Not Me
When we landed in the Triskelion, my eyes were closed and my fists gripped onto Loki's collar so hard, my fingers turned white from the pressure. Loki murmured to me that we had arrived and I slowly opened my eyes to get a quick survey of our surroundings. We were in the entrance to the sleeping area. I checked my watch and sighed, unhappy that we had to do more walking now.
"They're in the training room. Let's walk. I don't want to teleport for just a few feet. Come on." Loki didn't say anything, just held me up with an arm around my shoulders for some support because I couldn't walk on teleportation-induced jelly-legs.
We headed towards the training room, but stopped halfway when we saw everyone milling around and talking nervously. The first person to notice Loki and I actually was Francisco, who stumbled over his own feet to reach me. For some reason, that melted my heart, putting a smile on my face.
He hurried forward and yanked me into his arms, hugging me tightly. It got a bit too tight, but he loosened his grip quickly. He pulled back his head and glared down at me. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
I snickered when Loki mumbled "all my life" under his breath. Francy glared harder, and I gently pushed him off, bitter about the sudden questioning. "I'm surprised you even want to know, Barros, considering you didn't even care that I had left the Triskelion for five hours at one point and ignored me when I tried to ask you for help with my eyes."
He stammered at that and looked away, a hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. "I thought you just went for too long a walk and that you were tired. I didn't think anything was wrong."
I sneered and pushed at his chest, almost in greater disbelief than when Loki told me about my assault. "Right. And why should I believe that? You know what? No. I'm not doing this right now. I hope everyone's here because I'm not gonna say this a second time." I braced myself and tried to ignore Francisco's hurt expression by glaring at everyone as hard as he just glared at me.
"I am fucking sick and tired of being your nurse. I'm not a fucking walking clinic, idiots. I am a human being who was brought to this shithole Academy without my explicit will simply because you assholes need help. I agreed because I'm a goddamn nice person and I care about my fellow humans. I didn't ever want to come here. You know why? This is the stupid-ass country I was kicked out of. My home is India, my family is Ecuador. My bad memories are America. So hear me well, peasants. I'm not taking any more of this 'Oh, no, we need you to stay here to patch us up when we come back!' bullshit. No more. You either take me on missions or I'll do my own without your trash advice and without SHIELD. I have the greatest sorcerer of the multiverse on my side. I have no need of any of you. Should you cross me again like you've been doing, believe me. I can be just as merciless as I am merciful."
Loki smirked and high-fived me before walking me back to the sleeping area so I could get some rest before dinner. He kissed my head and asked quietly after we reached my bunk, "Did that help?"
Tears burned my eyes. I gazed up at him weakly, shaking my head. "No." He gave me a pitying glance and rubbed my head.
"I'm sorry."
I clutched my ears when Nick Fury's angry voice boomed over the intercom to call me to his office. I groaned at the prospect of getting yelled at again, but braced myself and went up to Fury's office. Loki sat on my bed patiently and conjured up a magazine to read to kill the time.
As my feet dragged me to the Director's office, my hands started getting extremely sweaty and my chest started hurting. At this point, I could tell when a panic attack was on its way. And the signs were all there. But when the door opened to me, Fury sat at his desk looked stressed and depressed. He called me forward, telling me to sit in the chair. He silently pulled up the camera footage of me walking back into the Triskelion on the night I lost control of myself. He looked at me with a dark expression, like this footage scared him more than the galactic wars and Asgardian monsters he'd witnessed.
"This is a recording from that day you walked in late after disappearing for five hours. It was recorded by a security camera on one of the nearby light posts in the park. I have my doubts, but I want a confirmation. What the hell happened to you?"
I bit my lip and slowly began the story of my assault, figuring the other details of the day's activities weren't as important. He knew where I was getting after two minutes and stopped me, rubbing his temples. He sighed and looked at me seriously. "I get it. And I'm sorry none of us realized it earlier. Spider-Man told me you were yelling at Adapt about that day because he didn't notice you or something. I got curious and now I regret it. How can we help you?"
I sniffled and shrugged, looking away from him. He knew what happened to me. I couldn't even give the guy an honest face and stare him in the eyes. "I don't know. Just don't let me near Bragi. Asgardian god of music and poetry. He's the reason I lost control and couldn't stop it. I don't know what you do or how, but don't let him come near me. Whether Thor needs to come in or you need to block the Bifrost, I don't care. I can't trust that musician."
Fury nodded his head, seemingly grateful that I had suggestions to give him for plans of action. "We'll try our hardest. I assume Loki took you back to India?"
"Yeah. So he could tell me about the assault. Anyways. I need some help. I need Loki to come with me and my team for Friday. I can't trust anyone. He can give us a mental intercom without outside interference."
"Fine. But he stays within SHIELD guidelines and at any sign of trouble-"
"He's my dad. He won't hurt me, Fury. Gotta trust me on this one."
"Okay. We trust you, but not him. If he brings any chaos at all, Thor puts him down. Deal?" He shot me an expectant glare, but I worked my hardest to not wither in fear.
"Deal. Only if you guys don't restrict his powers when he's taken into custody, only keep him contained. I'm sure you know now how much I hate being restricted. You're not doing that to my dad." We nodded in agreement, and I left the room quickly, hurrying back to the sleeping area so I could nap for a bit before dinner. This day was exhausting.
Unfortunately, the sight that greeted my eyes did not give me any relief or joy. Rather, it ruined my day more. The entire Academy was standing in a half-circle around my bed, where Loki was seated patiently and ignoring them to the best of his ability. My anger grew once again and made me storm over, shoving through to make a path for me to get to Loki. I stood between him and the others, glaring at my fellow classmates. "What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?"
Venom stepped forward, his massive frame almost dwarfing me in his shadow. He put his hands up in metaphorical surrender and sighed. "Calm down, Solana. Chill. We're trying to get some answers from him. Like where you've been all day, why you ignored and then destroyed your comm, and why Fury told us to never walk alone into the city ever again. Don't freak out. We may have sidelined you, bro, but we're all still young heroes trying to make it in this world. We do still care about you. Spidey's gettin' frustrated because your dad won't answer our questions. Nothing malicious, I promise. We just want to make sure you're okay. And I know we haven't been good at it recently, but we're trying to make up for our shortcomings. So what's up?"
I mellowed ever so slightly. His apology was pretty damn good, I couldn't deny. "Okay. Everyone grab a chair or something. This is gonna be rough."
He nodded and looked at the others, who silently obeyed and grabbed something to sit on and those who didn't plopped down onto the floor in front of my bed. I sat beside Loki as closely as possible for moral and physical support.
"Alright." Everyone was seated and staring at me for an explanation. "I've been with Loki all day. He took me out for some lunch so he could give me this ring that lets us communicate if we need help from one another." I showed off the ring on my right hand and a few of the girls cooed that it was beautiful, while the guys just nodded. "I told Loki how I hadn't been involved in a mission in so long, and he got upset, rightfully so. Spidey took that anger as a threat to safety and tried to make me come back to the Tricarrier so Loki could be neutralized. I'm not down with that shit, so I let Papa crush my communicator so we could hang out peacefully and without being tracked. He saw my memories and took me back to India so I could be comforted when I learned my most disturbing memory. As for the last bit? Fury wants you guys to go in pairs because I got assaulted that day I came back to the Triskelion really late and after being MIA all day."
Iron Spider retracted his suit, frowning at me deeply. "Assaulted? Who attacked you? There weren't any news reports of a supervillain raging through the city or hurting people that night."
I covered my face, unable to continue telling the horrible, ugly story of that day. White Tiger knew what I meant and her usually confident expression grew dark and dangerous, almost weary. "Think, Cho. It's not that kind of assault."
The entire male portion didn't seem to understand what I meant, except for Spider-Man, who stood up and yanked me up for a hug. He let me bury my face in his shoulder and rubbed my back. We separated after a moment while I tried to ignore the tears that had formed in my eyes as my brain recalled the events of that night.
The younger Spidey, Kid Arachnid, he gaped at me in shock, not believing what he was hearing. "Wait. So you mean-" I nodded, and he groaned. "That's so messed up…so messed up. Who did it? How did it happen?"
I bit my lip and looked up at Loki, who smiled reassuringly and brushed my cheek with the back of his knuckles. I turned back to the kid and sighed. "It was my dumb bad luck. I was hanging out in Central Park to get some alone time to think, and then I heard one of the mind control songs that turn me into a zombie. I tried to cover my ears, but it didn't work. I saw Bragi sneer at me and then everything turned into a white haze, like I was looking at the world through a piece of wax paper. Some guy sat next to me, but he didn't seem like a threat. Partly because of the spell, partly because of his demeanor. One thing led to another. He asked for a hug and then a kiss and then the next thing I knew, he was screwing me into the sidewalk on top of our jackets. The spell kept my body under lock and key, not letting me push him off or do anything that would imply dissent. He didn't think I was saying no, so he just kept going and left me on the sidewalk when he finished. At least he had a condom on. Otherwise…"
Francisco knelt before me and took my hands into his, speaking in a tone not unlike the one he used against Captain America a few months ago. "We're no Iron Man, Captain America, or Thor, but let me promise you this: I and any who wish to join me will avenge you-"
"Fuck no."
"Thank you, we will gladly- wait what?!" He threw a confused look my way. "What do you mean no?!"
I shook my head and sighed, hugging my arms. "I don't want to face that day anymore. I know it happened. I accept that. I can't change the past. But I won't let you hurt that guy. The only reason I couldn't stop him was because I was under that mind-control music spell put on me after I heard one of those songs. It's not completely his fault."
Loki scowled angrily, almost wrathfully. "It is. It most definitely his. Had I found him by now, I would have tortured him with methods that I am not allowed to speak of here on Earth. But your mercy and your memory loss stopped me from doing so."
I smiled at his overprotective nature and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Papa. But seriously, guys. Let it go. I can't do anything about it. Just let me be. It's fine. But please don't ignore me anymore. That hurts. A lot."
"Yeah. We know now. Just come here and let us hug you, stupid." Ah, the loving words of Scarlet Spider. I had never trained with him, but the guy was a fucking legend among fairy tales. And before I could stop them, literally twenty people rushed at me for cuddles, and I couldn't stop them. I didn't want to, honestly.
Some people like Francy and Loki and Dagger pressed kisses to my head while others like Venom, Spidey, and White Tiger took turns squeezing me hard enough to crack ribs and vertebrae. The only one who was nicer about the affection was Triton, who offered a nice side-hug and a pat to the shoulder. The younger ones, namely Iron Spider and Kid Arachnid were more hesitant to hug me, but I understood.
Miles, aka Kid Arachnid, hesitantly asked if I was still in pain, which made me laugh and ruffle his hair. "Kiddo, that may have been my first experience, but he wasn't that good or that big. I'm fine." I think what I said grossed him out, but that was my intention. He scrunched up his nose, but still hugged me.
Iron Spider sighed and looked at me. "I still can't believe you went through that. It seems impossible. You're so nice most of the time."
"Some of the time is more like it, Cho," protested Francisco. That asshole. "She's never nice to me." He shut up when I glared at him.
The young Asian hero rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "How can you just accept it and move on? Adapt says he would take revenge for you. I say we make that guy regret it."
I patted his shoulder. "Kid, you say that because you're young. You're still in high school, though a genius. You still have that anger against people. You still want to right the wrongs in this world. I was angry too, but only because I learned about that assault today since my brain repressed those memories. I was so mad at Francy because he's my best friend among you guys. I relied on him, and he didn't help me. But I'm letting it go. Holding onto grudges is unhealthy. It makes me upset. I don't like the feeling. Not to mention, I don't know what'll happen when I see his face. I'm scared of that, so I won't face him yet."
Cho just scowled deeper, but nodded in understanding. "Fine. But we'll always be down for revenge. Especially Francisco. So since all that's over, what are we going to do now?"
I grinned. "Eat. I'm fucking starving."
I stood corrected.
The moment I tried to eat something, my stomach revolted, forcing me to upheave its contents into the toilet bowl of the nearest women's bathroom. I knew there was something wrong. Only after an hour of scouring through the Internet did I realize it was because the lettuce in the salad I forced myself to eat was E. coli infected Romaine, after which I declared that I will never eat lettuce again.
Venom gave me a peculiar expression. "How come you got sick so quickly? It usually takes a day or two for people to get food poisoning, right?"
I shrugged. "Dude, I'm biology personified. It's probably because of my powers that I reacted so violently to the infection." He shrugged in response and continued eating. I didn't eat as much as I would have on any other day. Partially because of the huge lunch from earlier in the afternoon. The other part was because I was scared to react like that again. I tried to take in as much as I could so I wouldn't starve that night, but I still got nervous. It was like that time I had to go to India for Sahasra's wedding, and I got severe digestive issues because I was forced to eat yogurt to not starve on the plane since my dad wouldn't get a vegan meal for me. I was terrified of that feeling of not being able to eat or drink out of fear that my body wouldn't retain the food.
The weirdest thing about the entire situation? Loki sat and ate with us. Even conjured up some Asgardian sweets for everyone's dinner when the chef couldn't make the dessert since he had to leave early for a family emergency. Everyone was cautious of his change of heart, fearing the sweets were poisoned or enchanted, but he assured everyone that he wouldn't harm them like that when they provided such kind hospitality. None of us understood his behavior, but I chalked it up to his approval of the others promising vengeance for me.
He even created a chocolate fountain for Agent Venom, whose symbiote had a weird obsession with the dark confection. Fury was rightly weary of Loki's presence, yet everyone seemed a bit more relaxed at his kind actions. It didn't feel like a spell to me, just an effect of him being nice to people instead of trying to destroy everyone using a giant metal man with laser vision.
The only one still off-put by Loki's kindness was Spider-Man, who had felt the brunt of the Trickster's pranks and evil plans for the longest time. Surprisingly, Loki tried to console him the most. Trying to find any way at all to gain the original Spider's trust. The only thing that worked was a swear on my life.
I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted at my dad from across the room where I was hanging out with the girls. "Thanks, Dad! I really appreciate it! Now if you lie, I die. Really awesome idea." He just grinned and winked back at me like a troll.
Spidey's tension lessened marginally at the promise of Loki, who had told the young hero that he "will not harm anyone for any reason other than self-defense or the protection of my loved ones, as a promise on Solana's life."
Spider-Man nodded his pretty head and crossed his arms, shooting the god a cold, doubtful look. "You better not. Or there won't be any hesitation when we bring you down. Not just for hurting people, but for killing her as a result of your lies."
I snorted into my strawberry smoothie. "Feelin' the love. This is so weird."
Dagger sighed and shrugged. "Not for you. Your dad is a maniacal God of Mischief who turned Spider-Man into a pig and a kid and turned Thor into a frog and a kid and then proceeded to Venom-ize Asgardian monsters in order to wreak havoc upon New York so he could rule Earth."
"…Touché, my friend."
White Tiger laughed openly and Squirrel Girl snickered against her tail, trying to hide her face. Dagger smirked at me and chuckled at my speechless state.
Nova walked over and punched me in the shoulder so hard, I think it dislocated. I ignored the pain and grinned at him. He sat next to White Tiger against her wishes and smirked. "How's my favorite sparring partner doing?"
"Meh. Okay. In lots of pain. I think you dislocated my shoulder. But then again, Venom cracked a rib, and I got screwed on a concrete sidewalk, so broken shit is nothing new for me." He winced and made a hissing sound as he inhaled, empathizing with my condition. "Yeah. How are you, though? Space still doin' you well?"
"Yeah. Beat up some more Chitauri, saved a galaxy, fought alongside galactic superheroes, no biggie. The usual." I pretended to nod like he said some normal stuff about his day, but ended up laughing.
"Nice to see you haven't changed at all. This pity stuff has got me in a funk."
He grinned at me widely. "I'm me, dude. I don't change for anyone. But how was India? Loki said he took you there to deliver the news."
I didn't wanna talk about that. It made me uncomfortable for some reason, the idea that these guys would know my already-known prophecy. But I didn't like hiding stuff. I wasn't going to start now. "It was good. Loki took me back to my home state and went to a temple with me. One of the really famous Hindu ones. I'm atheist, but I like going for the nostalgia and memories. When I walked in, the entire place went crazy. The bells were ringing and stuff and there were so many loud noises. One of the priests saw that and let me and Loki go ahead of the long crowd to see the statue of the temple's goddess. It was cool. The statue actually smiled at me, which was the craziest thing that happened today. Almost all the statues in Indian temples are made of granite or marble, and they're solid rock. But this immovable statue smiled at me. I didn't believe it at first, but Loki said the same thing. I don't know what that means in terms of that religion, but it was cool. What else? The priest basically told me what I already had to do. You know, fight Loki's angry cousin and stuff so I don't get killed as compensation. But he made it sound cool, and I felt better because all those people in India like, need me and stuff. It was nice. And Loki told me about the issue, and then we came back."
The space-hero whistled loudly. "Intense."
"Right? I'm still barely processing all that myself. It's crazy."
He nodded and looked at me. "So are you ready for that mission on Friday?"
I sighed and shook my head. "No. Definitely not. I mean, I'm prepared mentally for everything, but I don't know if I'm physically ready, in terms of my powers."
He smiled calmly, not exactly reassuringly, to keep me at ease. "Dude, none of us know the extent of your powers, and I've got a feeling Loki doesn't either. You've lived in South America for a year and melded in well with the natives. You'll be fine. You've got Spidey and Adapt with you too. It's gonna go great. Just bring us back some cool souvenirs. I can brag that I've been to Argentina next time I gotta impress someone."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure, Nova. Whatever you say."
"Come on! It's gonna be sick! Whenever someone asks if I've been anywhere and saying 'space' isn't an option, I can say Argentina. Work with me, bro!"
Loki sauntered over to us in his usual grace, green eyes bright with mirth. I knew he was going to pull something and embarrass me horribly. It didn't make me angry, but I was anxious. Papa's pranks always ended up with me red and unable to speak. He smirked and leaned over the table, looking me in the face as he leered, "Yes, 'bro', work with him. Maybe in exchange for you giving him a gift, he can teach you about space and its marvels. I haven't forgotten that day you spent twelve hours babbling adorably about how much you wanted to see space, but are afraid of it. Nova can take you there, yes? Or how about you tell him about your fangirling over his helmet and powers after he destroyed the invader Titus? Perhaps you could include the day when you said he was your favorite space hero, more than the other Guardians?"
At this point, I was so embarrassed and so flushed with shock that my brain couldn't come up with any proper response to his teasing. The only phrase I could utter to Loki was, "Papa, I fucking hate you sometimes." To which, the dark-haired Norseman laughed and kissed my face joyfully. Nova and the others were happily laughing their asses off at hearing about all those events.
But I laughed along too, for this was easily one of the most enjoyable moments I'd ever experienced in my life: my friends and my family coming together to spend time together with me. And there was food!
When I was ready for bed that night, Loki didn't stay too long, only coddled me for about ten minutes and then vanished after kissing my cheeks and hugging me. I wished he would stay longer, but I think he wanted me to get used to him not coming by as often so I wouldn't get angry if he stopped visiting.
Francisco took me aside after Loki left so we could talk in private. He sat with me in one of the lounges close to the window of that floor so we could talk while seeing the view of the ocean at night.
Neither of us said a word until he couldn't handle the silence and broke it. "I'm sorry. For everything. I don't know what else to say."
I moved closer and leaned into him, resting my head lightly on his shoulder. He sighed and pulled me in by my shoulders. A kiss fluttered lightly against my temple as the two of us clung to each other, trying our hardest to accept and move on from the events of today. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I guess…I kind of lost it when I learned about the assault. My mind couldn't comprehend that it happened to me, or at least, it wasn't willing to. As Papa told me what he saw in my memories, I saw it in my mind like a movie. It threw me off, because everything was in first person. I was experiencing the entire thing all over again. And that day, when you ignored me, it hurt so much. I thought you didn't care about me, and it's been so awkward between us…"
He sighed and looked down at me, brushing a finger along my hairline. "That's probably my fault…every time we go on these missions, we get more and more stressed. Spider-Man isn't used to these kinds of threats and gets confused in leading us. As a result, we get our asses handed to us. Painfully. And when I come back here, sleep is the only thing on my mind, so I end up ignoring you."
I shrugged and balled up under his arm, pressing myself as close as possible. "It's fine. Not like it's anything new. I've gotten used to it over the years. It just hurt more because it was my boyfriend who ignored me, not a random person."
Francy leaned down and kissed my cheek, rubbing my shoulders to warm me up. "This all could have been avoided if we just took you on missions, yeah?" I nodded and smirked. "So this is on me, yeah?" I nodded again, and we laughed together. We remained like that as long as we could until it got uncomfortable. Since it was a pretty long couch, he lied down and pulled me forward to lay me on top of him. He twined his fingers together behind my back and grinned up at me while I slowly healed the little cuts, bruises, and scars on his face.
He suddenly giggled like a little girl, and I pulled back, disturbed by the sight. He chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry. Your magic just feels funny on my face. Tingly, actually. Like you're trying to tickle me with electricity."
I sighed and rolled my eyes before lying down on him again, resting my arms under my head as a pillow over his chest. "Stupid. I thought you got possessed by a toddler or something. That was weird. Don't ever do that again."
He pouted at me and tried to make an innocent expression. "You didn't think it was cute?"
"No. It was creepy. Weirdo," I deadpanned. Francy whined and squeezed me in a tight hug, smirking evilly as he cut off my oxygen supply.
"Say it was cute and apologize or I'll hug you tighter."
"No!"
"Say it!" His arms tightened.
"Never! Let go!"
He grinned. "Say it, and I'll let go."
"I refuse, you heathen!"
He snorted and kept going. "Tell me it was cute and apologize. Then you'll be free."
"No!"
He smirked. "Say it or I'll never hug you again."
I gasped, not just from the loss of air, but from shock. "You wouldn't!"
"I would. Now say it."
I glared at him. "Fine. That was cute, and I'm sorry. Now let go, asshole." He released me with a loud laugh, so I punched him in the chest and laughed as he got the air knocked out of his lungs. "Serves you right, bitch."
He scowled. "Says the asshole. Now come here and make it better, meanie." I kept laughing for a few minutes, but calmed down enough to kiss him sweetly.
I ended up apologizing for that against his lips. "Sorry. I didn't think it would hurt that much." He didn't respond, only smiled and pulled me closer for another kiss. Francy stroked down my spine and pressed me in by the back of my head.
That threw me off for some reason. Something about those actions activated some kind of danger alarm in my brain, and I shoved at his chest to push myself back and sit up straight. At my forceful movements, Francisco sat up, sliding me off his lap, and gave me a concerned frown. "Hey, Sola, what's wrong? Qué te pasó? Estás bien? " He reached a hand out and touched my cheek gently.
I flinched away, and he bit his lip nervously. He asked me what was wrong in a cautious, almost fearful tone. I choked down a sob as my brain forced me to relive the events of that night, and Francisco clenched his jaw, looking away from my eyes, almost ashamed that he didn't make the connection. After a moment, he pet my hair and apologized for his actions, promising to only do what I wanted him to. I wanted to tell him that I was alright and didn't need him to accommodate me for anything, but that was such a lie. As much as I wanted to tell him to just be normal and treat me like nothing happened, I knew that wasn't possible anymore. Things just weren't the same anymore. Whether it was my fault for being so upset with my bad day or it was Bragi's fault for being an utter jackass, it happened. And I couldn't change the past.
He pulled me into a gentle hug, resting his hands on my upper back so I wouldn't feel uneasy. "I'm sorry…I just. I don't know how to help you or what to say."
I kissed his cheek and pushed my face into the crook of his neck. "Don't worry about it. I'm just as baffled as you are. I think I might need some therapy and stuff, though."
He snorted. "Might? You definitely do."
"Wow, gracias, querido. Makes me feel so much better about my mental state," I grumbled. He laughed and kissed me softly. "What a charmer you are."
Francisco winked playfully at me and pretended to show off his biceps, like a loser. "I get all the ladies." I poked his cheek and smirked, reaching down to tickle him in the stomach.
"Says the guy who's barely holding onto a normal relationship."
He threw his arms up and fell back onto the couch, pouting up at me pathetically. I grinned at his displeasure. He glowered at me and grumbled. "I'm trying, here! Give me some leeway, hermosa . You're too hard on me." I laughed and leaned down to kiss him and ruffle his chocolatey mess of hair.
"Oh shush. I'm just teasing, Francy. You know I love you." He preened at my words, and I couldn't help but coo at his red and happy face.
We spent a few more hours like this, talking through the night until we could barely keep our eyes open. It was three in the morning when we finally went to bed, leaving each other with a goodnight kiss and hug. Even though that morning and afternoon brought a lot of unexpected pain and sadness, that night was one of the best in my life.
I woke up expecting something super bad to happen. That's how it works in my stupid life: I have a bad morning and then a nice evening and night, and then I wake up to something bad again. A constant circle of stupidity.
But nothing bad happened. Actually, it was pleasant, despite my sleep deprivation.
I woke up at around eight in the morning on my own to the sound of seagulls and left the sleeping area to wash up before making myself some breakfast. I wanted pancakes, and I didn't want to wait for the chef to get ready and then make enough food for everyone before I got a chance to eat. I wanted to do some special things that day, like go into town and visit the orphanage or something, play with some dogs, hang out at a zoo, but for no particular reason.
I just wanted a nice morning. Maybe it was my body telling my brain to take a mental health day and refuse any training until after lunch time. Who am I kidding? That's exactly what was happening. I needed to rest my neurons for a day before trying to use them again. Kind of like recharging your phone so you don't waste the 5% battery life it still has before it runs out.
The only people up at that time were the SHIELD personnel and Iron Fist, who I saw meditating next to one of the huge windows on the same floor as the dorms. I figured he was hungry too, considering none of the students ate that much last night, so I decided to make him some breakfast too. I knew his vegetarian diet would allow him to eat anything vegan that I make, which meant I could get him the same thing I was having. I hurried into the kitchen and scoured the place for the normal stoves and not the huge, industrial-size ones. I found a single normal range in the entire space and figured it would be easiest to work at the frontmost stovetop. Next, I searched for a simple nonstick pan, but I found none already out and available to use. I poked around the cupboards and found one section full of pots and pans, and I picked out the smallest pan I saw. I set it on the stovetop and began my search for the ingredients.
I discovered most of the ingredients in the pantry, only thing I couldn't find anywhere was the almond milk, so I figured I had to make it on my own. (They probably ran out since I always make my tea and hot cocoa from almond milk instead of anything else.) Extremely inconvenient. Fortunately, though, I realized they had some soy milk left in the fridge from the time I asked them to get some so I could make vegan desserts on my own. I grabbed the carton and brought it back to the rest of my pile, where the all-purpose flour bag was in danger of tipping over, the baking soda and powder were getting everywhere, and the vegan butter was dripping down the side of its bowl as it melted from being out of the fridge. The sugar was the only ingredient not making a mess.
Still, it wasn't unexpected. I'm quite a messy baker, which is both fun and taxing, honestly. It's fun because you get to really know the ingredients with your hands and body. It's taxing because it means I have to do laundry practically every time I make anything. But I don't mind. Baking is my favorite pastime, even though I'm not always good at it.
Anyways, back to pancakes. The batter took little time to make. I had to double the recipe, though, so there was enough left for Iron Fist to have. I groaned when I realized how I forgot to get a spatula, but thankfully, there was one hanging on the wall above one of the industrial stoves. I grabbed it and ran back to flip the pancake I had poured onto the pan. A satisfying sizzle hissed out from the pan as the wet batter hit the metal surface. It's the little things in life, like the feeling of perfectly flipping a pancake, that make it all worth it. I ended up making about ten pancakes about seven inches in diameter and three-fourths of an inch thick. Sure, it seems like a lot, but with as much physical activity as we do in the Academy, we could use some extra carbs in our diet. I added syrup and some berries to mine, but left the pancakes plain for Fist. I didn't know what he wanted.
I balanced the two plates in my hands, walking back to the open space where I last saw the kung fu master. I found him still meditating quietly in front of the sun. Trying to avoid disturbing him with noise, I carefully prowled through the room to approach him quietly.
He still sensed me, unfortunately. Whether it was his chi or some other magic stuff, I knew he recognized I was in the room when he greeted me with a warm 'Namaste' and a smile. I smiled sheepishly and nodded hello, my hands already occupied. "Hey, Fist. I brought you some breakfast. I figured you were hungry."
The blond-haired hero nodded and patted the space to his left and I sat down, handing him his plate and a fork. "Thank you, friend. I really appreciate it. But you do know I'm vegetarian, right? I may not be able to have these."
I grinned and nudged his shoulder. "And you do know I'm vegan, right? We're in the same boat, bro. They don't even have milk in them. I didn't add any toppings for you since I don't exactly know your preference."
He shrugged. "Anything's fine. Berries and bananas, actually. But you don't have to go get them. It's a long walk to the kitchen."
"Danny, I can make them for you. I don't need to go to the kitchen." I bit my lip and focused my energy into my hand, slowly producing a blueberry bush the size of my torso from the flesh of my palm. I held my hand out to him, and he chuckled, picking a few berries off the plant.
"This gives a whole new meaning to hand-picked foods." That joke had me wheezing for breath. He just laughed at my reaction.
I shook off the giggles and changed the berry bush into a tiny banana tree, picking off a banana and handing it to the green-and-gold badass. "That was amazing. Spider-Man's trashy puns have nothing on your secret genius, dude."
He took the yellow fruit gratefully and set it down on the floor. He smiled brightly and shrugged. "I learned from him. And then got better. That's how I do."
"V impressive, man." I nodded in solidarity and ate my breakfast quietly. Iron Fist's following question dampened my mood a little, but he asked it so kindly and gently that I couldn't be mad at him.
"Did that man from a month ago go through with everything? Start to finish?" he murmured gingerly, as if scared that speaking any louder would hurt my ears.
I didn't respond for a few minutes, but the silence was so overwhelming that I had to talk. "Yeah." I breathed in deep and breathed out harder. "He did. The spell was like a drug, compromising the connection between my brain and body. My conscience told me one thing, and my body told me another. It was an internal struggle, but that never showed. The magic didn't let me rebel against him. He thought I wanted it and did what he wanted. I thought he just wanted to be my friend first since he sympathized with my relationship struggles and asked for a hug. He then asked to kiss me, and I wanted to say no, but my mouth said yes. I knew he was up to something, but my body didn't do as my conscience wanted. Even my brain stopped listening and told me everything he did felt good, when in reality it was horrendous. And the pain. The pain was the worst. Danny, do you remember the first time you learned how to do a split?"
He nodded his head and winced. "It felt like I was being ripped apart. I was sore everywhere for a few days."
I sighed and whispered out my reply. "What I felt was a thousand times worse. It was like being stabbed in the ear with a water bottle. Your body can't handle the size of the offending object, so it tries to stretch out and make it easier on you, but the force is so strong and so unwilling to give in and mold to you that it hurts more. I literally felt myself crying, and I wanted to show him how much it hurt, but my face smiled. He thought I wanted more and kept going and going. Ruthless. Unwilling to slow down. It was disgusting. I was so ready to die if something or someone wanted to kill me at that moment. Thank goodness, he used some kind of protection or I would be in a far worse condition right now. But I can't forget that night. My brain won't let me forget. And I don't want to forget. I don't want to let that happen to me again."
Iron Fist listened patiently, both of us having stopped eating so we could talk without interruption. He was the best listener in the entire building. Talking things out with him gave me closure.
"The worst part is, I can't protect myself. When that spell hits my ears, my brain goes hazy and even though my conscience is functioning properly, my actual logical thinking goes into extreme dysfunction. And it's all out of my hands. I can't attack a god. I can't fight an Asgardian. I'm no Thor or Captain America or even Iron Man. I'm a loser kid from a small village who keeps going from family to family without stability because she can't hold onto anything. Just a dumb kid who wants to make her family proud by doing what they ask to save the earth, but can't keep up with anything thrown at her. Half of that is my fault. I'm terrified out of my mind of everything here, and I can't push away my fear. I can't work under this life-or-death kind of pressure. I'm gonna fail and that's gonna haunt me forever because it shows that one, I can't meet , much less exceed, the goals I set for myself. And two, it means that the people who invested in my safety and success will lose valuable resources because I let them down."
Iron Fist didn't tell me anything for a long time after I finished my venting session, so we both continued eating. I ate to feel better about myself and my life. He ate to sustain himself and not die of hunger. He only spoke when we finished eating. "You know, that was a lot you just told me. But I learned a few big things from it. One, I learned that you are still scared of that man because he made you vulnerable and preyed on your weakness, which you try to show to no one. Two, I learned that you often do badly in the training sessions because you're plagued by your uncontrollable terror of failure. And three, I learned that you are the perfect choice to replace me when I have to go back to K'un Lun to be king."
I sniffled and rubbed away the tears I never realized were on my face until then. "The first two things are absolute truths, and the last one is the lie."
He chuckled and shook his head. "No, they are all true. You are scared already of being vulnerable because the cultures you've been a part of taught you that women should be scared of men and that women are weak things that need to be protected. You may believe the opposite, but you subconsciously think that's true. Secondly, you are controlled by your terror, which is why you always try to plan your attack before you do it if it's just you fighting. That's also why you always choose to rely on the other person when you do fight with a partner, because you fear disappointing them or the higher-ups with either unintelligence or under-performance. Thirdly, you are the perfect candidate. Look, the masters gave me one more year to participate in SHIELD and work with Spider-Man when I went to K'un Lun three and a half months ago to complete the last part of my ascent to King of K'un Lun. I have eight and a half months left. Spider-Man needs four people to be in his main team. I can't leave K'un Lun's throne for this world. That's not what I was destined to do. But you need to fill my gap in Spidey's team. You have the potential to be a great warrior. You have a good heart, willing to protect the helpless from danger. You have the ability, and I've seen you in action. Not just here, but when you were in Ecuador. Doctor Strange showed me you fighting the animals of the jungle to save your people. You're good at what you do. And your training with Venom has definitely made you stronger. The best of all, you have the motherly desire to always care for those closest to you and give them the loyalty they may not give you. This team needs someone like that. And you've got magic, which means that aspect of my role is taken care of." I couldn't help but chuckle at his little tease. "You have the right stuff. Now you gotta do something with that stuff."
I shook my head and watched the sun continue to rise over the water surrounding the Triskelion. I smiled and patted his shoulder. "You say that because you want to believe it, Fist. There's no one in this building that can replace you. That's why Spider-Man went to K'un Lun for you. He knows your friendship with him is invaluable. As for me? I really appreciate those compliments, man. You have no idea how much that helped my psyche. The need to help people and the motherly stuff has been with me so long, it's practically part of my DNA. The powers are just the good fortune resulting from my birth and the actual Jörd's grace. I can't be you. No way."
He smiled. "I don't want you to be me. I want you to take my place, as yourself."
I rolled my eyes and winked. "I can't think of many people who would want that, dude."
Danny's gentle grin suddenly turned into a mischievous smirk. "Francisco does. And don't lie, I know love when I see it."
I babbled in shock. "No, no way! That- um, that's just- uh. I mean, we're just close- like, we met so long ago that. Like, we're just friend-"
He shook his head and smiled normally again. "Don't. I know you love each other. Everyone else is blind, but when you've trained in the magic arts as long as I have, you can sense emotions and connections easily. And I know you two have a strong connection. Not exactly one that transcends generations, but one that can, with proper cultivation."
My teeth chewed at my lower lip. "You won't tell anyone, right?"
"There is no reason for me to. And no. I assumed you two wanted to keep it secret so drama could be avoided. I agree with that decision." I smiled at him gratefully, and he nodded.
"Thanks, dude. You're awesome."
"So I'm told. Or at least, that's what Spider-Man says when I give him a pep talk before a fight." I snorted at that.
I hummed and collected the empty plates, stacking them on top of each other and setting the forks on top. "How is that, by the way?
He sighed. "The battles have been hard, but the sweet nectar of victory drowns out any disappointment. All in all, they could have been better. I have never seen everyone so tired after these battles. And almost every time there was a fight involving magic, these weird, almost Inhuman weapons get into the hands of the clients of our opponents."
I frowned deeply when he told me that. "That's weird. Same thing happened when Venom and Adapt and I followed that redhead a few months ago. There were a bunch of crates of weird weapons in this huge warehouse that the lady led us to. Not only that, she was torturing some poor guy, who escaped while we fought her. And she was using this weird weapons/testing system."
Iron Fist looked at me, eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed. "How likely is it that these things are all connected?"
"I think I can confidently say that they're very connected…"
He nodded. "Bring it up to Fury?"
I sighed. "Only after I can get a full description of all of your battles these past months when I didn't come along. Maybe the ones not involving magic still had that almost-Inhuman tech and you guys didn't know it."
"Fair enough. I'll talk to Spidey and the others. You have a good rest day. You'll need it. I'll get you the information by dinnertime, so we can all talk about this before lights out."
I nodded in agreement and took the dishes back to the kitchen, shouting back a goodbye to my newest favorite hero.
What a ride today proved to be. And it was only ten in the morning when I left for the city.
