded his cold hands around his mouth, blowing into his palms. New York winter was really cold in that November. Slight snowflakes fell on his corduroy jacket, like small pieces of cotton.
"Garcia, I'm freezing out here," Spencer said, pulling out his gloves from a pocket, "Can you get out of the car, please?"
She didn't answer. Her eyes remained fixed upon that child. The little boy was making small snowballs to create a mini-snowman. Penelope couldn't stop looking at him. She just couldn't stop looking at his beautiful brown eyes, his black curly hair, his precious grin. Her heart knew that Matt could have been like that child, if he hadn't died.
A small smile played on her face. Matt would always live inside her. No matter how many children she could have someday or the passage of time. He would always be her baby.
"Garcia, you hear me?" Spencer asked, lightly tapping the window glass "There is a strict schedule for visits, and if we don't hurry us-"
"I've heard it" she said squinting her eyes, "I'm not deaf"
Spencer smiled crookedly and stared curiously at Penelope. She was in the middle of the sidewalk, without saying a word. He knew what his friend was thinking about. He thought about it, too. "Are you wondering why you're here?"
She blinked several times, trying to drown her tears. In a weak voice, Penelope answered "Yes"
"Well, I think the answer is quite clear"
'Clearly you're still in love with Derek Morgan' he wanted to say. But Spencer knew that this was not the time nor the place. She was nervous, concerned, at the edge of a nervous breakdown. Despite the pain, despite time and distance, she kept worrying about him as the first day.
When he learned that Derek had been hurt while working on a case, Spencer knew his duty it was be next to one of his best friends. He was like a big brother to him, that would never change. For her, Derek was more than a man. He was her best friend, her love and the father of her son. And that would never change.
"You care about Morgan" Spencer said gently as they began to walk toward the hospital "And he'll be happy to see you"
"I don't think so," she replied with a hint of sadness, recalling the bitter taste of their goodbye. Penelope provoked him sexually and then she felt a sudden dignity attack. Her hand was placed into his boxers brazenly, but then she wanted uber sweet lovemaking. Yeah, very subtle. She still remembered his sad eyes, his broken voice calling for a second chance for them. She told him 'stay away from my life' and he fulfilled her wish.
Then came regret nights and lonely days. Her heart was shouting over and over again 'stupid! how could you be so stupid!'. No, he wouldn't be happy to see her face. Derek Morgan was many things, but it was not a masochist.
"This has been a mistake," she said abruptly, before the watchful eyes of Spencer "I shouldn't be here, my place is in Virginia. I have my life, Morgan has his life. This isn't fair to either of us and you know it"
Spencer looked dumbfounded the verbiage of Penelope. He was truly amazed by her ease of finding excuses. "Garcia, calm yourself"
She shook her head, refusing to look at his eyes. "I gotta go"
"If you want to go, it's your thing"
"Ok"
"But I don't think you want to be away from Morgan right now"
Penelope crossed her arms and tossed her head back. Why does everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't she move on with her life? How could someone be so essential in her life?. She smiled wistfully, "I don't want to suffer more about him, Reid. Don't want to keep feeling this pain inside me"
He gulped, thinking for a moment about her situation. Spencer understood her pain more than anyone else. "Look, I can't say what you should do with yourself. You're a bright woman. But if you still feel something for him, the least you can do is be true to your own feelings"
She snorted wryly, drying her meager tears with the palm of her hand "Not so easy"
"Love is not easy," he answered with certainty, placing a hand on her shoulder "Love is like a Russian roulette. If you want to live, you have to risk. Course it hurts, I know it hurts like hell but .. . love is what we're talking about here "
Penelope smiled at him, raising her left hand to stroke his cheek "Don't fall in love, Reid. You'll end up suffering"
"Don't live. You'll end up dying"
-NEVERMIND-
Penelope came slowly to the hospital room. She didn't even know if he was out of danger. Spencer had told her that the bullet hit his chest, he owed his life to those blessed bulletproof vests. However, when he turned his back to the murderer, Marc Beenway shot him from the ambulance stretcher. That fucking sick shot his neck, and then a trail of blood was formed around his unconscious body.
She watched his wounds from the doorway. It was clear that Morgan had been fighting against that guy, prior to being injured.
A knot formed in her throat, seeing their ring around his neck. He still remembered their friendship, despite all. She might be not the most important woman in his life, but his heart was with her.
Penelope raised a trembling hand and rubbed his brow, trying to erase his scowl. "Hey, cutie" she whispered with a smile, staring at his closed eyes, "When will you stop risking your life? You scared the hell out of me"
Then the door opened, but Penelope didn't hear the sound of her heels. "Who are you?"
She turned around confused, and Then she saw her. Penelope gulped, trying to calm her nerves. "I'm Pe-"
"I don't care who you are" the other woman shouted, fixing his snake eyes on her face. She looked at Penelope with arrogance, almost contemptuously. "You have no right to be here. He is MY husband"
Penelope felt her heart had stopped beating for a second, then it was pumping madly against her chest. She had never felt so stupid like at that moment. Derek's wife was gorgeous, but she was an evil viper.
"I think you're confusing" she managed to stammer "I'm just a friend of his"
"Derek has no girlfriends" Tania replied flatly, crossing her arms under her fake big breasts "Only little bitches for fucking when I'm out of town"
She wanted to cry. Never in her life, she was so eager to cry. But her pride wouldn't allow her to shed a single tear in front of that witch. Tania shook her thick black hair, placing it on one of her shoulders. "Can you leave? Want to be alone with my man"
"Sure, goodbye" she said quickly, leaving the room.
"Nobody is going to separate us again" Tanya whispered in his ear, knowing that her ex-husband couldn't hear her. If he had been able to hear her words, her fate would have been different. He would come to the defense of that stupid woman. As he always did.
Penelope didn't know whether she said goodbye to the demon, or the love of her life. But at that moment, she cared nothing. Love was like Russian roulette. She had played with the gun too long. In the end, a bullet pierced her heart.
If you play, you play for keeps. Take the gun, and count to three. I'm sweating now, moving slow. No time to think, my turn to go... And you can see my heart beating, You can see it through my chest (Russian Roulette, RIHANNA)
