Disclaimer: I still don't own Star Wars.

Author's note: PQ is Piett's new assistant. All specs/measurements for the Executor are taken from Wookiepedia.

A Forgery Most Unnecessary

DV to FP

Set our course to Bespin


FP to Helm

Take us to Bespin, alert the rest of the Star Destroyers.


Helm to FP

Done, but why Bepin?


FP to Helm

It's what Lord Vader learned from the Bounty Hunters


Helm to FP

Then why didn't Lord Vader give me the order himself?


FP to Helm

I don't know. Why don't you suggest it to him?


Helm to FP

No, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.


From the journal of F. Piett

Now that we're on our way to Bespin, I finally have a break. I spoke at length to my mother about my promotion and while she's happy for me, she encouraged me to make sure my final affairs are in order. I told her they have been in order since I joined the Imperial Navy. In reality, they've been in order since I joined the anti-piracy group.

I had to replace my assistant. It seems he thought I was much more lenient than Ozzel. I don't know where he got that idea.

The doctor recommended I write in a journal and up my physical exercise to counter the stress of the job. That'll definitely help keep the ulcers at bay, but I'm not sure it'll be a great help. This Skywalker/Falcon business is very taxing. Even the crew is suffering. Since we're going to Bespin, I'm hopeful I can get a little shore leave for them. It's not like we're going to need to take the rebels anywhere quickly.

What, did the Emperor invite them for dinner?

This capture alive business worries me. What possible reason could we have to keep them alive? What information do they have that we need?

Either way, everything would go more smoothly if people would stop sending me prank messages. As if I go gambling, my name would not be on some tele-messanger's list. A funeral home making offers? I don't think so, not to the Imperial Navy. And my actual life insurance policy went up, because scumbags run insurance companies. The religious affiliation –

Just received mail delivered to my quarters. Now they're sending religious icons and jewelry! I told them to stop! This is ridiculous, we're the Imperial Navy, not the Rebel Alliance, my men should take orders!


Dear Admiral Piett,

What do you do, exactly? What kind of mission are you on?

You know Darth Vader personally?! Can I have his autograph?

How many men serve onboard your Star Destroyer? Why is it called a Star Destroyer? Do you destroy stars?

How many rebels do you meet? Have you killed anyone?

How come women can't join the Empire? I want to serve, but my dad says it's only for men. That doesn't seem fair.

Did you know anyone on the Death Star? Why hasn't the rebel who destroyed it been captured?

-Juli


FP to DV

Sir, would it be possible to have you sign a form?


FP to PQ

I need you to look up Lord Vader's signature and prepare to forge it.


PQ to FP

Forgery? I thought I was your assistant! I don't want part of illegal operations! My mother would kill me!


PQ to FP

By the way, can I have shore leave when we reach Bespin?


FP to PQ

No.


PQ to FP

Fine, I'll forge Lord Vader's signature.


FP to PQ

That's more like it. Now, how about that spam filter?


ATTN: (undisclosed recipients)

Since nobody won the Falcon pool, all money goes to me, as per the terms.


FP to LX

All the money from the Falcon pool goes to Captain Needa's family.


LX to FP

I can't even keep a percentage?


FP to LX

How much did you take in?


LX to FP

About 15,000 credits


Lt. Cmdr. Xeris' permanent record:

Serving a three day detention for illegal gambling on board the Executor.


FP to LX

How's that percentage?


From the journal of L. Xeris

I hate my commanding officer.


Dear Juli,

As admiral, I am responsible for the fleet. It's like being the captain of more than one ship.

I am not at liberty to discuss my current mission, as it is still in process, but I can say it is of extreme importance to the Empire.

Yes, I know Lord Vader personally. We are currently on board the same ship. Attached to this message is the autograph you requested, he wishes you well and reminds you of the importance of school.

It is called a Star Destroyer because it contains enough power between our weaponry and manpower to destroy a star system, though they are actually for patrolling and peace keeping duties. It is a tactic designed to make our enemies think twice before attacking.

The Executor (named for a legal term which means "carry out", since it is Lord Vader's flagship and he carries out the orders of the Emperor) is a Dreadnought class Star Destroyer. We have a crew of 279,144 and 1,590 gunners, plus 10,000 droids. We can take around 38,000 passengers, but rarely do, given the importance of Lord Vader's missions.

I have personally met a few rebels, but don't keep track. I don't like to discuss the deaths of rebels, as I would prefer our Empire be at peace. But these scum don't seem to want that.

We don't accept women because we believe you need to be doing other jobs of equal importance.

I cannot speak about the Death Star. I'm sorry.

For the glory of the Empire!

Adm. Firmus Piett


DV to FP

Of course. What do you need signed?


PQ to FP

YOU'RE TELLING ME I FORGED LORD VADER'S SIGNATURE AND HE WOULD HAVE SIGNED IT ANYWAY? WHAT DID I FORGE? AM I GOING TO DIE?