Chapter 7: Another Perspective
Edward's POV
After leaving Ana's house (end of chapter 5)
Anabelle. I mulled the name over feeling a mixture of excitement and trepidation as I drove home. I liked her, a lot. This was a new feeling for me. I had never felt so attached to a person before, not like this. And I barely knew her. Why did she hold such an allure for me? I would have thought maybe because I couldn't read her mind, but even before I realized that I had been drawn to her.
But she was a human, it couldn't work…could it? And if it could would I want it to?
Yes. Yes I would.
I wanted to know her, everything about her. And I wanted her to know me. What I am. But that would be impossible. She would most likely fear me; that would be natural.
I laughed humorlessly at myself. Of course, of all the creatures in this world, I would become fascinated with a human. Someone who is bound to not be able to return the sentiment. Life was cruel like that though.
I drove around for a while drowning in my thoughts until I realized it was almost nine o'clock. Esme would probably be worried. So I headed home.
Nearing the house I heard a variety of thoughts all oriented around me. Alice had seen me and the human. They were worried about me.
I walked through the front door to find everyone looking at me expectantly. I didn't know what to tell them though.
"Edward! We were getting worried about you. Are you alright?" Esme asked, her perfectly arched brows drawing in giving a sad element to her golden eyes.
"Yes. I got distracted driving around, I didn't realize how late it was."
"You scared us earlier you dolt!" Alice threw at me coming over to embrace me in a hug. "One minute I saw you ripping out the boy's throats then the next talking with a girl. I have to say these visions were not as informative as I'm sure you'd hope they'd be."
"You were about to go totally kujo on them. I was like dannnng Eddie!" Was Emmett's ever helpful commentary… not. Rose knocked him on the shoulder. He gave a playful pout.
"What exactly happened? Why did you go all apelike over some girl?" Rose put in. She was a little miffed at me for being attracted to a human. It was rather funny actually.
"You know, it would be easier for him to ease your worries if you would give him a chance to speak." Carlisle put in. He knew more than the rest, but was still curious as well.
"I don't think I can explain. I do apologize for causing any distress. Suffice to say that, I met someone who intrigued me." Esme's mind exploded with happiness. While Carlisle was more cautious. All the others were flabbergasted.
"You're going to fall in love with her." Alice put in. I saw it clearly in her head. Ana and I smiling laughing together. We were in my favorites spot in the meadow playing in the tall grass.
"Fall in love with a human?!" Emmett started rolling around he was laughing so hard.
"I barely even know her. I think falling in love is a bit far-fetched." As I said the words I felt my anxiety rising. I had just seen myself fall in love, and damn it, but I was starting to feel it now. I wanted to feel it.
"Very rarely has Alice ever been wrong." Jasper spoke up for the first time. He was right, and so was Alice. But how was I to feel about this? I was intrigued by the girl to be certain, but to even think of falling in love with her would be… heartbreak. She deserved someone who could give her a life full of happiness, someone who could give her children and hold her tightly without risk of killing her.
I felt my heart drop knowing it was too late. Alice was right, my heart had already somehow become entangled with a tiny frail human without so much as my permission.
I sat down on the couch with a pained sigh.
"No. Alice isn't wrong."
"Do you realize what you are saying? You can't fall in love with a human. She could find out about us. Then we would have to move again." Rosalie whined.
"Rose be a little less of a b-word why don't you. We don't choose how we feel. You of all people should understand that." Alice told her. Rose clamped her mouth shut, but I could still hear her thoughts.
"Rose is kind of right though. Getting close to the human could be bad. He could kill her, on accident of course, but she would be dead all the same. It would be risking exposure to become attached." I hated what Jasper was saying, but he too was right.
How was it that I could go from feeling on top of the world to the lowest in such a short span of time? I felt all their very legitimate concerns of my involvement with Ana buzz around me. It was overwhelming. Now they were all arguing over me and what should be done. I made a choice.
Alice was the first to see the change. She turned a sad eye on me. Everyone stopped talking to look at us.
I was done talking though. Without a word I headed upstairs to my room. I could hear Alice explaining below.
"He's going to leave her alone. He's giving up the beautiful love they would share so that we can be happy."
I felt all of their anger at me stop and turn to sadness. They had all found a mate in life and the one chance I might have been able to be happy was snatched away before it could even be realized.
I blocked them out immersing myself in music to keep out the pain.
…
At school the next Monday
I drove to school alone again. I couldn't tolerate to be with them and their pity. It was easier for me if I didn't have to listen to every tiny detail of everything I would be missing out on by giving Ana up. I had already seen too much through Alice.
So I would solider on, and hope one day I wouldn't feel so alone.
As I walked towards class I heard the remnants of Mr. Varner's thoughts. He was worried about Ana. There had been some sort of exchange, something bad. I was trying to figure out what. As I walked through the door I saw Ana's face perk up at seeing me. I felt my heart twist for what I was about to do. I sat towards the middle of the room turning my back to her. I saw her smile falter.
"Good morning Edward." Her somewhat cheery call made my stomach drop with guilt. I nodded curtly in her direction. With my excellent peripheral vision I saw just how much my actions hurt her. She looked suddenly lost and like she wanted to cry. I nearly gave in right then and went to talk to her.
She put her head down in what appeared to be defeat. For once in my life I actually felt like the monster I was. I heard her breathing hitch and then even. I forced myself to ignore her and not look back. Soon students started filing in, Angela included. Unable to help myself I tracked her conversation with Ana.
"Ana?" Angie asked her. She sounded worried.
"Hey." The voice sounded tight as if she was holding back. I grimaced.
"Are you ok hun?"
"Yeah, it's just been a rough morning."
"Mike?" She asked. I felt the intensity of my ability to listen at far distances strengthen. What had happened this morning?
"How did you know?"
"You only ever act like this when something really bad happens. What did he do?"
Really bad? What did that mean? I filed through Angela's thoughts trying to figure it out but she was more worried about the present.
"Nothing…yet." Unable to help myself I stole a glance in their direction. What would Mike do? This was driving me crazy. I wish I could read her mind!
"Ut-oh. What did he threaten to do?"
"Nothing." Ana's words puzzled both me and Angela.
"I don't understand. If nothing happened, why are you upset?"
"This really isn't the time or place to explain, suffice to say Mr. Varner interrupted before things got out of hand."
I wondered what that meant. What had Mr. Varner interrupted? What happened?
Suddenly it seemed Mr. Varner was back. He was talking about giving more time for an essay or something. My mind wasn't really on what he was saying until I heard my name in his head. He was making me move. To the back. Right beside Ana. I wasn't sure if I wanted to jump up happily or groan.
As I made my way to the back I saw Ana was doing her best to ignore me. It hurt, but I had hurt her. What could I expect? Now that she was in my line of vision I didn't keep my eyes off of her. I roved her face, she looked very unhappy. Somehow I knew I was the cause of it.
When she reached over to go through her bag I noticed her arm. It was covered in bruises. I felt the heat of anger rush through me.
"What happened to your arm?" I couldn't help but ask. I watched surprise flit across her face as she looked down touching her arm. She winced at the contact. I felt my fist ball in fury.
"It's nothing." She told me trying to cover the marks.
"Doesn't look like nothing." I felt more and more irrationally angry. She just shrugged at me. "Did Mike do that?" I pressed.
"What does it matter to you?"
I felt dumbfounded. Why did it matter? She asked why it mattered that someone would hurt her?
"Well you acted as if I was a pariah not twenty minutes ago, I just don't understand why you would suddenly care about my well-being now."
Again I felt the guilt twist through me. I had acted like that, but that's not what I intended by my behavior. I was trying to leave her alone for her own good. Yet it came off as if I had found out she was ostracized and decided not to be friends with her anymore. I wanted to tell her otherwise, but I couldn't tell her the truth. And suddenly I was angry that she had allowed him to touch her. He had no right.
"Why would you let him do that to you?" My voice came out harder than I intended it to be.
"Because the alternative is worse." She sounded pained and hurt. What was worse I wondered. What else could he do? Or already had done?
"And if you think I can control what someone twice my strength does to me then you are sadly mistaken."
She was right of course, but it still seemed wrong. I tried for the rest of the class to think of something to say to her, but I couldn't. It was probably better that way. I shouldn't get so attached. But I was. This was going to be a long day. I could already tell.
I was relieved when the bell for the class change finally rang. I waited for a moment, thinking I should say something. Nothing helpful came to mind so I got up to leave. Surprisingly Ana called my name.
"Hey Edward? I just wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have taken my having a bad morning out on you. And that I'm sorry you've decided we can't be friends, not that I blame you, the leper that I am. I wish you and your family happiness. Have a good day Edward." And with that she left me. She apologized to me, when I was being the jerk. And she thought I didn't like her because of what everyone else thought. How could it get any worse?
As the day went on my mood grew more and more sour. All I wanted to do was run find Ana and tell her that I was sorry. That I wanted to be friends. But I couldn't. By the time lunch rolled around, I was a ball of hot nerves. Everyone seemed to notice but didn't comment.
I saw Ana sitting quietly at a table out of the way. She looked so sad and alone over there. I wanted to go to her. Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking of going over there. Those boys were up to something. Suddenly I realized what they were going to do. I was horrified. Before I could do anything Emmett, Jasper, and Rose were holding me down. I could have gotten away with just one of them holding me, but not all three.
"It's not our place to interfere Edward. Let it go." Jasper told me trying to calm me.
I watched as they taunted her, calling her names and telling her to eat a meal that was clearly meant to insult her. I wanted to shred them to pieces. All of them. Then suddenly Ana was telling them no. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. She was all alone over there with everyone against her, but she stood up to them.
When Mike lunged towards her I imagined his death a million different ways. It was only when he landed in his own cake that a little sense of reason came back to me. Then all of the cafeteria was laughing at him. I was gratified by it. He was getting a taste of his own medicine. Seeing him rush out I was finally able to relax. Alice nodded that it was ok for them to release me.
"Sorry bro. Didn't want there to be a cafeteria full of witness we'd have to kill." Emmett told me. I snorted at his remark.
I kept my eye on Ana, hoping no one else would bother her. I stiffened as I watched Tyler make his way over to her. His mind was full of apology though so I relaxed. I listened to their exchange feeling myself resent Tyler for both having a hand in hurting her and because Ana was so willing to forgive him. I needed to let it go. Let her go.
So I tried to ignore them. I succeed for a whole few minutes when I heard Ana say 'What?' her voice had sounded so full of confusion I was drawn back in. What had happened?
Tyler asked her out. I wondered at his audacity. Did he really think she would go out with him after everything he had done? I almost snorted again. I listened waiting for her to tell him no. To put the shmuck in his place.
"Okay."
Wait…WHAT!?
Did she just… yes. She did…
I was in shock. She was actually going to go out with him. Tonight.
I wanted to punch him in the face. Why would she say yes… to him? I would like to think anyone else would have been fine, but why him? She deserved so much better.
I had to know. I had to understand this. My irrational raging jealousy demanded it. I felt myself rise from my seat wondering when I would be able to talk to Ana about this.
As fate would have it, I found Ana sitting at a bench in the back of my next class. We had Biology together. This would be perfect. Or Hell. I wasn't too certain just yet.
I approached the teacher, Mrs. Harper. She was a sweet middle aged woman with carrot orange hair, pale skin, and a face full of freckles. Her blue eyes smiled kindly at me.
"Oh Hello dear. Ana is back today so you will have to share your bench with her. She is very sweet and smart, you two should get along nicely."
I nodded and headed to the back. Ana was currently looking out the window a ghost of a smile on her face. I wondered if she even noticed me. Probably not.
When I pulled the chair beside her back she started, proving my assumption. She looked on over at me with surprised eyes. And then she smiled. Oh what a smile. Seeing her like this made my insides churn with adoration and heat.
"Hello Ana." I told her when I found my voice.
"Hello Edward. I didn't realize we had Biology together." She said it in a sort of ironic voice.
"Me either. Does it bother you?" I couldn't help but ask the question. It slipped from my lips before I even knew I thought it.
"No." she laughed a little. "I don't have a problem with it." The way she said it made out like I was the one who did. Which was understandable given my behavior earlier this morning.
"Good. I don't either." I surprised her.
I wanted to say more, but Mrs. Harper was getting class in order.
"Alright everyone. We are going to do a project today on intra- and interspecific competition. Can anyone tell me what that is?" Mrs. Harper looked out on the crowd expectantly. No one raised their hand. She expected that both Ana and I would know the answer, but she was hesitant to call on either of us. I was about to raise my hand to break the silence when Ana interrupted me.
"Intraspecific competition is between organisms of the same species, such as two cats competing over a single bowl of cat food. Interspecific competition is between organisms of different species, like a squirrel and a bird fighting for space in the same tree."
I was impressed at the level of her knowledge. Not many people in their first college biology class would have known that.
"Very good! Exactly right. So today we are going to start a two week project where we test this idea. You and your partner will make up an experiment that you think best helps to show these different competition types. You will you some sort of seeds, I have several types available, and plant them according to your preference. Now let's get started!" She was very excited as she started passing out plastic pots and telling everyone to start planning. I looked over at Ana who was grinning.
"This should be very easy." She told me. "I'm thinking we can put ten corn seeds in a single pot, ten radish seeds in another pot, and then five of each seed in the same pot. Then to determine the effect we can measure shoot height to see how they fare both alone and together. How does that sound?"
"That is a very well thought out plan." And it really was. Simple too. So we started counting out seeds and getting our pots ready. We were the only group who seemed to know what they were doing.
"Are you feeling well today?" I asked Ana. I guess trying to make small talk as we worked. She laughed.
"Yes actually. I'm fantastic. Completely over strep." She grinned so widely it made my stomach flip. Then I wondered why she was so happy. Was it because of Tyler?
"Did something good happen?" Ana gave me a like-you-don't-know look.
"Well seeing Mike face plant into a cake just kinda made my day." She giggled. "I guess I just feel like everything is different. I'm not scared anymore." She smiled softly as she gently packed the dirt around the seeds.
"You were scared before?" I asked cautiously. Ana turned contemplative.
"Well… yes. I mean I don't know if you are friends with Mike or not, but he has a cruel streak most people don't see. Maybe because he's been harassing me for so long it was easy for me to notice, but I was always afraid of what he could do. I mean the embarrassing stuff sucked, but it didn't scare me. But whenever he cornered me, without an audience, he was… different. More threatening. I don't know. But today I just felt a change and I decided not to care anymore. It's such a novel feeling." She laughed on saying the last part.
I thought over her words, taking each one carefully into consideration. Mike did have a cruel side. I didn't even need to see into his mind to know it. And for some strange reason his anger was all focused on Ana.
"Why does he have such a strong dislike of you?" I asked. She frowned.
"I'm not sure. I think it's because of something stupid that happened a long time ago."
I looked at her expectantly.
She laughed looking at my expression. "I guess you have to understand how Mike is. He hates being made a fool of more than anything else. He can't stand the idea that anyone could possibly not want him or do whatever he asks."
"I'm still not really following." I admitted.
"Well when I first came here six years ago I didn't know anyone and I mostly kept to myself. Mike tried to talk to me, but I didn't want anything to do with him. I think it took a hit to his ego. So one day he asked me to go on a date with him in front of everyone. I think he thought I wouldn't say no if we were in front of a crowd. But I did and everyone laughed at him. The very next day is when the pranks started."
It all started to make sense. The low life couldn't take no for an answer.
"What a loser." Ana laughed at me.
"Well anyways I'm done. I've decided I don't care what happens anymore I'm not going to let him get to me." She said it so happily I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her I would kill Mike before I let him do anything to her ever again.
"Well I guess today he got his payback." Ana nodded laughing again. "Are you going to celebrate the momentous occasion?" I asked it as a segway to learning more about her date with Tyler which I was now convinced I needed to break up.
"Actually I am. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I am going on my very first date tonight." She beamed at me. Her first date? I must have looked stunned, because Ana turned a little red.
"Who's the lucky guy?" I managed to ask without too much venom.
"Tyler. He apologized to me and asked me out." Ana looked amazed by the thought.
"He's the one that left you." I said. Ana blushed a little. "You trust him?"
"I do." She looked at me solemnly. "I've always thought Tyler was a good guy just following along, because he, like everyone else, was afraid of getting on Mike's bad side. And I think it took courage to finally brake away from that and to tell me he's liked me for a long time."
"This is going to make me sound like a jerk, but don't you think you deserve someone better? Someone who doesn't need to follow along like a little lap dog and can stand up for someone they care about because it's the right thing to do?"
"Maybe you're right, but no one has ever stood up for me before. It seems like I'm doing this more for him, but really it's for me. I've never been on a date before. I've never even had a guy tell me he liked me before. And I want to experience it. I want to know what it's like to have someone hold my hand, tell me I'm pretty, maybe even kiss me, I don't know, anything really. I just want to experience so much. I feel like I've been living under a rock." She laughed out the last bit the excitement in her voice coming to a head.
I could understand better now why she said yes. She did deserve all those things, I just hated that Tyler might be the one to give them to her. I wanted to. I wanted to hold her hand, tell her how gorgeous I think she is, and kiss her generous lips until we both needed air. I wanted it so much.
"But with Tyler?" I asked sounding a bit whiny to my own ears.
"It's not like I have any other options." She told me bringing me back to reality. No one in the entire school except Angie was nice to her. She didn't have a line of suitors. How that was even possible, considering how freaking beautiful she is, was beyond me.
I wanted to tell her I was an option. That I would show her what it is really like to be treated right. Never in my life had I felt so constrained by my inhumanity.
"Anyways Tyler is a good guy. And I think I could have some fun." Ana said bringing me out of my thoughts. I smiled sadly at her nodding.
"You deserve to."
Class was coming to a close and I hated to have to leave. But that was life for me, anything good that came along was snatched away leaving me hopeless again. I held on to my sanity by a mere thread telling Ana goodbye as she made her way to the last class of the day. I sighed… this was going to be a long night.
Alright! There had been some requests before for Edwards POV so, I wanted to do that for you all :D
I think I will be updating a good bit more frequently over the next few days. I have a lot written, I just want to look over it before I publish. If you see mistakes LET ME KNOW! I don't have a beta so I miss errors even though I check my work.
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