Inside the Series: Bleach

Welcome to Kurosaki Ichigo: Part II, my friends. Naturally, I don't own Bleach or anything it stands for.


Ichigo is known for many things, such as his dislike of that show with that douchebag Don Kanonji. Seriously, that guy's like Ryan Seacrest or something. I hate his guts. If he was hit by a car tomorrow at 8 in the morning, I would laugh my ass off, even when the paramedics get there. Here's Charles's quick brush with Ichigo at the filming of Kanonji's show.

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"Wow, I can't believe I'm at another taping of this fucking show," said Ichigo.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Ichigo looked at the man with a large mustache and a silly hat. "I'm only here because I'm going to pull a prank on that dumb-ass motherfucker. You want in?"

"I have to get away from my sister first," said Ichigo. "Hold on a sec."

"Ichigo, I've told you not to talk to strangers," said Yuzu. "Come along."

"Oh, look, Yuzu," said Ichigo. "What's Bostov doing over there?" As soon as Yuzu turned to look, Ichigo pulled Kon out of his pocket and threw him as hard as he could down the street.

"That wasn't nice, Ichigo!" Yuzu complained as she chased Kon.

"Damn straight it wasn't nice," Kon muttered from afar.

"What's the plan, man?" Ichigo asked.

"Hold it," said Charles. "I'll tell you when it gets quiet."

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer shouted. "I am Don Kanonji's personal bitch, and I'm welcoming you to the show! He'll be out in a minute because some hobo thought Don's leg was closer than a urinal or a flowerpot!"

"That sucks," said Mizuiro as he and Keigo appeared next to Ichigo. "Who's this guy?"

"I'm a guy who's going to prank Don Kanonji," said Charles. "You guys want in?"

"No," said Keigo. "I love that guy. What're you gonna pull?"

"This is it," said Charles. "I'm going to shoot a pie at him. It'll be a series of pranks that I plan to carefully execute so that something big will happen at the end of the show. And the dumbfuck will think that he's being attacked by ghosts. Is that funny or what?"

"You're not going to hurt him, are you?" asked Keigo. "I'm only curious about this prank because I'm a dumb teenager and I don't know any better."

"That's not a good thing," said Mizuiro. "What's the full plan?"

"Hold it," said Charles. "They're starting."

The show started. Don Kanonji appeared and grabbed the mike.

"Are my babies scared to death tonight?" he asked. "Give me a bohahahaha! if you're scared."

"Bohahahaha!" the audience laughed.

"So, as you can see," said Don Kanonji, "We are here at this barbershop and tanning salon because it's haunted. We know it's haunted because it..."

"SMELLS LIKE MEAN SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!" the audience responded.

"Here's the plan," said Charles. "I'm going to start in the shop with a remote-controlled box."

"What's in the box?" asked Ichigo.

"You'll see," said Charles. "Oh, by the way, orange hair, your first job is to go into the shop. I'll meet you inside after the first two pranks, and I'll direct you from there. Good luck, my friend."

Ichigo ran around to the back of the shop. Charles waited with his remote control. Kanonji went to the door. He opened the door. The jibaku spirit howled, and that's when Charles opened his box. Kanonji ran out of the shop screaming as a swarm of bees flew after him.

"The bees!" Kanonji screamed. The audience flew into panic as the bees flew around. Charles snickered as he moved in to execute the next part of his plan. He snuck over to the cameras and hit a button on one of them.

"It looks like the ghost of the beekeeper who used to live around here is angry," said an announcer. "How are you feeling?"

"I've just been stung by a whole swarm of bees!" Kanonji shouted. "How the fuck do you think I am?"

"You're on camera," said the announcer.

"I don't care," said Kanonji. "I'm here to exorcise a spirit, and that's what I'm gonna do! Somebody get me some ice for after the show. I'm goin' in. Dammit."

"Kanonji was startled by the bees," said the announcer, "But he's back on his feet."

"Shut up," Kanonji said as he entered the shop. He looked around, cane drawn. "I'm gonna find that ghost if it's the last thing I do."

"It will be the last thing you do," said a voice. Kanonji looked around, but saw no ghost. "You can not see me, my friend, but I can see you. And for the record, your show sucks."

"My show does not suck!" Kanonji shouted. "It's the best! Top rated! No show is better!"

"Watch out!" the voice shouted. Kanonji turned in the direction of the voice and got a pie in his face.

"That's funny," said Kanonji. He licked some of the pie off his face. "Cherry. I like cherry pie, but I hate Warrant. Must find the ghost."

"I am the ghost, dummy," said the voice. Charles was hiding in the shadows away from the camera. "Oh, by the way, the FCC will have your ass after your little indecent exposure."

"I'm fully clothed," said Kanonji.

"Not according to the cameras."

at someone's home

"Mommy," said a small child. "Why is the man naked?"

"I don't know," said the mother, "But I do know I'm never watching this again for any reason."

back at the barbershop/tanning salon

"Here's what I want you to do," said Charles. "I want you to open this box when Don Kanonji starts coming up the stairs. It'll be funny as hell."

"What's in the box?" Ichigo asked.

"Bowling balls," Charles said as he went up the stairs. "I've got to get to the next part of my plan."

"Which is?"

"For me to find out and you to know," Charles said as he went into a room.

"I know you're up here, ghost!" Kanonji shouted. He started playing a recording of his Cleansing Lyric. "Show yourself!"

"Here I am!" Charles shouted. He nodded at Ichigo, who released the balls. The cameras caught Kanonji as he fell down the stairs, bowling balls rolling all around him.

"This ghost is getting on my nerves," Kanonji muttered. He got to his feet and exhaled sharply through his nose. "When I find it, I'm going to make sure something bad happens to it right before I send it to the other side." He walked up the stairs.

"Last part of the plan for you," said Charles. "I just need you to pour the grease on this part of the floor and hold this rope."

"What's at the other end of the rope?" Ichigo asked suspiciously.

"You'll see," said Charles. He took his microphone. "Hey, exorcist! Think you can find me in one of the tanning beds?"

"I'll chase you if I have to," Kanonji insisted as he opened a bed. A boxing glove shot out and punched him out. "Okay, that hurt. But I bet you're in this one!" He opened it and got a face full of shaving cream. He stumbled back and fell into a chair. Charles appeared behind him and cut off all his hair with a handsaw. He ran away as Kanonji got up and charged headlong out the door of the room. "Where the hell are you?"

"Right here!" Charles said in a mocking tone. He was wearing a ghost costume and suspended on ropes. Kanonji charged. Charles flew away and pulled a rope. A piano fell and crushed Don Kanonji's legs.

"You!" Kanonji shouted. "I know you! You're that Titan Nerd guy!"

"No, I'm a ghost," said Charles as he pulled a second rope that released a piano that crushed Don Kanonji's head. "The camera folks are coming! Bye-bye."

Charles ran over to Ichigo as the camera people went over to where Kanonji was lying.

"Nice job, Mr. Kurosaki," Charles said. "I'm your buddy Charles Tolle, and this was Inside the Series."

"Then the viewers will see you commit murder," said Ichigo.

"No, they won't," said Charles. He put on sunglasses and pulled out a neuralizer. "The ones MIB makes are so much better than those pieces of crap from the Soul Society." He hit the button. "Ichigo did it. You will never watch Spontaneous Trips or Anime Jeopardy ever again for any reason. You never saw Charles Tolle anywhere on Spontaneous Trips."

Charles ran away, leaving Ichigo standing there dumbfounded as the cameras came into the room.

"He did it, I'm sure of it!" a cameraman shouted.

"I did what?" Ichigo asked. He looked at the roped up pianos and the rope in his hands. "Uh, I don't think this rope is attached to anything."

And that is it, my friends. No, I did not kill Don Kanonji. You saw Ichigo do it yourselves. Tune in next time when we show the studio session with Orihime.


And that is it for now, my friends. See you for the next one!